"Well Some Things You Can Explain Away, But the Heartache's in Me Till This Day"

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Moody Blues

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Hello everyone. This is my first thread, so please bear with me. I apologize if I sound like I'm whining or ranting in advance.

Here's the deal. To be blunt... I've fallen for a girl who has a boyfriend, and I can't get her out of my mind.

We met in school two years ago and quickly became good friends (still not sure how that happened :p). We were both single at the time. I didn't have any feelings for her initially, as I was just looking to be her friend, but as our friendship grew, I came to realize how beautiful she was, both inside and out. She was a ray of sunshine in my dim-lighted, lonely life, and I was always looking forward to going to school just to see her.

So eventually, as time progressed, I had finally decided to step up my game and ask her out. (This was a really big deal for me as this would've been the first girl I had asked out.) But then, she started skipping class. I figured (like an idiot) that if I didn't have the chance to ask her out during the remaining of the semester, I'd always have the next one. But as luck would have it, as soon as the next semester rolled around she got a boyfriend. I felt cheated, to say the least. The one time that things seemed to be going my way for once had been completely ruined.

They've been together for 9 months now, and she seems very happy with him. All the while I've been kicking my own ass for not being able to tell her how I felt about her. I'm pretty sure this is my own fault here and I did this to myself.

We're both still very good friends and we talk each time we see each other at school. It's just, whenever someone brings up her and her boyfriend, I can't help but feel down about it. This whole thing's been bugging me so much that I can't concentrate on anything anymore. I can't put 100% effort into anything anymore, even with things I usually enjoy. And with school just starting again, classes have been more difficult than they should be, although I still manage to keep up my grades.

Sure, I know I'm just hung up on the only girl that's really ever given me attention, and that I can "find someone else" and all of that, but as a 20 year old, introverted, shy, quiet guy that doesn't seem to attract girls, that's easier said than done (as much as I hate to admit). I've never felt this way about a girl before.

I don't want to do anything stupid that might kill our friendship, and I understand that she has a boyfriend and am willing to follow the "man code" of not stealing another guy's chick. As much as I would like to be her boyfriend and want to tell her how I feel, if we were only meant to be friends, then so be it. I'll continue to stay quiet and enjoy her friendship as I've always had.

I just want to be able to get over this heartache that's been bringing me down for all this time and put it behind me and move on. Who knows? Maybe I might get that second chance...

Nah, I don't have that kind of luck. That stuff only happens in the movies anyway :p

Well, that's my story. Sorry about the long post. Thank you to those who took the time to read the entire thing.
 
Welcome bro. I went through the whole "want her but can't have her" scenario recently. I went through the depressive state. I played the waiting game, and what I learned from it is that it's a big waste of time. This girl and I are in the same work place so putting her in my past is impossible, and the hurt isn't going away so easily. You have the opportunity to put this girl in your past and have a clean slate. Do you guys chill outside of school or is this more of an acquaintance type deal? If the latter this should be easier to accomplish. Put her in your past and your desire to be with her will follow suit. It sucks initially but you'll be happier in the end.
 
Ridin Solo said:
Welcome bro. I went through the whole "want her but can't have her" scenario recently. I went through the depressive state. I played the waiting game, and what I learned from it is that it's a big waste of time. This girl and I are in the same work place so putting her in my past is impossible, and the hurt isn't going away so easily. You have the opportunity to put this girl in your past and have a clean slate. Do you guys chill outside of school or is this more of an acquaintance type deal? If the latter this should be easier to accomplish. Put her in your past and your desire to be with her will follow suit. It sucks initially but you'll be happier in the end.

We don't hang outside of school as she's always working two jobs (one of which where her boyfriend also works, which is also where she met him) and I'm always at home (yeah, I admit, I'm a loser shut-in). I'm pretty sure we would hang out more often if we had the opportunity to.

We both have the same classes again this semester so I still see her and hang out with her at school just about as much as I've always had.

I don't want to cut off ties with her. Like I said, I'm willing to be just friends with her if that's all there is to it. I just want to vanquish my heartache that centers around her.

I don't know man, I'm completely new to this, haha. I know I sound very naive right now.
 
oh I'm moodyblues that's gotta be hard

but try to remain positive, though it may seem tantalizing you are fortunate to still be able to be friends

time will pass, and maybe you can feel good enough being frineds, maybe you can meet anohter girl

i wish i could offer more advise

it's 3am i need sleep

but good luck and *hugs*

:)
 
I went through a simular situation with a woman. I met her while I was single and she was single.
We were both in and out of a relationship that we couldn't break away from.
We became very close friends and both were wondering what hell we both had gotten oursevles into.
Either I went back to my ex-gf or she would go back to her ex. The timing was wierd..becuase we both
would find ourselve being saperate or single again at the sametime...It was a pattern. It went on like
that for a couple of years. Then we both ponder the question...why? Maybe she and I were ment to be
together. We were both very simular people and had a lot in common. We connected with each other
than the partner we had chosen to be with. She wanted the samething out of life as I did.

It was a lot of guilt. And the moral value we both had. We were loyal to our partners..but both of our
partners treat both of us like honeysuckle...We would spent our weekend home alone...waiting for our partners
to get home from the bars or casino. That's when we both relized...wtf????

Eventaully I ended up being single again as she did too...Months had gone by
Oneday..she just showed up at my front door. That's how we got there.
I'm grateful she came into my life, the time and love we both got to share with each other.
She was young beautiful person inside and out with so much to live for.
She passed away and I have no other chioce but to move on with my life.
Whatever heartaches or feelings I have. It's okay. I just embrace it for what it is. It is what it is.
As messed up and unfair life can be. I know someone truely love me for who I am and loving me back.
I also know I'm capiable of truely loving someone. That's all she ever wanted out of life was for someone
to truely love her back for the love she had given. It wasn't about the fucken money, the prestiege, or success.
It wasn't all about me and it wasn't all about her.

I also know..life is way too fucken short. So for whatever time I've had been given and for whatever reasons
I'm still alive today..I'm chosing to be happy and to love again inspite of it all.
 
I appreciate all of you for your responses so far. It's nice to have someone to lend an ear for a change.

To Lonesome Crow, my deepest condolences about your loss. I couldn't even begin to imagine what it'd be like if I had lost her like that. In fact, we had a conversation about that not too long ago, and we'd both agreed we'd both be deeply devastated, as both of us do care about each other a lot (although, it seems she'd take it harder than I would).

The thing that gets me about my situation is that, like in your situation, we both have a lot in common. I mean for starters, we're both going to the same school, we're both majoring in the same thing, we both want to go to the same four year school once we leave our current school (the same campus at that), and we both want careers in basically the same thing. I figured I'd have a major advantage with all of these pluses. I'm not sure how things turned out like this. I guess it's got something to do with luck, cuz I sure don't seem to have any these days. :p

I'm sorry if I sound like I'm whining. I just thought for the first time in my life I had finally had a chance to be with someone who would truly care for me like I care for others. I really thought it would be her and that I'd have a chance with her. I felt like I was so close, so close to reaching that...Oh well, I guess...
 
I think you should see how you both act around each other outside of school. Ask her if she wants to hang out sometime outside of school (think of something that she would like to do in advance, like a film, or somewhere nice to go for a coffee/chat etc that she would like) - if she has hang ups about it - just say as friends.

See how you are with one another without the safety of school around you. And if this works well, then keep it up & hanging out.

That is how I would play it. That way you are not directly stealing somebody elses girlfriend, you're trying to be her friend but also being around & hanging out just enough so she can see whether she likes you like that.

Even if you don't get together, at least you've got a friend who gets you out of the house now :)
 
I had a very similar situation with a girl a couple of years ago. The best thing to do would be to move on, but I know from experience that it can be almost impossible to completly move on from it especially when you are around her so often.
 
kelbo said:
I think you should see how you both act around each other outside of school. Ask her if she wants to hang out sometime outside of school (think of something that she would like to do in advance, like a film, or somewhere nice to go for a coffee/chat etc that she would like) - if she has hang ups about it - just say as friends.

See how you are with one another without the safety of school around you. And if this works well, then keep it up & hanging out.

That is how I would play it. That way you are not directly stealing somebody elses girlfriend, you're trying to be her friend but also being around & hanging out just enough so she can see whether she likes you like that.

Even if you don't get together, at least you've got a friend who gets you out of the house now :)

Finding days when we're not in school and she's off work to hang out has proved to be very difficult ever since she picked up her second job. I feel like such a loser since I don't work myself... :(

But, if I do manage to find way for us to hang out, what sort of things should I be looking for? Like if she's flirting with me or something? Because I have absolutely no idea when or if a girl flirts with me...(Yeah, I'm that hopeless, lol). Although... I do have a suspicion that she flirts with me, but with my limited knowledge on this subject, I could be reading too much into it and wouldn't be surprised if I was dead wrong.

As far as me having her as a friend if we never do get together, yeah, that's probably the only positive thing I can make out of this situation right now. She really is a good friend. :)
 
I didn't mean actually keep checking out exactly what she is doing when she is out with you. I just meant see how you both get on together as a whole, if that makes sense? Do you laugh at lot? Do you sit close together & comfortable being that close? Does she want to see you again? Does she tell you she has enjoyed herself? etc

I wouldn't hope for anything more than that until you've started hanging out-side of school on a regular basis. :)

Good luck.
 
man I am currently experiencing the same thing you are and its tough. The only thing you can do is move on and look for someone else and be thankful for having her as a friend at least. Isn't quite ironic how sometimes that special girl seems to slip away and always find someone else ? or how when things seem too good to be true, they usually are? I guess that's why never take a moment for granted when you spend time with that special someone and don't take you're time asking that special someone because they might not be around forever.
 
?uest Love said:
Isn't quite ironic how sometimes that special girl seems to slip away and always find someone else ? or how when things seem too good to be true, they usually are?

Yeah, looking back on it now... I should've realized that the idea of me being with her was too good to be true...

...

*facepalm*

Man...I feel like such a joke...

?uest Love said:
I guess that's why never take a moment for granted when you spend time with that special someone and don't take you're time asking that special someone because they might not be around forever.

Agreed. If I ever do find another girl (which probably won't be any time soon given my luck with girls in general), I'll be damned if I don't get the chance to tell her how I feel when the time's right.
 
I've had terrible luck with girls all my 19 years of life, all the girls that i liked didn't feel the same way back... I always thought about the reasons why they rejected me, and it just caused me to feel totally unwanted and worthless.

After a few painful rejections, or ignores... I realized that u should never get any delusions about girls (be realistic),,, there's no such thing as a happy ever after, or love at first sight crap in Real Life... the girl you like most likely won't end up with the ONE Girl....just be yourself, KEEP TRYING, and find someway to not let rejections get to you.
 
Should I Smile Because You’re My Friend…Or Cry Because Thats All We’ll Ever Be? ;)
 

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