hi
well she actually did come back
she needed me to answer some questions
she had walked out after saying some pretty bad things to me
guess i dont blame her
she says the thing about being in love with another guy was just a lie
she says she said it because she was hurting
right i do deserve this pain for lying and pretending to be someone im not
what u said about 15 long years i completely understand
when we do bad
bad rains down on us
when we do good
good showers us
so sure i deserve this pain
i offer my pain as penitance
its all i can do except not repeat the same mistakes over again
it sounds like youre doing what u can
offer ammends
feel guilt
let your conscience keep developing
and youre right it really will all end eventually
but dont ever forget the lesson or youll only just repeat it
as for "us" her and me
well i thought she wanted to try and be friends
now im not sure
i think shes tossed
cant make up her mind
i feel like she loves me but maybe im wrong
maybe its just wishful thinking
either way i dont feel like i want to be with her
not because of the things i said before
i dont care
they werent true i realize now
i realize what a good person she really is
but i dont think i can handle the shame aspect of this
of someone i love knowing i did this
so we'll see where this goes
right now i just know its like before
i hate being away from her
this place helps so much
i really have nowhere else to say any of this
thanks
lone_cowboy said:
Jack The Ripper said:
i know i deserve this pain but its still hard to handle
i know my time on this earth is limited now
my name is Jim and soon i wont be lonely anymore
soon ill be good and dead where i belong
i shouldve never been created
i long for my end
but i wait just a little longer out of love
in case she needs me sure i really doubt it but just in case
and then ill be free to end myself and this misery called existance
nite to everyone out there
since i have no one else
hi,
you deserve this pain? in what way?
did you do something wrong? and now you feel sorry you did?
we all make mistakes. i used to be a school bully, a liar, thief, an untrustworthy friend.
now my life is 1 disaster after another, nothing goes well. its been like this for 15 LONG YEARS. but i believe i deserve this. i believe god is punishing me for all the nice people i've hurt.
but you know what, there is always FORGIVENESS. i believe that all of this will have an end. it feels like prison. but one day i will be set free. (metaphorically speaking) i've been contacting some of the people that i've hurt, and i asked for forgiveness. i try to help/change society in my own little way. by doing this, i feel the burden of guilt seem to be lighter. nobody can change the past, i have to carry this burden/fact, that what i did in the past will always haunt me. but working for a better future both for my victims and myself as well, makes the burden easier to carry.
"IT CAN'T RAIN FOREVER"
- The Crow.
