T
tony30
Guest
How did I end up here? I really don't know. I suppose I could rattle of an extensive list of various problems that have hampered my social development but if I'm honest, I suppose that I'm just lonely and would very much like to talk about it to people that might understand.
The story is a short one and I'm not going to tell you that my life has been beset by drama and woe because that's not the way it is.
I may as well continue in the vein of candor by admitting off the bat that I still live at home and have recently lost my job, so that there are no illusions concerning my status.
It boils down to this, I have always suffered from a crippling lack of self belief. Part of it stems from being naturally shy but the more corrosive aspect of my personality that haunts me is that I have absolutely no emotional intelligence and am utterly devoid of intuitive communication skills. The end result is that, even if I do try to come out of my shell, the best and only response I can ever seem to get from other people is indifference and by god, that hurts far more than being disliked and presses me back into an insular and counter-productive state of mind.
Sometimes I pretend to myself that being a social exile makes me, in an aloof sort of way, superior to others, but I know that's utter twaddle, it's just a self defence mechanism. Deep-down I really like people, and it pains me that I can't find a way a relating to them, even on the internet. I'm well past the stage of blaming others for my lack of social prowess and I'm tired of looking for excuses not to get on with my life because I beginning to find the whole nolife/nojob/nofriends pattern very depressing. I'm 30 now and I don't want to add any more regrets to my life than the ones I already have.
It feels slightly weird admitting all of this over the internet but, at the very least, if someone else can understand this and relate to any of it then they will know that they are not alone in their anguish.
Please feel free to leave a comment or pass on any tips you may have concerning this subject.
All the best.
Tony.
The story is a short one and I'm not going to tell you that my life has been beset by drama and woe because that's not the way it is.
I may as well continue in the vein of candor by admitting off the bat that I still live at home and have recently lost my job, so that there are no illusions concerning my status.
It boils down to this, I have always suffered from a crippling lack of self belief. Part of it stems from being naturally shy but the more corrosive aspect of my personality that haunts me is that I have absolutely no emotional intelligence and am utterly devoid of intuitive communication skills. The end result is that, even if I do try to come out of my shell, the best and only response I can ever seem to get from other people is indifference and by god, that hurts far more than being disliked and presses me back into an insular and counter-productive state of mind.
Sometimes I pretend to myself that being a social exile makes me, in an aloof sort of way, superior to others, but I know that's utter twaddle, it's just a self defence mechanism. Deep-down I really like people, and it pains me that I can't find a way a relating to them, even on the internet. I'm well past the stage of blaming others for my lack of social prowess and I'm tired of looking for excuses not to get on with my life because I beginning to find the whole nolife/nojob/nofriends pattern very depressing. I'm 30 now and I don't want to add any more regrets to my life than the ones I already have.
It feels slightly weird admitting all of this over the internet but, at the very least, if someone else can understand this and relate to any of it then they will know that they are not alone in their anguish.
Please feel free to leave a comment or pass on any tips you may have concerning this subject.
All the best.
Tony.