LSE, girls & loneliness

I'm somewhat convinced that girls won't like me because either

1) I don't invite them to go out with my (almost non-existent, and definitely 'uncool') friends, or

2) if I go with their friends I will enter my usual 'introvert group mode' and speak 2 words in the whole night

I fear that even if I do all I can to hide it, my loner lifestyle will reveal itself after a while and they will run.

There's a girl I think I like, we went out last friday and the saturday before too.. but I fear she will avoid me when she realizes the truth..
I wish I could just spend time with her without worrying about the social circle issue..

Pard,

May I ask how old you are? In my view, when a girl is dating you, she's dating YOU...NOT your friends! If you don't have any friends at all, that would make her pause, maybe, but overall I think that would totally devastate the relationship unless you guys are really young and/or the girl is really immature.

She's 23.. I'm 26..
In fact I'm even more worried that she'll get annoyed by my inexperience in social activities..
Maybe I should have invented some excuse for not knowing honeysuckle about the city, bars etc. .. (I just avoided the topic but she noticed immediately anyway..)
I'd be EXTREMELY happy if she proposed to go out with HER friends.... I need the experience or I'll keep going through the same problem with every subsequent girl..!!
And if everything goes well, then comes sex, then summer vacancy... everything will be a first. And she'll probably notice that I'm not very experienced at kissing, too.. (honeysuckle, at least I know how it feels like touching the boobs ^__^, still better than the 40 y.o. virgin in the movie..)

Hey Pard,

Just RELAX.

Being nervous is more of a turn off than being socially inept, I think. That would make you more socially inept---being nervous, sweating, constantly seeking her approval, etc. It must be part of Australian culture--or are you from Italy? In any case, dont' worry. Just tell her all your friends are online since you love the Internet so much. I'll be your online friend in America.

LG

hey pard, you're an inspiration you kknow that?

here's a suggestion;

i call that the "starter social circle"
go take dance lessons, or something you really would like to learn. something with lots of girls in it, because you'Re not interested in guys anyway.. something like tango.. why tango??? because not many guys take tango. don't bring your girl in. it's YOUR thing, your life. so get there and become part of a club, a school or whatever. volunteer to assist in other classes (because they need guys) ."hanging" with these same people twice a week, that'll get closer to a "social circle". go practice with some of the girls, get a drink after classes; there you go. you're not interested in your partners, because you already got your girl
one day, you'll take her by the hand and swing her around like a fairy (or some other girl lol)

ok.... I'm officially in deep honeysuckle........

you won't believe it but last night we chatted for 2-3 hours, and in the end she gracefully hinted: "I have a pillow here.."....

Sometimes I have the attitude of a playboy in chat and this turns women on.. I already knew that.. but she caught me by surprise with the **** proposal.. and I didn't know how to respond..

now I fear she's upset because I refused the invitation, and I'm SURE she feels like a slut for having said such a thing....... but we were CHATTING at 1.30 AM, it's a lot like being drunk in terms of losing inhibitions.. she totally fell for the spell....

I am messed now..

Your "social ineptness" shouldnt be a problem if she really likes you.

Otherwise, there is NOTHING you can do to change her mind or "impress" her.

You have 2 options though.

1) Learn from your "defeat". And use acquired knowledge in dealing with women. Even the greatest players in the world have been burned.

2) Kill your desire for women. If that is what makes you unhappy. focus your energy on hobbies that YOU like.


Btw, number 2 is what I did. I am absolutely steering clear of women... and I have no plans in marrying one or ******* one (except for escorts)... as I have no intention of bringing children into this shitbox of a world. though I have a policy towards women... of being "friends". Nothing beyond that.

Hey Pard. You know, i was just like You when i met my partner; perhaps even worse. Some women find it attractive with guys like You (and i). So You don't think she meant she'd simply wanted to have someone to hold during her sleep or were joking? Did it have to mean sex? Since You chatted like a "playboy", whatever that means, i suppose You spoiled Your friendship a little, like You're saying.

You gotta choose side, man. Are You the shy-guy who pretends to be cool during online chats or are You the shy-guy who are a gentleman and are "cute". I know how it is to be called "cute" instead of cool, and it ain't that funny, but we have to accept who we are! It sound on You as You are just playing games with her! What the hell, Pard? follow Your heart instead of... well, anything else.

If You follow Your penis which some men do (i'm not saying that You are), You'll either get great sex, or no sex at all.
If You follow Your brain (financial situation, moving distances, practical things like that), You'll either get a well working economy and an organized relationship, or none at all.
If You act like someone You aren't, no matter of Your reason, You'll have to keep playing that act, or disappoint her.
If You follow Your HEART You'll get a relationship based on LOVE which You can form into whatever You want, or none at all.

Get my drift? Be Yourself at all times and stop thinking about how she will take it if You do it this or that way. You can't lie to her anyway without breaking her heart in the end. As You probably already know, women love attention. Show her that You love her (if You do.... didn't quite understand that yet) by mixing love with attention and surprise. You aren't supposed to have lived for 26 years and start shaping Your personality to better fit someone elses. Be who You are and a little more (by doing what Your heart says) when she's around and i asure You, it will either end up good or not at all, which is better than ending up with something "mediocre".

Choose Your path, and if it don't work with this one, get up try again. There are plenty of fish in the sea and if You try hard enough You'll find one evetnually; *With a red eye aimed at Askals #2*

Robin said:

Whan Robin said..

Click to expand...

First i have to say that i have VERY LITTLE experience with relationships so remember that while reading this

I'd have to agree with Robin that you shouldn't be some one your not, that just gets you into situations you can't necessarily handle. But on the otherhand being your self and telling her that you are not experienced with relationships might be bad too, considering the future of the relationship.
Eventually your true personality comes up (or you become what you tried to be before) and maybe she likes you and is fine with that. But i'd be honest and streer the conversation to previous relationships and say something like "i dont get involved with some one that i dont really like and so far i haven't had any realtionships worth mentioning "

Hmm Please don't take this the wrong way. Chatting is just that...chatting. It's hard to really know a person's intentions through chat. If she said something about the pillow, that might have just meant that she was tired, or she wanted to lie down and keep chatting in a more restful position since it was late/early in the morning.

Why are you freaking out about that? Chatting isn't 'real' per se, it is a fantasy world. You can be anyone you want to be in an online chat.

Don't go into it with a self-defeating attitude or you're sure to ruin it for yourself or end up being too scared to even try.

Uhm.... somehow, everything went well.
It's been more than 1 month, we are officially in a relationship, AND this is by far the best event in my life since I can remember.
Apart from her being a wonderful person, she involved me in her social circle, which by itself is life-changing, considering the amount of new experiences I'm doing right now!!
Basically, I'm having the time of my life. After this, however it ends, I won't be the same person as before.
I can't believe it's happening to me. And what's more unbelievable, she said the same thing..
I don't know what to say ..

Lucky you, pard! Congratulations, man!

Ah, how romantic! ^__^

It's great to hear things are working out for you. Congratulations

Glad to read through the threads to see this come to a happily ever after... of a sorts.
Never look back except to remind you how far you've come and what you can achieve.
Best o' Luck with the little lady Pard!

Wasn't so hard after all, was it Pard? =)

Hope You'll have some time to write a little success story in the newly added forum! Have a nice relationship now!