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I'm trying to take the next step but I'm afraid of what may happen
#1
Ok, I've been thinking much more positively lately but my mind feels like it has been having an on going war between negativity and positivity. Don't worry this isn't another generalization or at least I hope it isn't :S.

Before this forum, I used to go another forum that was full of self centered people, who thought they were just it, and truly only thought about what they could gain from everything. Of course not everyone was like that but I guess it was the place that filled me up with such negative thoughts so I don't go there anymore.

What I'm getting at is that I'm becoming ready to branch out and try to get into relationships but I'm afraid of the consequences of being so inexperienced. I guess I just want to be reassured that there are truly plenty of people out there who don't care about all that. Since some of the thoughts from that other forum composed of people saying that they wouldn't want someone who is inexperienced. I know that there are plenty of people who don't care about that, but I'm just afraid I'll run into the ones who feels that way.

Such examples include being bad at kissing or not knowing how to please someone in bed. I guess some people are so focused on what pleasure they receive from others so I'm typically afraid of running into such a person which would hurt this self-esteem I'm trying to grow. Another example from how some people think that terrifies me is(which has nothing to do with being inexperinced) that some of these women on the forum I go talked about how if a man isn't big enough down there, they said they would drop him. I know that not everyone thinks this way! I'm just saying I guess I'm terrified in running into people like this so its holding me back from doing what I want to do.

I'm just having a rather hard time coping and feeling ok with how inexperienced I am. Just how it effects how other people will see me because there are some people who would laugh at it. I know that there are plenty of people who think much differently and I hope to find them. I have met friends online who think the way I hope someone will think when I meet someone out in public so I know they are out there. I guess if I meet someone who looks down upon me for being so inexperienced I should just take it well and think they were no good for me anyways. But it's just so hard to take it that well, so I guess I need to finally man-up and just try to see where it gets me. So there are plenty of people who don't look down upon such a lack of experience right 0_o? Just so afraid of what may happen when I try to put myself out there.

____________________________________________________________

Sorry if I'm so self conscious all the time and question everything. I'm really trying to improve so I just post a little here and there to try and help me vent some frustrations a bit. This is not a generalization this time Smile and I just want to thank this forum for being so great with so many understanding people who are so helpful.

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#2
You will never know unless you try Smile Go for it and learn from it Smile
I appreciate your gesture, be it sadness, resentment, anger, or happiness. Thank you.
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#3
Remedy,

We're all inexperienced at one time or another and it's just practice, I fear things too but not in a sexual way. I can tell you this once you try kissing you develope your own technique, it's the kind of thing that you have to feel your way into.

When you get a girlfriend it should come naturally and usually passion or arousal helps and add to the bit of confidence you need. Things are scary when you don't know how to do them and the more you think about it the harder it gets.

Some girls are fickle when it comes to a man's size but not everyone is like that. Without going into detail it's about how well your in bed that counts, more girls will leave if your not. Be honest when you feel the time is right and tell your girlfriend that you're a virgin, if she likes you for who you are she'll stick around. I'd wait until a relationship is establised.

Until then unkown territory is going to cause you to be scared, that's normal. Try not to be too hard on yourself.

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#4
i agree with samba Smile

i think that if a girl is willing to leave you over something superficial - you ARE better off without her.

keep being positive, and i think you should maybe look at other people abit less Toungue i think it might help you keep your positivity up a bit easier Smile))

well, you know what i think, lol XD
even new life is fuel.
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#5
Hi Remedy, We have not meet be for.

I think if anyone looks down on you cos of you being inexperienced then there not worth knowing.
Even if you have been with over a hundred partners it still doesn't mean the next girl you get with well love what you have to offer.

How would it matter to anyone how many times you've made love?
I think most men and women would prefer there partner to have 0 experience.
What one person likes another wont anyway. So experience means nothing here anyway.
If the girl likes you then she well like your kissers.
The first time I kissed a girl our teeth clashed. It was funny cos I made it to be funny.
You gotta have a laugh you know.
Its also doesn't matter what you got down stairs. It really is what you do with it and how you treat her.
Be nice, have a joke and she well love you for you even if what you got down there isnt much. I ent the biggest of guys but what I got dose me for what I use it for, which unfortunately for me is not as much as I would like lol But doesn't stop me dreaming about it.


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#6
Most women I've been with are experinced and self assuring.. Some found my inexperience a turn on.
Pretty much all the women I've been with taught me how to kiss and etc.
They bascailly tell me how they want it, where they and where they want it....(listen and follow instructions Toungue)
All women I've been with likes to turn me on. I pretty much feel the sameway...I get turn on even more when she gets turned on.

The thing about having sex or making love with someone is ...it's letting go..whatever your insecurities, guilt, shame.
It's being in the moment with someone. It's also about trust. Trusting someone with your body.
She'll bascailly let me kiss or lick her from head to toe. visa versa...It's about not being judgemental.
Every women that I've been with actaully tells me to tie her up. She knows I'm not going to hurt her.
Your naked...baring all. So whatever fears or insecurities you have pretty much vanishes...
That is my definition of "intimate"...it's not just the fucking.
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#7
Remedy Wrote:I'm becoming ready to branch out and try to get into relationships but I'm afraid of the consequences of being so inexperienced.

It's not really that bad...the consequences aren't really that negative at all. In fact, a lot of women might find social shyness or awkwardness to be cute and endearing. Smile

Remedy Wrote:Such examples include being bad at kissing or not knowing how to please someone in bed.

There are sooooo many ways to have sex, and so many different interests and fetishes and preferences....that this isn't really a problem either. Half of the fun of having sex is learning about what it is that turns on your partner, and working to do those things better and better. Every person has different tastes and wants in bed....so it's very possible/probable that a guy could be a sexual "expert" with one woman and also a sexual "failure" with a different woman.

So don't worry about this stuff so much. Besides...women love to teach a guy how to please her. Toungue

Remedy Wrote:so I guess I need to finally man-up and just try to see where it gets me.

Spot on, man! Inexperience isn't a negative thing, it's an opportunity. The only option is to stay where you are or to move forward and start gathering that experience. Big Grin I think you're gonna do fine.

----Steve
"Before you judge someone, try walking in their shoes for a mile. That way, when you judge them, you're a mile away and you have their shoes."

My porn name: Toothpaste Jackhammer.

A bad Jedi dude
Combs the forums endlessly
Master spam spotter

---minty


There are 10 types of people. Those who understand binary and those who don't.

Founding member of DO-IT (Department of Orgasmic Intervention Tactics)

"Man's Inhumanity To Man
Makes Countless Thousands Mourn."


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#8
Thanks for all the great replies and it really helps. I guess I was mostly venting to be reassured of the fact that not everyone out there thinks this way and I received what I was wanting to know, thanks. Don't get me wrong though when I gave such examples as sex, it is not what I think about all the time. I try to put it in the back of my mind but some people focus on it so much I can't help but to think about it. I know nobody questioned it but I just wanted to show that I don't.

Currently trying to get a job through a program since the unemployment rate is so high here. So when I get out more with working I'll try to put such new ways of thinking to the test. Hopefully I can use some of the confidence I try to gain from here outside in public.
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#9
It's OK to be scared - everyone has to start somewhere. I haven't sifted through all of the replies, so I apologize if I say something that has already been said.

However, I do agree with samba:

samba101 Wrote:Be honest when you feel the time is right and tell your girlfriend that you're a virgin, if she likes you for who you are she'll stick around. I'd wait until a relationship is establised.
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#10
(02-07-2010, 10:47 PM)Lonesome Crow Wrote: Most women I've been with are experinced and self assuring.. Some found my inexperience a turn on.
Pretty much all the women I've been with taught me how to kiss and etc.
They bascailly tell me how they want it, where they and where they want it....(listen and follow instructions Toungue)

That is my definition of "intimate"...it's not just the fucking.

Lol Lonesome, I like ur summary of being intimate it's rly straight forward, but it's down to earth... made me realize it doesn't totally suck to be inexperienced =P

TY for an awesome eye-openerBig Grin
"Reach for the moon, if you miss at least you'll land among the stars"
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