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A

askal

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So you have no friends. So you feel lonely.

Why why why? I've only met acqaintances and has never progressed to anyone who is a "true friend".

Its all about chemical reactions.

During social conversations, the brain secretes a certain hormone (name is long and hard to pronounce lol) that makes you "happy"... and it activates other centers of the body... Hence the UNDENIABLE fact that mental health is the key to physical health and other things.

To trigger the "happiness hormone"... just try chillin out in the bar... or play your MMORPGS... or just watch comedy shows. Rid yourself of all that bullshit "love story" crap.

Even if you happened to read the new york times and you see a "love success story" smack dab in your face, its tempting to take every word of it and feel jealous.

But think outside the box. Whenever you see such a "success story", go through these thoughts for awhile:

1) Are you sure that is the truth being reported? Maybe they just did it for money and/or publicity? Maybe they're just being a "showoff" as a defence mechanism? Maybe theyre just showing the world that what a nice fluffy marriage we have... in order to hide the TRUE picture. Think of it as Kim Jong Il's propaganda machine. They show pictures of nice images to the world... but the defectors speak a different story. That is human nature. To be "PLASTIC". :)


2) If that is the truth? You've already talked to the dead and the fortune tellers and they all tell you that IT IS TRUE!!! Time to cry now and feel sorry for yourself? fresia NO! That is just propaganda that will fuel more sales of the newspaper... as well as the whole "wedding industry". That includes divorce lawyers and "psychiatrists"... as well as the drug industry (you need to make your prozac right!!!) that happily make profit on people's misery. Do you wanna give these heartless fucks money? Yes or no?


Anyway... as I was saying... TRIGGER THE HAPPY HORMONE. It is triggered through music (especially hip hop and rock), comedy shows, and exercising (especially full contact fighting).



De-mystify yourself. Free your mind from the idealistic propaganda being unleashed upon you by society in order to make profit!


There is NO "true friends". There is NO "true love". Snap out of it.


Thank you.
 
the happy hormone is called endorphin...I beg to differ,askal, because meaningful and satisfying relationships are key to the general well being of humans, any study of human science would tell you that. As for the truth of love, friendship and propagandas, different matter alltogether, that's a philosophical discussion. And you're right when it comes to endorphins, you can continue doing things to make you happy, but it's short lived, end of the day, your human instincts still tell you that you need companionship. Generally, anyway.
 
Wow, that is the most awful and least helpful post a person with a longing for social conscent or in a depression could ever read. Either You are trying to brainwash these people or You are as far away from the affliction most of the people here as possible; You're a the wrong place to talk about chemicals. These people need a personal guidance to have a realisation check of the situation of their lives and You are doing the opposit of just that. Don't You think they already tried playing their MMO's, watched their movies and ignored the happy stories of love they see all around them for weeks, months and even years?!

I don't know why You came here yet, but if You did it to help anyone with their lonelyness You are not doing a good job. I can't say You aren't trying, You have have Your own reasons to tell Your stories, but most of the other people who came here to help have had their own periods of depressions and lonelyness and are far more experienced with how to get happy in life than You are right now.

Do not listen to anything this guy has written in this thread if You are lonely or depressed; You know as well as i that ignoring Your sadness and never trying to solve Your social problems will get You nowhere but down. You should definitely not stop doing any of Your hobbies; playing some games and watching some movies some hours a day are a temporary, good way to think about something else for a while. But DO NOT think that this is the answer to Your aching heart! Depression and lonelyness goes hand-in-hand and machines are only going to make it worse for You if You overuse them. Unless taken care of, lonelyness will in most cases lead to depression which is a very real and very dangerous illness which You shouldn't try to hide by doing something to maximize Your endorphines; THAT'S HOW OBCESSIONS ARE CREATED!

P.S. I just read through Your introduction-thread and i couldn't have been more surprised; You might be a lonely veteran, but You're no depression expert. I am a defender of dreams; i believe people are supposed to do everything it takes to reach them to ever reach endless happiness and if they aren't going to look back on their lives when they're retired, regretting that they never took enough chances. You seem to preach the very opposit of my believes; that climaxing temporary joy and becoming mindless zombies who do nothing but try to fill their minds and hearts with selfish reveling is the only thing people need and i couldn't be more upset with how proudly You do so. If You managed to create a good life for Yourself by learning to ignore the lonelyness i am very glad for Your sake, but You must understand that You are a very rare person for succeeding* with that. While i like the idea of warning people about joining a sect to beat the lonelyness i must say that it can be catastrophic for people to start thinking like You do. Depressed people are very fragile and easily tempted and You should not try to teach people to ignore their hearts like this! This is the opposit of what the mental healthcare of the world is supposed to preach!

* You'll either go insane or end up deeply, deeply depressed once You understand that You are so very, very wrong, Askal.
 
I respect your opinion buddy.

I'm tryin to help. Yes. But at the same time I'm not trying to be a sort of "bible thumper". I offer suggestions and its up to you to listen to them.

However, please understand that my way of thinking wasnt just developed overnight. It wasnt something that was taught to me by someone else. It is basically something I've learned through experience... and has proven (at least 90%) effective to lessen my dependence on anti-depressants.

You know... its like how different people in different trades learn their stuff. From simple things like data entry... to more complex things like brain surgery. Learning from experience, my friend.

If you think my way of thinking is WRONG, I dont blame you. It is "wrong" because my suggestions are painful to do. And maybe I've been too blunt with my words. But there's also a saying "no pain, no gain".

Robin, if you think every post I do is flawed... feel free to point out the "weaknesses" and "imperfections" of what I post. Like what I said in my intro thread. I'm willing to expound my knowledge by staying here. Maybe I can learn from your posts. Since I also believe I have alot to learn. I'm not gonna try to flamebait you or act in an uncivilized manner. :)


You'll either go insane or end up deeply, deeply depressed once You understand that You are so very, very wrong, Askal.

Maybe so, maybe not. Only God knows the future.

But so far, I have stopped on anti-depressants and I have stopped seeing psychiatrists... because of changing the way I think. The anti-depressants strike at the branches... or maybe the stem, but it is the ideology that strikes at the roots of the problem of depression.

I've been told that I'm no longer considered a suicide threat or somethin. No more suicidal thoughts. I'd say I'm a more stable and motivated person right now than I was a few years ago... when I was just a total trainwreck. Depressed... and suicidal. God I was lucky my depression hadnt cost me my job. I was lucky I happened to be on those supervisor-less night shifts when I can go to the bathroom and cry like a little ***** without anybody noticing it.




As to the readers of this thread: You be the judge on who is right and who is wrong. Maybe Robin is right, maybe I'm the one whos right. The power to change your life... is with you.


Thank you.
 
You proove my point and still think it's ok to do what You're doing. Listen, i understood very early through Your post that You are one of those people who made it passed the worst parts of depression by changing Your ways one way or another; that's just how i did it and i know how confident You feel about Yourself after this; i felt pretty much immortal after i re-created my reality. The problem is that You are so confident about Yourself and the theories that You've made up that You think You have the answer to everyone's problem. I'm telling You; telling people to do what You are telling them too in this thread will not help them. You experienced and created this to be shaped to You so how do You expect to help anyone else by simply telling them Your story and then that ignoring the things that You ignored will help them? It can be more desctructive than helpful!

So You actually admit that this is "painful" to do? I say that it's plain bad, has a very, very big chance of failing since it's not the slightest individual AND it's painful to do? Are You brainwashed or what? You've brainwashed Yourself to madness. You want people to stop following their minds, hearts and souls, sit down and do something else to forget about their problems and treat themselves as regular, healthy people with no problems in the world as long as they pretend they don't exist? The first thing You should learn from coming here, which i thought everyone knew since elementary school, is that everyone are different and that ignoring what You long for the most is the worst thing You can do to Yourself in Your life.

I'm not saying that the way You did it was wrong, but You're actually telling people that they should try to "do" like You did it; forget about trying to find someone, wether it's a friend or a partner, and that turning to the other, easily overcomed desires will give them happiness nevertheless. Changing is one of the major steps of curing a depression or finding a friend, we share that knowledge. But what You're saying about branches and roots is precisely what i'm saying; telling people to do these things will not go down to the root of the problem, it will only help them temporarily while the real problem grow bigger and bigger in the shadows.
 
Wow. Well I think Askal actually made a good point. In a way. For example, when we first fall in love there are tons of delicious sweet chemicals going off in our brains. It feels so **** good. No wonder people fall in love, go from partner to partner seeking thrills and hot sex! I've been with my husband for about 5 years now and trust me, I hardly ever get the chemicals anymore. However I still love him and am glad he's my partner.
 
lonelygirl said:
Wow. Well I think Askal actually made a good point. In a way. For example, when we first fall in love there are tons of delicious sweet chemicals going off in our brains. It feels so **** good. No wonder people fall in love, go from partner to partner seeking thrills and hot sex!  I've been with my husband for about 5 years now and trust me, I hardly ever get the chemicals anymore. However I still love him and am glad he's my partner.

In a very... small way, perhaps. His talk about endorphines is correct, i agree, but the thing is that he suggests that the lonely one's here should stop looking for both friends and partners and only live to maximize these chemicals by entertaining ourselves with machines, which is the opposit of what You are talking about as well.
 
I resent this as a pm to Robin but I think others here should read it too...

-------

You misunderstood my post and maybe I wasnt clear enough on explaining it properly.

What I was trying to say that the "dream partner" is nothing but a lie full of idealism. I was really trying to encourage people to have REALISTIC expectations and snap out of the fairytale propaganda that the media shoves down your throat.

Otherwise, I'd be inflicting pain on myself by waiting and yearning for that dream sexy girl with huge boobs and nice ass with a flower in her mouth... to come rescue me from this shithole of an earth.

Its like the day when I was crying because my toy dinosaur did not become "alive" no matter how hard I hoped it would.



If I claim to stop tryin and lookin for friends, then I might as well not be here, since that contradicts what I'm tryin to say. If I really claimed to not be lookin for friends, I should be somewhere in the mountains meditating my ass off... and hopefully maybe I'd discover how to lift my ass of the ground... lol

My intention here is to help... and to smash the bullshit propaganda that society has fed to me since birth.

I dont want people to fall into the same trap... And I want to pull people out of the trap.


I hope you understand. If you still need more clarification, please say so
 
Hmm Askal you do have a point. What Hollywood and TV tell us about relationships is primarily bullshit. That it's all good all the time. That the great sex will last forever. That our marriages are going to be easy and fun. That all it takes is finding the 'right' person and all of a sudden your life is rainbows and sunshine. Well, I have learned over the past 31 years of life that it is NOT True--that there are wonderful relationships, marriages, etc. But nothing is perfect. Because humans are imperfect. People should be realistic. Many of our lonely guys on this site think that getting a girlfriend/wife/lover will make it all better. But the truth is that relationships are work. If you have nothing to give, it won't last long.

So: Polish yourself. Improve yourself. Work out daily. Eat healthy (heck at least one healthy meal a day!) Take your vitamins. Take good care of your skin, teeth. Get regular haircuts. Brush your teeth a lot. Put on a little cologne. Take care of your appearance. Work on your mind. Go to self-defense classes. Go to church. Go to meditate. Go to volunteer. Improve yourself and you will attract a better quality mate. :)
 
Polish yourself. Improve yourself. Work out daily. Eat healthy (heck at least one healthy meal a day!) Take your vitamins. Take good care of your skin, teeth. Get regular haircuts. Brush your teeth a lot. Put on a little cologne. Take care of your appearance. Work on your mind. Go to self-defense classes. Go to church. Go to meditate. Go to volunteer. Improve yourself and you will attract a better quality mate.

Dont do all that for the sake of attracting a mate.

Do it because it is good for you. Do it because it is something that will benefit you.
 
Hi Askal,

Fair enough. Doing these self-care things makes us healthier and stronger both in body and mind. Therefore we are more able to attract a healthy mate. Make sense?
 
How stupid do You think people are? I don't think that anyone here, not even the really young one's, believe that anything is perfect in a relationship or friendship, and especially not what they see in the movies or are bombarded by the propaganda of the society. The reason why they are here is because they already have realized this.

lonelygirl said:
People should be realistic. Many of our lonely guys on this site think that getting a girlfriend/wife/lover will make it all better.

Wow, really, lonelygirl, how can You write something like that? Humans are supposed to live with other humans and finding a lifepartner is what give most people a good reason to live at all. I'm starting to think You're one of those people who've had so much negative effects from relationships that You are planning to give up and become a bad influence to the other members here. Askal has obviously turned both gay and religious from his lack of the most important thing we humans are naturally supposed to have. I have zero controdictions to what gender You prefer; that doesn't stand in the way of love the slightest, and religion can turn to be the most important thing is a persons life; if it's good for them i'm allright with that, but writing something like that is just plain ignorant and selfish. It might be true to the one's who've tried but failed time after time but they are the one's we're supposed to help overcome their sorrow here, remember? And the one's who never even tasted love yet could get one step closer to suicide by reading things like that.

Most people who even came here in the first place and are depressed is because they want to find someone who they can share their love with! Please, stop treating people like they've lived in a cave all their lives and stop doing the opposit of helping! And i mean both of You!
 
Askal has obviously turned both gay and religious

lol I'm neither.  

For the record:

My sexual orientation:  I'm definitely STRAIGHT.  I am drawn to the physical beauty of women... especially the thighs and breasts.  :) Also the voice... that gets to me.   

But relationships... forget it.  I've been through a soul-destroying experience that almost made me commit suicide.  Never again.  


My religion:  Born a Catholic... but I do not believe everything they say.  I believe in a God.  I believe that true "love" only comes from God and humans cannot substitute what God can do.


and finding a lifepartner is what give most people a good reason to live at all.

If this was the main reason to exist... Like lets say i lived in a propaganda blackout area... where all I hear EVERYWHERE is this.  

I woulda killed myself by now lol.  

There are other reasons to live...  Like:

1)  getting rich
2)  continuous learning
3)  helping other people  
4)  Pride
5)  God (for the religious in here...)
6)  Family
 
Whoah. Robin, I've been here a lot longer than you have. Did you really mean to come across as so holier-than-thou and judgmental?

I don't mean to make people discouraged. However, I DO think that some of our younger members in particular, those who are lonely and who have never had a girlfriend have a lot tied up in the concept of being 'saved' by a woman. I think that is an unrealistic point of view that will only lead to heartache and heartbreak. People need to be WHOLE. That means they need to be healthy, physically and mentally, so that their love relationships dont' have the ability to totally destroy their lives if they go sour.
 
askal said:
I'm definitely STRAIGHT.

I believe that true "love" only comes from God and humans cannot substitute what God can do.

There are other reasons to live...  Like:

1)  getting rich
2)  continuous learning
3)  helping other people  
4)  Pride
5)  God (for the religious in here...)
6)  Family

"Look at pictures of Prince Harry or David Hasselhoff... or just any goddamn guy on this earth.

Jerk off to him.

Worked for me."

Well, if You truly are heterosexual i suggest You really start thinking about what You write, or at least how You write it.

"I believe that true "love" only comes from God and humans cannot substitute what God can do."

Religious might be the wrong word, but You're close enough to have beliefs like that. You're saying that God decides whether or not You're gonna find Your true love. I say that You decide whether or not You're gonna find true love. If everyone shared the attitude You have with this whole love thing, we all would be dead not only due to the fact that we need eachother to re-produce, but also because there ain't not god coming down to do the work for us, finding what most people want to find here.

"There are other reasons to live...  Like:

1)  getting rich
2)  continuous learning
3)  helping other people  
4)  Pride
5)  God (for the religious in here...)
6)  Family "

1. Won't take loneliness or depression away, nor keep You happy for a long time.
2. This is a good one, learning is a great way to make life both better and longer and this is something which is widely known to be very good to get better from a depression, as well. I wouldn't agree it could take away the need for love and close social contact though.
3. Also an important step, but this is one of the main reasons i got depressed. I don't think anyone can keep helping people forever without feeling good Yourself. Sooner or later it will fade, unless someone is there to love You back.
4. Pride? Pride of what? Seeing Yourself as a good person You can be proud of doesn't count as something You can live on, does it?
5. I honestly don't think that there are so many here who actually believe in a higher power, at least not of the one's who came here because they're sad. I can't say that this doesn't work (to live on, i mean), but i don't think that the people who entirely depend on their religion have a good life; they just say they do because they have to thank their god for living at all.
6. Don't think family is a big deal to most people here either. They wouldn't feel lonely if they had a good family to rely on. Not even the perfect family can get You anywhere close to the feelings that true love can do.

I definitely don't mean that all these things combined wouldn't be able to make up for love, but what true love does to Ya can't be compared to any of these things; it's so much greater and can make up for everything else You mention. I know it isn't easy; it's far from easy, but finding true love is something i really hate that not everyone who deserve it can find. It's the hight of what a good life means. I'd say You've taken the easy way out; not that it would be wrong or that You were too weak to keep fighting for love, but i think this is just a phase for You too.

This list You made above isn't bad, Askal. I suggest that You add things like that to posts in which You talk down on other stuff (to make up for it, You know) because every time that we write something negative about someone's beliefs and hobby's we gotta add something else to fill that space up with so we don't scare them away.

lonelygirl said:
Whoah. Robin, I've been here a lot longer than you have. Did you really mean to come across as so holier-than-thou and judgmental?

I don't mean to make people discouraged. However, I DO think that some of our younger members in particular, those who are lonely and who have never had a girlfriend have a lot tied up in the concept of being 'saved' by a woman. I think that is an unrealistic point of view that will only lead to heartache and heartbreak. People need to be WHOLE. That means they need to be healthy, physically and mentally, so that their love relationships dont' have the ability to totally destroy their lives if they go sour.

What does Your time here have to do with my complaints about Your attitude towards relationships? Do You want me to treat Your bad influence with a more gentle tuch simply because You've been here longer than most others, including me? I came across here to help as much as possible and putting up a safety-net of a, perhaps, exaggerated optimism is just what some people need to get their low hopes, of a good life at all, up, and that is precisely what mental healthcare is all about in some occasions. No veteran is gonna keep me from defending the best in life just because everyone else around here failed to reach the ultimate relationship.

When these people finally find love, don't You think they will figure out how a relationship work by themselves? They don't need someone with a negative experience of relationships to tell them how it might end up, to feel any better about this whole love thing. That might brake them into peices for good! They are about to experience and create their own love-life and they will quickly learn what a relationship is all about in time, just like we did. And i wish that they do so without any notes about negative experiences of other people, in the back of their heads.

Everytime You fall You either continue to fight with more power in Your leggs to carry the experience in Your trunk, or give up to let Your one and only life flush out in the sand because the trunk got too heavy. Life is too important to not fight for what aches in Your heart.
 
Dude, how old are you?

I'm not asking to insult you. I just honestly want to know. Your attitude is a bit sophmoric.

As for discouraging depressed people, if you read the many, many posts I've put on here, I am here as a 'big sister' figure and NOT to discourage anyone. I've met some wonderful people on this site!

Also, I think that most young people do NOT have an unrealistically negative view of love relationships--they have fairy tale ideas about love conquering all, etc. Well the Hollywood fantasy has caused many, many broken hearts. If I could help spare one person the heartbreak of being destroyed by a failed love relationship, I would happily do so. I warn people to be cautious in love, take it slow, trust their instincts, and protect their heart until they KNOW they can trust someone.
 
Well, if You truly are heterosexual i suggest You really start thinking about what You write, or at least how You write it.

Man you just cracked me up. Thank you for bringing happiness into my day! :D

lol that post was meant to be directed at a GIRL. To help kill the pain of not having a man in her life.

I tried jerking off looking at WOMEN in porno... and seeking the services of "escorts" and "massage parlors" during the initial stages of my heart-destroying experience with a woman I dearly loved... It helped kill my ability to "love" a woman in the romantic sense of things. Because if I didnt kill that part of me, it will cost me more pain. Its like an infection that needed to be removed out of my body. :) "Love" these days is not worth all the pain and $$$ spent on it. Its the ultimate scam.

Ooh... now I'm a woman hater...

Not quite. I just have a friendship policy to them... Nothing more than that. lol... so therefore, I am LEAST LIKELY to become a stalker. Therefore I am a completely safe guy to be with.

And by the way...

Not only GUYS jerkoff. GIRLS jerkoff too (hence the invention of the dildo). GIRLS are also attracted to physical attributes of guys (though they are more attracted to confidence, tone of voice, and how much of an alpha male you are).
 
lonelygirl said:
Dude, how old are you? I'm not asking to insult you. I just honestly want to know. Your attitude is a bit sophmoric.

As for discouraging depressed people, if you read the many, many posts I've put on here, I am here as a 'big sister' figure and NOT to discourage anyone. I've met some wonderful people on this site!

I am 20 and what i am trying to say with most of what i've written in this thread so far is that what everyone can do mistakes and that You, LG, for example, made a "mistake" in my eyes when You wrote that people should be realistic enough to not believe that a husband/wife/lover can make anything better. The funny thing is that i see You as a very sophomoric person by not understanding this.

I and every single person who stayed here for at least a week know that You are amongst the most helpful person this forum has ever had. That is the reason why think You fail to see that You can make some unnecessarily negative statements which can do more harm than good; You've been here for so long and are so used of being seen as an older sister that You can't believe how anyone could have so many problems with some things that You write.

I have noticed that i probably is the only person here who actually believe that love is the best thing in the world, is willing to defend it to 100 %, and that it is what every person should seek out first before they attempt to find their real goal in life.

The fact that You see me as You do simply because i'm relatively new here disgusts me. You are not the most important person around here, neither am i.

askal said:
Man you just cracked me up.  Thank you for bringing happiness into my day! That post was meant to be directed at a GIRL.  To help kill the pain of not having a man in her life.

Ooh... now I'm a woman hater... Not quite.  I just have a friendship policy to them...  Nothing more than that.  lol... so therefore, I am LEAST LIKELY to become a stalker.  Therefore I am a completely safe guy to be with.

Hehe, well i sure find that line quite funny too after realizing how it actually was (and how oddly put it was.) ;)

I don't really see You as a person who hate women, i can understand how the feelings and experiences You've had with woman so far can change Your way about them. As an advice i would just like You to try and tone Your rather obvious ways about woman, sex and porn down a little though; it can be put out in a little more gentle way. There are probably quite a few people who read posts of Yours which they find a little "rough", You know what i mean? Really, i don't do that at all; i could curse and use tons of sexual words myself, being swedish and very free about sex. Writing about it is totally ok in this board, i think, but using the F-word, for example, is a little risky, don't You think? Just wonna tip You off, Askal, You're probably so used to use that kind of language that You don't notice it sometimes. I were like that once myself but this place is filled with sensitive people of all kinds and those are the one's i'm thinking of. ;)

Is it warm over there too? Some heat wave just blew in over northern Europe this morning. Phew :cool:
 
Okay Robin fair enough. You made some very good points in that essay to me. I agree with most of what you are saying. However, I don't think I ever said that love won't make things better. Love is wonderful! Love is beautiful. Love is what life is about: Love for a romantic partner, and love for a family, love for all humanity. I just don't think that people should think that falling in love with solve ALL their problems!
 
lonelygirl said:
I just don't think that people should think that falling in love with solve ALL their problems!

That is perfectly understandble even to me. All i wanted to explain was that those two senteces could force quite a blow on those who yet haven't found love, You know.
 

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