Me and my Wife

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trevorlawrence

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Hi All,

My wife and I have been having some marital problems lately. She feels that I am not showing her enough affection and love. My defence was I was always making sure that the cleaning and housework was done before she arrived home from work so that she would not have to worry about it after working a long 10 hour day at work. Then I realized that I was going about it in a way that she didn't recognize that I was showing her love in doing this. So, lately I have been trying to tell her how much I love her and want to work things out because she felt that we weren't getting anywhere in our marriage and was considering leaving.

We have been talking about a lot of things lately and at first I felt like she was pushing me away until last night when she told me that she loved me for the first time in quite a while. That made me feel great, but, and this is big, she receives numerous text messages on her phone and this was nothing uncommon for her but all of a sudden all of these messages were a secret. Its not that I didn't know who the messages were coming from it was the fact that I felt she was hiding something from me.

So this morning I woke up early and looked at the messages on her phone. This was unable to happen in the past because any other time I looked the inbox and outbox would be empty. Now I realized that this was wrong because I was snooping but it just didn't make any since she had never hidden anything from me before. Also I did this while she was sleeping cause I figured this was the only time to look.

Anyway when I looked at the messages on the phone not to my surprise there were several messages. When I read the messages I felt deeply hurt cause it sounded to me like this person was trying to move in on my wife. So out of anger I woke her up and began to question her, which I also figured out was the wrong thing to do. Long story short we got into an argument about this and in the end I realized that everything was harmless and I had interpreted it all wrong.

Now I am in quite a pickle. Just when we start to make progress I questioned my trust for my wife and before she left for work this morning she asked me how we were going to fix me questioning my trust. To my dismay I had no answer for her. Now not only is she hurt from past issues here is a nothier one that we must try to work through. The only problem is I don't know where to start.
 
I think you mentioned it in the first part of your post.

COMMUNICATION.

If you made a mistake by checking her phone, tell her that you made a mistake. Tell her how you're feeling, that you feel you made progress and then ruined it. Just let her know that you're trying to work on the marriage and that you're wanting to be closer to her...and I think she'll come around.

Seriously, communication is the MOST IMPORTANT part of any relationship....so I would advise you to be completely, brutally, openly honest with her. Just lay it all out on the table and see where it goes. I think you might find that you're both feeling similar emotions and that you both want the same thing: a better marriage. So find it together! :D

----Steve
 
Honestly, I can see how you got mad about the text messages. If my gf is hiding things like that from me, I'll probably get mad. Text messages tend to lead to worse things too, imo. :p

But yeah, just talk about it all. That's the best way to resolve it.
 

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