A question for Robin...

Hi Robin... I would just like to know how you would solve this situation?

You are alone. No friends... Family is honeysuckle... Basically nobody to run to. You've endured the hellish experience of being alone for quite awhile... that its already getting to your head. The pressure-cooker symptoms... makes you wanna kill yourself.

While enduring that at the same time, you happen to meet a girl. She was "perfect". She made you happy... You loved her so much.

But in the end, it turns out to be that she has ZERO feelings for you in spite of all the good youve done for her and all the love you showered her.

Its like... the knockout punch of some sort. Imagine... here you are all alone in this world, and some ***** comes into the equation to add to your misery and pain.



Well... how would you address that situation? I would like to see how you'd tackle this problem.

I'm interested to see your response.


And to others who read this thread: Please share your thoughts as well. As I'm here to listen to your opinions with an open mind.

thank you.

I don't really understand where You're going with this, You could simply send me a PM instead, You know, but i am not ashamed to talk privately in public, which i'm sure is the case with You as well. I suppose You are interested in reading my version of the "solution" to the problems that You've earlier described and given Your list of solutions to within another thread, which i so promptly turned down. The first thing i want You to understand is that i believe that every single person with a depression need their own, individual "treatment", regardless of how simple the process of the treatment can seem to us "cured" folks.

Anyways, to begin with, i hope that You are as understanding as You are bold with the fact that i weren't barking at You, personally, and that we perhaps can share a bond of friendship one day too. Second, i wouldn't know how i would feel if the love of my life left me, since that haven't happened to me; but the rest of the story You describe sounds just like the growing up i had. To be honest i'd love to stay and share thoughts and debate about which way is best to do this and that but it just hit midnight over here and that is my bedtime call. If i would get going for real, trying to give You an as individual treatment as possible for the situation that You were in before You made Your life up, i wouldn't be able to stop writing for an hour or two; that is my problem, by the way.

Since this thread obviously were created for You to give me these questions directly i find it a little more fitting for us to keep our disputes too ourselves. Even though You're quite good with keeping the steam down, i must admit, this thread probably is seen as an act of a negative feelings, such as anger, to the other members of this forum who i don't think would need any more of that to get better.

I'll talk to You tomorrow, Askal. Good night.

I'll take the bait since opinions have been requested.

You are both acting like children. I am sick of following this petty feud. Both of you make good points. Don't you realise how childish you both look when you attack each other?

This forum has changed my life. I have a very close friend from here. I am closer to her than I have been to anyone else in my life. But I am sickened now. I will not be posting here again.

Do you know what the worst of it is?
You both make excellent points when you stick to the point in hand. Neither of you should be so arrogant as to assume you have the only answers to loneliness. You both talk so much truth yet you ruin it by acting like this. Neither of you have the whole truth anymore than any other member does.

For what it's worth askal has a valid point. I have been severely depressed in the past and could not move on until I forgot about romance, love and relationships. I had too many of my own problems to sort out. I did that by being selfish. But I did not do it by exploiting poverty to get my kicks
I did not debase myself by buying sex. I waited until I had healed my own problems and then found a willing partner

Once I had done that I could follow the advice Robin gives. And your advice is good Robin. It is excellent at times. But it is not appropriate to everyone because we are all at different stages of loneliness and depression. I am no longer lonely. This site has helped me and I am leaving mostly because of that fact.

I am only glad today wasn't my first day here. I would have thought that I had found a flame site. Don't turn it into one please.

You can both be a positive influence on this board. You can both contribute. Why attack each other's opinions?

Grow up the two of you.

And if you both know you should use PM then why the hell were we subjected to this? Robin, you could have replied to this post with a PM.

Please stop it now,

Michael

I agree with Michael.  

The two of you have been acting like overly aggressive, know-it-all show-offs.  As Michael said, you are acting like children.  Personally, I think you both need to understand that everyone is an individual, and that the solutions you used to get over your loneliness are your own solutions.  They will not work for other people.  They may provide guidelines or starting points for some people to work from, but they cannot and will not be exactly what anyone else needs.

Some of the ideas you both have made have been good, but the tone that you use is extremely pushy and condescending.  If you truly want to help others, which you both claim, then you need to stop acting like you are trying to impress people or prove how smart and knowledgeable you are.  Based on my experience, the members here (and I include myself in this) need friends and equals- not self-righteous, arrogant people who try to lead them by the nose.  We are lonely.  We are neither stupid nor naive.  

If the two of you want to duke it out, do it in private.  Use PMs.  That's what they are there for.  If you really want to have a dialogue about loneliness that can be inclusive to the other members here, then don't address threads solely to a single member, and don't get so wrapped up in your own petty bickering that other people won't feel comfortable participating.

This site is a completely wonderful place.  It has helped me through a very difficult time in my life, and I am very grateful that I found it when I did.  I have even made an incredibly close friend, which is something I was not looking for and certainly not expecting to gain from this site.  However, if I had joined recently, I would have been completely disgusted by your posts (especially the ones askal has made about women), and I most definitely wouldn't have stayed, met people, or made the contributions that I have.  I don't want anyone to miss out on the opportunities that I enjoyed simply because they are dismayed by your actions and decide to seek solace elsewhere.

I rarely post at length anymore, but the fact that the two of you have driven me to such a response should say a great deal about exactly how inappropriate I think your actions are.

Whatever is driving the two of you to act this way, I suggest you get over it.

Sorry for coming off as arrogant and "childish". I apologize to everyone here if I was interpreted as such.

And Robin... that "bait" wasnt really meant to be a beef or somethin. I have nothing against you personally and I was just asking your opinion.

If you wanna talk, feel free to pm me.


I rest my case.

Hey, I haven't been checking in as often as I 'usually' do since I've been really busy the past few weeks. I just call for peace between all of us on this board. We all are here for a reason...whether it is seeking help, offering help, or both. Let's keep all our conversations kind in tone.

michael in glasgow said:

Neither of you should be so arrogant as to assume you have the only answers to loneliness.

For what it's worth askal has a valid point. I have been severely depressed in the past and could not move on until I forgot about romance, love and relationships.

Click to expand...

Well, of course i am sorry for how this turned out, as well. This is what i was afraid of but didn't care to avoid since my passion for helping and strong believes that the way Askal described his way of getting better could be very bad to a young, lonely person who wouldn't know better if they actually went through with it. As i wrote in the other thread were i barked at Askal, i admit that his way of doing it wasn't a bad one, if You realize it by Yourself. Heck, forgetting is a huge part of the way i did it too, but he simply posts a one-note letter in which he suggest that the one's reading it should stop trying to look for friends and that there are no such thing as a dream-partner. You'll have to excuse me, but that is the most horrible advice i ever could think of! Ignoring that You are lonely can be a must for some people, but telling people so arrogantally which Askal did that the very thing they are hoping for, friends and love, is something You neither need nor doesn't exist? You have to agree with me that this isn't the way You should try to help everyone at once by posting in a thread saying "Feeling lonely? No friends? Then click this thread!!" ? I was worried for the younger one's here to follow something so blindly without individual treatment, especially since Askal is an intelligent, well-suited for a forum, kind of guy.

Elaeagnus said:

Personally, I think you both need to understand that everyone is an individual, and that the solutions you used to get over your loneliness are your own solutions.  They will not work for other people.  They may provide guidelines or starting points for some people to work from, but they cannot and will not be exactly what anyone else needs.

Click to expand...

First of all, the methods that i describe to get better from a depression is far from only being my own, made up theories. There's as much widely known mental healthcare treatments in my trying-to-help posts as there are notes of what i have realized myself. I didn't come here to brag about how "learned" i am about lonelyness and depression; i came here to help because i have done so for five years (even while i was depressed myself), managed to succeed in getting him or her back on track every time i have tried simply because i won't stand down until the person get optimistic again and really know what i'm talking about. One of the main reasons i ever were depressed is because of how little i care about myself and spend time helping others in so many ways. I only, ONLY, write from my heart when i start typing to some lost soul for a couple of hours and i couldn't have been more conscent with myself for doing it.

And, by the way, the reason i keep this rather haughty personality going whenever i try to help someone here is to try to show this person that even a five years deeply depressed, suicidal, nerd can have an as high self-esteem as anyone, without being an idiot. If i would have shown myself as another sad, low self-esteem-figure infront of the people i wanted to help it wouldn't have been as obvious to them that it is possible to get out of the depression.

I have once posted in a thread here which i surely weren't fit to debate in since i weren't nearly as experienced as the others with that matter. Other than that time i have only written posts within threads i was sure i could help a little in an as polite, accurate and individual way as i possibly could to try and help as much as possible, that's why i can sit for several hours to one person. If You see me as a person who don't understand that the treatment of a depressed person is individual You have clearly not read through half of what i have written, or simply missed out some parts; i have written before that even though how simple us "cured" and just-here-to-help kind of folks see our own methods of getting better is, we must be very legible when we present it to someone and write very individually.

I am on Your side. I'm saying that Askal is a little out in the blue by posting this thread i'm talking about, suggesting that people should do this and that and not writing anything individual at all, but to himself. I always try to see everyone's ideas and philosophies from other person's minds as well; especially the younger one's. I remember how gullable and vulnerable i was when i was in my mid-teen depression i didn't want anyone to stop following their heart just to climax some endorphines for the rest of their lives...

I were merely trying to make this thread a little more logical to the one's who might wonder of what Askal was talking about, for his sake. However, You have my word that i won't post anything which can be entirely written within a PM rather than in a thread, ever again.

Askal,

I sense some woman-hating in your question. It is unfortunate. I would say that this person was putting WAY too much on his 'perfect' girl. First of all, NO HUMAN BEING is perfect (well, some would say that Jesus was perfect, but he was also divine, so he doesn't count in this instance!)

No human is perfect. We all have failings. Weaknesses. Selfishness. To put your entire life into another human being's hands is to be disappointed. To be hurt. To become bitter.

Instead of seeking perfection from without, seek it from within. Pray. Meditate. Work on your own spiritual development. Practice right thought, right action, right livelihood, etc. (The 8 fold path).

Hugs,

LG