How is it not pathetic?

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Remedy

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Sorry I'm at a conflict within myself, so I'm just trying to get every angle on this subject. I just want to know how is it not pathetic to be a virgin at a later age because I've been looking at what everyone has been saying.

First of all, in a thread on this site, people were talking about how sex is a need. If something is a need, how is it not pathetic to have never done it? If sex is a need than people who have never done it, might be really miserable, sad, and lonely which is a very pathetic state to be in.

Secondly, if people use it as an insult, than how is it not pathetic to be one :/? I asked someone who is a very kind individual and friend of mine, how they would respond to a virgin questioning their sexual beliefs. They said if the person were to question in a certain way they would respond by saying "what do you know, virgin?" If this came from someone who is usually quite kind to others than it doesn't give me much hope and ends up causing me to think being a virgin really is pathetic.

I'm just stuck in conflict between 2 thoughts and I'm having a hard time sorting it out like I said :/. I've heard stories of someone telling someone else that they were a virgin, and the person ended up dropping them becoming uninterested in them so it might be pathetic in many people's eyes.

People don't understand how incredibly hard it is for some people to have sex. I was never the popular kid or the self centered jock in high school. Especially with girls, because I typically ended up being shunned by literally all of them and I don't know why. Whether it be they look away in disgust or just never look over and pay attention to me. I guess it's just people should not judge until they have been in the other person's shoes. It really is incredibly hard for some and just causes so much sadness and problems in one's life. I just wish it wasn't so diffcult to do for some people. So really though, how is it not pathetic to be in such a state of virginity that seems so endless?
 
Sexual release is a need that a lot of people have. You have to keep in mind that sexual release does not require another person. If you are able to function well without release, that's neat! I know quite a few people who would love not to need it.

Somebody who calls somebody else a, "Virgin" as an insult is probably a little closed minded. Okay, honestly, I want to say they're pretty lame and stupid. My last boyfriend had very little sexual experience, and my ex before him was a virgin before we got together. Both of them were out of high school before their first times. You know, a lot of the people in high school who say they have sex really haven't. The ones who do... usually regret things about it.

It isn't "pathetic" not to have sex. If it hasn't happened yet, it hasn't happened yet. Being a virgin doesn't make you a loser. Not being a virgin doesn't make you happy.
 
Men tend to pressure each other into losing our virginities at as early an age as possible. When I was 14 I claimed to have already lost mine - I hadn't. However, I wasn't the only person in my circle of friends who was lying (in fact, I think it's most probable that not one of us was actually telling the truth...)

When I did lose my virginity... I hardly even noticed. It only actually occurred to me much later that I wasn't a virgin anymore. Then again, the girl I lost it too didn't realise (or didn't say if she did...lol) that I was a virgin beforehand.

Which brings me to your question. Is it pathetic not to have lost your virginity yet? Hell no. I've known guys who have lost theirs later in life, and I don't think any less of them, and I don't know anyone who does.

When it comes to why "virgin" is used as an insult, there is a simple answer. Insults are designed to hurt someone's feelings, to provoke a reaction. That's all there is to it.
 
It's not pathetic because having sex doesn't automatically make you smarter, faster, better than you were before....a 5,000,000 MAN...

Seriously. I think that it's only considered pathetic by someone who's so damned shallow that they don't understand what it means. It just means you haven't had sex yet, THAT'S ALL. It doesn't mean that you're incapable of pairing off, it doesn't mean that you're not a viable interest...it doesn't mean that you're less of a person or anything. Just that the right situation hasn't come around for you yet, and you're a good enough person to NOT FORCE IT to happen by manipulating women using alcohol or guilt.

This is a dog-eat-dog world...and often people will use ANYTHING to gain a level on their peers, even if that level really doesn't make them better at all. It's the same with virginity. If someone makes fun of you for your virginity because you ask them about their sexual beliefs, maybe they're incapable of forming a better response....or they're ashamed of what they've done. It's only natural (sadly) that a human being will search for a way to step on others to try and feel better about themselves...and often virginity becomes an unfortunate (and incorrectly used) tool to do this.

About sex being a need....yeah, I think it is needed....but it doesn't make you less of a person because you haven't had it yet. I think this attitude can be extremely self-defeating and self-repeating. If you think badly about yourself for being a virgin, then your confidence suffers...and you're going to have fewer chances with women. I know these words are going to sound hollow and ineffectual, but really...don't let your virginity become such a big deal. Don't let it affect you.

Focus on your good qualities and your other attributes...and eventually the sex will take care of itself. :) It's NOT PATHETIC AT ALL to be a virgin. There are a lot more out there than you realize, I think....even some of those people who CLAIM to be super-sexually experienced really aren't. "Those who talk, have not." Seriously. Don't worry about it so much. :) You'll get yours....no worries, man! :D

----Steve
 
you are not pathetic.

anyone that says you are pathetic or heaps 'scornful pity' on you as a result of being a virgin (whatever age) hasn't grown up in the empathy stakes.

making them pathetic.

(there are reasons for why people behave like that but to analyse them would be a waste of time.. the proper response to this type of individual is, "ef off wanker.")

sex is a pleasure that is nice to experience.. a physical pleasure that is nice to share with someone that wants to share it with you..

all this talk of 'need' is about finding an outlet for the sexual energy.. the simplest is 'going solo' (the energy is diffused.. you don't die..) the most advanced would be to 'transcend' it and redirect it to other endevours, like creativity.. (maybe someone has actually achieved this.. dunno).. it is nice to have a partner and fun to explore 'it' all.. but it's never pathetic if you don't have or never have had a partner..

we were all virgins once and it just seems that the usual society driven norms preach that you must be a virgin no more around a certain age.. and if you are.. you are some sort of hideous freak.. what a heap of bollocks.

some people choose a life of celibacy and some people never have a partner and have to organize other means..

i remember the pressure.. i remember the desire.. i remember the uncertainty and fear.. for some people the things that perhaps come more easily to them have a hard time understanding how someone else might not find it so easy.. ignore them.

it's hard not to internalize, i know.. "i am a virgin, therefor i am pathetic"..

don't forget 'circumstance'.. not everything is your fault..

be kind to yourself.. you're not pathetic for being a virgin.. just an unfortunate deal that will hopefully change for you..
 
I don't understand why people would think you were pathetic if you were a virgin? So what if you've never had sex? Does it mean you'll be poor and struggle the rest of your life? Does it affect your physical health? Is it morally wrong to be a virgin?

Perhaps people think something is wrong with you emotionaly if you are still a virgin by a certain age. I bet people think the same way about people who are alone all the time..."why are they alone? Is there something wrong with their head? Theyre mysterious...maybe they're some sort of freaky genuis. I wish they would talk to me..."

lol, i have no idea what people think of us as loners and virgins, these are just my guesses.

Anyway, your virginity is ALWAYS rectifiable. Easily fixed, lost, given away. It's one of the things in life that's easy to lose.

So...dont fret. n_n
 
It isn't pathetic. Many people like to put themselves above others, using what little they have (or what the other person might not have). Often, they grab whatever they can get a hold of in order to compare themselves to others so that they can feel good about themselves.

When you start having sex, it's because you want to do it, not because of how you think it'll define you. Really, you won't feel like a different man (but you will enjoy it!)
 
It's not pathetic at all Remedy. I was one of the people who was pushing the "men need sex" side of that thread you mentioned, but when I said sex I really meant to include the various methods of sexual release(as nerdygirl pointed out). I certainly didn't mean to pass judgement on people who had not yet experienced it. I didn't have sex until after college when I had my first long term relationship.

I don't feel that thinking of sex as a goal in and of itself is a good thing. For me it was just something that fell into place along the way. I think a lot of things in life are that way. It's not going to be a incredibly pivotal and earth-shattering moment when it does happen. It's just another piece of the puzzle that will fall into place when it's time.

And if you find someone who likes you for you, they won't care if you're a virgin. If someone discounts you just because you are, then they don't have a very open mind and may not be worth your time. You may be a unknown quantity when it comes to relationships, but you're still a hell of a lot better than all of the proven douchebags out there:D You are NOT pathetic:)
 
SophiaGrace said:
Anyway, your virginity is ALWAYS rectifiable. Easily fixed, lost, given away. It's one of the things in life that's easy to lose.

So...dont fret. n_n

I'm really not trying to generalize but it seems like its only easy for women to lose. Probably because most men think with their small head and nothing else. Most guys would not pass up on the chance to bone some chick if she is willing. Of course I'm not one of them because I want something meaningful and deep before I do anything. I'm talking by means of someone that wants you and not a prostitute for losing your virginity.

It might be easy for some pretty boy like my friends but I'm not so it seems incredibly hard. They have stories of girls getting all horny for them and trying to have sex with them(random girls mind you). I have never experienced this because no girl has ever expressed interest in me like this even once. I have always been shunned like I said so it really isn't as easy to lose for some people. It's so hard to even see myself losing it from the way girls have always treated me, so no it really isn't easy.
 
Stop compairing yourself to other people.
If you ask 100 people..you'll get 100 veriations of answer.

It's only pathetic if you think it's pathetic wheater you're virgin or not.
Your sexuality is very personal.

yeah I get ya...getting laid isn't always easy for guys
 
Remedy said:
It might be easy for some pretty boy like my friends but I'm not so it seems incredibly hard.

Well ****. You should get those friends of yours to help you out. Go out with them sometime and get them to talk you up to some chicks...use your wingmen, man!! :D I'm not talking about a one-nighter, either...it could be a real door-opener for ya.

If a group of chicks sees these pretty boys talking good about you, then they're naturally going to be curious and wonder why these pretty guys think you're so cool...and they'll come to investigate. From there on, it's all yours, dude. :D

----Steve
 
I should try that but I don't think it would work sadly enough. If I could get the courage to talk to my best friend about how I feel about this subject he could maybe help me. He has asked me why I'm so shy before and if anything was bothering me. I have the words in my head but I just can't say them because I'd be so embarassed and nervous of what he would think. Personally though I think if girls saw me with them they would think nothing of me and constantly try to get to know my friends. Acting as if I dont exist and are not really there. Cause who would they choose to try and get? The attractive guys or the non attractive one?
 
Yeah, your shyness is a problem...but I think you're focusing on it as your defining feature, and it isn't. People are like diamonds, with many different traits and characters. Your shyness is just one facet of WHO YOU ARE...you are entirely capable and able to be that confident guy who can go talk about anything to his friends or to women. :) Seriously. Give it a shot, I think you'll be surprised at how willing your friends will be to help you.

If your guy friends are totally willing to help you out, they would make it abundantly clear to the girls that they aren't available...but that YOU are. The girls will listen to the attractive guys if they're saying that you are both NICE and AVAILABLE. And I know that it might feel like you would be having your friends pawn women off on you...but that's not what it is at all.

I think the only thing that you need is to get your foot in the door. You're focusing on this one characteristic of yourself, and building it up to be your entirety...when it isn't. Just put the shyness and hesitant attitude aside and do what you have to do to get what you want.

Ultimately, it doesn't matter HOW you meet girls...just that you meet them and give them a chance to see who you really are.

So I would say YEAH, explain things to your friends and ask them to help you out...I think they'd be more than willing to lend you a hand....and it's no shame to have guys get girls for you like that. I've used that tactic before, when hanging out with guys who look better than I do. Usually, if the girl is told that the "hot" guys are NOT available, they're more than willing to spend time with the "less hot" guys....though really, hotness means a different thing to different women.

Just go for it! ^_^

----Steve
 
I'll give it a try, talking to my friend that is. It's just so **** hard to get the words out of my mouth because it makes me so nervous and scared. I think he will understand though, because I don't think he would have such nice things to say if he didn't. I'm not a big fan of being considered as a last resort for women though... It makes me feel like honeysuckle to know that they would be like "**** the attractive guys are taken so maybe I should give the unattractive guy a chance". I also want to be liked for my looks and not just my personality. What's not to say I will get dropped overtime if they feel my looks are not up to their standards because they find someone who's looks suit them.

I don't think anyone would like being considered 2nd or 3rd best when it comes to how they look. I guess I'm being selfish but I don't think I am if that makes sense. I just want a girl to like me because of my looks to give me a chance and not because of the fact that they "gave" me a chance based on a friend's opinion. I need something to make me feel good about myself and that wouldn't really help. I know I'm being difficult but I'll still give it a try if I can. I want to be liked for everything about me so I don't feel worthless. People always tell me I look fine but I can't help but to feel like they are just being kind and don't want to hurt my feelings.
 
Remedy said:
I want to be liked for everything about me so I don't feel worthless. People always tell me I look fine but I can't help but to feel like they are just being kind and don't want to hurt my feelings.

Well, that's the problem. If you don't look like a super-Brad-Pitt-hunk-dude right now, then you're probably never going to...and you're not going to immediately make women drool upon the mere sight of your glorious form. But there is hope...

Women can be attracted to men right away, yeah...but they also grow to see physical attraction once they've known a guy a while. It happens all the time. A girl gets with a guy who she considers to be of average appearance...and over time, as she becomes closer and closer to the guy, her opinion of guy's looks changes and shifts. It gets to the point where she does indeed think that the "average" guy is a hunk, and may even begin to look at the previously hunky guys as kind of gross.

Remedy said:
I know I'm being difficult but I'll still give it a try if I can.

Haha you're not being difficult. You know what you want; there's nothing wrong with that. :)

Remedy said:
I don't think anyone would like being considered 2nd or 3rd best when it comes to how they look.

What I was trying to say is that you shouldn't consider it that way. Sure, I suppose technically you're "2nd or 3rd" in those girls' choice...but utlimately it doesn't matter, I don't think. Maybe there is a woman out there who would immediately fall in love at the sight of you...and maybe not. Either way, you're not giving other girls (who may grow to think you're hot) much of a chance at you by only looking for the one (who would immediately think you're hot).

It's the same with me, really. I'm not ugly. I consider myself to be averagely handsome. Not super good-looking, but not bad-looking. So yeah, it can be hard for me to get women to look at me and think, "oohhh, hunk!" It just doesn't happen very often....so I have to get my foot in the door and get them to give me time to show them who I am. Once they've known me a bit, they open up and begin to reciprocate interest and attraction.

Seriously, a large part of women's attraction to men isn't physical. Sure, they have physical attraction...but I think a HUGE part of a woman's physical attraction to a man hinges upon their emotional and chemical attraction to a man. Get a girl interested in you and chances are she's going to see you as physically attractive even if she didn't feel so when she first saw you.

I guess what I'm trying to say is to just give it a try. You might be surprised. :)

----Steve
 
Remedy said:
Cause who would they choose to try and get? The attractive guys or the non attractive one?

We are all attracted to different things. Don't underestimate yourself!
 

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