Loneliness due to long distance

As the title suggests, I'm in a LDR with my bf. It's always been long distance for us, so I guess we're used to it, but at the same time the situation really sucks.

I'm not considering breaking up with him or anything, he's a really good guy. But sometimes I wish things could be easier than this. I've always been alone in life, so I suppose I should be used to this kind of thing, in a sense. But I guess the problem now is that I can't hope I'll meet a guy tomorrow or the day after... or whenever. Now it's all different, the date I get to see my bf is always already set, or possibly so far off in the future that it isn't yet known. I can't hope to meet him by chance on the street, or that he might surprise me with a visit.

It's also somewhat sad to think that one day in order for us to be together permanently, it would mean either me leaving behind my family and my old life... or for him to do that. It's hard to imagine. =/

Anyone else had experience with an LDR?

I was in a LDR before as well, but mine didn't turn out very well. We both went into it knowing very well that if things work out, one of us will move. And for me, it would've been me coz I'm such a 'you tarzan, me jane, me follow you to the ends of the earth' person. haha.

The scary thing was - when we met up, he was different. There were just some distinct differences from the person that he is in real life, compared to the person that I knew over the net. I couldn't get over how big the differences were but I guess I should've been prepared for it.

Yeah, LDR are hard because you don't have the luxury of having your other half around. If you've had a bad day, there's no shoulder you can cry on. If you just need to go for a short evening walk to clear mind, he can't just go "oh..I think I'll join you.." coz he's like a gazzillion miles away.

But you know, I've realised that it is really, really difficult to find someone you can grow to love and if you meet up and things are still going great with the relationship, and if there are not big show stoppers - you may wanna consider long term wise packing up and joining him where he is. Heck, I'd follow him to the ends of the earth if I have to coz I can rebuild my life again in a different place, but I'll never be able to find a guy like that so easily

You're right, it isn't so easy. It's a lot of 'what ifs' and 'if I were there now we would go do ____'. =/

Assuming that we manage to last the next year and a half, I'd like to go study in his city for a year(starting sept 2011) and do a master's there. I know, I know, it might sound like a bit of a crazy move to some. But... I don't think it is. Whenever we're together, it's like we're living together, since at the end of the day he can't just go home or anything like that. So I feel like we've already had some practice at it.

What saddens me, though, is that I'm so attached to my life here... but the "logical" decision would be for me to move to where he is, and not the other way around. Both of us would have a better job there...

Perhaps you're just worried of the 'what ifs' if you leave your life where you are.

I know I had those questions for myself as well. I have the courage of a macadamia nut (i.e. its practically non-existent) so when I considered leaving, the first few things that hit my mind was

- omg omg omg, what about my family? i won't be able to see them so often anymore...
- omg omg omg, what about my friendsssss? i don't have that many and i can't just dump the ones I have...
- heavens, what if i don't fit in at the new place? what if i will never fit in? theres no turning back *gasp*
- do i really wanna do this? do i REALLY wanna do this?

Ah but the only question you should ask yourself is - if you didn't go, would you regret it? My answer was yes, which was why I told myself if it worked out, I would've moved there to be with him. I couldn't bear the thought of looking back and regretting. It is difficult to make decisions when you love your life where you are and you have no idea what awaits you if you go to where he is. But sometimes, we just gotta throw caution to the wind *within calculated risks of course* and just go...hell yeah, bring it on!

you can't help who you fall in love with it hurts when they are out of a hugs reach, but you carry on anyway because theres no one else like that person, just try to keep your head up and enjoy the time you do have with them

roundasapenguin, I think you're very right about it being about regret.

To put things into perspective a little bit, I'm in Canada and my bf is in Spain, meaning that it's a long and expensive trip. I feel so conflicted these days, because while I love my bf, I also would feel really bad about leaving home. My parents have supported me all throughout my studies and have given so much to ensure that I have a good life, and I can see how sad my mom looks whenever she starts to consider the idea of me moving away in the future. I can tell my family would be very sad to see me go.

But then, at the same time, living in Europe would mean a lot of great work opportunities for me. Probably a job I'd enjoy a lot more than one I could get here. It's like, I want to go live there, but at the same time I don't want to have to leave my own country.

Thanks for your support RebeccaSarah. =/[/align]

In my case we lived together for a year, did everything together, now she is living at home again, halfway across the country, and we only talk about 20 minutes a day. Trips are not as expensive as Canada to Spain fortunately, but I think it's a bit harder for me having been intimate and close then for those who have only been long distance and barely met or haven't met each other in person. There's always such a sense of having downgraded the relationship and you tend to wonder where you stand.

The long distance relationship gives you something to strive for. It can be a healthy motivation to getting work, or skills, setting goals, and finding work where your partner lives or vice versa. I am trying to see the good side, because I really needed something to motivate me to get out there in the world more.

LDR's suck. There aren't too many interesting people in Canada and what I mean by that is it seems that most people are the same (especially around my age (teen to early adult). I meet a few interesting people who care but they live in the UK or the United States. Only one from Canada who I met a week or 2 ago but she leaves on the other side of the country Sad

I hate my life!

I'm in an LDR as well. I have been for the last five years and it drives me absolutely insane. My boyfriend says he's going to move here by spring, but I've already decided that if he doesn't, I'm moving there, no matter what because I can't take it anymore. All the visiting once every six months and then having to leave and then crying and then the emotional distance we experience to some degree because we're not in the same place. So on and so forth. Everything is just much happier when we're together in person.

Your opening post honestly sounds like I could have written it.

Well I started my LDR over a virtual game site called IMVU, and basically I grew up with him going from Freshman Year on through Senior Year. We mesh so well and we really want to be together, for college I had the opportunity of going to the same school as him but road blocks kept getting in the way. Fafsa, Out of state tuition, Loans, and finally the weather. Nothing seems to be working out the way we wished. I was the one to make the decision and decided to stay in Cali versus going to Ohio. we decided to stay together but I can't help but think is this the right thing?