"I've gone without it for 2 whole months" (need to vent sorry)

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Remedy

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I was out with friends again and trying my hardest to just enjoy myself and not think about girls. Than hey what do you know lol, that's all guys ever ******* talk about! They go on and on about sex like it's as important as breathing. I have had it up to here with hearing how bad it is for them to be sexless for like 2 months or having to go without it. I feel like saying try about 23 years buddy than talk to me to see how it feels. I mean even 23 years without any contact with females, not even holding hands. I just wish they could understand how it feels to be without something for so much longer than they could imagine.

It might be pathetic for me to have gone so long without it, but I think it's pathetic to sit there and complain about being without it for such a short while as well. I should not be judging them but I should not be judged either because no one has ever been in my shoes. Knows what it's like to be shunned by girls all the time and feel like you are disgusting all the time. So basically, I cannot stand when people complain about being without it for like a few months at a time as well as I know people can't stand hearing me complaing about it as well. I'm just glad I labeled it as a vent this time. I just want to say boo ******* hoo, try 23 years son! I know I would never say it because it's not right but it's just in my head sometimes. Does this frustrate anyone else?
 
Remedy said:
I was out with friends again and trying my hardest to just enjoy myself and not think about girls. Than hey what do you know lol, that's all guys ever ******* talk about! They go on and on about sex like it's as important as breathing. I have had it up to here with hearing how bad it is for them to be sexless for like 2 months or having to go without it. I feel like saying try about 23 years buddy than talk to me to see how it feels. I mean even 23 years without any contact with females, not even holding hands. I just wish they could understand how it feels to be without something for so much longer than they could imagine.

It might be pathetic for me to have gone so long without it, but I think it's pathetic to sit there and complain about being without it for such a short while as well. I should not be judging them but I should not be judged either because no one has ever been in my shoes. Knows what it's like to be shunned by girls all the time and feel like you are disgusting all the time. So basically, I cannot stand when people complain about being without it for like a few months at a time as well as I know people can't stand hearing me complaing about it as well. I'm just glad I labeled it as a vent this time. I just want to say boo ******* hoo, try 23 years son! I know I would never say it because it's not right but it's just in my head sometimes.

Hey, speak your mind, man. We're all human. I know what you're going through. I didn't have any true affection til the time and the woman was right also. Vent. That's what this cite is for anyway, isn't it? I sympathize.
 
I have the exact same problem, my friend. Do you go to college? It's even worse on a college campus. Everyone, and I mean everyone is talking about sex, and you are literally surrounded with good looking girls (who want nothing to do with you, btw). The college newspaper, your roommates, random people you overhear walking to class, you are constantly inundated with it. They make it seem that you are the only one going without, and it makes you feel very isolated if you aren't part of the college party culture (which is largely a myth if you ask me). It makes you feel like a loser.

I wouldn't judge your friends too harshly, because they don't have your problem, they can't even understand it. Their brains just work differently than yours. My few friends in high school certainly didn't understand why I couldn't just walk up to a pretty girl and ask her out if I liked her. They thought I was gay or asexual or something.

If I were you, I'd just relax and be glad you have friends you can go out on the town with at all. I don't have any close friendships.

So yes, it frustrates me, and I sympathize with you.
 
I hear ya. 28 and I've had sex all of two times in the past, but more often in the last year as I finally found myself a serious girlfriend. I would like to point out that there is a human tendency here that applies to more things then sex. Like taking a rich girl on a camping trip and she complains about not having a bed, a bathtub etc, but you happen to be a bushmaster or something and therefore are used to roughing it all the time.

When you've gone without something for a very long time you get used to it and learn to be okay without it. For people who have sex on a regular basis it gets to be like an addiction, and going without it for a couple months can actually be harder on them then it is on you. If you haven't had it in 23 years maybe it's because you've learned to just accept that you won't and not bother trying. I know that's how it got to be in my case anyway. Maybe you just resent their talking about it all the time and rubbing your face in it.

Take it from me. Despair is not loneliness, anguish, or sorrow. It's the point where you've long since died from those things. It is peacefully surviving at the bottom of a pit instead of wasting time, energy, and getting all banged up trying to climb out when you perceive that climbing out is impossible.
 
see back when I was a kid, there was no internet, so I could devote ALL my time and attention to getting laid. It paid off as I've been regularly banging since age 14. The question is, where could you be right now with a hot lady friend, if not on the internet? :)
 
Well, the reason that they talk about it that way is because once you've had it somewhat regularly for a decent amount of time....it really, REALLY grows on ya. Your mindframe changes and you begin to NEED it, and sort of expect it as a given rather than a bonus....so it can be hard for some guys to deal with being without it once they've trained their brains to expect it regularly.

Despair said:
When you've gone without something for a very long time you get used to it and learn to be okay without it. For people who have sex on a regular basis it gets to be like an addiction, and going without it for a couple months can actually be harder on them then it is on you. If you haven't had it in 23 years maybe it's because you've learned to just accept that you won't and not bother trying. I know that's how it got to be in my case anyway. Maybe you just resent their talking about it all the time and rubbing your face in it.

Yup...that's exactly what I'm talking about.

----Steve
 
Badjedidude said:
Well, the reason that they talk about it that way is because once you've had it somewhat regularly for a decent amount of time....it really, REALLY grows on ya. Your mindframe changes and you begin to NEED it, and sort of expect it as a given rather than a bonus....so it can be hard for some guys to deal with being without it once they've trained their brains to expect it regularly

Yeah, and this is also why there are so many girls out there who have so much trouble with guys manipulating them for sex.

Honestly though, I don't think anyone is in a position to really comment. Those of us who've lost our virginity have probably forgotten what it's like to have never had sex before, and those who are virgins just don't know.

Honestly I expect that how hard a dry spell hits you is directly related to what age you lost your virginity, and how much you actually got laid in the years following. If you lose your virginity at 14 or 15 and spend the rest of your teenage years humping like rabbits, then I'd expect a dry spell to hit a lot harder than if you lost your virginity later on.

Honestly though, I think I'm with Remedy on this one. It's been a long time since I was a virgin, but from my vague recollection the frustration was horrific. Now while dry spells are frustrating, there nothing I can't deal with. Although, if it ever stretched from months to years I might reconsider my position :)
 
Talus said:
Honestly though, I think I'm with Remedy on this one. It's been a long time since I was a virgin, but from my vague recollection the frustration was horrific.

I don't quite agree that all virgins would feel that frustrated...because when I was 16 (right before I lost my virginity) I was never truly frustrated, even though I'd never really been super lucky with girls. I was in a Christian school up until highschool, so until I was about 15, I had no idea that I was "supposed" to be acting any certain way or "supposed" to be getting any action at all.

I think it has more to do with the fact that society tells us that something is WRONG with a person who happens to be a virgin...that they should have sex to be normal. I think that in the absence or ignorance of that societal message, virginity isn't frustrating at all.

Talus said:
Now while dry spells are frustrating, there nothing I can't deal with. Although, if it ever stretched from months to years I might reconsider my position

LOL yeah. I would never even LET a dry spell stretch that long for me! I'm not saying I would rape a girl or anything, but...really, there are easy ways to get laid, guys. There are a lot of cheap women in the world who will screw almost any guy...and if you're not wanting a dry spell to keep going...lol there are options.

----Steve
 
I guess I shouldn't be thinking any less of what other people have to say. Although Me and only me could know how it feels as well as other people in the same predicament. After going almost 23 years without it, I really know I want it or actually need it, or else I wouldn't be feeling so bad about it. Why should my opinion be any less, if I haven't had it before? I mean I know I need it because I wouldn't be feeling so bad without it.

I know I do resent when they talk about it but I do know there is this part of me that wants/needs it. I feel pathetic when people tell me I can't tell if I need it because I have never had it. I do know I need it and I guess only I can know how I feel about it. Why would it be driving me up the walls if I didn't need it? I just don't think my friends shouldn't complain so much I guess. I know I complain, but only here, and never to my friends that much so I'm sorry for that. I just don't think it's any less what I think, compared to others because of the fact I really have never had it.
 
Remedy said:
I mean I know I need it because I wouldn't be feeling so bad without it.

Or maybe you feel bad without it because society tells you that you need it. :p lol just a new way to look at it, I guess.

And don't worry about complaining about it to us...that's what we're here for. :)

----Steve
 
Badjedidude said:
I don't quite agree that all virgins would feel that frustrated...because when I was 16 (right before I lost my virginity) I was never truly frustrated, even though I'd never really been super lucky with girls. I was in a Christian school up until highschool, so until I was about 15, I had no idea that I was "supposed" to be acting any certain way or "supposed" to be getting any action at all.

We're all a little different of course. That said I don't remember it getting really bad until I was 17 or 18 (which is thankfully when I lost it). Although, I do remember this one guy in school who at age 14 or so would walk around with a constant erection. He'd wear sweatpants so he could have easy access when he thought no one was looking. We even caught him getting intimate with a tree once (don't ask). Seriously. By the time I graduated he was undoubtably still a virgin, and his frustration was pretty damned clear.
 
Talus said:
Yeah, and this is also why there are so many girls out there who have so much trouble with guys manipulating them for sex.

Hells yes.



Badjedidude said:
I was in a Christian school up until highschool, so until I was about 15, I had no idea that I was "supposed" to be acting any certain way or "supposed" to be getting any action at all...

I think it has more to do with the fact that society tells us that something is WRONG with a person who happens to be a virgin...

I think that the whole idea that any of us are "supposed" to do any of it is ludicrous. I hate that societal pressure. Total bullshit.



Remedy said:
I guess I shouldn't be thinking any less of what other people have to say.

Absolutely right. It really is no measure of your value as a human being, regardless what the ignorant say.


Badjedidude said:
And don't worry about complaining about it to us...that's what we're here for. :)


I agree.
 
I still just feel pathetic because its as if everyone is telling me my opinion isn't valid I guess :(. I'm still up in the air on whether it is pathetic to be a virgin because if people keep telling you that you wouldn't know, it has to be. It sucks being 22 1/2 and to have never had it. I guess no girls have ever wanted me that way, so I guess thats why they have always shunned me. Not to say that is what I am only looking for. It's just that my friends have girls falling left and right for them wanting them in that way. Although there have never been any girls that felt that way about me, maybe because I'm not a pretty boy, I don't know :/.
 
Remedy said:
I still just feel pathetic because its as if everyone is telling me my opinion isn't valid I guess

It's not that your opinion isn't valid...it's that it may be misinformed and a bit twisted by what popular media says. These days, the boob-tube and internet tell EVERYONE that they MUST have sex, or they're lame. Commercials, Ads, and radio also reinforce this silly idea. So your opinion may be based on these social messages which are, put quite bluntly, misleading and WRONG. There is NOTHING that makes you lame for simply being a virgin. There's no reason that being a virgin is lame, despite what the media tells you. NONE.

So yeah, it can be hard to find a girl (or guy) that doesn't buy into that message...but they are out there.

Remedy said:
Although there have never been any girls that felt that way about me, maybe because I'm not a pretty boy, I don't know :/

Haha I totally understand you. I'm not a pretty boy either...so I have to rely on my social skills and ability to talk and be comfortable in my surroundings. I don't have an aesthetically pleasing face, I wear glasses, I'm not super-hunk-tall, and my general body build is sort of squarish (in a world where women prefer bodies like stalks of corn...tall and thin). So it's very rare that a woman is actually physically attracted to me from the get-go.

But that doesn't bother me, because I know that women's concept of what's sexy can change depending on their emotions and involvement with a person. So I go in anyway, despite my looks, and I get shot down again and again until I find a girl who will give me 5 minutes of her time...or at least long enough to show her my inner character. From there, I can build on the rest and she may grow to think I'm attractive.

I'm sorry, but...if you're not a pretty boy, you're not a pretty boy. Tough cookies, man. The only thing you can do is stop wishing for a "love-attraction-at-first-glance" situation and start working to build those all-important social skills. Work with what you have. I think you have a very good character and inner personality (from what I've seen on this site). I think you should totally capitalize on that and use it to your advantage.

----Steve
 
I know but there has to be some girls out there who'd like me in that way unless I'm really ugly. I just want to be loved for my mind and body is that too much to ask :/?
 
Remedy said:
I just want to be loved for my mind and body is that too much to ask :/?

You will be! But for most women, the attraction to mind will come first (if you're not a Brad-Pitt-looking sort of guy)...and then the attraction to body will blossom. By looking for BOTH right from the start, from the moment she glances at you, you're limiting yourself from a lot of women that could potentially be your match....that's all I meant by what I said. :)

That stuff about love at first glance? It's a fairytale. It almost never, ever, ever happens that way. I'd say NEVER, but I'm sure it's happened at least once since the dawn of time...but not much more than that, most likely. Love of body and mind takes a lot of work and a lot of getting to know each other...so all you have to do is work to get women to give you a chance to know you. :)

Don't worry about it so much. You're a good guy; you'll get a woman eventually. The only question here is WHEN...and it will happen sooner if you work for it right now. ^_^

----Steve
 
Remedy said:
I know but there has to be some girls out there who'd like me in that way unless I'm really ugly. I just want to be loved for my mind and body is that too much to ask :/?

No, it isn't too much to ask at all. I just think you need to look at your 'approach' a little more. Coming across as 'desperately needing/wanting' a relationship and thus sex isn't attractive in anyone. No offense like.

Why do you feel you need to have sex and lose your virginity now anyway?

Surely it should be when you feel it is the right time with someone - it isn't about what age you are, or how YOU feel - it should be about when TWO people both want it together. Sex is a 2+ game, why bother or even worry about it until you get into that twosome?

It is annoying how society portrays being a virgin as 'nerdy' or even wrong, but it doesn't mean it is true - or that everyone deep down believes that. But just because you are a virgin doesn't mean that people can't talk about their lives either, if someone wants to moan because they've not had sex in a few months, then surely it is ok for them to do so and not feel bad about it. They own those statements and they aren't being mean about it - you are the one who has taken offense to it, you own those feelings and control them. Being bitter isn't going to help you. If the fact they talk about sex constantly is truly bugging you then maybe you should be honest and tell them? How do they know that it upsets you if you don't tell them? People aren't mind readers. :p
 
Ya I guess I should just look at that way because someone needs to get to know you first to truly like you. It's just my friends have had random girls that have shown interest in them to the extent where they wanted sex when these guys were hardly even trying for it. I guess I just feel inferior because nothing like that has ever happened to me.

I guess I feel I need/want sex is because I feel left out. By today's standards the older you get the more people will think you are too weird to even consider dating. Which probably isn't a good reason to want it but I don't know. I also want/need it because I want to experience how it is to love someone and express it in the closest way you can.

I've been trying to improve myself but the bitterness still just comes through, no matter how hard I try to hold it back. I've gotten a better haircut because some people have told me I needed one. I'm also going to be getting better clothes in the next few weeks to improve my out appearance since what I wear right now isn't that appealing. I've also been trying to tell my friend some of my problems, so maybe he could help me and tell me what I'm doing wrong. It's just that I'm so crippling shy around girls that it doesn't help. I'm trying to change but I just can't do it yet. So hopefully my friend can assist me in helping me out sometime.
 
Remedy said:
It's just my friends have had random girls that have shown interest in them to the extent where they wanted sex when these guys were hardly even trying for it. I guess I just feel inferior because nothing like that has ever happened to me.

Yeah...but did these women just suddenly LOVE your friends? Wanting to sleep with a guy and loving him are two different things. Of COURSE a woman would want to randomly sleep with a hot guy...that's just natural. But have any of those women been in long-term relationships with your friends?

Remedy said:
I've also been trying to tell my friend some of my problems, so maybe he could help me and tell me what I'm doing wrong.

I think that's a good idea. Someone closer to the situation than we here online would probably be best to help you get the ball rolling...especially a friend. :)

I guess the biggest piece of advice I could give you is to try to forget the virgin thing altogether. It has no bearing on your ability to get a girl (unless you tell her the instant you meet her...which you SHOULDN'T). Really, you should try to stop measuring yourself by that fact that you haven't slept with anyone before. Virginity has no real bearing on your ability to get women in the future. The only one who KNOWS that you're a virgin is YOU.

By the time a girl knows you well enough for you to reveal to HER that you're a virgin, she'll like you so much that she won't really care....in fact she'll feel closer to you because you revealed that secret to her.

----Steve
 
Badjedidude said:
Remedy said:
It's just my friends have had random girls that have shown interest in them to the extent where they wanted sex when these guys were hardly even trying for it. I guess I just feel inferior because nothing like that has ever happened to me.

Yeah...but did these women just suddenly LOVE your friends? Wanting to sleep with a guy and loving him are two different things. Of COURSE a woman would want to randomly sleep with a hot guy...that's just natural. But have any of those women been in long-term relationships with your friends?

I know none of these girls ever wanted a long term relationship with but I guess that isn't what I meant. I'm just so confused on what I want because I wish girls expressed this type of interest in me even though I'd probably turn them down. I guess I feel like why was I created the way I look because I didn't ask for it or had the choice to choose how I would be. It just isn't fair in my eyes and I know the world isn't fair but I can't keep from thinking about it.

On the subject of my friend, I've already began telling him how I feel because he has asked before. I just can't help but to feel like I might be making it awkward for my friend because of how I put it. I basically told him how my other friends act kind of frustrates me and that I'm feeling down about it. I told him "have them go without any physical contact with girls for your whole life than talk to me". I felt kind of bad because it was awkward and probably made him feel bad because he does make jokes about me with things to do about girls. I just hope by me finally opening up after all the time wondering what I was feeling bad about. My friend will help me because I really feel like I need it. I just know I'd do the same for my friend because I'd do almost anything for my friends especially my best friend. I just hope I didn't make him feel bad, awkward, or anything to where he'd sort of keep distant from the subject.
 

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