A book I found on dating advice for women that is completely WRONG!!

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Dante112

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I'd like to share this with all of you. I randomly found this. The publishing date is 2002, so this is relatively recent and modern advice. Here it is:

Title: STOP GETTING DUMPED!: All you need to know to make men fall in love with you
Author: Lisa Daily (never heard of her, and she offers no credentials of any kind)

The book is, obviously, geared toward single women. Here is the advice she offers:

NEVER call a man
NEVER offer a man your phone number unless he asks you
NEVER return a man's phone calls
NEVER ask a man for a date
NEVER get the bill
ALWAYS be the dream girl

And on the cover it says "Marry the man of your dreams in 3 years or your money back!"

In other words ladies, be lazy, and put all of the pressure on the man to initiate everything. I have no idea what the last bit of advice means.

Personally, as a man, if a woman did what Ms. Daily is advising (i.e. showing absolutely no interest), I'd dump her, or I would not have enough confidence to even ask her out. If a woman asked me out without provocation from me, I'd be pleasantly surprised, I'd find it refreshing, and I'd be intrigued and want to pursue her as well. Also, since this is 2010, and most women have jobs, I don't think it's entirely forbidden for women to pay, or at the very least for both the woman and the man to split the bill (actually, at the moment more women have jobs than men, so perhaps it's time for a reversal of the old system, ha ha).

The authoress claims that if a woman asks a man out on a date, she will freak him out, and she suggests that women who do so are promiscuous, and men will expect to get sex from them right away. She claims that men need to be the pursuers, and women need to always be coy and feign disinterest.

Also, the little "Marry your man in 3 years or your money back" thing makes it sound like Ms. Daily is a saleswoman who is peddling this book to desperate women who see marriage as their only definition of self-worth.

Basically, Ms. Daily is reinforcing stereotypes and negative views of assertive female sexuality. I would expect this sort of stuff in a book from the 1950s perhaps, but 2002? Jesus Christ. I hope women aren't reading this crap, and if they are, I hope they aren't taking it seriously.
 
i will say this with absolute certainty.

from what you posted there, i totally agree.

after about the third time of not having a phone call returned, when it became obvious it wasn't just incidental, but by design...i would be gone quicker than two jiggles of a jackrabbit's ass.

that is some really bad advice. ;)
 
Yeah it's pretty crappy. :club:

One book that I got forced upon me by some girl I used to know was this:

http://www.amazon.co.uk/gp/product/...46/ref=dp_proddesc_0?ie=UTF8&n=266239&s=books

which is just as bad! It lays out dating by rules...which are pretty insane. Like never ask a guy out, or never make a date after a wednesday.

Either way very dumb. Yes, not being too keen is a definite helping hand in ANY relationship - whether initiated by a man or woman. But do people actually live by these silly rules? I don't know.

Personally I'm a lady who can't be bothered with all that poppycock. I'd rather just say to a guy "Oi you, I kinda like you, wanna...er...go for a drinky?" haha Well maybe not exactly like that, but you get the point.

Too much effort to waste around thinking of how you 'should' act. Just do it. :)
 
Wtf?
NEVER, NEVER?
If someone did that to me, I'd think that they weren't interested.
That's just far too much bullshit to remember.
 
Dante112 said:
In other words ladies, be lazy, and put all of the pressure on the man to initiate everything. I have no idea what the last bit of advice means.

She means more "be passive," than be lazy, because trust me, scheming like that is anything but lazy, but you're right about the aim, which is to put the onus of the pursuit onto men.


Dante112 said:
Basically, Ms. Daily is reinforcing stereotypes and negative views of assertive female sexuality. I would expect this sort of stuff in a book from the 1950s perhaps, but 2002? Jesus Christ. I hope women aren't reading this crap, and if they are, I hope they aren't taking it seriously.


*applause*

This sort of sexist crap is as useless as the Pick-Up Artist bullshit. They both pander to egotistical stereotypes. For the man, the desire to be that alpha male, and for the woman, to be the universal object of desire.

Yeah, how about being who we really are for a change?
 
Do you have to have a receipt, or could I just write the author a letter saying I want my money back? 'Cause I wouldn't mind a little free cash.
 
I can say how effective that would be with me.

Non-existent.
 
hahahaaaaa....not after wenday???
lady's night is usually on tuseday and wensday night...NO?

That's becuase all the boyz be out on the weekend...Why the hell go out on a date with one guy when you can have 100s of guys offerning you drinks
and hitting up on ya all weekend?

Dose she mean just be lazy. As in, let your boobs hang out and do the talk'in for ya?:p
 
I don't think it's entirely forbidden for women to pay, or at the very least for both the woman and the man to split the bill (actually, at the moment more women have jobs than men, so perhaps it's time for a reversal of the old system, ha ha).

I don't think you should ever split the bill (especially on dinner-dates and/or first dates), IMO. Splitting the bill just makes it seem like you're chilling out with buddies. A first, second, or third date should be held to a little bit higher standard than that. After that, it's fine to just chill, but to still have someone pay the entire bill - male or female. In a way, I think it brings across the message that you're willing to look out for the other person and not just thinking about yourself. That's relationships are, giving and taking.

I also won't initiate the first date. I think it's so much more meaningful when a guy asks. Now that I'm in a relationship, however, I like to plan dates all the time. :)

But yeah, that's about all I can say about the book. Haven't read it so I can't make judgement. Though, it does sound pretty bias.
 
c'mon ladies lets all freak out and get all high maintenence and uncaring so we can get married in 3 years or less yay! :p :p :p :club::club::club::club::club::club::club:
 
Just_Some_Dude said:
we should just have arranged marriages.

fresia no. My dad is 69. Do you have any idea what kind of chicks he would stick me with? He thinks that women like Barbara Bush are a good catch. @_@ And no offense to the ladies, but he'd find me a girl that would have been considered pretty in....oh, say, 1940. And of course, she'd have to be a super-Christian. Also, she'd have to be so damned subordinate to me that she'd almost be an animal...cuz that's apparently how they rolled back in the day. No thank you.

So screw arranged marriage! :p I'll choose for myself, thankuverymuch.

----Steve
 
shells said:
I also won't initiate the first date. I think it's so much more meaningful when a guy asks. Now that I'm in a relationship, however, I like to plan dates all the time. :)


I won't ever initiate the first date because in my experience it's interpreted as a complete willingness to get down on the first date. So unfortunately, even asking a guy to go to the B&N coffee shop appears to be a prelude to sex... at least for the guys I meet. Like what, after my soy chai latte with a shot of espresso and witty conversation I'm just going to get it on in my car in the parking lot?

I think not. :club:

I need to meet a better class of men probably. If I ever meet a guy who seems interested in me AND doesn't automatically think that my initiating contact means automatic sex, then awesome. The trick is, you never know until you go ahead and ask.



Badjedidude said:
So screw arranged marriage! :p I'll choose for myself, thankuverymuch.



Oh, ditto this x a thousand.
 
cheaptrickfan said:
I won't ever initiate the first date because in my experience it's interpreted as a complete willingness to get down on the first date. So unfortunately, even asking a guy to go to the B&N coffee shop appears to be a prelude to sex... at least for the guys I meet. Like what, after my soy chai latte with a shot of espresso and witty conversation I'm just going to get it on in my car in the parking lot?

I think not. :club:

I need to meet a better class of men probably. If I ever meet a guy who seems interested in me AND doesn't automatically think that my initiating contact means automatic sex, then awesome. The trick is, you never know until you go ahead and ask.

Lol, you can't win sometimes.

If you tell the guy that you don't put out on the first date, then you come off as being presumptuous *****. If you ask a guy out, then you're usually seen targeted as being "easy". If you ask a guy out, then decline sexual passes, then you're a prude.

On the other hand, I've seen guys who ask girls out and get shot down get labeled as a "creeper" just for giving it a shot.

Boys and girls both do shitty things to each other and even among themselves.

Either way, I don't think that book is meant to be taken seriously - but it seems to be playing on satire. Which, satire usually captures grains of truth, and is meant to grab people's attention. You tend to remember it more that way.
 
nerdygirl said:
Do you have to have a receipt, or could I just write the author a letter saying I want my money back? 'Cause I wouldn't mind a little free cash.

Naw, I didn't buy the book, thank God. I work in a library and someone requested it.
 
Hearing people give this sort of advice to ladies really makes my blood boil. Nothing bores me more than a passive female. Nothing turns me off more than playing "hard to get." Okay well that's not entirely true, a woman who doesn't shave her legs and talks nonstop about her will probably turn me off slightly more than playing "hard to get." Still, the point remains.
 
Well, what the hell.... How lazy do you have to be.... NEVER do anything, basically... What kind of advice is that... I'd burn the book. It would be more useful roasting marshmallows over it than it would to read it.
 
lol I remember reading something that goes along with that book about not pursuing a guy. "If he wants to go out with you, he'll make it happen."
 

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