Tri-team fail

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*heretostay*

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well, awhile back i posted that i was joining a triathlon team at my school- and i did. but it sucked. the only people that showed up were the four members that have been on the team forever. and oh ya- they're in incredible shape. they left me in the dust. so i was working out by myself. sucked.

so im sitting here wishing i had some good friends to hang out with. i had a good friend about four years ago and i miss her a lot. we used to do a lot together. we complemented each other. im not a person that drinks, goes to clubs, or gossips, but im also not religious. so its hard for me to find people i get a long with. but she was just like me. i really miss hanging out with her.

such a lonely life. i wonder if it'll ever end. ive concluded that there's nothing i can do about it. seems this is just my life for the time being. my brother came to visit and i told him pretty much all i do is go to school and take my dog to the river. he said at least i had that (meaning my dog). i felt bad for him. i guess he's really lonely, too.
 
Aww, hts...


Social pass-times (like tri-athlon teams, volunteer fire departments, or weekend coffee gossip clubs) can be pretty hit and miss when it comes to people meshing.

I get along great with the people here at my fire station. Truly the best friends I've ever had are here, with the exception of a man named Dale who I used to work with.

But just last week I did some ride-a-long time with the County ambulance crew for the heck of it. And boy was that a flop. With the exception of one guy, I really couldn't seem to spark a conversation with anyone or find a time or place to fit in during my 8 hours there. I have never, ever, tried so hard to look busy as I did there. Lucky me a few projects came up that I was able to help with. I don't know what I would've done otherwise. Even still, somehow I seem to have offended their Chief in some way.

Oops.

Needless to say I won't be going there again. And just the same, we've had people join my department who couldn't really fit in. Some have stayed despite this.

Same for the Code Inspector class I took. It wasn't until the last day that I was able to be social with any of my classmates. Luckily enough I found some guys from another rural department to have lunch with and take the final test with; the 'big city' firemen there were pretty cliquish. They laughed at my jokes, but they stuck to themselves, and one or two of them were downright snobby!

But then again, the 3 day Hazmat class I just took, I got along fine with just about everyone there.

My first real job I had, I didn't really click with either of my co-workers (though I must say, a screaming saw mill yet witnessed from the confines of earplugs isn't the best place to socialize). Even on our lunch breaks we didn't talk much. One guy would eat lunch and read his paper. I'd study. The woman amongst us went outside for...something. We talked some, but not much.

My next job was volatile as a spilled barrel of vinyl cyanide, and I stayed there for 2 years. Brush crews are a rough-and-tumble bunch. We liked eachother well enough, but I was the butt of a lot of jokes (though I threw it right back at 'em). We were still friends, though. That's just how the work day was because none of us were really happy to be there. So we picked on eachother. And even still, I came out of it all with one guy I really respect and like being around, and a couple of others who I'm happy to meet on the street now and then.

And I have yet to make a friend or strike a conversation as a result of any of my college classes.

So it's really hit or miss. Don't give up trying to find something you can fit in to in your community.


(I know for a lot of people it seems like a totally off-the-wall idea, but a volunteer fire dept. really is a great way to start a social life from scratch, if you have one. You meet so many different people from so many different walks of life it's not even funny, and it presents some unique opportunities and experiences you don't find anywhere else.)
 
Thanks Brian. I guess i never thought of socializing as work, but it really is. its amazing to me how some people do it with such ease. at this dog park i used to go to, this guy was friends with everyone. he'd show up knowing no one, and by the time he left he knew everyone. and everyone loved him. it was amazing to me to watch him float around. and at the river where i walk my dog there is a british lady that is the same way. she is never alone. always talking to someone. i wish i possessed those skills.
 
Have you tried talking to those people?

Sticking to them could be kind of like having a mentor, of sorts.
 
oh sure i talk to them- or more like they talk at me. its such a drain on my energy. after about five minutes of talking im completely worn out and i start zoning out.

im starting to take up meditation and im starting to realize that im so overwhelmed by what people think of me, that i cant concentrate on meditating. for example, today i was sitting outside at the river, high up on a rock. but i could never really meditate because every single noise made me check to see if someone was coming. is that a bad thing? should i not care? so i think the reason i get drained so quickly is because unconsciously all my energy is zapped up in worry.
 
When I first came out of hermitage I cared and fretted a lot about the impression I made because I wanted to make a good impression and be a viable asset to the team here. I would go home after every meeting night or day of station duty and fret and stress the rest of the night because I knew I was awkward to talk to.

It got better with practice. I think that's the only way to do it. Eventually it got easier and less draining.

There still has to be a balance. I get tired too if I'm around people -too- much. I need my time alone for sure.
 

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