Chasing after a girl and need advice.

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?uest Love

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So i met this girl at a bar after a friend introduced us. Got her number and been texted her for about a week or so. I want to ask her out but I never see her around. So i think i'd be weird to straight up ask her out without seeing her after that time. My friends tell me to take my time and ask her at least after I've chilled with her a few times. What do u guys think I should do? Would asking her to dinner or for a coffee too soon?
 
nerdygirl said:
When I chase people, I like using a tranquilizer gun.

I lol'd.

Seriously, I see nothing wrong with sending her a text asking her out to a coffee or a movie or something.
 
>Posting to a forum full of lonely people who struggle socially
>Expecting we know better than your real life friends who can evidently talk to girls


:p

Ok, ok. Sorry.

Your friends may be right in this situation. But from my observations and experience, it'd be better to just ask her. Otherwise she puts you in the friend zone and you become such a great friend that she doesn't want to date you, a concept which I blindly accept because I cannot truly understand the inner workings of it. Like intermediate algebra.

I would ask her out. But the pattern suggests I would then never hear from or see her again thereafter, so take my advice accordingly.
 
(I'm speaking for myself of course)

I would say that just having a casual meetup like coffee would be fine.
It'll be a chance for you to talk with her one-on-one and get to know her a bit better.
See whether or not the two of you have something in common.
Please don't just sit there and stare at her.
Of course, don't yak on like a game show host.

For myself, I've clicked with people over the phone/ texting/ internet only to find out that they have a craptastic real life personality.

You can simply say "Want to go/meetup for coffee some time...this _____ coffee blahblah is good, should try it (and/ or) haven't had some in a while blahblah"

Hearing the word "date" would make me feel pressured and that you might have expectations of me;
Hearing the words "chilling out" "hanging out" "chill-laxing" (haha) would make me feel like...well, we'll be doing nothing, just farting around.

Of course this is just me...I'm not too sure if she thinks along the same lines, but I would keep it casual, but not so that she thinks that you consider her to be "one of the boys".
One of the boys = friendzone

Best of luck...you don't have to follow my suggestions, but it's just my personal opinion. :)

_________________________________

Btw, should she say she can't or what, don't call her crying, miserable or anything of the sort...like your world just came crashing down.
It may actually put her off; gotta have confidence.

Can say something like "Ohh...that's too bad. Maybe another time. Give me a ring blahblah".
If she at least has some interest, she'll contact you or suggest another time since you've already made the first step.
There's no need to chase her down.

<.< I'm not into "games" or anything or suggesting anything of the sort...but just to take things one step at a time and not look into it too much. Just don't be the stalker-guy who calls her 31324 times after she says "No". A lot of women I know complain about that.

Either way, think of it this way...you're a worthwhile catch any it's her loss if she doesn't try to get to know you.
 
so the major consensus seems to be just ask her out,
maybe dont call it a date but just have some coffee and hang together
i think girls like it when your asertive and go out and get what you want, right ladys?
 
thanks for the suggestions guys.

but during the texts im not 100% sure if shes interested or just replying cuz shes nice. like we've been texting for a week so i guess thats a good sign right? what I worry about is her saying no and me having to move on. Or it ending up awkward because she said no.
 
It's only awkward if you make it that way. If you can create a comfortable attitude about it, then chances are she'll go with that and be comfortable as well.

No girl replies to texts for a week because they're nice. She's interested, man. Or maybe that's just me...lol I'm not a chick, but I wouldn't waste a week texting someone I didn't really want to talk to.

----Steve
 
Are the texts one word things? You ask how she is, and she says, "ok" You ask what she's up to, and she says "stuff" ... or is it more conversational? Sure. She can say, "No"... and that would suck. At least you'd know. Wouldn't it suck more if you never ask, wish you had, and always wonder what could have been?
 
Yes, what Nerdy said. If it's more of a conversational type text, I'd say go for it. THAT is what we don't put effort into. To be honest, I do answer texts to be nice. However, if I was interested in a guy, there would be more to a text than just, "No." "Yes." "Hi."

There is nothing wrong with asking. At least you would know what would come about. You'd dislike it even more if you didn't ask, and then think back to what could have went down if you had just asked.
 
loketron said:
so the major consensus seems to be just ask her out,
maybe dont call it a date but just have some coffee and hang together
i think girls like it when your asertive and go out and get what you want, right ladys?

This lady says, "Yes, as long as assertive does not = arrogant jackass, absolutely. There is such a thing as overly-confident."

To the OP: you know, at the risk of sounding like a *****, it always drove me nutso when guys would try to be too casual and wait forever to get back to me. There is no harm in a meet-up for coffee and chitchat. If that goes well, that can lead right to a "real date."

nerdygirl said:
When I chase people, I like using a tranquilizer gun.

I like to use a giant butterfly net... and my alluring eyes. :p

Badjedidude said:
No girl replies to texts for a week because they're nice. She's interested, man. Or maybe that's just me...lol I'm not a chick, but I wouldn't waste a week texting someone I didn't really want to talk to.

Oh yeah. If I'm not remotely interested in a guy, he doesn't even get my phone number to begin with, let alone scads of texts.

This is purely academic, though because I don't "text."
 
soooo. it didn't work out. someone PLEASE help me understand this.

so i asked her to coffee thru texting. and her first reply was...""just wondering would you be down..." sorry i didnt get the rest"....so i asked her again and she said yes. So my buddy before hand tells me that her text msging doesnt work. so i sent her a text in case then call her like an hour or so later. She said she had a bad weekend so she doesn't want to and that she'll get her phone fixed and then text me. She never texted me back and i see her everywhere now and its kinda awkward. Can anyone explain...why someone would waste my time with 3 weeks of texting to shut me down? i rather you just straight up say no to me then keeping my hopes high. I guess a majority of girls are just indirect. =S *sigh* on to the next one....
 
It seems like she was "down" to kick it, which is a good thing.. but now she's being distant.

IMHO, I seriously dont think she's trying to ditch you especially after 3 weeks in the making. Remember, she said she had a bad weekend and since then not the same... My advice is dont assume shiznit.. assumptions put people in jail and, in your case, might go against you in building a relationship with her.

Just text, email, mail, telegram, or send her a message on a pigion's foot tell her that you hope she's doing better and that if she ever needs someone, that you'll be there ready to listen (chicks love listeners even though sometimes its all a bunch of non-sense LoL!) She'll appreciate that you're being thoughtful, not being pushy and for the simple fact that you're an understanding guy (another bonus points with chicks).

In due time my friend, you'll see where this will get you..
 
Isn't there some kind of game that females like to play to find mates? From what I have heard girls like men to be agressive. What do you have to lose, give her a call. I would recommend a call her. Texting seems very impersonal to me... calling may not be as personal as asking in person. However, if you never see her what can you do? Also since she is a connection from a friend you can have your friend do a little recon for you.
 
?uest Love said:
soooo. it didn't work out. someone PLEASE help me understand this.

so i asked her to coffee thru texting. and her first reply was...""just wondering would you be down..." sorry i didnt get the rest"....so i asked her again and she said yes. So my buddy before hand tells me that her text msging doesnt work. so i sent her a text in case then call her like an hour or so later. She said she had a bad weekend so she doesn't want to and that she'll get her phone fixed and then text me. She never texted me back and i see her everywhere now and its kinda awkward. Can anyone explain...why someone would waste my time with 3 weeks of texting to shut me down? i rather you just straight up say no to me then keeping my hopes high. I guess a majority of girls are just indirect. =S *sigh* on to the next one....

3 weeks...wtf???
She's trainging you ..man.:p
Havn't you heard of the 21 days habits??? It takes around 21 days to develope a habit pattern.
A woman wants you to always chase her and want her.
even after you get into a long term relationship.
Especially in a long term relationships... after you hear her burp and fart.lol

Or fresia it...
It's like one of those messed up job that you get interviewed 5 fucken
times. You spend your time and money and all you get is fucken nothing....
So you go find another job, settled into a job...then
wham bam sweet poontang...they call and offer you the fucken job.
Sometimes...that happens. Women do that honeysuckle to me all the fucken
time. Don't even try to figure out women...it'll drive you nucken futz.

All the job or relationship I got or got involved with....Bascaily I got hired on the spot...no bullshit.
All the women asked me out...no bullshit, right into mating season on the fucken loveboat.
Then those other chicks that I asked out or played the dating game stuff or is still in the dating mode...calls me.

So..she's probably just in dating mode...don't trip out or blame yourself or feel bad about yourself.
She just not ready to have a relationship with anyone or one guy. She's allowed to play the field.
Maybe I'm wrong...but whatever the fresia she's doing...don't enternalize it or turn it against yourself.

I have close female friends with relationships problems. They all bascailly
say the samething...they want thier man to want them....be in love
with after all these years.

I bascailly made the same mistakes..Did it in my marriage.
Did it in all of my rerlationships...actaully.
It dosn't happen overnight...
Like after 5 years of living with someone...You'll come home from
a hard day work...you just wanna stair at the fucken wall becuase
you're tired...While she'll wanna go dancing and fresia all night...
You just wanna eat and sleep.
Ok...maybe do some ******* for like 15 mins so you can roll over and go to sleep.
She'll wanna cuddle and talk about bambie or some honeysuckle :p
She'll get really, really pissed too becuase she spent 3 fucken hours teasing her hair for ya..and you only pulled on it for 5 mins.lmao
 
PhryskO said:
IMHO, I seriously dont think she's trying to ditch you especially after 3 weeks in the making. Remember, she said she had a bad weekend and since then not the same... My advice is dont assume shiznit.. assumptions put people in jail and, in your case, might go against you in building a relationship with her.

Just text, email, mail, telegram, or send her a message on a pigion's foot tell her that you hope she's doing better and that if she ever needs someone, that you'll be there ready to listen (chicks love listeners even though sometimes its all a bunch of non-sense LoL!) She'll appreciate that you're being thoughtful, not being pushy and for the simple fact that you're an understanding guy (another bonus points with chicks).

In due time my friend, you'll see where this will get you..

you are right about assumptions. after studying psychology ppl tend to evaluate things and assume ppl's actions are based on internal factors rather than external factors. I would text her back. but when she said that she would text me back for coffee...would that be the wisest thing to do cuz i feel like i would seem pushy.

AFrozenSoul said:
Isn't there some kind of game that females like to play to find mates? From what I have heard girls like men to be agressive. What do you have to lose, give her a call. I would recommend a call her. Texting seems very impersonal to me... calling may not be as personal as asking in person. However, if you never see her what can you do? Also since she is a connection from a friend you can have your friend do a little recon for you.

well i have called her and asked her if she wanted to go. so i guess that shows that i got some balls at least lol. well i feel like theres not much i can do, but just hope i somehow run into her one day. my best bet is to have my buddy become good friends with her.

and thanks for you comment crow lol.

any other suggestions ?
 
Hit up on other chicks.
Take them all for a test drive.
Look under hood, test the suspension, make sure the headlights works, kick the tires, burn some rubber to see if she has good tractions and maintenance requirements.
And screw all that guilt mentally bullshit.
Women do the samething...they just don't wanna mention it or sugar coat it.
It's a two way street, it's your life, time and energy too.
 
OMG LC, women are not used cars. Sure, it's not a bad idea to see if you're compatible partners, but there's no need to be so mercenary about it.

When I go out with a new guy, I am not sitting there with a clipboard and a ******* checklist and a stopwatch.
 
LMOA!!!

I love how you guys give great advice but at the same time so pucntual with the swear words...

"Its ok to feel that f*cking way.. think about your f*cking needs and if that m*therf*cker doesnt get it, than you've at least tried to prove that your sh*ts better than how they think of you.."

HAHAHA!!! Classic..!!!
 
?uest Love said:
soooo. it didn't work out. someone PLEASE help me understand this.

so i asked her to coffee thru texting. and her first reply was...""just wondering would you be down..." sorry i didnt get the rest"....so i asked her again and she said yes. So my buddy before hand tells me that her text msging doesnt work. so i sent her a text in case then call her like an hour or so later. She said she had a bad weekend so she doesn't want to and that she'll get her phone fixed and then text me. She never texted me back and i see her everywhere now and its kinda awkward. Can anyone explain...why someone would waste my time with 3 weeks of texting to shut me down? i rather you just straight up say no to me then keeping my hopes high. I guess a majority of girls are just indirect. =S *sigh* on to the next one....

Well, perhaps, the text messaging to her was just a general thing to her. Text messages don't mean that she was interested in you. Maybe it wasn't a waste to her. She was simply talking to someone she knew. And saying that the majority of females aren't direct based off text messages from one female is pretty shoddy. I know for a fact I'm very direct and honest. I'm sorry it didn't work out for you.
 

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