29 Years Old and never been in a relationship

Im a 29 year old male from British Columbia, Can. I currently weigh about 300 LBS. A fat piece of honeysuckle (this is what I call myself)

I have been fat my entire life, and as far back as I can remember I have always hated myself too. I feel disgust when I look in the mirror and perhaps this is my biggest problem. How can I expect to find someone to love when I hate myself soo much?

I grew up in a harsh small town and naturally everyday was a reminder of my fat riddled body. Soon enough I found Pot which basically just gave me a false sence of happieness. I fell in love with girls, usually once I got to know them (through friends etc) but unfortunately by the time I really started to feel comfortable and interest in a relationship, I was always stuck in the "friendship" role which in my mind means..."You are a great person, but because your fat I am not interested in you as anything but firends"

I really fell hard for one young lady whom I worked with during my early years at the company I work for. I got really close and by the time I got close enough to try and start suggesting things maybe go towards relashionship she said something to the effect that if She dated me it would ruin our friendship (that ******* friendship bullshit that haunts me to this day)

Realistically this just makes me feel used. These are the same girls that stop at nothing to sleep with half the other guys at work. So the friendships die and I wollow back into my pit of despair.

Its not like I am looking for a one night stand, and I might have even succeed in loosing my virginity if I was willing to seperate sex and relationship but in my mind what I really want is a woman to share the rest of my life with, not a one nighter.

Here I am in adulthood. Got a great management job that pays well. I own a house and a nice car and yet I still can't find any value in it all without sharing my life with someone special.

Im 29 and have only kissed a girl once, I have never had a girlfriend of any kind (other than being the "friend" king) and this makes me feel like the biggest looser in the world.

Now granted it is my fault, since I have done nothing proactively to get rid of the disgusting fat, but I did just try to quit pot to see if I can start there, I also have a plan to get back on the treadmill. The last time I did that I lost 40 pounds but rejection caused everything to crumble.

So you might be asking yourself, why is this looser writting all of this honeysuckle out on this forum he just signed on to. Simple, I am a chicken honeysuckle and will not post something like this where anyone I know will read it and I am hoping by some miracle there is an answer in here for me.

Thank you for your time.

Don't worry dude.

Some people don't find love right away. Anyone can fall in love. It doesn't matter how fat/ugly you are - it really comes down to confidence.

Sounds like me in my teens. No I m not calling you immature lol. I was in the same condition of being fat and stuff and being ridiculed and the friends stuff for almost major part of my teenage days. Till I found out, walking can do wonders to your body lol. I walked 3 kms a day and lost almost 7 kgs in 3 weeks, means like around 16 pounds.. Hell thats kinda abnormal so I had a checkup and found out my metabolism is the rare kind where I can gain weight fast and lose it faster. Okay so from that time on, I m shifting from obese to underweight and back to obese continuously. Last year was the time when I became fat for the 4th time and now I m going underweight again for the 5th time I think lol. Well.. I m not showing off. Just telling you to walk and walk and walk. I just gain and lose weight faster than normal doesnt mean only I can do it. You can lose it in the normal way. All I did was walking and briskwalking. Gym and treadmills were not my cup of tea though I went there but hated it. Please take my advice. Its not so difficult to walk 3 kms a day. I am telling you this because I know how you feel and you should do something before your problems starts eating you out.

Just to warn you i am drunk.

I will you with one thought. You cannot miss or be depressed about what you ahve never had. Not comforting...but true.....

The first girl I kissed and was "with" has left me for another cause I lived a lie.... and it kills me.... I want to die... every moment I am without her love...

There aren't enough fat guys around....

I think it's more personality than looks. Even though I prefer a bigger guy, if I click with someone, then it's worth a shot. Perhaps these females you tend to like don't feel that instant connection. Not only do you have to be comfortable with yourself, you have to be comfortable in the other person as well.

your not the only one. im slightly overweight, just got a little bit of a gut. i am 28 and have never been in a relationship either.

Hi there. I hope that I make some sense here---I'll try.

I'm 30, I've had one relationship which didn't last long and my ex girlfriend cheated on me with a married man. I haven't had a relationship since. I can't get a girl to like me and I'm physically fit. ---I guess my point here is physical features aren't everything.

You might not believe me but trust me, if that wasn't true I'd actually be quite happy with my life.

Yeah bro.

I'm in pretty good shape and women avoid me, too.

Now granted it is my fault, since I have done nothing proactively to get rid of the disgusting fat, but I did just try to quit pot to see if I can start there, I also have a plan to get back on the treadmill. The last time I did that I lost 40 pounds but rejection caused everything to crumble.

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That's great! You just have to stick to it.

Make a promise to yourself that you aren't going to let rejection slow you down from getting to your "happy weight". Spend less time criticizing yourself.

I wouldn't be so worried about finding a mate right now. You need to work on getting yourself healthy. When I say healthy, I mean emotionally, mentally, and physically. Everything else will eventually fall into place.

mmmm...I'm not going to enable you.

You already know being over weight is not so healthy for your health, yet alone your love life.
And the not smoking pot thing is not helping you mentally, emotionally, physically and spiritaully.

You have a chioce....
As you said...you tried stop on your own once before...it's becuase you have a desire to stop smoking pot
and over eating.

Have you tired other avenue such as support groups, treatment center?

I stopped smoking and drinking period. I tried on several attempts on my own to stop but always ened up picking up again.
I attend support groups to help me stay stopped...it worked for me.

On top of that...my self esteem was at an all time low, even though I had women throwing themselves at me.
I numbed the messed out all the time..party all the time. Had a great paying job and money to burn.
On the surface....everything seems fine. Poeple and partying friends around me all the time.
I felt so lonely...it was the loniest moment of my life. Yeah...feeling alone in a room full of people...just going
through the motion of chit chating or whatever. I was sick and tired of being sick and tired...
I was sick and tired of running...runing from life, running from her, running from everything. I felt dead inside.
That's when I was introduce to support groups through grace.

I'm still clean and sober today. I don't have an over eating problem...but I do have other attachment problems.
I'm working on that today. I didn't run today. I face it for what it was today. I didn't have to get high or drunk over it.
I've changed. In the pass when this very samething happened...I got totally shitted face, went into my pity party and numb the messed out.
I've changed I didn't do that today. I'm not saying it dosn't hurt. It hurts alot. Growing pains...I suppose.
Keeping it real, breathing, living and feeling life today. Recovery is not for the fainth of hearts.
Surely happy days is right around the conner. It always usually is after I go through baptish by fire.lol
I actaully feel well today.

if I can do it...anyone can do it. I'm not that specail.

Something I might recommend about the weight loss; don't lose weight for anyone but yourself. I used to weigh 285 lbs. and it was mostly fat (I think I was upwards of 35% body fat). Anyways, I now weigh 235-240 lbs and have a lot of muscle definition. My driving factors were primarily building confidence, attracting girls, getting healthy and in that order. It's been going great. Remember though, diet and exercise are a pair and you need both to see results. Consult Men'sHealth.com for a lot of useful tips.

Also, I smoke pot regularly and staying healthy hasn't been a problem. In fact, it's a great post-workout for ultimate muscle relaxation

I hope some of this helps

I'm 39..had one disaster relationship and lots of waste of time one-night-stands..if you find the one your looking for treasure 'em!

My friend then you are looking for something or someone in the wrong places in time and space. Troubling yourself with such thoughts thats just sick. I too was overweight before, I too was without a friend, I too was loveless for over 2 decades. In fact when I graduated college I landed a job outside my families business after 8 years only.

In fact you should be proud of yourself! My God you have a managerial job, owns a house, a car, with money to spend and yet you are still depressed? some people I should know, do have a ton of love affairs to last them until the day they die, yet their relationship lasted only for a short time you know why because of money problems as a primary reason. Yet they find a way to live happily though they do miss their loved one dearly.

Instead of loathing in self pity like I used to why dont you do something about it for a change. you can start by erasing from your mind that you are falling for someone because thats just all make believe. Love as I know it, you dont find it, you dont even pray it, you just wait for it but be prepared to receive it and live it. Prepare, dont just feel sorry for yourself and resort to cursing the the woman that in your mind you thought was connecting to your thoughts, or the world because even as you strive like hell to perform at work people does not recognize you as a person. The last person you want to spend the rest of your life with would be the person who fell for you because you are drop dead good looking, although it helps, because the body will eventually grow fat but the mind stays intact.

Help your self out my friend. start slow and accelerate gradually.

If someone tells you, 'you are one fat slob" you tell them "yes I am fat but so is my heart". Dont just stop there, later do something about it. whatever you currently have that hinders your drive to success or a way of life you have in mind. You do something about it! Prepare for the worse!

XIRyuuIX said:

Something I might recommend about the weight loss; don't lose weight for anyone but yourself.

Also, I smoke pot regularly and staying healthy hasn't been a problem. In fact, it's a great post-workout for ultimate muscle relaxation

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That is some sound advice there. Do it for yourself.

And from me... Relationships are great and add to your life, but they shouldn't be the focus of your life. Learn to enjoy life on your own and you'll find someone along the way. Oh.. and don't wait so long to ask girls out or make "your move". If you see or meet a girl you are attracted to, ask her out. If she says no, move on and ask the next one you see who is attractive to you.

As for smoking pot, probably not a good thing if a person is trying to cut calories and drop weight. (I smoked it in my youth and it just made me hungry, horny, and sleepy. As I have gotten older all those things come naturally and I just save my money. )

Ortho is right.

If you ONLY ever live for relationships....then that's all that you have to offer anyone. A relationship. And those are in abundance on this planet.

If you live for YOURSELF and pursue your own goals, dreams, and try to advance yourself as a person WITH OR WITHOUT a relationship...then in the end you have a LOT more to offer someone. And then your life won't "end" if that someone ends up leaving you. Because you have your own life and interests. The relationship just adds a measure of fullness to what you ALREADY HAVE.

Badjedidude said:

Ortho is right.

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Don't here that very often living with a female scientist...

Ah... Although I'm only almost 23, I haven't been in any relationships whatsoever... Not even close to having one, not a single kiss, not a single holding-hands moment... It's been pretty much devastating on me, especially because EVERYBODY around me, throughout my elementary school, high school and even now on college, actually do have someone or had millions of relationships... Every single one of them... I'm also overweight, I'm currently at 105 kg. I tend to go up and down with the season, hehe...

I suppose reason why I was, and still am, single is coz I'm gay. Growing up in a country (Croatia) where such things are undesirable like the devil himself isn't easy. And listening to your own parents saying they would "hang all them bloody fags by their family jewels" isn't encouraging either...

Anyway, I feel like honeysuckle... I need someone, and I'm aware of it. Not because everybody has someone, but because I need someone, otherwise I'll go completely crazy...

I'm trying very hard to reduce my weight. When I started college, three and a half years ago, I weighted 121 kg... I lost a lot since then... I tried to lose weight for others... That didn't work out. Currently, I'm losing weight for my own sake, and for my health's sake, and I'm doing pretty well.

Walk... I walked off 3 kg in one month... Instead of going to college by bus, I walk there and back again... It's a three hour walk in total... Almost every day...

I know all this sounds shitty to you, coz I've been listening pretty much the same type of advices my whole life... I didn't follow them until it "clicked" in my head... Now that it's clicking merrily, I can honestly say that my self esteem has begun to climb steadily... Until it clicks to you, all the advices in the world won't do you any good... And it will happen out of a sudden... One morning you'll get up and realize that it has to stop...

Take care!

First off, you're not a loser. You're letting our your feelings and trying to make a attempt to figure things out, that def. does not make you a loser because you're actually trying.

Before you can even expect someone to love you fully and truly, you have to love yourself the same way. If you think you look bad, then work on the things you can change, if you can't change it, then you will just have to learn to embrace it and love it, because it's not going away.
Try eating 5-6 small meals instead of just 3 larger ones. Do some exercising, even if it is just brisk walking. If you don't like the idea of working out in front of others (like me), then there are plenty of things you can do at home, in your own privacy, at your own pace. You could even try some work out videos maybe, or invest in a treadmill

Now with the relationships, as I stated before, you have to love yourself first. After you've done that...try getting out and doing things you love to do! You have any hobbies? Art, hiking, etc. Do you have a dog? Try going to a dog park and getting to know other pet owners! You can't just expect to find someone at your workplace, also....relationships with people from your work aren't very good...like if you two broke it, it could get awkward.


ANYWAYS! I would just like to wish you luck in all that you do!

This is the only advice I can give, and I mean it with all the best intent. It sounds to me like maybe you sort of put these girls on too high of a pedestal because you haven't experienced a relationship yet, and obviously really want to (don't blame you). The problem is, you're giving them too much power. I've been in a relationship where the partner had never dated anyone before, and because of that, I think he tended to almost deify me. So when I did make mistakes, as all humans do, they seemed doubly as bad to him. It was a very uncomfortable position and it's actually the main reason why I ended the relationship. When you said, "These are the same girls that stop at nothing to sleep with half the other guys at work. So the friendships die and I wollow back into my pit of despair" it sounded so much like him. I hope that helps at least a little, and I really wish you best of luck finding your happiness.

I'm 22 and never been in a relationship with the exception of a couple of online ones. I feel things won't be any different for me in 7 years time (that is if I'm still alive by then).