want to know if anyone feel the same way

i am in my mid 30's n have never had a serious relationship n im not sure if i really want one. i have a problem giving myself to someone just because i feel lonely from time to time. i do talk to men, but; thats all...it goes no further than talking. im starting to wonder at this point if i have some hidden issues with self. i do know that i have a hard time with all this "i love u" quote that seems to be a common thing to say.

All I know is everyone can't be the same. Have patience with yourself. There's nothing wrong with not being sure if you want a relationship or not. Take your time. If it's meant to be it'll happen. If not hey we're all different.

Giving yourself to someone is not as light as most people make it seem. Just because you're not doing what most others are doing doesn't mean that there's something wrong with you.

Zina said:

i am in my mid 30's n have never had a serious relationship n im not sure if i really want one.  i have a problem giving myself to someone just because i feel lonely from time to time. i do talk to men, but; thats all...it goes no further than talking. im starting to wonder at this point if i have some hidden issues with self.  i do know that i have a hard time with all this "i love u" quote that seems to be a common thing to say.

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thanks for the insight. i think the "patience" is the answer. i look at people around me and i feel so odd not to have someone in my life. i mean im single, fortunate enough to retire early, travel, etc.. yet i have an issue with relationships. i think part of it is that my heart is not strong enough to withstand rejection or not being good enough. i have been analying myself for years and i still cant seem to get to the root of the problem.

Your fear of rejection is understandable but I think that strength you're talking about is something that can be developed over time. It's probably directly related to your feelings of not being good enough.

If you ever come to understand that you're the best you that you can be and begin to be happy with who you are then you may not take rejection so personally.

Viewpoints change as we ourselves also do. For example I don't even view someone else's lack of interest as rejection anymore. Usually it's more of a convenience to me. As it usually turns out women who have no interest in me usually tend to bore/repulse me so them not having any interest in me saves me a lot of inconvenience and displeasure.

I see a lot of people around me who are coupled too but what I also see is how discontented most of them are. That usually keeps me focused if nothing else lol.

Hey and no problem about the insight. Thank you for the response and the thanks.

Zina said:

thanks for the insight. i think the "patience" is the answer. i look at people around me and i feel so odd not to have someone in my life. i mean im single, fortunate enough to retire early, travel, etc.. yet i have an issue with relationships. i think part of it is that my heart is not strong enough to withstand rejection or not being good enough. i have been analying myself for years and i still cant seem to get to the root of the problem.

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Wow, i think you're onto something. i've been thinking about ur quote quite a bit.

"If you ever come to understand that you're the best you that you can be and begin to be happy with who you are then you may not take rejection so personall."

maybe im not as satisfied with me as i thought and i need to reevaluate why im not and what i need to do to fill complete with self.

thanks again for the insight.

Hi Zina,

I think it takes time and trust to say those beautiful words--which should not be taken lightly.

Perhaps you haven't had a chance to meet someone you could love, yet. I hope you can soon!

Hugs,

LG

hey zina. i think i have a similar feeling. saying or hearing "i love you" is so unnatural to me that it has become meaningless. love is what we are, what we do, how we are.. you have your own kind of love to give and receive. if you think those words are creepy, then you're probably right. it's the best exemple of emotional manipulation.

exactly, husky. it has always been unnatural for me. i cannot bring myself to tell someone "i love u" when i dont know them or feel any closeness to them. yet, i hear it often. love for me is ur actions, mind and heart working in unison.

i get so tired of people saying those words and not there for me when im in need whether its for emotional or social comfort. like Vortex said above, we or i have more growing to do with self and this will pass eventually.

Exactly!

Words are mainly meaningless. Anyone can say anything they wish. It's the actions which speak truth.

Zina said:

love for me is ur actions, mind and heart working in unison.

i get so tired of people saying those words and not there for me when im in need whether its for emotional or social comfort.

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It's true that love is proved through action. Anyone can say these words to anyone, whether to manipulate that person, or, just in the heat of the sexual moment, but actions are reality.

in all my 30 something years, a man has never showed me through action all his love he profess to.

Nor in my 30something years has a woman ever shown me, but this does not mean that there isn't someone out there who wouldn't.

Zina said:

in all my 30 something years, a man has never showed me through action all his love he profess to.

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