03-30-2010, 09:39 AM
(This post was last modified: 03-30-2010, 10:52 AM by Remedy.)
I don't have a job, I have like one offline friend, never had a offline gf, and dropped out of high school when I was 16. I'm so fucking weak that I let this depression consume me. I let it consume to the point where I was to weak to want to go to school anymore. What the fuck am I suppose to do with my life? The unemployment rate here is like 11% and nobody wants to hire me. I try to make myself look great but when you have an ugly face with crooked teeth, who would want to hire me? I mean you have to make your company look the best it can be with people who actually look good.
Nobody wants to be friends with a total fucking loser. I'm surprised my best friend even wants to be friends with me. It makes no sense, because I am not an interesting person by the least. Everyone else I meet treats me like I'm a loser. They can just sense the vibe of failure or stupid virgin. Even people I have met online, have toyed with my emotions and made me feel like shit. They act like they want to be my friend, then turn a 180 and start fucking with me, making me feel like a loser.
I'm just a stupid waste of space in this world. I don't even know why I'm allowed to eat or live in such a wonderful country. When other people in this world deserve it so much more. This world is so unfair and sometimes, I just don't want to be part of it anymore. I have been trying to get a job but like I said no one wants to hire me or anything. I have the urge to just stab myself in the gut sometimes just to make it all go away. If I end up a 30+ year old virgin with nothing or nobody to live for, I sure as hell will make it all end. I want to try my hardest to change the situation now but I keep hitting these road blocks that make it so difficult. I'm to weak for this life.
03-30-2010, 09:54 AM
(This post was last modified: 03-30-2010, 09:57 AM by Steel.)
I think the person other people see when they look at you, and the face you see in the mirror are probably two very different things.
I know you are in pain right now, and there isn't a hell of a lot I can say that will take that away, but please hang on in there. It may take time to get all the things you deserve for yourself, but there is no reason you can't get the job and the relationship you want for yourself.
"Destiny is no matter of chance. It is a matter of choice: It is not a thing to be waited for, it is a thing to be achieved."
William Jennings Bryan
You are being way to hard on yourself. The things you mention are frustration and for some of us, can take way to long to happen. I am sorry that you are having such a difficult time.
03-30-2010, 11:25 AM
(This post was last modified: 03-30-2010, 11:25 AM by Badjedidude.)
I agree with the others on this. You're way to hard on yourself.
But also...I've seen complaining from you, but not much word about what you're actually doing to get past this. I'm not trying to blast you or something...I'm just wondering if you're actually giving it 100% in your attempt to find a better place for yourself. You have mentioned that you've talked to your friend about stuff, and that's good....but that's not enough.
The only way that you're ever going to get through this is to just GET BUSY LIVING. Sitting around dwelling on this shit doesn't get you anywhere. Seriously. Put your WHOLE effort into it...and I mean EVERYTHING you have. Start putting yourself out there and don't stop until you find what you want! Stop thinking about the worst thing that could happen! I guarantee that if you keep thinking negatively about this, then the worst WILL happen, because you'll miss out on opportunities that you could have taken advantage of.
Again, I'm not trying to insult you or something....I'm just saying that it's about time you switch up your attitude, if you want to make progress. Don't victimize yourself anymore, and don't abuse yourself with the kinds of negative labels that you've been plastering on yourself. Change it up, man!
You want to conquer?
You gotta go out and put your whole heart into this, and do whatever the hell you can to get to a better place. Whatever. You. Can!
*pat-on-the-back* You're an OK dude, man....and you have more going than you realize. Just get movin', that's all.
"Before you judge someone, try walking in their shoes for a mile. That way, when you judge them, you're a mile away and you have their shoes."
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I have been trying to make things better but nothing is working... I've been out looking for work but like I said absolutely no one is hiring or maybe its because I look and talk like a fucking idiot. It's like a whole fucking extensive test just to get hired to an entry level job nowadays. They ask you all these questions yet my sister has even told me that she works with a bunch of fucking tweakers so it's not like it works.
I've been out with my friend like practically everyday lately so it isn't like I'm not trying to get out. I have been trying but like I said nothing is working. Everyone still treats me like I'm an insignificant piece of shit, that wouldn't be worth knowing. Nobody but the people online, know the pain Im feeling. I'm just to weak to handle anything because it really isn't all that bad but to me it is. I'm sorry that I come here and talk so much... I just have never been able to talk to my parents or my friends really about any of this shit. Until recently when I told my best friend some things.
I'm just stuck, I don't know what else to do. I feel like what little I have is crumbling apart and my life is becoming much more meaningless every second. Thanks for always being so nice and understanding.... The last forum I went to like to tag my posts with "perpetual virgin" or "ugly loser". I feel like I really am both of those but only time will tell. This is like the only and best place I have to go anymore. I'm just glad I finally found it after all that time. There are people out there who are just downright mean and say things like "kill yourself". Maybe they are right and people like me should be euthanized.
Maybe you need to be treated for depression...
It sounds like you are trying to solve all of your problems at once. This will only make things harder. Why not try solving one problem at a time? People say slow and steady will win the race. You are trying to run a marathon at full speed. You just need to put one leg in front of the other.
I agree with Badjedidude, you need to start living. I have a similar problem, I tend to defeat myself before I even try. True strength lies in the courage to get back up again. I know how hard constant failure can be. But when I failed I just got back up again. Maybe not right away, but I forced myself up eventually. Instead of only seeing failure see learning experiences.
You have a good friend as well. Someone who has seen something worth while in you. If that person can see it, then it must be there. You just need to break down the wall that covers that light, and others will see it.
If suicide were not the answer. I would not constantly be thinking about it.
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. Also I call BS on your excuses
Dude, I had had chronic depression but i got myself out of it over a 2 year time frame (feeling like shit everyday). Actual therapy makes it go away faster, but it doesn't guarantee that it won't come back. Usually depressive episodes go on and off in 3 month intervals until you get out of the loop.
Remedy you probably hit one your depressive attacks, you were getting better the past few months, but boom hit here again right? well it's just this depressive loop, I've had it, and i bet a lot of other people in this forum have had it to varying degrees, don't give in, and keep going strong to get out of it. Find positive reinforcement from your friend, true friends stand by each other no matter the situation, ur very lucky to have one.
and Like AFrozenSoul said,
(03-30-2010, 02:38 PM)AFrozenSoul Wrote: You have a good friend as well. Someone who has seen something worth while in you. If that person can see it, then it must be there. You just need to break down the wall that covers that light, and others will see it.
"Reach for the moon, if you miss at least you'll land among the stars"
I don't have my diploma either and I do alright. And I have messed up teeth too.
You need to get your GED, ASAP.
It feels like I've been here before
Here to where the animals lay down to die
So we stood alone on a distant shore
Our broken spirits in rags and tatters...
(03-30-2010, 12:31 PM)Lurker.In.The.Night Wrote: Maybe you need to be treated for depression...
Maybe I need to be completely erased from existence because my life has no meaning. I have already been treated for depression before but thanks for the heads up......
People keep telling me to get my ged but with what money? I'm trying to get a job, so I can get money to get my ged. It's like I said no one is hiring, so what do I do? I'm just this way online but maybe that's why people don't like me. I fail at everything I do or try anymore. I was just meant to be a failure and a loser at life. I can't do anything right and make other people's live's miserable. Maybe I should of been created oblivious to everything around me because this is doing me no good. Everyone here probably dislikes me by now and they have every right to dislike me.
I am a worthless human being. I might have been kind and nice all my life. I have been rather comforting for others throughout my life and always postive for them. I have never been that way with myself or given myself a chance because I AM a fucking failure who doesn't deserve one ounce of respect. I am stupid, annoying, ugly, negative about myself, and its the reason most of my friends stopped being my friends.
Most of them now have meaning in their lives and I have jack shit. I just got done telling my friend that I dropped out of high school because he didn't know. I wouldn't be surprised if he thought much less of me,thought I was completely stupid, weak, or stopped talking to me for awhile. No one and I repeat no one wants to be around a self critical human being. I've been trying to change that but something always comes up to make me feel like shit again. Most of the time it being my friends joking that I'm gay or making some indirect virgin jokes. Nobody offline lately like they have in the past have tried to get to know me. They just act like I'm not even there and maybe its to painful to look or even talk to me.
I sometimes wish I had the courage to just be rid of everything sometimes but I'm to weak for that. No one here wants to hurt my feelings but I probably am really to hard to be around. Like I said I'm not like this everywhere, its just the frustrations I vent here and online. I don't know I'm just feeling a ton of pain at the moment even if things don't seem that significant. They are to me though. I consistently whine, have no one but a few people around, and I'm just to weak. I will never achieve what I want in life, I will never accept it, and this is why I am pathetic.