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justme65

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Hi - I'm glad to have found this site.....my name's Steve and I live in central Illinois. A friend (one of only 2) from out of state referred me to this website. I really only have two friends, and both live out of state. The one that referred me to this site has been a great friend, but it's different when you have a "phone friend" as opposed to someone that you can hang out with, you know? The other friend is married and has her own life, and we've know each other for almost 30 years.

I'm 44 years old, live in a house that I rent and love it (it's almost 100 years old), and have 4 cats...I think I'm on my way to being the stereotypical lonely old man/woman with 30 cats! I had a professional job up until December - clinical depression got the best of me and I was asked to resign. I'm terrified that I will lose this house, but especially my cats - I know that sounds silly, but they are my family - they're all I have. It tears me apart to think about all of us separating.

I have enough money to get through the next several months, and unemployment is making me jump through hoops to see if I qualify, so I don't know what will happen with that. I take all sorts of antidepressants, but the *one* and only thing that makes me relax and feel better are benzodiazepines, Ativan and Klonopin, which I admit I take too much of. All I basically do is sit in a chair and watch tv all day long and sleep 15 hours a day. But it helps me forget.

My mother lives in town and I sometimes go to visit her, as I can't stand to be in this house that I may or may not be living in, and I can't bear to be with my cats who don't know what may be coming. I've been looking for and applying for jobs, but nothing. I have noi one to talk to about this, except for the out of town friend; but I'm afraid if I talk too much about it, she will pull back and not want to talk much anymore. In a way, this house is my prison - at least right now. I'm hoping that if I get a job I can meet new people, but that's what I've always told myself and I never make any new friends. Most people my age are married and have kids. I think a lot of people think it's odd to be in your 40's and single. I also have social anxiety and am *very* conscious of what I say/do in front of others, which makes me look even more like a freak.

Well, I've gone on too long....sorry for the length, but thanks for reading. Any advice would be greatly appreciated...

Thanks,

Steve
 
Welcome to the forum Steve. It sounds like you have been going through a difficult time. Look around the forums and make yourself at home.
 
WE HAVE LIKE 4 STEVES NOW!!! AAAUUUGH!!! :D haha

Welcome to the site, Steve. Just FYI, my name is Steve also. ;)
 
I'm so sorry you're having to go through such a tough time alone. Welcome to the forums.
 
Heya man, sorry to hear you're having a bit of a tough time, you're not the only one going through stuff like that ._.

Meeting people nearby can be tricky, although I've had good luck with some forums, like I'm on hippyish forums and stuff and they have great regular gatherings, but maybe that's not your cup of tea! hehe :)

But yeah erm, welcome to this forum, and hopefully we can give you a hand getting things better, or at least be a place to put your thoughts and things :)

Hoppi!
 
justme65 said:
Hi - I'm glad to have found this site.....my name's Steve and I live in central Illinois. A friend (one of only 2) from out of state referred me to this website. I really only have two friends, and both live out of state. The one that referred me to this site has been a great friend, but it's different when you have a "phone friend" as opposed to someone that you can hang out with, you know? The other friend is married and has her own life, and we've know each other for almost 30 years.

I'm 44 years old, live in a house that I rent and love it (it's almost 100 years old), and have 4 cats...I think I'm on my way to being the stereotypical lonely old man/woman with 30 cats! I had a professional job up until December - clinical depression got the best of me and I was asked to resign. I'm terrified that I will lose this house, but especially my cats - I know that sounds silly, but they are my family - they're all I have. It tears me apart to think about all of us separating.

I have enough money to get through the next several months, and unemployment is making me jump through hoops to see if I qualify, so I don't know what will happen with that. I take all sorts of antidepressants, but the *one* and only thing that makes me relax and feel better are benzodiazepines, Ativan and Klonopin, which I admit I take too much of. All I basically do is sit in a chair and watch tv all day long and sleep 15 hours a day. But it helps me forget.

My mother lives in town and I sometimes go to visit her, as I can't stand to be in this house that I may or may not be living in, and I can't bear to be with my cats who don't know what may be coming. I've been looking for and applying for jobs, but nothing. I have noi one to talk to about this, except for the out of town friend; but I'm afraid if I talk too much about it, she will pull back and not want to talk much anymore. In a way, this house is my prison - at least right now. I'm hoping that if I get a job I can meet new people, but that's what I've always told myself and I never make any new friends. Most people my age are married and have kids. I think a lot of people think it's odd to be in your 40's and single. I also have social anxiety and am *very* conscious of what I say/do in front of others, which makes me look even more like a freak.

Well, I've gone on too long....sorry for the length, but thanks for reading. Any advice would be greatly appreciated...

Thanks,

Steve

Hey Steve, sorry to hear there are other people who feel the way i do. I am 35 yrs and am from England. I have 2 gorgeous girls but feel like the loneliest person in the world. I have no friends to speak of and have not worked for a long time due to lack of confidence amongst other things. I have always felt inferior to others and feel i dont have much to offer. I don't understand why i feel this way because i had a decent upbringing. People who i went to school with seem to have done so much compared to me and i feel embarrassed to get in touch because i feel i have done nothing worthwhile with my life. I feel like life is just passing me by but i am so scared :)
 
Hi Steve, I hope you find this forum helpful. I'm sorry that your having such a tough time and I hope that things work out for you. If you need to talk feel free to message me anytime.
 

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