So, I might have a stalker from spanish class. He knows I have a boyfriend because I made it CLEAR that I do, before and after he asked me out. My boyfriend knows that this has happened, but what he doesn't know is that I -think- I am getting stalked by him.
I honestly don't think I lead him on. Class let out early one day and I was on my way to my car when he just started talking to me. And we talked. Every time I went to leave, he would follow me, and ended up following me to my car. Like, I was literally in my car, and he STILL kept asking me questions to let the conversation linger. So now he thinks it's okay to do that all of the time? Wtf?
Thanks to an assignment in spanish class, where everyone had to get up and exchange numbers in spanish, he has my number. I should have just given fake digits. But shit, I wasn't expecting someone from class to actually use my number. He constantly texts me. And for some reason, he is always waiting in the library after my other classes gets out to walk me to my car? He'll text me things like, "I see you", "I think I saw you", "Where are you right now?" "What are you doing?"
I literally have to pull a houdini to get from my class to my car without running into this guy. I don't want to be rude bitch by ignoring him, but I also don't want to make it seem like I am leading him on. He isn't exactly scrawny either. I am very intimidated by this guy.
It's also irritating me that he is texting me as much as he is. I don't even have CLOSE friends that texts me as much as he does!! I'm tempted to lie and just tell this guy that I don't have unlimited texting anymore.
I am trying to avoid telling my boyfriend simply because I know he'll want to come to my school and tell this guy to piss off - where things might escalate.
What should I do?
PS - I try to avoid texting him, and if I do respond it's usually vague and I don't try to appear interested. Or I just tell him I am with my boyfriend (even though I may not be). Telling him that I am with my bf usually get him to stop texting me until the next day.
04-11-2010, 12:22 PM (This post was last modified: 04-11-2010, 12:24 PM by Badjedidude.)
I'm sorry pooferz, but you can probably guess what my advice here is gonna be.
You're going to have to kick this guy in the nuts (not literally). Guys like this just DO NOT LISTEN, and they DO NOT TAKE HINTS! No matter how polite you want to be, you're going to have to get rude with him. Get in his face and tell him that you're not interested, that he needs to leave you the fuck alone. Seriously, cuss at him a bit. It's either that or have your boyfriend talk to him and tell him to take a hike....and that may not be a good idea.
Seriously, I see it all the time. Being rude to one guy to protect yourself does NOT make you a rude bitch...ok? Just understand that what you're doing is being strong and protecting yourself, because if you ignore this or treat the guy "politely" any more, the situation will only get worse. Guys like that don't understand subtlety. You have to seriously kick some ass. You might even have to do it several times, but eventually he'll most likely figure it out. It's like dealing with an animal. If every interaction between you is hostile, he'll learn to not interract with you and he'll focus on someone else.
Well, I know you're not going to like that advice, but really...it's the truth. *shrug* Good luck with things.
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04-11-2010, 03:44 PM (This post was last modified: 04-11-2010, 03:59 PM by Lonesome Crow.)
You can be striaght forward with him text him back and say what you need to say...Screw guilt.
Then simply erase him from your cell and bascailly ignore him.
Act like a stuck up bitch if you have to. You don't have to be rude or make as ass out of yourself.
Ignore people you don't want in your life is not rude...it's call having boundaries and filtering people out of your life.
You can't be everything for everybody.
If he still continue the behaviors, perhasp you can speak to your school conselor about this matter.
mmm..maybe the counselors can put thier heads together and talk to the dude without everyone freaking out
in a calm manners and defuse the situation.
If he continue the behaviors. I guess get higher authories involve. Speaking to your conselor and some of your teachers
about this is very important. You should not be afraid to attend class. Your academic is hard enough as it is, you don't need
any more worries. This way he can be monitor and it's documented.
I'm gonna have to agree with the Jedi. This guy ain't gonna take a hint. Yer gonna have to be VERY direct. I recommend doing it in a public place though if he makes you feel threatened. You also need to tell SOMEbody. If you don't wanna tell yer man, then you need to tell somebody else. Just so somebody is aware that there is a possible situation. You can't take chances with people. One rule everybody should keep in mind is "Don't Trust Anybody".
04-11-2010, 04:22 PM (This post was last modified: 04-11-2010, 04:29 PM by Lonesome Crow.)
(04-11-2010, 04:13 PM)Badjedidude Wrote: Lol not to be a dick, X.... but if we're not supposed to trust anybody, then how can we trust your advice to not trust anybody?
You trust your own intuitions.
It's billion of years of evalution that gets the hair on the back of your neck standing up.
It's also that same intuition that you know you love someone.
Intuitively everyone already know or have their answers.
Advice dosn't make a hell of beans or is worth a nickle.
It's more of a confirmation kind of thing as a person grows more and more to turst themselves or thier own intuitions.
Ultimately one must make one's own chioce. The more a person learns to make chioces and decicion, the healthier and better off that person will be.
Do not get in the way of a perosn's growth or mirracle.
A paradox is....how in hell can i trust someone else if i can't trust in myself ?...Actaully it's lyrics to a song
He might seem extremely creepy and stalkerish, but have you told him that you aren't interested in being friends or more? Not just, "I have a boyfriend", but, "I'm just not interested in you". If not, give that a try first. He might be one of the people who needs to be told directly. Make sure you tell people what is going on, though!
If that doesn't work... Here is how I got a guy to stop stalking me. I went at him and his car with a hammer.
I'm not an expert in these things, but I'd suggest avoiding violence or the threat of violence altogether. And if he's makes you uncomfortable, then you can't be worried about coming across as a bitch. Here is how I would handle it:
1. Tell him that his constant attention is making you uncomfortable and you want it to stop.
2. Let someone at the school (friends, teacher, counsellor) know what is going on.
3. If he persists texting, change the number on your phone.
4. If he follows you to the car, tell him you're going to take out a restraining order and go to the police. (You'll need to keep a record of his text messages and the like.)
5. If you go to the police, make sure a friend / boyfriend is waiting for you when you get out of class for the next few weeks.
Now I'm in Sydney, Australia, and I know that restraining orders are relatively easy to get and the police take them seriously. You should check out what the situation is in your state, but I'd be surprised if it wasn't a similar situation. (Perhaps someone on this forum can help.) My advice is that under no circumstances should you let your boyfriend confront this guy, because if it gets out of hand he might turn the tables on you and your boyfriend by going to the police or suing.
Look, it may be that it's just a lonely or desperate guy who can't take a hint. But if it's more sinister, there are laws which protect you and you should use them.
A stalker has an obsessive personality. They feed off of ANY attention they get from their victim, including abuse - they do not see "no" like the rest of us do (they see it as a no that can be changed to a "yes" with time).
Now, I'm not saying he is a stalker, but the fact that he obtained your number in an underhand manner (most people would not record a number in such circumstances) and behaves in a manner that most people would feel uncomfortable doing so (such as ignoring the fact that someone has a boyfriend) may suggest that he is.
Cutting all contact is the best idea - including changing your cell phone number. Try to avoid any circumstances in which he can talk to you alone. Tell him if he persists (calmly, but firmly) to leave you alone. For now, that is all you can do (and I hope it will be enough).
"Destiny is no matter of chance. It is a matter of choice: It is not a thing to be waited for, it is a thing to be achieved."