Sharing: Religion, Philosophy, and Sexual Frustration

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valerie

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Dear all,
just want to share my thought and ask for opinions.

I ended a long relationship with a girl back in 2007 which gave me gigantic blow to my personal mental health. I was so attached to previous relationship that making me living in hell so that I tried to detach from it in a same time.

During the painful process, I felt lonely and solitary in the same time since most of my friends were married and had their own agenda. Loneliness grew to sexual frustration. However I chose not to succumb to my own peril by being a negative person thus I did networking, exercising, and practicing my hobbies.

I realized that there are two things that causing my sexual crisis. First was my attachment to an image of previous relationship, which was so strong making me hard to attract to a female gender. Second was my preoccupation to my work that required long hours of work. Currently I'm setting up a business that hogging time, money, and energy. Because of the setup, I don't have source of income thus getting a girl would be (from my view) inappropriate and burdensome.

Prostitution is not the right answer for my problem since I'm a very conservative (maybe prudish) person aside from the risk of getting an infection. Although I like sex a lot, I try to avoid it as much as I can.

Masturbation can be a quick fix to my problem but it isn't really a solution since it doesn't really kill the frustration, let alone loneliness.

I try to practice celibacy (just for this transition period before I get this business working) like Roman Catholics priest do, but there is very little guide of hows (this is probably related to the scandals but I don't want to get into that). My strategy is during this period I can concentrate on my business without rule out networking with other people and do some social work. I suppose that after I got source of income, things will get better.

Funny things happened, once I thought that doing some welfare work would release some of my frustration and anger, as turned out that it was the other way around. Social work is hard and need some sacrifice although there is some good feel too. I feel I can't discontinue this action because if I did, I would lose some connections to the outside world, also this practice is strengthening my social skill.

Anybody wants to share ideas how to channel sexual desire without involving prostitution, casual sex, or masturbation? Any practical ideas on how Catholics Priest do it? Just want to share...

Regards,
Valerie
 
Screw guilt and shame. It's a balancing act.
If you are lacking balance in any area of your life...work, love, play and yourself...it's like driving with a flat tire.
All you need is one flat tire to throw other aspect of your life out of kilter as you're experincing.

You what you need to do about your sexual drive. It's your body natural needs...just like breathing.
Try holding your breathe and see how that works. Your sexual needs is just at a slow pace.
If you surpress it..it'll go somewhere. Your body might even develope other illness..

You body is already telling you...through your fustrations, anger or depression. ( Learn to listen to your body)
Then you're going to add more guilt, shame and fears even more? It dosn't make any common sense dose it?

Errr wtf???? As i recalled fucken Catholics priest were malesting young kids.

Perhasp try reading "the power of positive thinking".
It gose into great details of how very successful bussinessmen or people are very sexually active or the driving force behind thier success is a woman.
An intimate relationship with a woman on many levels more than just sex, but sexual drive and desires is one of the keys.

But religion would say..money is the root of evil..which is fucken retarded.
If money is evil...then why in the fresia would they ask you to give them money?
The truth of the matter is the more you have , the more you can give...
Perhasp...Greed is not such a healthy thing to do.

Knowing that I'm loved by a women, simply makes me glow, it lifts my spirit. My creativies increase.
Religion would tell you the same principles through thier conception of god or HP.
God is cool...but skin feels pretty **** good. The touch of a woman drives me crazy. Her love for me makes me feel complete and fullfiled, therefore
the stuff that I do beyound the relationship is simply an expression of that love. If i feel fulfill, I'm no longer in the state of lack, therefore I will be less greedy.
It's samething as saying that my life is an expression of god's love.
Chelle is a goddess. i warship her in a heart beat...it's becuase she loves me.
It's the same as I would warship god...knowing that god loves me.
The bible states that God is spirit. Spirit of what???
Spirit of love...hello?!?
God is love.
God belones to everyone.
Love belones to everyone.
That's why there's god in everyone of us...becuase there's love in everyone of us.
 
Hi Crow,
thanks for the reply... I agree with you that sexual drive makes you alive; but to meet a person that tingles your passion is another thing. I still in the process of meeting such person; its' still on going. The process often can be (sexually) frustrating, which leads to a question, how can I avert from such frustration? I try to be positive everyday, I exercise, I watch movies, I socialize, but they don't satisfy my need.
 
Hi Valerie,

You might want to get in touch with a Catholic priest and ask them. Or perhaps monks from other religions. But you'll probably find that they derive their strength from their deep spiritual convictions, which might not apply to you. Maybe you should look into meditation techniques.

I've been celibate now for almost two years (not through choice) and I have no idea how I do it! Since I barely see anyone these days, it might just be that a lack of social interaction depresses one's sex drive. Obviously I'm not advocating that as a solution. Perhaps it just comes down to will-power: you could tell yourself that until you've finished this project, you won't allow yourself to be distracted. On the other hand, as Lonesome Crow suggests, you might want to consider whether taking this approach is really right for you.

It's an interesting question, though. Do let us know if you find a good answer.
 
Hi Andrew,
what's is your definition of celibacy? Does it mean "only not having sex" or "not having anything to do with sex"? If you re not having anything to do with sex (including masturbation), I'm wondering how your brain reacts? How do you deal with an impulse desire? Does it occur to you though?
 
Hi Valerie,

Thank you for your insightful posting. I think you articulated the situation of many guys with the same issues; I will be the second one, after you, to admit it.

I think it would be difficult not to feel sexually frustrated. Unless you move to a convent and totally isolate yourself, there will always be a reminder of sex on a billboard somewhere, in a radio talk show, or even the slightest denim add will hint more sexually than the product itself, and there is no ending in sight to where we, as a society, would stop in regards to sex and seduction. I often go downtown for some business, rarely to hook up with a friend, and always come across the most beautify women, wearing to most provocative dresses or top, with out of this world bodies, of course not the mention the breath taking lingerie adds that makes you want to have an onsite orgasm. Sex is part our programming as human being and it drives us as it is with sometimes devastating effects, imagine with a little influence from the outside world what it can do us.

I agree with you that prostitutes are not the answer for the problem, neither is masturbation even though it provides a temporary relief. To me the reason simple; we as human are narcissists by nature. We love ourselves and we idealise our selves. We always look for people to validate our vanity and self esteem. We simply love it when we know that we can exert influence over people to meet our needs especially when it comes to sex. I think that the worst thing that could happen to a human being is rejection, because rejection simply undermines our image about ourselves. Maybe we are not who we pretend we are, maybe we overestimated us and this hurts us!

When scientist subjected people to physical pain, they found that there is part of the brain that activates when it is felt. Surprisingly when we are subjected to rejection, the very same part of the brain that reacted to pain also reacted to rejection. No wonder why people have fear of rejection!

When we light a match, if we are not careful how we hold it, it will eventually burn us. So the next time when we light the match we know how to discard it before the flame reaches our thumb and burns us. The same analogy can apply to celibacy; we know that rejection can hurt us physically so we tend to avoid it and what better way to do it other than isolating ourselves from society. This might be a good thing for some people but it can have horrific effects on many. People who live alone for stretched periods of time tend to live less healthy from their counterpart, they also suffer more ailments, not to mention the psychological torment, they age sooner and ultimately they die sooner. When we realise that we need companionship and we start seeking it we discover our failures in seduction and realise that we are unwanted. Beside, why should we succeed when we spent most our time not practicing our social skills and enhancing upon our seduction game?

I think the best thing we can do it to instruct ourselves and work on our seduction plans and skills. Buy self-help books, not about self-esteem, not about how to live in peace with our selves, but by how to become seducers, successful ones might I add! The reality of our social life is far from the ideal and the image that we would hope to see or have, if we do not engage in life we will be forgotten by it and it will use us a dust collecting shelves.

Personally I have started to become more and more convinced about this and in fact started reforming myself and acquiring the necessary skills to succeed. I have read three amazing books that have opened my eyes and with a little determination, hard work, trial and error and some luck, I will be able some day to gain some upper hand and use it for my advantage.
Prostitutions is not the answer, neither is masturbation nor isolation. I think we need to tackle the issue from a different angle!!!

My two cents!
 
I'm not sure what you mean by "impulse desire" - it's not like I see a sexy billboard and then have the urge to hump the nearest fire hydrant. I don't go surfing for porn. I do go in to uni occasionally, and of course I notice there are lots of beautiful girls walking around. But I can appreciate that without becoming sexually frustrated. It may be that I'm a little different in this respect, since I'm a pretty cerebral kind of guy and so things like intellect, conversation and humour play a big part in turning me on. And unfortunately I'm just not interacting with people on that level at the moment. So... maybe I won't be of much help to you. Sorry. If you're currently in a chaste relationship and that's the source of frustration, then I can understand why you're reluctant to do anything. Maybe you should talk to a spiritual advisor or a therapist about this. Is it too risky to bring it up with your partner?
 
Maybe try saltpeter..IDk

I remember being in basic training in the military as a young man when my hormones was extreemly high.
I didn't remember having a lot of strong sexual drive for a while. I definately wasn't waking up
with a hard on as previously, during basic training. They probably out saltpeter in our drinking water.

I still have a good sexual drive, which is good for my age, but really glad it's not as strong as it used to be.
Belive it or not...sex is not always on my mind today. I don't want to be single at 18-25 again ever.
honeysuckle..i used to have sex when i get up..drive home at lunch time, after work, before bed time, during bed time.
No wonder i got my ex-wf pregnant.lol

I do remember as a young man when I wasn't having sex consistantly...it drove me fucken nutz.
Even though i didn't have sex until after i was 18. But after I had sex,... going without it for a couple of
months seem like a fucken life time. I was blessed with a nympho for a gf.
I belive it's also some of the driving force why I got into long term relationships.

In my last long term relationship there was constant sex becuase my ex-gf enjoyed sex very much.
Breakup sex, make up sex, you name it we had sex all the time and everywhere wheather we were fighting or not, together or not.
I also belive we both were very scared of having sex with someone else becuase we lived with each other for so long.

After our..break up..break up at first it was still difficult for us to not have sex anymore...that was the thing..we broke up
so many times and still had sex.
But I was so pissed off at her and life in general. Sex wasn't the dominate thing that i was fuastrated with.

I'm not sexaully fuastrated today simply becuase of my age....The many blessings of being an old fart.
So if you go talk to a priest that's an old fart..he might not totally understand ya.lol

Well..all i can say is Chelle is very understanding. She prefer that I masturbate than to go stick my wee wee in a strange woman.
And all i can say is...she dosn't make me feel guilty, dirty or ashame if i need to do it. As a matter of fact she tells me to do it sometimes.
And all I can say is we talk about it and she dose things that dosn't make me feel ashame.
So whatever guilt ,shame I had about it, is no longer there, therefore the frustrastions on this matter is not an issue to me.

At the sametime...my ex-gf being experinced as she is...she touches herself and she'll do it for me while we're having sex sometimes.
So whatever guilt and shame I had about masturbations went out the window a long time ago.

I also belive...that by me having had sex lots and lots in my life, there were times that it felt like I was just going through the motions
becuase my finacee was a nympho and bascailly my ex-gf was borderline nympho. Sex is no longer some grandios thing to me, which also helps lower
my level of sexaul fruastrations.
 
Guys, thanks for sharing your thoughts....

Two Cents Tipper said:
The same analogy can apply to celibacy; we know that rejection can hurt us physically so we tend to avoid it and what better way to do it other than isolating ourselves from society. This might be a good thing for some people but it can have horrific effects on many. People who live alone for stretched periods of time tend to live less healthy from their counterpart, they also suffer more ailments, not to mention the psychological torment, they age sooner and ultimately they die sooner. When we realise that we need companionship and we start seeking it we discover our failures in seduction and realise that we are unwanted. Beside, why should we succeed when we spent most our time not practicing our social skills and enhancing upon our seduction game?
Hi Two Cents,
my notion of celibacy is far from isolation, rejection, and solitude. I just means "doesn't commit any kind of sexual activity". I still want to socialize and be accepted in community in general or opposite gender without being intimate with anyone of them.

AndrewM said:
Maybe you should talk to a spiritual advisor or a therapist about this. Is it too risky to bring it up with your partner?
Hi Andrew, good idea to talk to and advisor. What do you mean by "partner", I'm not with anybody right now.

@Crow,
thanks for your sharing...pretty interesting experience

After a brief meditation and self reflection, I got an idea why I got this "impulse sexual desire" . Turns out that I still have attachment to past sexual experience(with my ex) that causing pining and longing. To me this is a big discovery since I once believed that the desired can be transformed into something else like practical actions of celibacy. However I was wrong by focusing on celibacy in order to quench my frustration, I should have focused on how can I detach from my past instead.

cool eh...? :)
 

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