BF&GF or Friends With Benefits?

This is my situation: I have never dated before so I don't have much experience with relationships and I'm unsure of what to expect. I saw a girl from my class who I thought was cute at the gym two days ago, and we hooked up. And yesterday we made out pretty hard. The thing is I am leaving for school to another city in two months, and she actually said that this is why she moved so quickly with me. None of us want to get hurt, and also she doesn't date non-Christan guys, so this is a two-months hook up for sure. So we agreed to be "friends with benefits".
The thing is I think she's into me a bit too much because she said she was jealous when I talked to other girls in class. So she said she now wants to keep it exclusive. She also called me at night and we talked and flirted for a while. We agreed to meet up tomorrow and she asked me to get condoms.
I'm 21 and also a virgin, and pretty horny. I'm not sure how important it is to keep my virginity. But I also want to be careful because I don't really know her and don't know what could go wrong. My very good friend met her and thinks that even thought she is a nice person I could do much better, and that I should consider saving my virginity for "the one". I kind of like the gf/bf thing, even if temporary, but it feels a little off since I'm not that into her--I just think she's cute--and besides, we'll have to end the relationship in two months.
Here's what I think: If I decide to go with the whole boyfriend/girlfriend thing, I'd like to keep it exclusive. But I don't know how it will affect us when split up in two months. And if I decide to be just "friends with benefits", I don't know if I will feel good about it either. This is a really big thing for me. Any advice?

Should I agree to keep our relationship exclusive?
How involved should I be in the relationship?
Should I loose my virginity to her?

It all depends on how you feel, what you want, and what you feel is right or wrong. From how it sounds I would say she is with you basically for sex. The problems I see are that you question this girls motives, you don't feel good about the situation, and both of you know this relationship will not survive for longer then 2 months.


In my opinion you should just break it off. You claim your not that into her so basically I dont see how the relationship could be anything other then a "friends with benefits" type of deal. Your virginity is only as important as you want it to be. There is nothing wrong with waiting for the right one if that is what you want to do.

Your friend is retarded....

5, years from now, 10 years from now, 20 years from now...you'll say the same honeysuckle " wow man...I can do better".lol

You'll slapp yourself silly a couple of weeks from now when you hear your friend tell ya.."yeah man, I lost my virginity to that chick
you were with. It was truely amazing. She was a god send. Ooops, sorry i can't hang out with ya....I ma be bussied for a while"hahahahaaaa

Go with the flow be in the moment with her..Live life. Experince life. Enjoy life. Have fun. Don't take her or life for granted.
Be grateful that you are blessed. That she's willing to share her life with you, for the moment. Now, that's all we all have is NOW. Live it to the fullest.

You say you're not into her..becuase it's just your comfortzone. The truth of the matter is...she scars the living honeysuckle out of ya.
You'll simply go through the samething the next time a beautiful woman come into your life. Ask the same fucken question of this and that. "The one?" and do NOTHING.

"The one"..that's a perfectionist ideaism. Will..fresia. You're not fucken perefect. So how in the hell would you expect everyone to be prefect?
It's unhealthy....to wait or expect for life to be perfect. To control people, places and things to be perfect.
That's what perfectionist do...thier line of reasonings. They don't take chances or risk unless things are perfect (whatever the fresia that is in thier minds).
By doing NOTHING...they can't make mistakes (remain perfect). They go through life doing NOTHING, not perticipating in life and get anal about everything.
***** moan and complain what a messed up world and life is. Simply missing the boat thinking to god **** much or obsessed with perfection. Too fucken pure for this world or life.
This type of mentality gose beyound just in relationships. It effects many aspects in thier lives.

Well...she dosn't know you that much either..so wtf?? You don't think she has all these fears or questions running through her mind?
She's willing to take a risk and chance with you. She has more guts and balls. No matter how you go about it...You still have to respect a woman like her.
Maybe she deserve much, much better than you also. She can do much better than you...I'm sure of it.
You can do better than what ??? what the fresia dose that reference to? her looks??? Give me a break.... She's cute but not hawt and beautiful so you're not that much into her.
She's nice...nice enough to fresia her brains out..hahahaaaaa.
You say she's is a chirstian...she's practicing the principles and teachings of it. Courage is not without fears. She's leaving herself open. She's willing to step out of her comfortzone.
"The kingdom of heaven is at hand, the time is NOW."
Faith without works (ACTIONS) is dead.

You say you don't have any experince with women...Well dude, god had just open up the door for ya. It's right in front of ya. Wake up!!!

You can get hit by a fucken bus and die tommorow.
You don't know whats going to happen; A week from now, a month from now, 2 months from now.

I'm not sure how important it is to keep my virginity.

Click to expand...

but it feels a little off since I'm not that into her

Click to expand...

she doesn't date non-Christan guys

Click to expand...

we'll have to end the relationship in two months.

Click to expand...

she said she was jealous when I talked to other girls in class

Click to expand...

I kind of like the gf/bf thing

Click to expand...

My psycho-***** senses are tingling.

There is no relationship with this girl.
She wants you for sex.
She doesn't date non-christian guys, but is totally willing to screw them.
Friends with benefits only works if there is absolutely NO strings attached.
You two aren't even in a "bf/gf" relationship and she's already getting jealous over you just talking to girls.
She's creepishly attached, buddy.
She's admitted she only digs you because you're moving.
How many other boys has she pulled this on? If the answer is "I don't know" or "a few", how do you know if she has an STD?

And frankly, she may be "nice", but... RUN!!!

Take your friends word for it, you deserve better.

shells, those were the same things that stuck out to me also.

wow dude interesting. i can definetly agree with shells, although not quite as extreme. theres a possibility shes just a scared virgin feeling just as confused as you are. its possible, that she has no idea what a relationship should be, and shes giving it her best. shes jealous when you talk to other girls... if thats true, then shes obviously into you a lot. i would tell her you arent ready to jump right into sex, you want to develop more of a relationship first. i would date her for two months, what the hell, you have nothing to loose. virginity is nothing to be shy about either.. just remember, that your first time should be fun and romantic.. not stuck in the back seat of a volkswagen.. just be careful, dont jump into anything too soon. i think shes confused. you said she only dates christian guys [im assuming that excludes you] and then you said she wants to make it exclusive.. talk to her about your feelings, tell her the truth.. if she really does care about you, she will listen and try her best to understand.

If I were in that situation I would probably end up telling her to take a hike. After all, it's two months. There's no point in starting something that might end up bugging you if it goes bad or if you end up liking her and have to move away.

But inside, I'd be feeling that I should take the opportunity to boff her brains out and then wash your hands of her when you move. Is it cold-hearted and arrogant and ass-hole-ish to say that? Yup.

But it's what we DO, not what we think, that makes us good people. So I'd just move on if I were you. I think shells has pretty much said everything that needs to be said here.

Boff? lol, Steve.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I may have been a little 'extreme' on what I said, but I do agree with Steve. For the most part, OP, you need to think this through and weigh the consequences yourself.

And if you do decide to do anything. . .

*Gets on soap box*

You probably already know most of this stuff but I'm gonna preach anyways.

PLEASE, protect yourself from STD's and pregnancy. The "pull out" method isn't a form of birth control. Don't double-up condoms, this can actually make them less effective and cause them to break. If the condom breaks, be prepared to drag both of your butts to the nearest drug store to pick up Plan B.

Or if she's already on birth control and has perfect use (and not typical use), you might not have to worry about a baby-scare. Just remember that STD's are still a big issue to factor in, so use protection.

Then again, she might be against taking Plan B due to her religious beliefs - even though it's not the abortion pill. It's a form of birth control that prevents contraception. It also can get to be pretty expensive, depending on where you live.

k, Done. That's all I can think of for now.

The last time I did a freind with benifit thing...it lead into a long term relationship.
No one knows what's going to happen tomorrow for sure.

I can base my decisions making from my pass experince. Then again sometimes that's not
such as healthy thing to do. I'm generalizing and holding that one person responsiable for
everything that happened in my past. A past that they had nothing to do with.

I'm in no posistion to judge anyone, especailly a person I don't know. especailly about
a person the someone else wrote about...thier perceptions of whatever the hell thier truth is.
She's not here to defend herself...and why in hell should she has to defend herself.
She can chose and live anyway as she pleases.

Idk..the last i check when I'm in a relationship with someone..I'm her best friend, I'm her lover, I'm her mechanic, I'm her banker,I'm her advisor, I'm her play buddy, I'm also her biggest
enemy. Everything I hated about her...I saw in myself.

I'd say keep your distance, until you really get to know each other. However, although I'm not the one for all that "save your virginity for that special one", I would say don't sleep with her until you get to know her. I don't see anything wrong with sleeping with an extremely good friend, as long as that's what both people want.

However, if you feel like it just won't work out, don't even bother. I agree with Shells in a sense.

shells said:

Boff? lol, Steve.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I may have been a little 'extreme' on what I said, but I do agree with Steve. For the most part, OP, you need to think this through and weigh the consequences yourself.

And if you do decide to do anything. . .

*Gets on soap box*

You probably already know most of this stuff but I'm gonna preach anyways.

PLEASE, protect yourself from STD's and pregnancy. The "pull out" method isn't a form of birth control. Don't double-up condoms, this can actually make them less effective and cause them to break. If the condom breaks, be prepared to drag both of your butts to the nearest drug store to pick up Plan B.

Or if she's already on birth control and has perfect use (and not typical use), you might not have to worry about a baby-scare. Just remember that STD's are still a big issue to factor in, so use protection.

Then again, she might be against taking Plan B due to her religious beliefs - even though it's not the abortion pill. It's a form of birth control that prevents contraception. It also can get to be pretty expensive, depending on where you live.

k, Done. That's all I can think of for now.

Click to expand...

Brief update:
Tada! we've done it.

Long update:
Before I go into detail I just want to say: Wow, eight replies in less than 24 hours! Thank you all soooooo much. This is the only place I looked for help outside of my closest friends (what was mixed--one said "fresia the honeysuckle out of her. Deal with the problems as they come up", but he's a big player, and the other, who's more of a romantic type--"be careful, you're moving too fast"), and you guys are tremendously helpful and caring. I'm so glad I chose this forum. All of your posts helped me clear the fog in my mind about what I want and what is realistic & moral to expect, which is nothing more that "friends with benefits", given that nobody is getting attached (which I think she did).

And this makes me transition to the events of the night.

Beechums: "just remember, that your first time should be fun and romantic.. not stuck in the back seat of a volkswagen.." Thanks for the advice! This is sooo true. We were about to go to the beach because neither of our places were available, but opted out for a nice hotel room, which was totally worth the hundred I paid. I'm so happy I didn't have it "in the back seat of a volkswagen"!

Although I have mixed feelings about the second part: "talk to her about your feelings, tell her the truth.. if she really does care about you, she will listen and try her best to understand." Thats what I thought too. But talking about what I think hurt her. BTW, she's not a virgin--she had a few bf's before me. So after we've finished and lying there, all of a sudden I get this idea that I should tell her that we should be more careful, but what came out was "I think we should turn it down a notch. I'm leaving in two months, and I don't want either of us to get hurt". The timing could not have been worth. After a pause she got up and said "I think we should go". She thought I used her and now that since I got what I want I won't talk to her anymore, which is not true. I apologized and said I didn't mean to hurt her, but just tell the truth of what I think is a realistic expectation, but she said she was hurt. I regret I said that when I did or even at all. She was obviously too much into me. Maybe I should have held off and "dealt with the problems as they came up", or maybe I should have just brought the issue at another time, like before we did it... Or maybe I should have broke things off before we even met today, realizing that she's too much into me and she'll be hurt anyways, but even more if I didn't end it right away.

VanillaCreme: Or MAYBE, I shouldn't have "slept with her until got to know her."

Shells: Your last post was the most helpful because I read it right before I went out. Thank you thank you thank you thank you for the "preaching" (really). I felt so much more confident going in (pun intended), because my parents never gave me a "sex talk". Although I knew most of it, it's still extremely validating to know someone cares about how my night goes. It didn't break, but if it did I would've def followed your advice. Now I'm still worried about the 1% chance that the condoms let a few swimmers get through--is that justified, and what steps should I take to prevent a "surprise". The first post *was* a little extreme, thought I never know how things will turn out. Maybe it's for the best... but I'll wait and see.

Coverage: Your post was the first, sweet and short and a refreshing splash of cold water in the face. It was very helpful in clarifying things and non-judgmental. Thank you. I know my original post was all scrambled up, partly because I was trying to figure out what my concerns even were in the first place.

Steve: "But inside, I'd be feeling that I should take the opportunity to boff her brains out and then wash your hands of her when you move." That's not at all how I feel. I wanted us both to agree on something that would be mutually beneficial, and I would never wish to take advantage of her. I don't mean to come out rude, it's just that I read your previous posts, and it seems your judgment is a little clouded by your personal experience. Although you're right that I did it for selfish reasons (for the experience), I just truly didn't want to hurt her.

Man, I wanted to share this with someone so bad that I wrote all this out at once. Whatever happened or happens, I'm glad I went through with it. So in a word, "Thank you".

Oh, and jerking off is so much better! :O

Wrath said:

I don't mean to come out rude, it's just that I read your previous posts, and it seems your judgment is a little clouded by your personal experience.

Click to expand...

Ummm....YEAH. Lol that's how humans learn and adapt to things...by judging them and analyzing them according to personal experience. Nothing wrong with that, dude.

But I'm not offended at all, so no reason to worry about being rude. If you're doing something I consider rude, I'll let you know.

Wrath said:

Oh, and jerking off is so much better! :O

Click to expand...

Hahaha don't worry about it, man. The first time is always kinda....ehhh. You'll find that sex gets better and better the more you do it. Eventually jerking it will be but a pale facsimile of actual intercourse. ^_^

Wrath said:

Now I'm still worried about the 1% chance that the condoms let a few swimmers get through--is that justified, and what steps should I take to prevent a "surprise".

Click to expand...

It depends. You most likely have nothing to worry about...and it's natural to be paranoid about it for the first few times. Just try not to worry. If you used the condom properly, then it should be alright. Especially if she's on birth control.

My advice goes for anyone in this situation, which is often. I'd personally just prefer to be close to someone before doing anything intimate.

should of just be on the fucken moment with her ..dude.
counld of ..should of...but didn't

Havn't you heard...when you're with a women or when a woman likes you...you're job is not to fresia it up.

I'm not a girl but...just I'd be pissed too if after we fresia and you tell me you wanna trun it down a notch or 2
Always saying honeysuckle after the fact is retarded.
You took her for granted.
You didn't want to hurt her...but you did.
It's not what your intensions are..it's what you do.
Every dumbass has good intensions.
wow...man you took her to a hotel and messed her then treated her like a whore.

You'll be lucky if she talks to you again...see this honeysuckle isn't even going to last 2 months.
But what the fresia is she to you anyways...She's grill fucken #2. She's cute and nice.

She reminds me of one of those girls who is destructive. Some people are drawn to situations that they can't win in. They seek out bad or impossible relationships and then blame the other person if they can't manipulate them into getting what they want. Sex is probabley a lure. Drama will more than likely be in your future if you continue, thats what Im thinking. That jealous thing and you two not having a relationship IS scary! Not really knowing you and wanting to have sex off the bat...scary!

here is something to listen to while you think about all that scary stuff...Hey little boy, want some candy? mwwahhhhhhhh aaaaa haaaaaaaaaaaaa!! j/k

[youtube]oZiSiwhvx5U[/youtube]

Very true, Nal. I thought the same thing.

VanillaCreme said:

Very true, Nal. I thought the same thing.

Click to expand...

Hey Miss Vanilla Creme Hope your doing well. Nice to see ya.

Wrath said:

Shells: Your last post was the most helpful because I read it right before I went out. Thank you thank you thank you thank you for the "preaching" (really). I felt so much more confident going in (pun intended), because my parents never gave me a "sex talk". Although I knew most of it, it's still extremely validating to know someone cares about how my night goes. It didn't break, but if it did I would've def followed your advice. Now I'm still worried about the 1% chance that the condoms let a few swimmers get through--is that justified, and what steps should I take to prevent a "surprise". The first post *was* a little extreme, thought I never know how things will turn out. Maybe it's for the best... but I'll wait and see.

Click to expand...

I'm glad it helped.

I never had the "sex talk" either. If you have any other questions regarding sex, a decent (and unbiased) website is: http://www.scarleteen.com/

A lot of the things you read on the internet regarding sex will most likely be very biased (especially certain religious websites that promote abstinence and use fear tactics).

While I do think sex is a natural thing, it's in your best interest to be knowledgeable about it.

edit: I wish I had seen this basic "readiness" checklist earlier. From this website listed above: http://www.scarleteen.com/article/sexuality/ready_or_not_the_scarleteen_sex_readiness_checklist

Well I will say that you will only have one virginity. I would say that once you lose it, it helps put feelings in perspective. However, if you want to save it for someone you think you really care about. That is your choice. It just might not end too well.

As for being exclusive, yeah just be exclusive. Recent experiences have shown me that you can lose something great if you don't be exclusive.

Naleena said:

VanillaCreme said:

Very true, Nal. I thought the same thing.

Click to expand...

Hey Miss Vanilla Creme Hope your doing well. Nice to see ya.

Click to expand...

Why hi there. I'm doing just great. I hope you're doing well yourself. :>