work problems

I'm at a true turning point in my life- I'm 30, no friends, no relationships and only 2-3 family members that I care about. I've had approx 18 months out of work, mainly through choice but also because over the years it has ground me down to the point where it makes me ill and I can't face it.

I'm about to make a fresh start due to my house being repossessed and going through personal bankruptcy. My problem is I don't want to work, I find all work tedious, boring and completely pointless. I never have anything in common with co-workers and always end up being this fake person being polite and agreeing just to get through the day so I can go home.

Over my time off work I've really sat down and thought about something I'd like to do, but I just can't. The other option that appeals to me is travelling or maybe moving to another country, but what with visas, work permits and my lack of qualifications to do anything this seems like pie in the sky. So this is my dilemma, do I start fresh here and just try to stick a honeysuckle job because it's what society says I should do? or do I bite the bullet and look into travelling, on the basis that I don't have much money or the ability to earn any when I'm away.

After going through this hell for the past 15 years I want to be sure that any future decisions are the right ones and I don't end up back here.

All the best and thanks in advance for any help, advice or just your general thoughts on the situation. You wont offend me so post what you like!

one possibility you may consider could be traveling and working. If you dont mind getting your hands dirty some hostels/farms will feed you and let you stay for labor. You could travel and spend a little time in different places. Working on a farm isnt bad Fresh air, soil, plants...all good stuff I think. Plus you would get to meet new people and have new experiences. Wouldnt need much I dont think. A back pack would do

As far as keeping the "honeysuckle" job...I look at it this way. No honest work is below anyone. It puts the food on your table and shoes on your feet.
I know it sucks to be in a job where employees and bosses arent great but, its a means to an end. No place is ever a perfect place to work.

Good luck on your decision

Have you tried any outdoors work? Have you considered the military as a 'last option'? I guess a better question would be, what jobs have you had so far?

I arrange jobs on a 'tier' level. Most of us start at the bottom tier and have to climb our way up to the better jobs with experience and education:

God Tier: Fire Officer, or winning the lottery and saying 'fresia you, world' and disappearing
High Tier: Medical Tech Positions, Public Service (Fire Service, Ambulance), Military, Upper Level forestry work (ie, Engine Boss on a Wildland Fire rig)
Middle Tier: Outside Labor jobs (forestry, concrete, etc), Skilled Labor (Welding, Pipefitting, HVAC): Good wages, possible benefits, not so much 'same honeysuckle, different day' as Low Tier
Low Tier: Fast Food, Convenience/Grocery store work: minimum wages, basically no retirement/benefits

Obviously anything above 'Low Tier', and certainly above 'Middle Tier', falls largely to personal preference. But unless you have a wealthy family and score a free ride through college (or dive right in after highschool and decide to deal with student loans and stay there for 12 years to become a doctor or lawyer), we pretty much have to start at the Low Tier or part of the Middle Tier. It earns you enough to get by and advance, and demonstrates a solid work history to better positions.

You have to get in to something where the work day has variety, where you have to make decisions on what to do (be it figuring out how to make a certain weld, how to cut down this or that tree, or how to treat a patient), where you're making money that you're happy with. Hell, I know a guy who spent 43 years as the log yard foreman at a sawmill, and he was quite pleased with it.

Also, on the subject of getting along with co-workers. I found it's not so much about automatically having things in common, as much as it's about building a bridge across the gap. All my life I've basically been a geek. So imagine how I felt when I got a job on a brush-clearing crew working out in the woods. Surrounded by rednecks.

At first I felt out of place. But I realized after a while that these guys had the same problems and some of the same gripes about the world that I do. Misery enjoys company, lol. I found out then that they even played video games, a little bit, so they had a little bit in common with me. And after trying it, I realized I enjoyed fishing and exploring, so we had another thing going. Daily crew drama aside, after that it wasn't so bad.

That's part of reaching out to people and making friends. If we stay in our box and never do anything different, we stagnate and it's miserable, for most of us.

I suppose on your scale I've always been in the middle tier, earning decent money (enough to buy a house and car etc..) with benefits and a pension, but there has to be more than that to a job for me. Just think about how much time you spend at work compared with the rest of your life, is it really acceptable to spend that amount of time working for, what effectively, is a totally meaningless outcome? Not for me it isn't. I mean, all we do is make the wealthy wealthier by doing their honeysuckle.

I suppose I can't stand working for "the man" it angers and frustrates me to the point of being ill. I don't like how we have been brain washed into this "earn more, buy more honeysuckle" consumerist lifestyle as though it's the only thing worth aspiring to. I hate it that for those of us who want a simple life, low paid jobs don't pay enough to live on (in my area at least) I'm not stupid, I have an IQ of 144, but that doesn't mean I want to use it. I am a terrible decision maker and can't handle responsibility, so I know I'll never make it in any high flying career, so it's a good job I don't want one.

I wish I was born a hundred years ago, in a age before mobile phones, the internet, cars and all the rest of this modern honeysuckle that I hate.

It seems like you're sick of the materialist culture you live in, rather than work per se. You don't find the recognition for your work in terms of money as meaningful, because you don't find being a consumer meaningful. I'm with you on that one. My approach has been to try and become an academic, and make my contribution to society that way. It's something to consider if you think you have the discipline that's needed. Other possibilities are working for non-profit organisations, perhaps one with overseas operations who could get you a visa. I don't know how easy it is to get jobs like that - you may need special qualifications. Finally, I imagine there are communes where people try to live together non-materialistically. This is a pretty radical option, I guess, but it might be an idea if you want to take a break from the mainstream.

I think the root cause of your malaise comes from the fact that solidarity with others can't come from buying stuff - it requires a more personal form of interaction. The workplace can be a place where solidarity manifests itself, but it can also be tricky because there's the constant pressure of being profitable, and the competitiveness of colleagues trying to get ahead. If you can find the right work environment, however, it should be its own compensation in terms of making meaningful connections with others.

You're probably going through a burn out and all the let down of the american dream is a fucken lie.

Like you..i had all of that...a great paying job, a family to come home to. a place where I can rest my werry head.
But is wasa taken away from me...no matter how hard I try to make it work and did what I was suppose to do.

Anyways..the job I have now dosn't pay well and sometimes there's still people with thier fucken old news to me
mentally. I bascailly drown those people out and just try to get through the day without bullshit.
It's an employers market at the moment becuase the economy sucks big ass.
Luckiely i work for a friend. He's been a millionair and he been broke..down and out sleeping in his car.
I raised him or he lived with me when he was a troubled teen. I taught him alot...maybe I should take my own fucken advice
about bussiness matteres too.
As sucessful as he is...he still have challegenes in his life..So he dosn't go tripping too hard on his high horse.
He treats me with repect as a human and as a friend.

I have to get back on my feet finacailly and that's just the way it is.
I can't just sit and spin..

And i feel pretty shittie about it half of the fucken time...becuase every fucken women I've been with...it's about the fucken
money wheather they admitt it or not. I want to be proven so..so wrong on this matter.
The only woman that I know of that didn't make me feel that way was my ex-wf.
I really do belive she loves me for me....but the ironic twist of that is, our marriage fell apart becuase we were figthing over the keys
to my sports car.

I also know I can't drown in my anger..that's not healthy or good for me either.

All of thaT honeysuckle left me burnt out...feeling used and abuse as a person on all levels.
I'm fucken done with it....

i try to saperarte myself from my work or whatever the fresia it is as much as I can today.
I'm not my fucken title. I'm not my work.

It's kind of the same as in relatioships...I'm not my relationship. A relationship dosn't make or break who i am.
A job dosn't make or break who i am either....that's my attitude on this matter...at the moment.

I know all of the peace is inside of me...it's not on the outside.
I can't run away from myself...I had to get right with me first no matter what I do or go from here.
There's no enitiy out there, god up in the sky, recovery fellow ships, religion, a job, a woman, family, friends, even this forum or anything outside of me that's going get me right with me.
It is something I'll have to do on my own, within me. I have to get my priorities striaght. First things first.

Broken said:

I wish I was born a hundred years ago, in a age before mobile phones, the internet, cars and all the rest of this modern honeysuckle that I hate.

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I can relate.

They had their own problems back then, though.


'The Man' isn't always such a bad guy, actually. Everywhere I've worked so far for any length of time, I've actually liked my boss. When I worked in the woods, I actually admired the company owner, Jeremy. He was human, but still inspiring. And frankly he didn't make much more than the rest of us did, which I thought was bullshit since he had to deal with all the management stuff and the worry of whether or not we had work lined out for the next month. There is something to be said for that burden. I've shared in it enough to know that, now.

Chief Tucker also wasn't so bad a guy, though I think he kind of watches out for himself more than others at this point. Then again, with county politics being what they are, I don't know if I'd do any differently in his situation: Work my last few years, vacation as much as possible, and get the hell out.

Maybe a smaller company would be a better environment for you?


Societies create demands for needs and services. They don't just get fulfilled out of thin air, and so our place is earned by fulfilling them. That's how I look at it as opposed to being trapped in some machine (though in other more complicated ways, I do believe we ARE trapped in a machine...that's a whole 'nother thread, though).

AndrewM said:

Finally, I imagine there are communes where people try to live together non-materialistically. This is a pretty radical option, I guess, but it might be an idea if you want to take a break from the mainstream.

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Agreed, it would be a radical step, but it's one that appeals.

I suppose ideally I would like to do something that isn't all about lining someone else's pocket, I've worked for both a very small 10 man operation on the workshop floor, and the largest car maker in the world (currently having a honeysuckle load of problems, oh how I laughed!!!) and neither gave me any satisfaction so I think I need to give it some serious thought. The problem now is most jobs are all aimed at earning potential and climbing the company ladder, and both of these things make me sick.

Even jobs that used to be based on public service is now ultra hard to get into, with umpteen qualifications needed.

I play the guitar (not to any recognised level, just self taught) so something like working in an instrument or music shop appeals, but I'm not sure what it's like over in the states but over here long working hours have killed traditional high street (I think you call it main street) shops, people are always at work now so they buy everything from the internet, my local town has a handful of high street shops left and they're all cheap tat shops, none of them sell anything worthwhile.

I despair.

Just read this post it is write from the heart and i know that not everyone can this the same way as you are. There is something to be said for that burden. I've shared in it enough to know that, now.

So much truth in this thread. One thing that always bugged me about working for a big business was: Why do we focus so much on increasing profit more and more? Do managers really like money so much that they alter their personality into something utterly insane, just so that the CEO can make 3 more cents today? Sometimes I feel like people just want something to focus energy on, and management gives them that, but its mostly meaningless. Everyone wants to "get ahead" but I've always felt fine just skating along for the ride.

Consequently employees may experience increased anxiety, sleep difficulties, depression and stress, anger and frustration. Overuse of alcohol and drugs as well as increased smoking is commonplace. Workers also feel run down and fatigued and more susceptible to viral and immune system problems such as the flu.
Workplace injuries and accidents are common often leaving employees with chronic pain conditions such as back and neck pain, headaches and hand and arm injuries.