Strange Stalker

Hi everyone,

I know a woman in work and she went out with some guy, he's a bit of an idiot, like he's not 'fully lit' if you know what I mean...

Anyway it was ages ago they went out, they don't anymore and he still talks to her but sometimes he just starts talking to her like honeysuckle an that, but then if she stops talking to him he'll constantly threaten her, to her face, sending her messages, phoning her, I know the obvious thing would be to change your number but she really doesen't want to in case her daughter wants to get back in touch with her (another story) so he acts like a complete idiot an in the end she always makes up with him just so she wont get any threats anymore. But then he's constantly round her, talking to her an everything, like really clingy and annoying.

The threats seem empty but the things he says are way out of order, about her son an daughter an things. I can understand why she wouldn't want to carry on listening to them but she really doesen't want anything to do with him. I've seen him phoning her constantly, all the text messages etc.. I've been tempted to threaten him back or something but I fear that it might make it worse for her. He comes across all dosile an thick but he seems to have a multiple personality or something.

What would be the best way about handling this??

Thanks for your advice!

He's an abuser. The best thing she can do is to cut all contact with him.

Threats have been made. This is the point where police will intervene and make sure it's dealt with.

The thing about stalking is that when the guy makes it obvious he's not going to go away, and nobody does anything to stop it, it escalates. And the more she tries to get him out of her life, the greater the risk of him escalating it.

He's obviously nuts, and you never know what someone who's not right in the head is capable of.

My advice. Contact police. Tell them he has made threats. Be prepared for legal action if that's what it takes. It's a pain in the ass, but this isn't something you want to regret not taking action against when you had the chance.

She needs to keep all voicemails, text messages, and calls that she gets on her phone and NOT reply to them. Document everything. Tell her not to reply to any of his advances and to buy some pepper spray / taser to keep with her - just in case.

It's important that she not reply or respond to his advances so that if she does bring this to court, they won't rule that she "enticed" him by reacting to him.

I agree with what you's say about reporting it to the police, he might back off if he realises she's serious about getting rid of him, i've told her that she's making it worse for herself by giving into his empty threats. He does mad things, like a few weeks ago he went out an got drunk, then he posted his mobile phone through her letter box (for some reason) so she deleted her number from his phone an gave it him back, then she got a message after it saying 'why did you delete my number' what the hell? He's such a weirdo, I can't understand how his mind works.

I'm going to play devil's advocate here..

I've been separated from my ex for four or five months. I confess, on several occasions (two or three max) I emailed her. They were angry emails and designed to hurt. I feel bad about them.

So she accused me of stalking.


WHAT???

I know this won't go down well with the politically correct crowd here, but stalking? For fresia's sake.

If you tell me the words "stalking" or "stalker", I will conjure up mental images of some sleazeball guy doing slow drive-bys up some lady's street, or peering in her windows at night. THAT is stalking. An angry email is not - especially when the anger is actually justified, because this woman has just comprehensively messed my life over. My emails are not something I'm proud of. They were designed to hurt. But they never EVER threatened her. Now, I am of the old fashioned belief that simply pissing somebody off is legal. We are, after all, grown ups. But apparently not. Annoy a woman and you're in a cell with Bubba.

See, what you might call "stalking", I would call simply "broken hearted". If a woman is broken hearted, she gets hugs and sympathy. But if a man is broken hearted, it has actually become criminalised now. I've been on the recieving end of an ADVO (restraining order for you North Americans). I hadn't done honeysuckle, but no judge in the land will deny one (what if I murdered her or something? Judge in deep doo doo).

It is sexism. I wil call it out when women are discriminated against. So only fair to do likewise when men are,

Holy necropost!

Yair, was a bit. Sorry. I didn't notice the date.


BTW, I like "necropost". Cool word. Ishall steal it.

My first "girlfriend" played me up and made me believe in a happily ever after before we even got to go out on a date, she wanted to keep it secret because it was an office romance thing, after six weeks of mixed messages, hot and cold shoulders and some weird texts that I knew where oops... wrong person. I decided to go to where she was having her birthday dinner, with my sister mind you, I stayed in the car so she could go in and see who was there.

Well it was her with her "ex" boyfriend and family... I texted her later saying I saw her there, and that I was now pulling the plug myself to keep which little dignity I had left, and the ounce of self respect and self love she hadn't destroyed in just 6 weeks.

The response of course was... OMG you followed me, that's so creepy, I don't think of it as stalking, I just had to know what the fresia was up, cause I knew she was playing me one way or another, I might have been completely inexperienced in anything having to do with relationships at that time, but I knew when someone wasn't being truthful or honest, I've always known except for the best fakers, I just wanted to believe it so badly I allowed it.