Hello World

Loneliness, Depression & Relationship Forum

Help Support Loneliness, Depression & Relationship Forum:

This site may earn a commission from merchant affiliate links, including eBay, Amazon, and others.
T

timdjohn

Guest
Well I have posted a few posts here, but had not introduced myself as of yet.

I am a 41-year-old guy living in the Seattle area of Washington State.

I am currently not employed, as I have applied for disability to this pain called Depression and basic misery.

I have been basically depressed all my life and have become so down that I now rarely leave the house. I get most things I need via postal. My only social setting is this bloody laptop, which is my only friend in the world.

I am now in constant misery, and fear the night, as that is when the grip of sadness is so overwhelming that I usually tearing up by midnight.

I no longer hope for relief, I gave up all hope so long ago that it is futile to believe in this myth of happiness.

I am not suicidal nor do I think I unfortunately ever will be. It is just not my nature.  If I believed in a god (which I do not) I would say he put me here to suffer as if I were a martyr.

I think I shall give it a rest at the moment, and continue more warped ranting of my selfish misery at another time.
 
Hey Tim,

I'm glad that you are not suicidal and will keep fighting the good fight. Can you tell us some of the reasons why you feel so depressed and miserable?

Was there any abuse or neglect in your home growing up?
 
A formal welcome to the site Tim. I hope you get something positive out of being here.

timdjohn said:
Well I have posted a few posts here, but had not introduced myself as of yet.

I am a 41-year-old guy living in the Seattle area of Washington State.

I am currently not employed, as I have applied for disability to this pain called Depression and basic misery.

I have been basically depressed all my life and have become so down that I now rarely leave the house. I get most things I need via postal. My only social setting is this bloody laptop, which is my only friend in the world.

I am now in constant misery, and fear the night, as that is when the grip of sadness is so overwhelming that I usually tearing up by midnight.

I no longer hope for relief, I gave up all hope so long ago that it is futile to believe in this myth of happiness.

I am not suicidal nor do I think I unfortunately ever will be. It is just not my nature.  If I believed in a god (which I do not) I would say he put me here to suffer as if I were a martyr.

I think I shall give it a rest at the moment, and continue more warped ranting of my selfish misery at another time.
 
lonelygirl said:
Hey Tim,

I'm glad that you are not suicidal and will keep fighting the good fight. Can you tell us some of the reasons why you feel so depressed and miserable?

Was there any abuse or neglect in your home growing up?


I really do not have any good reason for being depressed. It is something I have dealt with on different levels my entire life. I was a lonely little boy growing up. We lived in the middle of nowhere in Nevada. The closest neighbor was 2 miles away. I have no real friends in school, and therefore never, not once, had a friend come to the house.

I passed my time as a child when not having to tend to the bloody horses (I detest the nags) by going out in the fields with the dog. Good thing I had a vivid imagination.

I was not abused in any way nor do I feel I was neglected. My father was well known in the small community and we were fairly well off monetary wise.

As far as being miserable? Well much of it is attributed to my ever-growing depression. I honestly cannot remember ever being happy much past a week or so. And that only a hand full of times.

I am miserable as I feel I have failed. I have never amounted to anything, nor is the outlook good for doing so. I have never had a career of any sort. And basically nothing from myself nor anyone else to be proud of. I have just floated through life and my helium is running dry.

As sad as this statement is, the truth is just that. When I pass it shall be as if I had never been. No difference shall be felt, no impact on a sole. I never achieved my 15 min of fame, screw you Andy Warhol
 
Hi Tim,

Please don't say that. You're new here and already I like you! And I bet some of the others, do, too!

How strange to grow up on a ranch in Nevada--interesting, and yet, I can see how it would be lonely. What were some of your experiences?

You never mention your mother--is she still living?

And do you have any siblings?
 
The fundamental problem most people out there [who are depressed and/or fed-up] have is Anxiety. Yes, mere Anxiety can and will plague you for a lifetime if you continue to support anxious behavior (ie. Not facing the public, staying indoors to avoid things, reacting with negativity etcetera & so-forth). The key to survival in this world of extreme stress (which we haven't evolved enough to handle naturally) is via acceptance. Acceptance of the fact things are unbelievably honeysuckle, learning to relax with said acceptance in mind, then doing the very things that makes us anxious while quietly reassuring ourselves to relax and that the crappy feelings and sensations we're feeling are just mere symptoms of our lame anxiety. Fighting anxiety is an uphill battle you will never win, therefore it is best to stop fighting it completely and use that energy to try and enjoy life instead. This is the hardest part (which I'm still personally trying to achieve myself, given the circumstances). Don't fight the anxiety; Disempower it. See it as a switch that should be turned off rather than an opponent in a boxing ring.

Even if there's seemingly nothing in your life to make you happy, taking a walk along the beach by yourself admiring the view, or simply staring at the trees & scenery around you is a little-something that's positive. It's a little-something that I never noticed in my life before until I actually took the time to concentrate on these simple-yet-positive things and enjoy them.

Think about it like this: We humans are creatures of habit - You have become very, very negative through your life experiences, and that's okay. It's okay because you haven't known any better on how to react/deal with these situations. Whether it was from a bad upbringing (or lack-of), or something else you've endured, is irrelevant. The bottom line is that if we think positively and take the stress of ourselves for long enough, our brain's neural pathways will replace the old, anxious behavior and replace it with new, positive behavior. Just like driving a car, thinking positively and relaxing are skills that need to be practiced to come naturally for us as it does with everyone on earth. Most people learn how to deal with all this as they are growing up, before being pushed out "into the real world" and experiencing everything life has to throw at us. A shame they will never realize how fortunate they are to have parent/s that do their jobs correctly, because they don't understand those of us who were thrown in the deep end and can't understand why we struggle to deal with life so bad. Rome wasn't built in a day, nor were we.

I could ramble on about this for hours, but if I'll recommend to google something called "The Linden Method", which I personally bought and can say was worth every cent. Even though I am, over-all, unhappy with my overwhelmingly lonely life, and get depressed a fair amount, I can say that Charles Linden's book made sense and showed me how to better handle it, and life in general. I can also safely say that I wouldn't have a job or even of left my apartment to this day had I not read that book.

If you have trouble buying it, just leave a message here and I'll email you some information. I'd just email you the book, but for numerous reasons (including a legality one), I better not.

Hope what I've said got you thinking down a different track, even if it was only for a moment. Hang in there, mate. Plenty of people here that (seemingly) care. Just take what I have said in to account, and never underestimate the power of relaxation. Once you get the hang of it, an entire new world will open up to you. And if you let yourself slip back into anxious behavior (like me), you will find yourself cherishing the memory of how -great- you felt when you got the hang of relaxing. Hope I've hit some nail on the head for you, Tim. Even if I began to ramble on, I can guarantee you that anxiety is playing a big part in reducing the quality of your life.

- Jeremy
 

Latest posts

Back
Top