38 never been in a relationship

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Shy72

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First thing first, just want to apologize if you see weird sentences, english is not my first language.

Ok so i'm 38 Male and i never been in a relationship ever. At this point i'm my life i'm not even trying anymore. When i talk and listen to my friends (dont have many either) or co-workers and hear them talk about their current and former relationship, i feel like i'm an extra-terrestrial.....

For as long as i remember i had always been shy with girls. I dunno it seems like i have a mental block that prevents me from doing the next step. I remember back in high school, i was around 14-15 back then, i was sitting next to this very nice girl, she was very kind to me (and i was wondering why, i never like myself, so cant understand how can someone else can). When we were doing team work she was always the first to take her desk and literraly drive it next to mine. But in the back of my mind i always had that block (i call it a block cause it feels like that), why is she doing that ? She cannnot possibly likes me, i'm not interesting, i'm ugly, i'm nothing. So i never had the courage to ask her out or take the next step.

A few years later it was something with a former work friend, once again she seems to be interested in me, but i turned her down, i was literally afraid of a relationship, she was doing the first steps, i was kind of suprise in a way, it's generally the guy job to do that. But once again i turn her down cause of that block. I simply said to her, after a night out at a movie that i wasnt ready for a relationship.

All the way up to 30 years old or so, i was very embarassed by my situation, my friends, family we're like joking or passing subtle messages to me about why i was still lonely. As usual i was just pretending to them that i was not in rush to find someone and in the back of my mind it almost became true. I think after that i completly stop looking or even trying.

I think all that goes all way back to primary school and continues all the way to secondary. I've never been a very popular guy, you know that kind of guy who's always choosen last in team sport, well that's me. During my primary and secondary years i had very, very few friends, even today i can count them with the fingers of one hand.

Personally looking i never like myself, i find myself ugly, i cant look at pictures of me, i run away from mirrors, i'm not thin nor overweigth either i'm kinda short 5`7 and around 200lbs.

I guess it's all about self confidence, i have none. Guess if you dont like yourself, how is it possible for someone else to like you. Anyway that's pretty much my life. 38, never been in a relationship and stop even caring about ever getting in one, i'll die single i guess... sometime i'm wondering if i'm some sort of nature freak.
 
Have you read (or watched the unfinished online documentary) anything about involuntary celibacy/love-shyness? You might find some answers there, or at least be able to not feel so alone in it.

I suffer from it myself, I think, though I try very hard to overcome it at age 22. It's difficult now and not a social norm to have attached to oneself, I imagine it's far more difficult and ingrained at 38.
 
Shy72 said:
I remember back in high school, i was around 14-15 back then, i was sitting next to this very nice girl, she was very kind to me (and i was wondering why, i never like myself, so cant understand how can someone else can). When we were doing team work she was always the first to take her desk and literraly drive it next to mine. But in the back of my mind i always had that block (i call it a block cause it feels like that), why is she doing that ? She cannnot possibly likes me, i'm not interesting, i'm ugly, i'm nothing. So i never had the courage to ask her out or take the next step.

That's me.

Shy72 said:
A few years later it was something with a former work friend, once again she seems to be interested in me, but i turned her down, i was literally afraid of a relationship, she was doing the first steps, i was kind of suprise in a way, it's generally the guy job to do that. But once again i turn her down cause of that block. I simply said to her, after a night out at a movie that i wasnt ready for a relationship.

That's even more me. I guess it has to do with our insecurities, being afraid that we wont be able to provide what she's wishing for.

P.S: If you are an extra-terrestrial, well, I am too. And by what I saw in my own life, I say some humans are crap. Suddenly the idea of being an E.Ti doesnt sound so bad to me :p

hugz.
 
I believe my friend you have a vocation. you should become a priest, being celibate is the life of priest and nuns that only a few can live in. based from your narration you are better being a priest than 30% of them because you have the will to stay away from a relationship and adhere to it like a saint.

Few people are called but only a handful are allowed in, and I guess you have what it takes to live the rest of your life in such a solitary life. but of course you may be into another religion or no religion, but give it a thought, a religious life or military one.

Anyway, I envy you for living such a life. No more distractions for you to distract you from performing your job and duties. I remember from the movie 'Joan of Arc' when she was asked dont you want to save your life joan? she answered 'it is not my body I wish to save, but my soul..' Doesn't matter what other people think of you, just do your best at work and the rest doesn't matter anyhow.
 
Shy72 said:
I remember back in high school, i was around 14-15 back then, i was sitting next to this very nice girl, she was very kind to me (and i was wondering why, i never like myself, so cant understand how can someone else can). When we were doing team work she was always the first to take her desk and literraly drive it next to mine. But in the back of my mind i always had that block (i call it a block cause it feels like that), why is she doing that ? She cannnot possibly likes me, i'm not interesting, i'm ugly, i'm nothing. So i never had the courage to ask her out or take the next step.

drifter said:
That's me.

Me also. Even with plenty of actions such as coming up and giving me a piece of paper that she had written her name and phone number on, never got me to consider the possibility that she wanted to know me better. An unimaginable thought for me, at the time.
 
I could'nt possibly be a priest, i'm very attacted by womens, it's just that i can get myself to do the next step. Thanks for the responses guys.
 
I think that sometimes being in a relationship is very hard too. I think that it is not aways the answer or happiness that a person desperate for love and affection would expect.

Consider Aragorn's love. His lover was so much older and yet timeless in the fact that she aged hardly at all and yet he would age and die whilst she would hardly feel the centuries. For him he i stuck with a young beautiful woman and grow old with her.

Terrible. :(
 
I'm 39 and I can kind of understand your situation...I have only been steady with one woman.This was along time ago when I was in my early twenties..Since then I have led the lonesome life..I just can't click with anyone..

what can i say...it sucks!!!

The thing that keeps me going is the belief in destiny..I do not wish for eternal love or daydream about my perfect woman..I would just like to meet someone whose on the same wavelength as me and enjoys hanging out together..
Untill then I have to put up with this shitty lonely feeling...So I feel your pain Frodo and wish for you some future happiness!!
 
Thanks I think the parallel that I draw from this is the cross cultural relationships are attractive and yet difficult. For Aragorn the was immense love but a well of sadness that his love would ultimately be a negative thing and that the differences between them would ultimately undo them or lead to sadness. Xenophobia?
That was the one love in the book that was a constant. Of course there is Sam Gamgee who's expectations and needs are a little less exotic and foreign and his wants small.
Not surprising that this attitude ought to arise if Tolkein was fearful of the foreigners being at war with people foreign to his land.
Is it a fair representation though. Are foreign girls OK for relationships. Their differences exotic and your eccentricities put down to the cultural divide perhaps?
Or should a Hobbit marry a Hobbit and Aragorn have stuck with a human afterall and not an elf. (The fact that he had some elven blood was neither here nor there he was considered human)
I think people are strange and if you find someone out of the billions on earth to connect to so be it and regardless of what race or culture hang onto that person for all you have.
Sorry hope that makes some sense.
 
Frodo Baggins said:
Thanks I think the parallel that I draw from this is the cross cultural relationships are attractive and yet difficult. For Aragorn the was immense love but a well of sadness that his love would ultimately be a negative thing and that the differences between them would ultimately undo them or lead to sadness. Xenophobia?
That was the one love in the book that was a constant. Of course there is Sam Gamgee who's expectations and needs are a little less exotic and foreign and his wants small.
Not surprising that this attitude ought to arise if Tolkein was fearful of the foreigners being at war with people foreign to his land.
Is it a fair representation though. Are foreign girls OK for relationships. Their differences exotic and your eccentricities put down to the cultural divide perhaps?
Or should a Hobbit marry a Hobbit and Aragorn have stuck with a human afterall and not an elf. (The fact that he had some elven blood was neither here nor there he was considered human)
I think people are strange and if you find someone out of the billions on earth to connect to so be it and regardless of what race or culture hang onto that person for all you have.
Sorry hope that makes some sense.

Jesus Christ give me strength. Every single one of your posts has been about Lord of the Rings. you need to get out more. either you are taking the piss or you have mental problems.
 
stella said:
Jesus Christ give me strength. Every single one of your posts has been about Lord of the Rings. you need to get out more. either you are taking the piss or you have mental problems.

Dont be mean stella :club: its fun to see how everything relates to Lord of the Rings LOL :D
 
stella said:
either you are taking the piss or you have mental problems.

That seems rather extreme.
 
Yes i have and it is no reason to suggest someone has mental problems.
 
yes it does. it means they are obsessional and live in a fantasy world. its a messed up psychosis.

but personally i just think it is someone messing about and not a real member.
 
stella said:
yes it does. it means they are obsessional and live in a fantasy world.

No, it means that they really enjoyed that particular movie/book series. That's all.
 
It's rather strange I admit, but leave frodo alone, he's just passionate about lord of the rings, at least he seems fairly happy. Of course he could work for Tolkien or perhaps Jackson, in which case he's just doing his job either way no reason for insults, you hardly know the fella:)

Oops seems this thread has gone a little off topic, who hijacked it? Anyway back to the original topic, I can kind of relate to what you are saying, I've never had a proper relationship either, though I am 11 years younger than you so I imagine it is somewhat tougher for you, I hope you figure out what is blocking you, I think i am, if I can work it out I'll post here first.
 
Sorry . Yes I do apologise and did not mean to upset. I have read the book a bit. You are right and I will try not to make irrelevant references to it. Sorry if I offended.
 
stella said:
yes it does. it means they are obsessional and live in a fantasy world. its a messed up psychosis.

I really question you ability to psychoanalyze someone from a few stray comments. If you really do posses that ability then you are better than any professional.
 

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