thinking of giving up friendship for a while

don't know why i'm posting here again, but anyway. i am in contact with only a handful of people, most of my old friends i let go. i'm thinking of cutting my communication to almost zero, thats sounds insane for a lonely person, but i'll explain why. i dont like being in touch that much right now since there has been little going on in my life.. i dont want to appear less of a person. i go by the logic of if i don't make myself available, i cant get hurt. sorry this is probably making no sense. i want to move away to uni or something and make things happen, then try the friendship thing again. another thing that makes me feel awful is when i certain person takes forever or doesnt reply to my texts, basically all over the place. i just feel right now i need to become more of a man, i should be so successful right now but i wont go into all the tribulations.

Smeagol cut himself from his friends and divorced himself from all of his innerself. He became Gollum and a bitter resentful unstable creature. I think it is sad and I think he lost his way. I think that a few good companions in life's journey is what keeps us straight and focused.

Yea, i did that. Didn't really work out for me.

It was easier when i stoped talking to everyone.. because i just didnt have to make false lame topics or lie about myself to keep it intersting, and people couldnt hurt me either. But then.. when i tried to get back and talk normaly, i realised i couldnt even speak straight. Man kind had become another race. Took me aloooong time and effort ( and a few alcohol drinks i must admit ) to talk again. But what the hell, that's just me.

So, gl with that!

hugz.

troubled said:

don't know why i'm posting here again

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That's what this forum is for

my friends piss me off too..such much that I blew every except one out last july..recently I saw them again and deep down I really missed them..some of them I've known for along time..
I know I get fed up with people and I expect my friends not be idiots but we are only human...saying that though in a couple of weeks I'll probably think they are all dickheads again...haha!!

When I was 19 I moved out of the area I spent my life in, cutting all ties with my past at that point. I think it was a decision that saved my life or at least my sanity, I knew it had to be done and now 8 years down the line I have re-established a few of those links to my earlier life, now that I am in a better place.

I must stress that I'm not suggesting you run away, I don't know your circumstances very well, but I do think it's worth giving uni a shot, I never did but qualifications will never be a thorn in your side and the experience may change your life, I hope for the best for you, chin up

troubled said:

thats sounds insane for a lonely person

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Well exactly. If you don't think you've got much going for you right now, what do you think is going to happen when you completely cut yourself off from others?

If you're looking to move and start over again, like Rammy, it might make sense depending on how supportive or destructive you feel those old ties are. But it sounds like you just want to hide away from the world, because you lack a sense of self-worth. But your real friends don't care about what job you have or any of that stuff. They care about you, and that's something you don't want to give up too easily.

Personally, I'm almost completely isolated and I can tell you it's hell. I haven't had a conversation with anyone since Easter, and some days the loneliness is crushing. I often wonder whether I shouldn't just quit what I'm doing and get back to some kind of normality - but I have committed myself to writing a thesis and I have to see it through. Knowing what I know now, however, I would never attempt something like this unless I had the support of friends and family that I could regularly interact with. So trust me when I say you don't want to do this to yourself.

I can relate to pretty much everything here. I gave up on the whole friendship thing after getting screwed over a million times too many. And like its been said already, it sucks and its better at the same time. Nobody can get to me now, Im almost completely isolated from all human contact, but yeah, its lonely. Sometimes its too much to take, but then I remember why I did it in the first place and buckle down. I'll step into a chat room to get conversation if I need it that badly. Its not the same, no, but beggars can't be choosers. I don't feel like Im worthy of human contact because my life is a joke, but at the same time, they're not worthy of me either because they almost always turn out to be false. Liars and cheats. Sometimes I think it'll be ok to let it go for a minute and realize I don't know how to talk to anyone anymore, especially the brainless robots who seem to make up most of humanity. Its a tough call to make, but sometimes its better to take a break before you lose whatever you've got left. I think it was the right call for me, but now I don't see a way out because I don't trust people enough to try to make new contacts. Sometimes we're damned if we do and damned if we don't. I dunno, do what you feel is right as Im probably not in any position to be giving advice. Good luck with whatever decision you make.

The less you interact with people the harder you find it to deal with and communicate effectively with them.

I cut myself off from my friends for well over 3 years for similar reasons to what you describe and whilst in some ways I appreciated the solitude I felt desperately lonely to the bottom of my soul. I had so much difficulty reconnecting with the world afterwards that it was not worth it at all.

I have been having the same obsessive thought too!!

Its really tough on me constantly having nothing new to tell your friends..

What did you do Friday: .. nothing
Have you met anyone: .. no still single
What are you up to this week: .. dont know

etc etc etc..

But I've seen this cutting off friends thing seriously backfire.. my sister did it in college, she left to a different state and stopped talking to everyone. When she came back she had a reaaal hard time socially (its harder to make new friends the older you get). Now shes really isolated.

If your social life is as bad as mine is, I dont even like my friends .. we still need the few ones we got, trust me on that!

You dont have to see them on the regular but make sure they know YOU DO CARE.. thats all that matters. Your allowed space and most people understand falling off the radar a bit. You can say youre taking care of you or you've to handle other things but dont cut them out. Still do the check up call and tell them you care or how ever you say it in your own way.