A rant I’m lonely and upset

[Amaaree1117]

First time on the forum. I think I need advice
I don’t know what to do. I never had friends or real supporting friends before. I feel that there is a drift in my family I’m not close with them we don’t have anything in common were like polar opposites. I feel like the odd one out, I’m very quiet, shy and introverted. Growing up the dynamic in my family was off like my mom would be very supportive of my siblings emotional needs and if I needed that support she’d tell me to shut up it happened a lot even if I would just be talking about something I’d get told that and it didn’t t help at all at school because I was bullied a lot. 
With the lack of emotional support at home and at school I was very alone and never understood why my family treated me like this, I get called selfish for even bringing up now like for what all my mom did for me and my siblings by putting a roof over our heads and providing food and clothes etc I shouldn’t feel this way or even dare to ask why I never and still don’t get that emotional support and why they act so indifferent. And I will admit I do lash out on them and other people. My family labels me as the “mean one” I just don’t have an outlet to express myself like I am really hesitant on expressing myself or what’s truly on my mind because I already know what going to happen I can’t let go of the yearn to be accepted and just wanting someone to listen. I’ve been having suicidal thoughts for years and the first time I told my mom she made a threat to take me to the doctors and they’ll prescribe me something and I’d overdose and die, this is what I mean when I’m not listened to or given any reassuring advice.  when I was being bullied and told her that I was insecure all she did was show me an episode of dr.Phil on how a woman who was insecure wouldn’t even look in the mirror. She never talks to me without yelling at me or guilt tripping me for all the things she’s done and I see that she acts different towards my siblings, she’s all ears and actually talks but with me she’s yelling. I don’t know why she’s like this, this makes me feel very guilty for having these thoughts, I hate myself for lashing out on them but I hate that the fact that I can’t talk to anyone, I have no one to talk to. I just want to be accepted by her and treated the same but I know that won’t happen and I have to move on and work on myself and build confidence. 
I need advice for how to make friends, how to build self confidence and just overall be happy

 

[AnonymousMe]

Is it possible for you to get away from your mom as far as possible?

 

[Sidewinder]

Doesn't sound like a very healthy environment... I'd suggest getting the f#% outta there ASAP, which means finding a job or trade. As for making friends, how about doing some outdoor activity, something that will also get you out of that dysfunctional home and allow you to meet other people. For me, as a young introvert in a home destroyed by a bitter & ugly divorce, skateboarding was my salvation, go figure... this was back when skateboarding was still a crime too, lol. But I met good friends that way, and I managed to have some good times despite all the negative bullshit in the background. If you don't like skating, try biking or hiking... all of these activities will get you outta the house and give you some exercise, yeah? Hope this helps, I've been in that sort of situation before and it's not a good place to be. Good luck!!!

 

[Finished]

Welcome to the forum!

 

[Sidewinder]

Something I forgot to mention: have you considered military service as a way of getting out on your own? If you're not aggro, you don't have to serve in the Combat Arms, there are plenty of other ways to serve in the military. For instance, if you're good with computers, you can get in on the whole 'cyber security' scene, and it would probably lead to a job in the private sector as well. Just sayin', since that environment you're in right now is friggin' toxic. That's my $.02, perhaps it's worth considering in light of your present circumstances. Good luck!

 

[TheRealCallie]

Can I ask how old you are? That would likely help me give you any advice because there are things adults can do for themselves that people who are still minors will need their parents approval for.

But, there are some things that are good for anyone. Do you have any hobbies? Most hobbies have some kind of club that you can join where you can meet like minded people and eventually possibly gain some friends.
You can check into whether or not there are support groups, even online support groups might help you.
Have you considered martial arts before? Given how martial arts are, they teach you discipline, as well as confidence, which I think could also help.
Basically, you need to find things outside your house. Hobbies, sports, anything that gives you something to do away from your family. I don't know what country you live in, but I believe most, if not all have crisis hotlines. Both calling and texting., and likely even online (though I'm not sure about that) Use them, they can be a great help when you are just looking for acknowledgment and someone to understand.

Also consider that regardless of what your family does, how you react to it is entirely your responsibility. Lashing out will only make things worse, but keeping it bottled up will also make it worse. You need to find a healthy outlet. A punching bag, or going for a walk until you clam down, writing a letter to them instead of talking to them.

 

[Sir Joseph]

Amaaree1117, your life and situation does sound troubling, but not hopeless.  Allow me to offer a perspective a bit more serious and different than the others, though some of their ideas are good.

Understand first that many of us are raised in disfunctional families, and though it makes life harder and less joyful, it needn't prevent you from growing your own character right and pursuing a great life.  I watched my own sister spend decades of torment and therapy sessions trying to win parent approval, only to fail.  I, on the other hand, moved away and accepted the reality that my parents weren't interested in me or my life.  Fortunately, I never placed my self worth or identity upon their view, and its allowed me to do well in life despite the loveless family situation. In your case, you should always strive for a healthy relationship with your mom, but don't count on it for your own personal development or satisfaction in life.  There's a good chance it may never come.

Second, I'd suggest that being quiet, shy, and introverted is often a sign of insecurity with one's sense of self worth.  And while this is an expected effect from dysfunctional families, it's one negated by a proper relationship with God.  When you appreciate why God made you and how much he values you, your self identity and worth is firmly planted beyond the negligence or influence of any others, be it family, friends, schoolmates, or coworkers.

Finally, I'd suggest that you need more than short term happiness based upon feelings and temporary circumstances.  Yes, I encourage you to get out, do things, and have fun, and there are many ways to accomplish that via outdoor recreation, sports, activities, and social interactions.  But most of those pursuits come and go in life and won't bring lasting joy and satisfaction.  That comes only from having a proper relationship with God, supplemented by having good relationships with others.

I don't know what your beliefs are, but I'd encourage you to build your needed friendships within a good Christian church, taking advantage of the small groups and activities they should have there.  In that welcoming environment, you stand a better chance of building worthwhile relationships and growing your identity right as God intended you to be.

 

[AaronAgassi]

First time on the forum. I think I need advice
I don’t know what to do. I never had friends or real supporting friends before. I feel that there is a drift in my family I’m not close with them we don’t have anything in common were like polar opposites. I feel like the odd one out, I’m very quiet, shy and introverted. Growing up the dynamic in my family was off like my mom would be very supportive of my siblings emotional needs and if I needed that support she’d tell me to shut up it happened a lot even if I would just be talking about something I’d get told that and it didn’t t help at all at school because I was bullied a lot.
With the lack of emotional support at home and at school I was very alone and never understood why my family treated me like this, I get called selfish for even bringing up now like for what all my mom did for me and my siblings by putting a roof over our heads and providing food and clothes etc I shouldn’t feel this way or even dare to ask why I never and still don’t get that emotional support and why they act so indifferent. And I will admit I do lash out on them and other people. My family labels me as the “mean one” I just don’t have an outlet to express myself like I am really hesitant on expressing myself or what’s truly on my mind because I already know what going to happen I can’t let go of the yearn to be accepted and just wanting someone to listen. I’ve been having suicidal thoughts for years and the first time I told my mom she made a threat to take me to the doctors and they’ll prescribe me something and I’d overdose and die, this is what I mean when I’m not listened to or given any reassuring advice. when I was being bullied and told her that I was insecure all she did was show me an episode of dr.Phil on how a woman who was insecure wouldn’t even look in the mirror. She never talks to me without yelling at me or guilt tripping me for all the things she’s done and I see that she acts different towards my siblings, she’s all ears and actually talks but with me she’s yelling. I don’t know why she’s like this, this makes me feel very guilty for having these thoughts, I hate myself for lashing out on them but I hate that the fact that I can’t talk to anyone, I have no one to talk to. I just want to be accepted by her and treated the same but I know that won’t happen and I have to move on and work on myself and build confidence.
I need advice for how to make friends, how to build self confidence and just overall be happy

In the immortal words of Rodney Dangerfield: "I don't get no respect! I don't get no respect at all!"