For those off you who know me on here, I been pretty much depress on and off. Well I don't know what made me write this, and maybe it just a spur of the moment (a one time thing) but I believe my future is not yet dim, like a small plant blooming in a rancid wasteland (Wall E). Sometime I think I am delusional that I will find love someday, and sometime I think I am delusional thinking that no one will love me. I don't know what got me thinking today but I feel optimistic about my future.
I know as long as I'm under my parents roof, and despite being a college student, I will always be on a chain, but college is not where my new start in life began, but rather a practice in becoming independence, and become who I want to be. I am a adult but I am still treated like a child once I come home for the summer, which mean things I want to do like getting pierce ear or maybe a tattoo is unacceptable. I am not yet free, but I am free to do anything that I feel acceptable as long as I don't get caught when I'm at home. In this case, I am free to be ME!
Now I been thinking a lot about life, and my purpose on this planet, and even let say I screw up badly in college, and thus another year without friends...I don't think I will kill myself, not now and not ever. I haven't experience the finer things in life and most of all I haven't experience life itself.
There are just so many things to do that life isn't worth ending. There are so many places to travel to, even though I probably will be alone on those trip. I could visit place such as Australia, The Great Wall of China, The Seattle Arc, The Grand Canyon (2nd times), Las Vegas (2nd times), Hawaii, go on a African Safari, see Mound Rushmore, visit Yellow Stone National Park, Vacation in Canada, watch NBA games lives as a Lakers fans, go to live country concert, visit the place I grew up in Tennessee, and many more.
Now that just one small part of life, there are other things that I can look forward to, such as being an basketball fans in general, and watching as many games as I would like someday with satellite TV. Most importantly, I could enjoy once again the company of man best friends, maybe have even more than 2 dogs. I do believe these things are worth living for, and am glad I have not done anything stupid beside leaving this site for a whole 2 months
I think for me right now is that someday I will have a car, I can travel anywhere with it, I can drive on the freeway on and off as much as i want, and hopefully by then gas price start to fall (finger cross).
Now I know life is hard and if worst come to worst, and even if I never find someone who love me, so be it. I think after overcoming social anxiety disorder, I realize I can pretty do much anything as long as I am determine enough to never give in. I realize hell so what if I never fall in love, I think I am still live life being happy. My parents have ruin my life as a child and for the next few years as well, but it not like I will live with them for the rest of my life. I'll become independence someday, and if someone laugh at me for not having any friends, I don't give a hoo.
I guess I just know deep down that if anyone can survive life without ever falling in love or just be happy in general it would be me. I guess I can be thankful for being emotionally strong or else I wouldn't make it out of high school alive like one of my fellow classmate. I constantly think that if some gigantic catastrophe hit the earth and I suddenly became the last person I alive, I would still be able to live life. I now know that nothing can stop me from living my life, and nothing can make me kill myself, no matter how bad the event become.
I know as long as I'm under my parents roof, and despite being a college student, I will always be on a chain, but college is not where my new start in life began, but rather a practice in becoming independence, and become who I want to be. I am a adult but I am still treated like a child once I come home for the summer, which mean things I want to do like getting pierce ear or maybe a tattoo is unacceptable. I am not yet free, but I am free to do anything that I feel acceptable as long as I don't get caught when I'm at home. In this case, I am free to be ME!
Now I been thinking a lot about life, and my purpose on this planet, and even let say I screw up badly in college, and thus another year without friends...I don't think I will kill myself, not now and not ever. I haven't experience the finer things in life and most of all I haven't experience life itself.
There are just so many things to do that life isn't worth ending. There are so many places to travel to, even though I probably will be alone on those trip. I could visit place such as Australia, The Great Wall of China, The Seattle Arc, The Grand Canyon (2nd times), Las Vegas (2nd times), Hawaii, go on a African Safari, see Mound Rushmore, visit Yellow Stone National Park, Vacation in Canada, watch NBA games lives as a Lakers fans, go to live country concert, visit the place I grew up in Tennessee, and many more.
Now that just one small part of life, there are other things that I can look forward to, such as being an basketball fans in general, and watching as many games as I would like someday with satellite TV. Most importantly, I could enjoy once again the company of man best friends, maybe have even more than 2 dogs. I do believe these things are worth living for, and am glad I have not done anything stupid beside leaving this site for a whole 2 months
I think for me right now is that someday I will have a car, I can travel anywhere with it, I can drive on the freeway on and off as much as i want, and hopefully by then gas price start to fall (finger cross).
Now I know life is hard and if worst come to worst, and even if I never find someone who love me, so be it. I think after overcoming social anxiety disorder, I realize I can pretty do much anything as long as I am determine enough to never give in. I realize hell so what if I never fall in love, I think I am still live life being happy. My parents have ruin my life as a child and for the next few years as well, but it not like I will live with them for the rest of my life. I'll become independence someday, and if someone laugh at me for not having any friends, I don't give a hoo.
I guess I just know deep down that if anyone can survive life without ever falling in love or just be happy in general it would be me. I guess I can be thankful for being emotionally strong or else I wouldn't make it out of high school alive like one of my fellow classmate. I constantly think that if some gigantic catastrophe hit the earth and I suddenly became the last person I alive, I would still be able to live life. I now know that nothing can stop me from living my life, and nothing can make me kill myself, no matter how bad the event become.