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Another Bad Experience

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Bluemoody

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Even though I live in a city of over 8 million people, I can't make a real friend. People either reject me or they use me. Last year I decided to answer some ads for pen pals, bad idea. The web is full of scammers and sickos! One woman told me(a woman) to send her $20 a month for her to keep writing me! I'm not desperate. Finally I found a woman that seemed genuine and seemed to share some of my interests, so I wrote to her about a year. Suddenly she stopped writing, this surprised me because I was led to believe that our relationship could turn into a real friendship. At first I thought she was too busy to write, so I gave it some time and sent an email asking if she was OK. No reply. After some more time I sent a last email stating, "I thought we were friends, but if you don"t want that I won't bother you again. Nothing from her and that was that. It took me by surprise because we didn't have a disagreement or anything and her last email was friendly.
In hindsight I thought about the red flags that I should have paid attention to: she had 3 failed marriages and didn't get along with her own family and she was an atheist. If I had know she was the latter I wouldn't have written her because I believe that atheists have a cold heart and only answer to themselves. She probably only answered my reply because I live in NYC which was the epic center of the COVID-19 virus and she was curious. Later after things leveled off she got bored. I never send anybody my street address and I have stopped giving out my phone number. In this high tech age, who knows what someone can do with info. There are a lot of really bad things happening to people that go on the web and don't know what they're doing.
 

JJW

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[and she was an atheist.] If I had know she was the latter I wouldn't have written her because I believe that atheists have a cold heart and only answer to themselves.
I'll take offense to that. It's not that I believe in nothing. I just don't have confidence in the reality of a deity. Your personal belief is more inclined to answering only to your belief than those others that don't have your belief but are content to accept that you believe it.

Tell me that your religion is matter-of-fact and that none of the others are and I'll have to ask you to prove it. If you accept that belief is a choice, and it's subjectivity is only a matter of upbringing, and one is not more or less genuine than another and I'll forego further opinion.

Not that there is any religious intent in this post. I'm completely on board with your right to believe what you will. I'm just asking for the same in return.
 

Sir Joseph

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Bluemoody, don't be surprised that someone jumped on your italicized statement generalizing your character view of Atheists. I won't defend your statement or get drawn into JJW's theological challenge, but will give my Christian perspective on your situation.

While I agree that a devout Christian can and should make a better friend (for me) because of shared beliefs and values, that does not prevent me from seeking interaction and friendship with others who don't share my faith. Be it Christianity, Islam, Buddhist, or Atheist, two principles apply:

First, most of us here need all the friends we can get, and if we rule out the ones that don't share our beliefs and values, we're going to miss out on a lot of relationships, including good ones.

Second, if we're strong with our faith and values, we'll want to share our world view and truth with others, and what better way to do that than by interacting with them personally. In other words, if I befriend a person and win his liking and respect, I have much more potential to influence him in his beliefs and values than I would as a stranger.

I've befriended several Atheists over the years and found at least 2 of them to be closer, better friends than most of my other Christian or Catholic friends. I think all of my Atheist friends and family members are woefully misguided with their beliefs and world values, but that doesn't negate my need and obligation to pursue good relationships with them. Understand, from a Christian perspective, our second purpose in life (after loving God as the first) is to learn how to love others. We do this by engaging with all sorts of people.

Now I'd ask you what your intention was in pursuing a relationship with the girl who dismissed you? Was it just to build a friendship, or was it in hopes of a mate? There are different suitability requirements between a friendship versus marriage. It may be reasonable to start a relationship with someone holding opposing religious views, hoping that one will influence and win over the other. But, to marry with opposing religious views will cause lifelong problems with the relationship - best avoided.

In summary, I'd encourage you to befriend everyone you meet, giving them as much time and attention as they'll take. But a marriage prospect warrants a higher standard of compatibility with beliefs and values.
 

theablekingathelstan

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Even though I live in a city of over 8 million people, I can't make a real friend. People either reject me or they use me. Last year I decided to answer some ads for pen pals, bad idea. The web is full of scammers and sickos! One woman told me(a woman) to send her $20 a month for her to keep writing me! I'm not desperate. Finally I found a woman that seemed genuine and seemed to share some of my interests, so I wrote to her about a year. Suddenly she stopped writing, this surprised me because I was led to believe that our relationship could turn into a real friendship. At first I thought she was too busy to write, so I gave it some time and sent an email asking if she was OK. No reply. After some more time I sent a last email stating, "I thought we were friends, but if you don"t want that I won't bother you again. Nothing from her and that was that. It took me by surprise because we didn't have a disagreement or anything and her last email was friendly.
In hindsight I thought about the red flags that I should have paid attention to: she had 3 failed marriages and didn't get along with her own family and she was an atheist. If I had know she was the latter I wouldn't have written her because I believe that atheists have a cold heart and only answer to themselves. She probably only answered my reply because I live in NYC which was the epic center of the COVID-19 virus and she was curious. Later after things leveled off she got bored. I never send anybody my street address and I have stopped giving out my phone number. In this high tech age, who knows what someone can do with info. There are a lot of really bad things happening to people that go on the web and don't know what they're doing.
I'm sorry for your issues.
But your point on atheists is in itself cold-hearted. It's a baseless generalisation, and there are many religious people who don't act in warm ways.
 

beingnobody

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Even though I live in a city of over 8 million people, I can't make a real friend. People either reject me or they use me. Last year I decided to answer some ads for pen pals, bad idea. The web is full of scammers and sickos! One woman told me(a woman) to send her $20 a month for her to keep writing me! I'm not desperate. Finally I found a woman that seemed genuine and seemed to share some of my interests, so I wrote to her about a year. Suddenly she stopped writing, this surprised me because I was led to believe that our relationship could turn into a real friendship. At first I thought she was too busy to write, so I gave it some time and sent an email asking if she was OK. No reply. After some more time I sent a last email stating, "I thought we were friends, but if you don"t want that I won't bother you again. Nothing from her and that was that. It took me by surprise because we didn't have a disagreement or anything and her last email was friendly.
In hindsight I thought about the red flags that I should have paid attention to: she had 3 failed marriages and didn't get along with her own family and she was an atheist. If I had know she was the latter I wouldn't have written her because I believe that atheists have a cold heart and only answer to themselves. She probably only answered my reply because I live in NYC which was the epic center of the COVID-19 virus and she was curious. Later after things leveled off she got bored. I never send anybody my street address and I have stopped giving out my phone number. In this high tech age, who knows what someone can do with info. There are a lot of really bad things happening to people that go on the web and don't know what they're doing.
I don't know from what basis or experience you have such a negative opinion of atheists but I hope you may some day reconsider. People are people. You need not believe in a God to be a decent, caring, loving human being.
 

non_entity

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I'm sorry that you've had bad experiences with trying to make friends.

There are some good pen pal groups on Facebook, where I wrote to a couple people from different countries. Both were very nice, but we just fell out of habit of writing each other. I prefer just plain online chatting, rather than putting things in the post.
 

Slick

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Bluemoody, don't be surprised that someone jumped on your italicized statement generalizing your character view of Atheists. I won't defend your statement or get drawn into JJW's theological challenge, but will give my Christian perspective on your situation.

While I agree that a devout Christian can and should make a better friend (for me) because of shared beliefs and values, that does not prevent me from seeking interaction and friendship with others who don't share my faith. Be it Christianity, Islam, Buddhist, or Atheist, two principles apply:

First, most of us here need all the friends we can get, and if we rule out the ones that don't share our beliefs and values, we're going to miss out on a lot of relationships, including good ones.

Second, if we're strong with our faith and values, we'll want to share our world view and truth with others, and what better way to do that than by interacting with them personally. In other words, if I befriend a person and win his liking and respect, I have much more potential to influence him in his beliefs and values than I would as a stranger.

I've befriended several Atheists over the years and found at least 2 of them to be closer, better friends than most of my other Christian or Catholic friends. I think all of my Atheist friends and family members are woefully misguided with their beliefs and world values, but that doesn't negate my need and obligation to pursue good relationships with them. Understand, from a Christian perspective, our second purpose in life (after loving God as the first) is to learn how to love others. We do this by engaging with all sorts of people.

Now I'd ask you what your intention was in pursuing a relationship with the girl who dismissed you? Was it just to build a friendship, or was it in hopes of a mate? There are different suitability requirements between a friendship versus marriage. It may be reasonable to start a relationship with someone holding opposing religious views, hoping that one will influence and win over the other. But, to marry with opposing religious views will cause lifelong problems with the relationship - best avoided.

In summary, I'd encourage you to befriend everyone you meet, giving them as much time and attention as they'll take. But a marriage prospect warrants a higher standard of compatibility with beliefs and values.
I agree....BUT I did let my beliefs go once and dated an atheist...he believed he was the highest power in his life...recovering alcoholic that 's how I found that out...asked him if he was an atheist how he went through that step..and he couldn't answer me until I flat out said , do you think you are the highest power...now so none of the atheists here jump me , the man was a well practiced narcissist...which says more here...that's why he thought he was of the highest power....I am a Christian and don't generally share my love of Jesus with anyone, it's personal to me and respect everyone's right to believe as they choose...doesn't mean I have to have any sort of close relationship with them..
 

Slick

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Even though I live in a city of over 8 million people, I can't make a real friend. People either reject me or they use me. Last year I decided to answer some ads for pen pals, bad idea. The web is full of scammers and sickos! One woman told me(a woman) to send her $20 a month for her to keep writing me! I'm not desperate. Finally I found a woman that seemed genuine and seemed to share some of my interests, so I wrote to her about a year. Suddenly she stopped writing, this surprised me because I was led to believe that our relationship could turn into a real friendship. At first I thought she was too busy to write, so I gave it some time and sent an email asking if she was OK. No reply. After some more time I sent a last email stating, "I thought we were friends, but if you don"t want that I won't bother you again. Nothing from her and that was that. It took me by surprise because we didn't have a disagreement or anything and her last email was friendly.
In hindsight I thought about the red flags that I should have paid attention to: she had 3 failed marriages and didn't get along with her own family and she was an atheist. If I had know she was the latter I wouldn't have written her because I believe that atheists have a cold heart and only answer to themselves. She probably only answered my reply because I live in NYC which was the epic center of the COVID-19 virus and she was curious. Later after things leveled off she got bored. I never send anybody my street address and I have stopped giving out my phone number. In this high tech age, who knows what someone can do with info. There are a lot of really bad things happening to people that go on the web and don't know what they're doing.
After my husband passed, very young 54....I did a lot of things I enjoy that he didn't, myself to keep busy...I met 3 women and one man...who all did the same thing to me...close friends until they decided to ghost me without a word...it seemed that since I'm pretty easy going, if someone picks the restaurant all the time, it's not that I don't have an opinion, if I don't hate the food there it's one of those small things in life I don't really care about...2 of them stopped talked to me because I wasn't interested in a movie they wanted to see, and said I would meet up with them after the movie for lunch....NOPE!!! not good enough...another one hasn't talked to me after 5 years because I had to tell her I couldn't listen to her talk about how she wished her husband would disappear constantly, since I missed mine...well that's all she needed me for because I listened....I have met many, many users...I did meet 3 men on dating sites and became friends with them....nothing ever romantic and had a really good friendship with all of them..there is so much mental illness that has become more prominant through Covid...that I think people do have problems....not much we can do if we keep meeting them...I have a good gut instinct..if I see red flags immediately , I run...but some are so very good at hiding it, especially a disorder like narcissism....they wear a mask concealing who they really are and unless we see it drop a little...it's really hard to know until we've been abused enough by them...to grab the red flag..
 

Richard_39

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I agree....BUT I did let my beliefs go once and dated an atheist...he believed he was the highest power in his life...recovering alcoholic that 's how I found that out...asked him if he was an atheist how he went through that step..and he couldn't answer me until I flat out said , do you think you are the highest power...now so none of the atheists here jump me , the man was a well practiced narcissist...which says more here...that's why he thought he was of the highest power....I am a Christian and don't generally share my love of Jesus with anyone, it's personal to me and respect everyone's right to believe as they choose...doesn't mean I have to have any sort of close relationship with them..
I never thought religion had much to do with anything, really. I was raised Catholic, in a province where it used to be ardent, now is rather meaningless, ran off to join the Mormons when I was 19, turned out to be a mistake that almost irreperably damaged my family, now I'm...I don't know what I am. Angry with God? I'm more inclined to think sometimes I'm either talking to thin air, or that it's falling on deaf ears. Regardless, I feel religion shapes who you are, sure, but you're the final master of what this says about you as a person. Once, I allmost dated a Born Again girl, considerably older than I was. Her religion intimidated me out of it though, not because of her beliefs, but because of the all-importance she put on it.Not that it made her any lesser for it being important to her, mind you, but for example, her being a virgin in her early 50s. I'm not, I have 2 kids. That intimidated me. Or the fact she didnt watch television or movies much and that her evenings consisted of going through the bible, on repeat. I feel that would have made us rather incompatible, because my interests are much more varied.
I havent thoughtbabout her in a while. I hope she found someone suited to her...

Anyways, atheism in and of itself, I don't feel is any better or worse than any belief in any religion. I think it's what you do with it and how you live it that says something about yourself.
 

Slick

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I never thought religion had much to do with anything, really. I was raised Catholic, in a province where it used to be ardent, now is rather meaningless, ran off to join the Mormons when I was 19, turned out to be a mistake that almost irreperably damaged my family, now I'm...I don't know what I am. Angry with God? I'm more inclined to think sometimes I'm either talking to thin air, or that it's falling on deaf ears. Regardless, I feel religion shapes who you are, sure, but you're the final master of what this says about you as a person. Once, I allmost dated a Born Again girl, considerably older than I was. Her religion intimidated me out of it though, not because of her beliefs, but because of the all-importance she put on it.Not that it made her any lesser for it being important to her, mind you, but for example, her being a virgin in her early 50s. I'm not, I have 2 kids. That intimidated me. Or the fact she didnt watch television or movies much and that her evenings consisted of going through the bible, on repeat. I feel that would have made us rather incompatible, because my interests are much more varied.
I havent thoughtbabout her in a while. I hope she found someone suited to her...

Anyways, atheism in and of itself, I don't feel is any better or worse than any belief in any religion. I think it's what you do with it and how you live it that says something about yourself.
Agreed, I also was raised Catholic...went through 12 years of Catholic school...at some point I stopped believing in organized religion....and just strengthened my faith in Jesus..I am not a born again...or anything like that , I have a strong faith in God, believe He listens, is never late to answer and doesn't always answer in the way I may want, but He has answered my prayers...I have gone to many different Churches..and they all have a common factor...to go once a week and give them money. I'm sorry but that's my opinion....so I have kept myself close to Jesus...believe in Him completely..
 

Richard_39

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Agreed, I also was raised Catholic...went through 12 years of Catholic school...at some point I stopped believing in organized religion....and just strengthened my faith in Jesus..I am not a born again...or anything like that , I have a strong faith in God, believe He listens, is never late to answer and doesn't always answer in the way I may want, but He has answered my prayers...I have gone to many different Churches..and they all have a common factor...to go once a week and give them money. I'm sorry but that's my opinion....so I have kept myself close to Jesus...believe in Him completely..
I also feel this way. I still talk to God sometimes. Probably makes me a bad Christian though, because it's usually a mountain of insults, but that's on me and that's personal. Sometimes I feel shameful, because either I feel like I'm complaining too much or ridiculous because there's no one up there lol. I secretly admire greatly those who do have Faith, I can't fathom how to ever get mine back. Hence the profile picture, I feel like Mal way too often for my own liking, minus the heroism. But I developed my views on organised religion much the same way you did, Slick. I feel like many people are profiting on peddling thoughts to others that, ultimately, really is an individual belief. It doesnt need to be explained, or preached about, by someone, it needs to be felt by each person.
So I don't have generally much respect for priests, or Imams, or any other so-called religious authorities. While they may sometimes be good, honest people, their roles feel a bit self-serving to different churches.

I mean hey, there was an article a while back on how the Pope's robes cost about 600 US bucks. I was like, really? What about the poor, how come you don't preach in RAGS? lol. Not that I have anything against the guy, it's just a personal thing. Ultimately it depends on how individuals feel.
 

Scarlet2020

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Even though I live in a city of over 8 million people, I can't make a real friend. People either reject me or they use me. Last year I decided to answer some ads for pen pals, bad idea. The web is full of scammers and sickos! One woman told me(a woman) to send her $20 a month for her to keep writing me! I'm not desperate. Finally I found a woman that seemed genuine and seemed to share some of my interests, so I wrote to her about a year. Suddenly she stopped writing, this surprised me because I was led to believe that our relationship could turn into a real friendship. At first I thought she was too busy to write, so I gave it some time and sent an email asking if she was OK. No reply. After some more time I sent a last email stating, "I thought we were friends, but if you don"t want that I won't bother you again. Nothing from her and that was that. It took me by surprise because we didn't have a disagreement or anything and her last email was friendly.
In hindsight I thought about the red flags that I should have paid attention to: she had 3 failed marriages and didn't get along with her own family and she was an atheist. If I had know she was the latter I wouldn't have written her because I believe that atheists have a cold heart and only answer to themselves. She probably only answered my reply because I live in NYC which was the epic center of the COVID-19 virus and she was curious. Later after things leveled off she got bored. I never send anybody my street address and I have stopped giving out my phone number. In this high tech age, who knows what someone can do with info. There are a lot of really bad things happening to people that go on the web and don't know what they're doing.
The comment about atheists is not true at all. The way a person treats you is not defined by their beliefs, but by their personality. IMO anyway. There are rude people on all sides.
I'm sorry your friendship didn't work out, but maybe there was that possibility something happened to her. Maybe got sick and passed away?
 

A02

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Even though I live in a city of over 8 million people, I can't make a real friend. People either reject me or they use me. Last year I decided to answer some ads for pen pals, bad idea. The web is full of scammers and sickos! One woman told me(a woman) to send her $20 a month for her to keep writing me! I'm not desperate. Finally I found a woman that seemed genuine and seemed to share some of my interests, so I wrote to her about a year. Suddenly she stopped writing, this surprised me because I was led to believe that our relationship could turn into a real friendship. At first I thought she was too busy to write, so I gave it some time and sent an email asking if she was OK. No reply. After some more time I sent a last email stating, "I thought we were friends, but if you don"t want that I won't bother you again. Nothing from her and that was that. It took me by surprise because we didn't have a disagreement or anything and her last email was friendly.
In hindsight I thought about the red flags that I should have paid attention to: she had 3 failed marriages and didn't get along with her own family and she was an atheist. If I had know she was the latter I wouldn't have written her because I believe that atheists have a cold heart and only answer to themselves. She probably only answered my reply because I live in NYC which was the epic center of the COVID-19 virus and she was curious. Later after things leveled off she got bored. I never send anybody my street address and I have stopped giving out my phone number. In this high tech age, who knows what someone can do with info. There are a lot of really bad things happening to people that go on the web and don't know what they're doing.
yeah its hard to make friends tbh ive never had one
 

Adamridge79

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It took me by surprise because we didn't have a disagreement or anything and her last email was friendly.
This is one of those things that can happen when written corresponding is in play. Many a year ago when writing a letter took like 8 weeks to be delivered, the reason could be death by a paper cut. That would be some irony
 

Oranda

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Even though I live in a city of over 8 million people, I can't make a real friend. People either reject me or they use me. Last year I decided to answer some ads for pen pals, bad idea. The web is full of scammers and sickos! One woman told me(a woman) to send her $20 a month for her to keep writing me! I'm not desperate. Finally I found a woman that seemed genuine and seemed to share some of my interests, so I wrote to her about a year. Suddenly she stopped writing, this surprised me because I was led to believe that our relationship could turn into a real friendship. At first I thought she was too busy to write, so I gave it some time and sent an email asking if she was OK. No reply. After some more time I sent a last email stating, "I thought we were friends, but if you don"t want that I won't bother you again. Nothing from her and that was that. It took me by surprise because we didn't have a disagreement or anything and her last email was friendly.
In hindsight I thought about the red flags that I should have paid attention to: she had 3 failed marriages and didn't get along with her own family and she was an atheist. If I had know she was the latter I wouldn't have written her because I believe that atheists have a cold heart and only answer to themselves. She probably only answered my reply because I live in NYC which was the epic center of the COVID-19 virus and she was curious. Later after things leveled off she got bored. I never send anybody my street address and I have stopped giving out my phone number. In this high tech age, who knows what someone can do with info. There are a lot of really bad things happening to people that go on the web and don't know what they're doing.
"Atheists have a cold heart"? Blimey, you're a life-enhancing, sweet-natured ray of sunshine aren't you? What jolly little religion spawned you? I'll have to convert and join now that I know where all the warm, lovely people hang out.........😆😆😆🤡
 

theablekingathelstan

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Even though I live in a city of over 8 million people, I can't make a real friend. People either reject me or they use me. Last year I decided to answer some ads for pen pals, bad idea. The web is full of scammers and sickos! One woman told me(a woman) to send her $20 a month for her to keep writing me! I'm not desperate. Finally I found a woman that seemed genuine and seemed to share some of my interests, so I wrote to her about a year. Suddenly she stopped writing, this surprised me because I was led to believe that our relationship could turn into a real friendship. At first I thought she was too busy to write, so I gave it some time and sent an email asking if she was OK. No reply. After some more time I sent a last email stating, "I thought we were friends, but if you don"t want that I won't bother you again. Nothing from her and that was that. It took me by surprise because we didn't have a disagreement or anything and her last email was friendly.
In hindsight I thought about the red flags that I should have paid attention to: she had 3 failed marriages and didn't get along with her own family and she was an atheist. If I had know she was the latter I wouldn't have written her because I believe that atheists have a cold heart and only answer to themselves. She probably only answered my reply because I live in NYC which was the epic center of the COVID-19 virus and she was curious. Later after things leveled off she got bored. I never send anybody my street address and I have stopped giving out my phone number. In this high tech age, who knows what someone can do with info. There are a lot of really bad things happening to people that go on the web and don't know what they're doing.

I can see you do't like atheists.
One thing is that all groups of humans are different.
Human personalities differ amongst any group of people.

I suspect you're trolling, or you need to open your mind on atheists. There may be people in your church who are not as wholesome as you think. I once attended a church were I found out that some parisioners engaged in incest, or were members of neo-Nazi groups, or embellezed money via their businsess. Wholesome theists? IMHO, certainly not.
 

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