ardour
Well known loser
Young people appear pretty nice these days, sometimes it’s like I’m talking to a different species. A lot of out and proud LGBT individuals. But oddly, the biggest change seems to be with straight men, who are generally less aggressive. There’s a bit of bro talk here and there but it’s nothing like the nastiness I routinely encountered in the 90s/early 2000s.
Whenever I come across younger men being friendly, say around university or at a meetup, once I get past the initial suspicion that they’re being sarcastic, I end up thinking about how they would have been humiliated and bullied in my school. I feel embarrassed for them.
Anyway, by the time I relax enough, it's already too late. This has probably cost me a dozen or more potential friends. Not that it matters anyway, my life has been over for 10 years. All that’s left is to mull over the past. So I’ll look for clues in the social media accounts of the arseholes I grew up around, thinking maybe time has warped my perspective and it wasn't all that bad or abnormal.
Nope. They’re mostly the same nasty pieces of work they always were. The same arrogance, toned down a bit. Insulting each other constantly (the only way Real Men are allowed to relate). Conformist, following similar life trajectories: OE’s in the UK (where else), and even there they just flatted with other Kiwis and went drinking together, as if they couldn’t even appreciate a new country but would rather ‘fly the flag’ and stick it to the poms instead. Then home to some corporate job. No interesting hobbies and certainly no creative interests. Their Linkedin profiles read as if they were barely literate. Arseholes without an original thought or anything interesting or relatable about them. Yet most of them have been rewarded with partners and kids.
Having grown up in the tail end of an intolerant culture has left me unable to drop my guard or show much emotion. I can't force a smile a lot of the time. Even if I could somehow turn back my biological age, now way could I fit in with younger millennials or Gen Z. The ‘firmware’ that was coded decades ago can’t be updated.
Whenever I come across younger men being friendly, say around university or at a meetup, once I get past the initial suspicion that they’re being sarcastic, I end up thinking about how they would have been humiliated and bullied in my school. I feel embarrassed for them.
Anyway, by the time I relax enough, it's already too late. This has probably cost me a dozen or more potential friends. Not that it matters anyway, my life has been over for 10 years. All that’s left is to mull over the past. So I’ll look for clues in the social media accounts of the arseholes I grew up around, thinking maybe time has warped my perspective and it wasn't all that bad or abnormal.
Nope. They’re mostly the same nasty pieces of work they always were. The same arrogance, toned down a bit. Insulting each other constantly (the only way Real Men are allowed to relate). Conformist, following similar life trajectories: OE’s in the UK (where else), and even there they just flatted with other Kiwis and went drinking together, as if they couldn’t even appreciate a new country but would rather ‘fly the flag’ and stick it to the poms instead. Then home to some corporate job. No interesting hobbies and certainly no creative interests. Their Linkedin profiles read as if they were barely literate. Arseholes without an original thought or anything interesting or relatable about them. Yet most of them have been rewarded with partners and kids.
Having grown up in the tail end of an intolerant culture has left me unable to drop my guard or show much emotion. I can't force a smile a lot of the time. Even if I could somehow turn back my biological age, now way could I fit in with younger millennials or Gen Z. The ‘firmware’ that was coded decades ago can’t be updated.
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