Anyone here ever done pick up?

[Hauntyoueveryday]

I've been in the pick up community for about three years. I just got out of yesterday.

A little back story: Before pick up I just couldn't get it going with the girls. I'd had four girlfriends through middle school and high school and would date other girls here and there. I lost my virginity at age 15. But I didn't have sex again until right before my 20th birthday. At the point that I got into pick up I had gone on an successful date with this girl from class that I really wanted. She was smart, pretty, and a dancer. But when I went for the second date she was not interested. I was a bit crushed.

So I went into a Barnes and Nobles (that she actually worked at) bought the rules of the game and it was on from there. I did this thirty day challenge thing and the goal was to get a date in thirty days or less. I did that.

I experimented with wings, I would approach women seven days a week during the day. When I moved to L.A I would go out to bars and clubs constantly. I can't say that I am a player. But I've been able to have sex with women in a club on a few occasions. I have gotten a few more dates. But not as much as I liked.

Fast forward now and I look at my romantic life and I still disappointed. And confused now.

Ever since I was a kid all I wanted was a hot girlfriend. That's pretty much all I wanted. Pick up made be believe that I wanted a harem. That relationships were no good, that love didn't exist, that I had to approach women constantly, etc, etc, etc.

It also made me believe that I would be a player in two years. Nearly three and I am not. Yes there are instances where I was able to make out, and have sex. But a lot of times I left the night upset. Or I'd get a bunch of numbers that turned into flakes. Or met women who would flake on me hard core. Or just not meet the kind of women that I am really interested would be really interested in me.

There is this underlying sadness in pick up. All these guys are fake macho dudes that are just trying to cover up their black holes. Most people that are really into pick up are just not good characters that you would want to hang out with.

I've come to realize that it just isn't for me. It almost feels like I've gotten out of a cult. There was some good. It forced me to make an effort to talk to women, to develop my social skills, to go to the gym and exercise, to push myself more and it's influence other areas of my life. It made me not be outcome dependent, it made me control my emotions more.

But it also made me try to become someone that I am not. It's also diverted my attention on women way too much. Sometimes to the point where I didn't even like to go out at night or approach a woman. Or I was focusing on women rather than work. They look down on a movie star who gets women based off of their career and think it's better to just be a guy who can slay. And a lot of them are dicks. You say something and they say that you are just stuck inside the matrix. Call you a chode or something. Tell you to go and talk to women who you weren't attracted to and even have sex with the.

I do believe that mainstream society is a bit of a matrix and there is a blue pill that we can take. But I don't think that companies like RSD are the answer to this. Enlightenment is.

At the end of the day it's just about showing off and filling holes.

I truly do not know what I want. The closest thing would be to become a serial monogamist. I do like women and it's been a long time since I've been in a relationship. But I do not want to be tied down for long either.

But at the moment I really want to focus on my career too. I feel that most people who are great in life aren't spending too much time being worried about getting laid. I doubt Walt Disney was going out on a Friday night as he was developing Snow White and the seven dwarfs and was scratching his head on how to pull.

I figure at the end of the day when I realize my career goals that the women will be there. Women come and go as well. I am the only constant.

Anyone else here ever done pick up?

 

[Peaches]

women are people, you know?

 

[stork_error]

Being a player will always get the girl... the messed up girl

Pick up artists dont like themselves enough to trust that a woman could like their real self so they become someone else and then attract the kind of of woman who likes that player self.

A few years ago, I had a guy try pick up on me. His hot and cold was extreme and I got the feeling that he was trying to seduce me one minute and friend zone me the next. I did some research on seduction because I felt like my neurochemicals and hormones were being manipulated by his actions and discovered there was a book about this honeysuckle. I read the book and then fully confirmed that he was using trial and error on me with every tactic in the book to see what would work with me and what wouldn't.

Once I suspected him, he had no idea, but I was actually observing him and using him as a learning tool to gain some awareness on the tactics of people who do this stupid honeysuckle. Funnier than his game was the fact that i became fully aware of it and started keeping record of his acts and attempts.

When I saw all i needed to see and confirmed that he was trying to seduce me, I eventually saw him in such a pathetic light. I saw him as someone very insecure and desperate. I just walked away, telling him I just don't have feelings for him anymore. It was actually a very good learning experience and I now know exactly what to beware from this honeysuckle.

In retrospect, more knowledge I didn't need and things one cant unlearn.. but ultimately thankful

 

[lonelyfairy]

.....

 

[Hauntyoueveryday]

First off if you read what I wrote I am not advocating pick up at all. I said that I got out of it. One of the reasons why is because of the way that they make you objectify women. It's not good for the man or woman.

Secondly, I actually like messed up girls. If I could find someone like Jennifer Lawrence from Silver Linings Playbook that would make me happy.

And I was NOT a player. A player to me is someone who is able to get with a ton of women. I wasn't a good one. I was able to have some casual sex here and there. But not frequently. I haven't had sex in months.

Women just don't and will never understand what a man goes through in order to attract them. If you are a nice guy then you get pushed away by the ******** (I believe women are attracted to the strength that the ******** show, but the ******** themselves). If you have a nice job and are a stable guy a woman will go for the wild dude anytime. Women have choice in sex, men really do not. Based off my experiences women really do not care how men feel or if they do they act in a way that seems cold. So that is why guys who do not have the success with women that they want to have get into this. They are given false hope that they will be Russell Brand. Being yourself isn't enough. You have to be your ideal self aka act like who you want to become. But no one tells you this. At the end of the day manipulation is apart of seduction and both are apart of life. Every woman here has been seduce one way or another. It's human nature. The thing is you don't know you are being manipulated or seduced by someone who is really good at it.

Most guys do want to go through a crazy casual sex phase and I think it's good to go through it. I am 23 and I should not be looking to settle down and most guys my age should not.

But I feel at the end of the day it's a worthless game. Women do not bring fulfillment.

 

[amale]

Being a player will always get the girl... the messed up girl

Pick up artists dont like themselves enough to trust that a woman could like their real self so they become someone else and then attract the kind of of woman who likes that player self.

A few years ago, I had a guy try pick up on me. His hot and cold was extreme and I got the feeling that he was trying to seduce me one minute and friend zone me the next. I did some research on seduction because I felt like my neurochemicals and hormones were being manipulated by his actions and discovered there was a book about this honeysuckle. I read the book and then fully confirmed that he was using trial and error on me with every tactic in the book to see what would work with me and what wouldn't.

Once I suspected him, he had no idea, but I was actually observing him and using him as a learning tool to gain some awareness on the tactics of people who do this stupid honeysuckle. Funnier than his game was the fact that i became fully aware of it and started keeping record of his acts and attempts.

When I saw all i needed to see and confirmed that he was trying to seduce me, I eventually saw him in such a pathetic light. I saw him as someone very insecure and desperate. I just walked away, telling him I just don't have feelings for him anymore. It was actually a very good learning experience and I now know exactly what to beware from this honeysuckle.

In retrospect, more knowledge I didn't need and things one cant unlearn.. but ultimately thankful

Ironically enough, men, especially PUAs, are not people apparently.

---

women are people, you know?

Oh for fresia's sake.
And I guess during one night stand both male and female are not people, since they both just bang each other for fun.

 

[user 115627]

An eye for an eye. Treat the other gender as meat and you shall be treated as meat in return. Fair enough if both enter with that mindset and walk away with their primal needs satisfied and no hard feelings. Problems arise when one person starts to feel special and gets their hopes up for something beyond casual sex. Oh well, I wouldn't honeysuckle on anybody for seeing through the cheap charade either and using it to learn how to distinguish a pick-up from a serious attempt to get to know a person beyond what's in their pants.

On a final note I guess I never had any interest in a casual sex phase. But I'm pretty sure a woman can bring fulfillment - beyond what's happening in the sheets though. Otherwise your insides will always remain a bottomless pit.

 

[amale]

An eye for an eye. Treat the other gender as meat and you shall be treated as meat in return. Fair enough if both enter with that mindset and walk away with their primal needs satisfied and no hard feelings. Problems arise when one person starts to feel special and gets their hopes up for something beyond casual sex. Oh well, I wouldn't honeysuckle on anybody for seeing through the cheap charade either and using it to learn how to distinguish a pick-up from a serious attempt to get to know a person beyond what's in their pants.

On a final note I guess I never had any interest in a casual sex phase. But I'm pretty sure a woman can bring fulfillment - beyond what's happening in the sheets though. Otherwise your insides will always remain a bottomless pit.

Anyone's hopes are their own bloody business. If you call yourself an adult, you and you only are in charge of your feelings and hopes. Why was that guy responsible for her expectations all of a sudden?
And no, somebody's sexual life doesn't define their insides, of course. Relationships is not the only area humans can explore. You easily can be interested only in casual sex and still be a deep and thoughtful person. There's no correlation.

 

[user 115627]

Anyone's hopes are their own bloody business. If you call yourself an adult, you and you only are in charge of your feelings and hopes. Why was that guy responsible for her expectations all of a sudden?
And no, somebody's sexual life doesn't define their insides, of course. Relationships is not the only area humans can explore. You easily can be interested only in casual sex and still be a deep and thoughtful person. There's no correlation.

Responsible? Nah, I just thought you might wanna play it straight so you don't have to face the repercussions sooner or later. It all works better with proper communication. Or in other words: No broken hearts and no mob of angry people on your tail you've been wooing behind each other's backs because they didn't know you were just playing around.

And sure, there can be no correlation but from what I have observed most people prefer to settle sooner or later. Those which are only interested in casual sex might struggle at some point because their "value" on the market will fade with their attractiveness and it gets harder and harder to pick up unless you find like-minded individuals in your age range. I doubt Playboy/Playgirl is an effective long-term strategy. Besides, the OP himself said women do not bring fulfillment and I'm inclined to believe he means "the random girls I picked up and had sex with"...and not women in general and a monogamous relationship with one. But maybe he actually does mean it that way. He should correct me if I'm wrong.

 

[SofiasMami]

Hi Hauntyoueveryday,
We've had a few self-avowed pick up artists post here and there on the forum. When someone is in it, there's no talking him out of it. So I applaud you for coming to the conclusion yourself that it wasn't working for you.

Some women also want to go through "a crazy casual sex phase", as you called it, and aren't interested in settling down at age 23 but they'll get labelled slutty (by men and women) instead of a slick brand-name like pick up "artist".

I agree though that the opposite sex doesn't bring fulfillment. Expecting another person to fill the emptiness or hole inside usually ends badly. There are many other ways to live a fulfilling life.

-Teresa

 

[bender22]

I've been in a relationship for a few months now, but until this relationship I had been into pick up for a couple of years.

I never got heavily involved in the pickup community, I followed some of RSD's material and made some friends in the community. But for me I am nothing but grateful for how pick up impacted my life.

You have to take some of the pick up advice around with a grain of salt and be careful who you listen to....some of these pick up artists could definitely lead guys down the wrong path.

Most of the guys I've met who are into pickup are nice guys but many have a lot of insecurities. I don't agree they are all fake macho dudes. Some are a little strange but I also met some great guys who were into pickup.

 

[Hauntyoueveryday]

Rodent: I do not think that your way is the right way of thinking either. It's not about treating women like a piece of meat. It's about becoming a better man and being able to attract the women that you want into your life. And I do not see anything wrong with just wanting casual sex with someone. That's called being honest. If you are honest then there are no broken hearts. I do not go up to a woman thinking "oh I want a long term relationship with her" (anymore). But where I differ from pick up is that if I met some woman that really knocked me off of me feet I would totally give it a shot.

And a woman can never fulfill you period. No human can. That is up to you. A loving relationship with two healthy people is close though. There are plenty of successful people who haven't settled down. I believe that is a mixture of career focus and abundance.

Soifa: I hate the word slut. It ruined casual sex forever. It's so stupid and judgmental. Things would be easier if we didn't have these things in society.'
I am not 100% that it's a good thing to be out of pick up as I am single. But I just don't like that community.

Bender22: Well I got pretty deep into minus paying for a bootcamp. I joined pick up forums, I've spoken to Tyler and Jeff (Jeffy is a dick). I've probably seen more things than you have. I've only met a few people through pick up that I thought were cool people. Most were ******** and brain washed. I never quite got 100% brain washed.

I'm going to try to drop the pick up mindset. I like some of the stuff that I learned like self reliance, not taking rejection personality, controlling your own emotions, and abundance. But I want to really connect with someone again. I don't want to just try and fresia. I want to get someone to fall in love with me.

 

[BeyondShy]

I've been in the pick up community for about three years.

I've never heard of this.

A little back story: Before pick up I just couldn't get it going with the girls. I'd had four girlfriends through middle school and high school and would date other girls here and there. I lost my virginity at age 15. But I didn't have sex again until right before my 20th birthday.

Sounds to me that you got along with girls pretty good. But what do I know, I never heard of the pick up community either.

Ever since I was a kid all I wanted was a hot girlfriend. That's pretty much all I wanted.

So it just matters what a woman looks like and nothing else? Gotcha.

Anyone else here ever done pick up?

Again, no I haven't and based on all the fun you had I don't want to. I'd rather have a tooth pulled.

 

[LonesomeDay]

An eye for an eye. Treat the other gender as meat and you shall be treated as meat in return. Fair enough if both enter with that mindset and walk away with their primal needs satisfied and no hard feelings. Problems arise when one person starts to feel special and gets their hopes up for something beyond casual sex. Oh well, I wouldn't honeysuckle on anybody for seeing through the cheap charade either and using it to learn how to distinguish a pick-up from a serious attempt to get to know a person beyond what's in their pants.

On a final note I guess I never had any interest in a casual sex phase. But I'm pretty sure a woman can bring fulfillment - beyond what's happening in the sheets though. Otherwise your insides will always remain a bottomless pit.

This is so true!

 

[user 115627]

Rodent: I do not think that your way is the right way of thinking either. It's not about treating women like a piece of meat. It's about becoming a better man and being able to attract the women that you want into your life. And I do not see anything wrong with just wanting casual sex with someone. That's called being honest. If you are honest then there are no broken hearts. I do not go up to a woman thinking "oh I want a long term relationship with her" (anymore). But where I differ from pick up is that if I met some woman that really knocked me off of me feet I would totally give it a shot.

And a woman can never fulfill you period. No human can. That is up to you. A loving relationship with two healthy people is close though. There are plenty of successful people who haven't settled down. I believe that is a mixture of career focus and abundance.

Sorry, but all I ever got see of pick-up artists - and I'm talking about the figureheads here of course - were a bunch of incredibly unsympathetic men using questionable tactics to win a woman over for the night. You described some of these guys yourself. I could never see how their tactics would make you a better man or how they could attract the women you want. And I already said I don't think that casual sex is wrong if it happens consensually...but somehow I doubt it always does.

I thought my sentence about a woman fulfilling you was pretty clear, involving what you said there yourself: A loving relationship with give and take. I'm just thinking about your old threads right now where you always wondered why you got no one, why nobody cares about you and how you don't know what you want sometimes...and your solution was to get into pick-up and building a rotation of women. Believe me, I'm glad you're out of there again and it seems you actually took some reasonable lessons out of this (though I think you could've learned that without pick-up):

I like some of the stuff that I learned like self reliance, not taking rejection personality, controlling your own emotions, and abundance. But I want to really connect with someone again. I don't want to just try and fresia. I want to get someone to fall in love with me.

There was a point where you described your aspirations as wanting to have a hot girlfriend and liking sex on demand and the security involving it. Now you say you would like to be a serial monogamist and that you like messed up girls...well, whatever floats your boat (or sinks it). It's none of my business.

As long as it does not involve any of that male victimization talk. I'm just tired of that. It makes me think that all of these guys who face rejection repeatedly and were into PUA end up jumping from one extreme to the other. First they idealize women too much and don't look at them as people and later they say women aren't worth it and they all go for the players anyway.

 

[amale]

Sorry, but all I ever got see of pick-up artists - and I'm talking about the figureheads here of course - were a bunch of incredibly unsympathetic men using questionable tactics to win a woman over for the night. You described some of these guys yourself. I could never see how their tactics would make you a better man or how they could attract the women you want. And I already said I don't think that casual sex is wrong if it happens consensually...but somehow I doubt it always does.

The whole point is to make a female want to have consensual sex with you.
So yes, there's nothing wrong with it, indeed.
Also, questionable tactics - like what? Except messing with their drinks, I can't think of anything "questionable".

 

[user 115627]

The whole point is to make a female want to have consensual sex with you.
So yes, there's nothing wrong with it, indeed.
Also, questionable tactics - like what? Except messing with their drinks, I can't think of anything "questionable".

That negging nonsense on one side and being pushy on the other by touching or even grabbing without any trace of consent. Neither verbal nor non-verbal...yeah, that's pretty much what comes to my mind.

 

[Hauntyoueveryday]

BeyondSky: How is not having sex in five years doing good with girl??? And when I said all I wanted was a hot girlfriend I am speaking of myself as I was a kid.

Rodent: The pick up community can be sketchy at times. Some people are more out there than others. I know for me and some guys that I met just wanted to have success with women and be able to have choice. And that choice would allow us to find the woman of our dreams. What makes you a better man is improving your social skills, putting yourself out there, self reliance, creating abundance, controlling your emotions, knowing that you are enough and stuff like that. I can honestly say that I have improved as a man in a ton of ways since doing pick up. The biggest reason for that is that pick up is actually a good gateway into self development. But I will say that to me pick up is all about just breaking a woman's defenses down versus getting her to like or love you.

What I do not like about pick up is that if you like a girl you are told that you have oneitis and to meet more girls. In RSD you are basically told to do what the instructors say and not question it because you are not as good as them. You are basically told to not be yourself. The expectations that they set for you are the worst part about RSD. "You will be a great player in two years." Didn't happen for me. After the two year mark the curtains started to come down.

A great relationship is a beautiful thing. But with the divorce rate at 50% how many people actually have fulfilling relationships? It is very hard to find someone who truly gets you (probably impossible). So a lot of guys get into pick up because they aren't finding the women that they want and have no choice. I have no regrets about getting into pick up. I had a lot of life experience because of it. I have a better idea about how to go into things.

 

[user 115627]

The pick up community can be sketchy at times. Some people are more out there than others. I know for me and some guys that I met just wanted to have success with women and be able to have choice. And that choice would allow us to find the woman of our dreams. What makes you a better man is improving your social skills, putting yourself out there, self reliance, creating abundance, controlling your emotions, knowing that you are enough and stuff like that. I can honestly say that I have improved as a man in a ton of ways since doing pick up. The biggest reason for that is that pick up is actually a good gateway into self development. But I will say that to me pick up is all about just breaking a woman's defenses down versus getting her to like or love you.

What I do not like about pick up is that if you like a girl you are told that you have oneitis and to meet more girls. In RSD you are basically told to do what the instructors say and not question it because you are not as good as them. You are basically told to not be yourself. The expectations that they set for you are the worst part about RSD. "You will be a great player in two years." Didn't happen for me. After the two year mark the curtains started to come down.

With characters like Julien Blanc or Roosh V casting a shadow on everything it sure is sketchy. I've read some of their hardcore pamphlets and they make my skin crawl. In the end it seems to come down to how far you are willing to go just to have this choice you described there. And I think that a whole lot of men are desperate enough to go all the way, buying into everything they're fed by these seemingly infallible instructors...and merely unsuccessful, but actually nice people are turned into huge ********.

Pardon me. Mostly it just seems like the only way some of these people manage to lift their self-esteem is by putting the other sex down. This whole "No women is special vs Oneitis" deal is kinda symptomatical to this. Since you reject that idea too, I guess you got out of it what you needed without turning yourself into something you'd rather not be.

A great relationship is a beautiful thing. But with the divorce rate at 50% how many people actually have fulfilling relationships? It is very hard to find someone who truly gets you (probably impossible). So a lot of guys get into pick up because they aren't finding the women that they want and have no choice. I have no regrets about getting into pick up. I had a lot of life experience because of it. I have a better idea about how to go into things.

I always thought that a lot of people don't really take the time to get to know each other, so they just have these images of their partner in their head which can be far from reality. So they jump headfirst into marriage/commitment and consequently it crashes and burns. It's basically just the extension of all these puberty romances to me where people pledge eternal love within days/weeks, but they lack any real idea of who the other person is. I won't even start on how people get together at a young age when the development of their personality is not over yet, so they drift apart soon enough.

That's really just my opinion but it explains why I don't believe pick-up helps you find the woman of your dreams you wanna spend the rest of your life with. You're not meant to waste any time getting to know the other person there either, it just helps you break the ice.

Anyways, I'm backing out of that topic now cause it makes me lose faith in humanity at an alarming rate most of the time.

 

[Xpendable]

I don't like PUA. Not because it can be shady (Let's not throw the first stone), but because it places all the power in the other person by giving them the final say in the rejection/acceptance.