Are you alone by choice or its a problem for you ?

[bulwulff]

I just replied in a similar fashion to another thread that was about the same topic. I've wanted nothing more than to have and raise a family all my life. I've worked hard to stay fit, attractive, good natured honest and dependable but despite all the odds and even being wealthy hasn't lead to a single person interested in more than trying to scam, use, or take advantage of me. I've dated beautiful ladies who lied through their teeth to try to get me to give them 20 here and 10 there. Had they been honest I'd have given them the world and more wealth, security, and stability then they've ever known.

After being alone for 15 years and turning 41 next month, I've given up all hope of ever being with someone let alone having kids of my own. Just wasn't in the cards. I'll grow old, die alone forgotten and with no one to mourn my passing except for maybe a nurse who barely knows my name from a clipboard.

Reality sucks sometimes. Effort isn't always enough. You can't make someone like or love you so being with someone is largely out of your control. It's doubly hard for men. I haven't given up complete hope but I'm not holding my breath anymore. It's been miserable and painful being alone for so long, but like anyone who's suffered you get used to the pain - even miss it sometimes when it's gone.

Still I wish the best for everyone else out there.

 

[bulwulff]

To add to that - if I sound jaded I am. I don't feel it's fair and I don't like the fact I've had to fight off nightmares due to PTSD from deploying in combat overseas alone. I really feel much less motivated being alone than when I have someone to fight for and who will be there for me as much as I would for them. I hate being alone. Despise it.

Before people judge me, please understand that despite this, I've maintained a happy and positive outlook on life especially around others, built up a business from the ground up providing network security for government and private facilities nationwide and am doing everything I can to make a difference and help others as much as I can. I wish no ill on anyone, and these are my own problems that no one else should bear. It sucks, but I'm strong and can deal with it.

That being said - no I'm alone, lonely and deep down fighting off hopelessness on a daily basis and definitely not by choice.

 

[Adamridge79]

I guess I'm sorta alone more by action than choice. I reveled in toxic relation ships since I really had one messed up way of seeing life. I have been working on myself for a number of years now, and have been alone just as long. I know what I'm not supposed to look for, but that requires of me to look for an equal. Not one being 'better' than the other, no rescuing anyone. I understand the logic, but self esteem is a real hindrance. So, since I'm only supposed to do things in as healthy a way as I'm capable, I figure finding a relatively healthy way to engage people in a forum such as this, where responses are words and therefore a bit detached, I'm hoping to attain some slight ability to engage others.

 

[FremieHere]

It's a bit of both. I often try to give up on people but every now and then a special person comes along and makes me feel noticed and actually wanted. I get to enjoy that person's company and feel normal for a while. Sometimes I even dare to say that I became friends with them. But then that is my fatal mistake. Cause it seems like as soon as I start to consider that person a friend, I suddenly never talk to them anymore or they avoid me or life takes them away.

During high school and a bit of middle school, I would start considering someone a friend and then at the end of the school year, they go to a different school. It happened so often that I considered myself to be cursed. The most memorable event during high school was reconnecting with a childhood friend only for her to flat out ghost me after inviting me to join her new group of friends. Even recently I had started considering this guy a friend and started being coming friends with this group of friends I meet in a game. Now, the one guy avoids talking to me and the group of friends never play the game anymore. And now this one guy I work with is constantly trying to talk to me and I just can't do it anymore. I avoid looking at him and only say the bare minimum when he talks to me.

At first it was out of my control but now it's sorta by choice. I just can't bear being left behind or ghosted anymore.

 

[Adamridge79]

People sometimes just seem like a lot of work. Granted, I'm saying this from what everyone likes to call my 'before time'. I think I'm a little scared to find I still feel it's taxing for someone to just want to go do something. My routine for the last 3 years has been rarely disrupted and I have some concerns I may have become complacent. I know, change is good, can be good and all that. But what if I really am a cantankerous S.O.B? Wouldn't that just suck to find out.