beingnobody
Well-known member
- Joined
- Sep 27, 2018
- Messages
- 403
- Reaction score
- 377
I survived two days of a relatively "normal" day/night routine. Now the black dog is back.
I was up all day Wednesday, committing to Disney+ out of nowhere for $7.99 a month just so I could watch the Beatles documentary everyone is salivating over. Absolutely worth the price of admission just for appreciation of creativity and music. It is bonkers though, watching everyone on the screen chain smoking so heavily. I am a product of that era and luckily escaped that hell myself, but it pains me watching my sisters, nieces and nephews all addicted to that poison.
More and more daily I recognize how I have zero in common with literally any family member.
Not in music, food tastes, literature, NOTHING. Nothing to talk about. No real reason even to get together. I am the oldest surviving member of our clan, and the only one with no children to continue the name. That stuff has never been important to me.
As I approach the end of my journey I contemplate more and more how I really am an island, and how difficult things are going to be for me from a physical standpoint the closer I get to the end.
Already looking into the option moving to a state where assisted suicide is legal when it gets near that time.
Yeah, my psychiatrist is well aware my fascination with this topic.
2x stroke survivor, stage IV throat cancer survivor, mentally kaplitz and borderline boinki, I only imagine a gruesome finale awaits.
I have lost 5 family members in the past 8 years, 3 of them to cancer, so I am familiar with my possible destiny, and the appointment with the morphine equalizer.
I do hate morphine though.
Awaiting now being chastised for exceeding the character/word/spacing/syllable limit.
j/k.
one to beam up.
I was up all day Wednesday, committing to Disney+ out of nowhere for $7.99 a month just so I could watch the Beatles documentary everyone is salivating over. Absolutely worth the price of admission just for appreciation of creativity and music. It is bonkers though, watching everyone on the screen chain smoking so heavily. I am a product of that era and luckily escaped that hell myself, but it pains me watching my sisters, nieces and nephews all addicted to that poison.
More and more daily I recognize how I have zero in common with literally any family member.
Not in music, food tastes, literature, NOTHING. Nothing to talk about. No real reason even to get together. I am the oldest surviving member of our clan, and the only one with no children to continue the name. That stuff has never been important to me.
As I approach the end of my journey I contemplate more and more how I really am an island, and how difficult things are going to be for me from a physical standpoint the closer I get to the end.
Already looking into the option moving to a state where assisted suicide is legal when it gets near that time.
Yeah, my psychiatrist is well aware my fascination with this topic.
2x stroke survivor, stage IV throat cancer survivor, mentally kaplitz and borderline boinki, I only imagine a gruesome finale awaits.
I have lost 5 family members in the past 8 years, 3 of them to cancer, so I am familiar with my possible destiny, and the appointment with the morphine equalizer.
I do hate morphine though.
Awaiting now being chastised for exceeding the character/word/spacing/syllable limit.
j/k.
one to beam up.
