Battle for control?

[CenotaphGirl]

Honestly, do you ever feel like the honeymoon phase of a relationship is the scariest?
It's been 1 week of getting back with my ex boyfriend, I reclaimed my girlfriend status.
I cant help but wonder why it is going so well. There has been no drama.
Only issue is, im not a dominant person so sometimes I feel swept away with the current.
Whatever he says, I just say yes, thats how it's always been, I dont want to say no,
Sometimes I wonder if I have to say no sometimes, even if theres no reason to.
My friends always say no guy wants a girl that just says yes yes yes, but I dont know...
How can I be more assertive, how do I stop wanting to surrender control?
I just like to feel safe, like a man will make the decisions for me...
There has been one thing in regards to parenting I said no to, but I don't say no pertaining to me.
I just wonder how normal people feel about the balance of control...

 

[Finished]

Yeah. Sometimes you have to say no. The other person might start thinking that you really don't give a honeysuckle. The other person also wants to feel like they are making sacrifices for you too. Don't take that away from them. Plus, I think you secretely like drama. I hate drama. However, when everything is perfect and smooth I get nervous because that usually means the other person is unhappy about something and about to leave. Ha! ha!

 

[CenotaphGirl]

when everything is perfect and smooth I get nervous because that usually means the other person is unhappy about something and about to leave. Ha! ha!

I actually want drama free lol however, I share this fear, not really like he'll leave but like maybe its fake.

I have no idea how to say no, when to say no, what to say no about I genuinely feel everything he wants is something im okay with. I think deeply about who I am, what I do wrong.. I judge myself a lot, but I wonder if theres someone who could just love me... if theres a situation where I'd never feel pressured to say yes or no, and just be me...

 

[NoxApex(N/A)]

Never try to be somebody you aren't for somebody you love. It never works out.
A relationship should be a compromise, wherein two people can be themselves, but mutually agree to live and abide by a set of certain rules mutually made up together.

 

[davegoode78]

I’m a guy, and in my opinion, I think it’s perfectly normal for you to want to let him make decisions. That said, you should have discussions on important things. There are men that want women like you. I don’t know if it’s a dominant/submissive thing, but a lot of men prefer to take the leadership role in a relationship. So... don’t feel bad for wanting him to take the lead.

 

[CenotaphGirl]

Never try to be somebody you aren't for somebody you love. It never works out.
A relationship should be a compromise, wherein two people can be themselves, but mutually agree to live and abide by a set of certain rules mutually made up together.

It's like I deffo have rules and he has sooo many rules for me lol It's just how about the day today decisions of the relationship, should I say no sometimes even if im okay with them? I just dont understand. We follow his pace with everything and im happy with his pace, I just feel a pressure to find fault so that I can be more assertive... if that makes sense?

I’m a guy, and in my opinion, I think it’s perfectly normal for you to want to let him make decisions. That said, you should have discussions on important things. There are men that want women like you. I don’t know if it’s a dominant/submissive thing, but a lot of men prefer to take the leadership role in a relationship. So... don’t feel bad for wanting him to take the lead.

Ah thanks, maybe I over think things, I just think, sometimes a man might feel like they want someone who can contribute not just agree. I've always been someone who is "agreeable", even outside of relationships I'm usually the mediator of a group, I always try to find away for everyone to get along. So I think it's just my personality. I never want to lead, I love the supporting role.

 

[NoxApex(N/A)]

It's like I deffo have rules and he has sooo many rules for me lol It's just how about the day today decisions of the relationship, should I say no sometimes even if im okay with them? I just dont understand. We follow his pace with everything and im happy with his pace, I just feel a pressure to find fault so that I can be more assertive... if that makes sense?

That's instinctual, and that's one of the most difficult parts of a relationship that people tend to struggle with. Different people handle it in different ways. Conflict is natural and kind of unavoidable, so if you feel the need to stretch out a bit you should. Plus if you've never had a conflict with him it's kind of important to see how he handles it since different men handle it in different ways.

Personally, I'm in Management by trade, and I don't like working for free when I come home from work. But also I don't wanna get steamrolled by a power struggle every time, either. I'm adaptive, is the thing, but also I like keeping certain things a certain way about my life. So, a compromise would be in order.

Trouble is, that requires me to do Management.
So I just stay single instead.
I make jokes about it.
The main one being that if I gotta manage a confrontation, hold up, let me clock in first.

 

[CenotaphGirl]

That's instinctual, and that's one of the most difficult parts of a relationship that people tend to struggle with. Different people handle it in different ways. Conflict is natural and kind of unavoidable, so if you feel the need to stretch out a bit you should. Plus if you've never had a conflict with him it's kind of important to see how he handles it since different men handle it in different ways.

Personally, I'm in Management by trade, and I don't like working for free when I come home from work. But also I don't wanna get steamrolled by a power struggle every time, either. I'm adaptive, is the thing, but also I like keeping certain things a certain way about my life. So, a compromise would be in order.

Trouble is, that requires me to do Management.
So I just stay single instead.
I make jokes about it.
The main one being that if I gotta manage a confrontation, hold up, let me clock in first.

Don't wanna come home and start the next shift, makes sense.

 

[TheRealCallie]

Doesn't matter what he says/asks or what you think he wants, answer HONESTLY. If you want to say no, say no. Don't just say no because you feel like you should say no, do it because it's what YOU want (or rather, don't want) If you can't be honest, you might as well get out now because like someone else said, it will not work.

 

[Finished]

I have no idea how to say no, when to say no, what to say no about I genuinely feel everything he wants is something im okay with. I think deeply about who I am, what I do wrong.. I judge myself a lot, but I wonder if theres someone who could just love me... if theres a situation where I'd never feel pressured to say yes or no, and just be me...

OMG! I'm so glad you are my ALL wife. Never say no. Hmmm. I have some things I want done. I'm even willing to say please and thank you. Ha! ha!

All joking aside, the best thing to do is find out who you are, appreciate the wonderful qualities you have, and realize how great you really are. You don't need someone else's approval. When that happens, you'll find that it's quite easy to say no.

But, IMO, that won't happen for a long time. So one thing you can do is pay close attention to your mates reactions to certain things. Use you women's intuition too. When he asks you about something he really isn't to keen on, and doesn't really matter, say no to it. He'll probably say, yeah you're right. Then you can hopefully get some strength to say no more often to the point of saying no because you believe the answer is no.

BTW, being able to say no will help you, him, and you two as a couple. Guys do some really dumb honeysuckle and think really crazy thoughts. Sometimes we need a woman to let us know when not to do something.

 

[Finished]

Doesn't matter what he says/asks or what you think he wants, answer HONESTLY. If you want to say no, say no. Don't just say no because you feel like you should say no, do it because it's what YOU want (or rather, don't want) If you can't be honest, you might as well get out now because like someone else said, it will not work.

That takes a strong person to do that. She is not there YET........... Sometimes it takes going through some tough honeysuckle to gain that strength.

 

[CenotaphGirl]

OMG! I'm so glad you are my ALL wife. Never say no. Hmmm. I have some things I want done. I'm even willing to say please and thank you. Ha! ha!

All joking aside, the best thing to do is find out who you are, appreciate the wonderful qualities you have, and realize how great you really are. You don't need someone else's approval. When that happens, you'll find that it's quite easy to say no.

But, IMO, that won't happen for a long time. So one thing you can do is pay close attention to your mates reactions to certain things. Use you women's intuition too. When he asks you about something he really isn't to keen on, and doesn't really matter, say no to it. He'll probably say, yeah you're right. Then you can hopefully get some strength to say no more often to the point of saying no because you believe the answer is no.

BTW, being able to say no will help you, him, and you two as a couple. Guys do some really dumb honeysuckle and think really crazy thoughts. Sometimes we need a woman to let us know when not to do something.

You'd say please to me husband!?!?.. I'd think you were being feminine dont do that .. lmao (only joking)).

I think you're right, my friends always think I say yes to way too much, they think im afraid to say no but its nothing like that.

I just think, oh it won't kill me, I'll just do what he wants lol

 

[Finished]

I just think, oh it won't kill me, I'll just do what he wants lol

That's a bad habit to get into though. Well, unless you're okay with it. You have said that you like the old relationship ways and that's part of it. If that works for the two of you then that's all that matters.