Being a nerd seems like a turnoff to girls

[Claudia]

I find the question is 'where are the nerd guys hiding'? :3

 

[INTERPOL]

I'm a guy and I would brand myself as a geek but I wouldn't say I act like the stereotypical geek/nerd, but my interests most definitely reflect the true me haha Card Games (I still have my Yu Gi Oh Deck! Zombies FTW!), Videogames, Anime, Manga, RPG's, gadgets etc etc
Plus I've had a Girlfriend before, she wasn't much of a geek like me at first, but by the time i'd left her she was into anime and i had got her into online gaming
So the moral of the anecdote is, if you find a nice geek girl then great, if not, then convert them

 

[Limlim]

I suppose one of the things is the ratio of guy to girl nerds is pretty huge, hence why you'll see masses of men at the hangouts more often (conventions, lan parties, etc). Though the good news is that, that ratio is getting smaller over the years.

Works probably the same way as it does for women in the military. They get snatched up pretty quickly and it's near impossible to find a single one that you work with.

Though its not a complaint one way or another, just an observation. Met my first girlfriend at an anime club way back, I was the most desirable guy there by virtue of the fact that I was the only one who showered and wore clothes that didn't have stains on them. That said, even from what I've noticed with anime being the nerdy activity that appeals to women more-so than the others, there were still only a few there compared to the guys.

That said, if I were a girl I'd probably not want to hang around a bunch of unshowered people who drooled at me while panting heavily all day. I was actually kind of ashamed that the stereotype of anime nerds turned out to be largely true -_-

 

[SufferinginSilence]

Is finding us really the issue, or is it trying to figure out what to do once you spot us?

'Cause I assure you that I go to the comic book store. I can be found in the RPG book aisle at the book store or library. I attend various events. I look at stuff at Gamestop. You know what happens? Guys kind of twitch as they realize a female has entered. Guys immediately look anywhere BUT at the female. Sometimes, guys even slowly ease out of the female's space... providing her several feet of solitude.

As for online... I very rarely get messages on okcupid. Even if I initiate communication with somebody, there's just nothing in return. If I talk to somebody while gaming, he either doesn't respond or he's kind of a jerk.

Hmm. Maybe I just don't realize it, but I'm really hideous.

I had to laugh when I read this... brought me back to my first year of uni. Myself and another girl decided to join the gaming society in college, went to the first meeting to be met with stone silence and absolute shock by the rest of the society who were all males. Needless to say we didn't go back to avoid inflicting more discomfort It was the funniest reaction I have ever seen. I personally don't think being a nerd is a turn off... in fact I'm more likely to talk to a nerd or geek when I'm out than someone who's into sport or other popular things. Once you get past the shyness they tend to be the best and nicest people (even the insanely pessimistic ones!)

 

[nerdygirl]

I had to laugh when I read this... brought me back to my first year of uni. Myself and another girl decided to join the gaming society in college, went to the first meeting to be met with stone silence and absolute shock by the rest of the society who were all males. Needless to say we didn't go back to avoid inflicting more discomfort

That's sort of how I handled the comic book store. I only go during times I figure business is going to be slow.

 

[TheSkaFish]

I used to think that girls didn't like me because of my "geeky" interests - Star Wars, Transformers, LOTR, D&D, etc.

I didn't express myself and kept that secret, but then it was like I had no personality at all. I just tried to keep a low profile, fly under the radar because it was better than being teased, I just wanted to get through the day quietly, easily, painlessly.

In time, I looked back though, and realized that I don't think it was ever my interests that were the problem.
Instead, I think what WAS the problem, was a lot of things, but mainly it was my lack of a skilled interest of some kind, my lack of being good at something.

That's what I would say is the thing with "nerdy" interests. It's not the interests themselves that are the trouble, it's when they are your ONLY interests, and you don't have a balance of interests and topics to talk about. Also, it's important to clean up, stay in at least reasonable shape, either have or be working towards some kind of skilled career, and have some other skilled interest, an interest that you do and are good at, and gives you something to talk about that you actually do - so you're not just talking about the things you like, made by someone else.

We can't forget that we have to get someone into us, not into the things we like. I'm not trying to get a girl interested in Star Wars, or George Lucas - I'm trying to get them into ME. Guys in particular are expected to be good at things - especially if you're not naturally muscular and/or born to money. So we have to find a way to be someone, with a life, that another person could get into. I think if we can do all these things, it's possible to avoid the "nerdy" stereotype. I only wish I realized this 20ish years ago instead of today.

All in all I'd say that "nerdy" interests aren't necessarily a turn-off to girls, in and of themselves -
what DOES seem to be a turnoff, is ONLY being able to talk about "nerdy" interests, not having a variety of interests, not being good at any skilled activities, not having any thoughts of your own, and not being in a strong position in life. Again, I wish I understood that earlier, instead of just thinking I was "wrong" because I wasn't a "bro".

 

[NoxApex(N/A)]

It's better to be rejected for what you are than accepted for what you are not. Because at least if you're rejected for what you are you're still honest with yourself, the later does not have that which can complicate your headspace about the matter.

Can you adjust and change and do things hither and dither to make yourself more attractive? Yes.
But those things are also going to have an upkeep requirement that's doomed to failure due to its lack of naturality.
And so the relationship will eventually fall through as a result of that.

Therefore:
I would rather be hated for what I am than loved for what I am not.
I'm very used to not being liked. So much so that it hardly phases me. I don't even flinch when cops profile me anymore.

 

[hewhowalksalone]

With me it's more to do with the fact that I have an 'immature' appearance due to hormone/chemical deficiencies during puberty. Most people are surprised when I tell them I'm in my late 30's.

 

[Unsigned]

I would rather be hated for what I am than loved for what I am not.

Yeah. I agree.