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being aggressively assertive

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theablekingathelstan

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I've found being aggressively assertive works well for me at times.
I think it's compensating for points when I was a youth. Back then I didn't really stand for my ground that well, and now it's about doing what I can or shold have done.

There are couple of instances lately where I have done this. the first was when I was seeing the new James Bond film. The worker there was giving out free ice creams for everybody who bought a ticket, and was moving down the queue before the film started. She missed me out, but didn't ignore the people immediately in front and behind me. I just let her have it and I shouted at her, and I didn't care how it looked. She looked at me really shocked, but i didn't care. she was deliberately trying to embarrass me when I didn't do anything wrong at all. I was a paying customer, and she deserved everything she got. I dont' care if it was unkind - was it? being "unkind" is arbitrarily denying somebody a service somebody is legally entitled to. If a person orders food in a restaurant, and they don't get the order, this is unethical. It's just basic business ethics and legality.

I feel better doing this, since it means I stand up for myself better.
 

TheRealCallie

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It must be nice to know the motives behind every single person you encounter. When did you learn how to read minds?

Also, there's a difference between "aggressively assertive" and arrogance.....
 

beingnobody

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I've found being aggressively assertive works well for me at times.
I think it's compensating for points when I was a youth. Back then I didn't really stand for my ground that well, and now it's about doing what I can or shold have done.

There are couple of instances lately where I have done this. the first was when I was seeing the new James Bond film. The worker there was giving out free ice creams for everybody who bought a ticket, and was moving down the queue before the film started. She missed me out, but didn't ignore the people immediately in front and behind me. I just let her have it and I shouted at her, and I didn't care how it looked. She looked at me really shocked, but i didn't care. she was deliberately trying to embarrass me when I didn't do anything wrong at all. I was a paying customer, and she deserved everything she got. I dont' care if it was unkind - was it? being "unkind" is arbitrarily denying somebody a service somebody is legally entitled to. If a person orders food in a restaurant, and they don't get the order, this is unethical. It's just basic business ethics and legality.

I feel better doing this, since it means I stand up for myself better.
Why do you take everything so personal? It is completely irrational to think she was deliberately trying to embarrass you. You were completely out of line attacking her. You should consider working on self development.
 

Sarah G

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a person orders food in a restaurant, and they don't get the order, this is unethical. It's just basic business ethics and legality.
Even then you shouldn't shout at them. To be assertive stay calm, breathe deeply, be polite. It sounds like you were triggered by some past experience and reacted emotionally.
Having been bullied and abused in my life I sometimes see unkind intent where there is none, probably survival brain being a bit overprotective? I know it's awful to feel passed over on a regular basis.
 

Abstamyous

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Perhaps your eyes were looking down and she didn't want to shove it in your face. Likely the people in front and behind you were reaching for theirs.
But hey, if it makes you feel better picking on someone who is paid to put up with you, all the power to you. I recommend not taking the same approach with someone carrying a hot coffee though.
 

theablekingathelstan

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It must be nice to know the motives behind every single person you encounter. When did you learn how to read minds?

Also, there's a difference between "aggressively assertive" and arrogance.....
Even then you shouldn't shout at them. To be assertive stay calm, breathe deeply, be polite. It sounds like you were triggered by some past experience and reacted emotionally.
Having been bullied and abused in my life I sometimes see unkind intent where there is none, probably survival brain being a bit overprotective? I know it's awful to feel passed over on a regular basis.
Doesn’t matter she deserved it
 

Sarah G

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I wonder if you would have shouted at a man? Once I yelled at some teenagers (also in a cinema) and later my friend informed me that I'm a bully. She was right, I wouldn't have yelled at a group of adults, I was asserting some idea of power and superiority, entitlement to respect. It hurt me that my friend said that.
 

theablekingathelstan

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Perhaps your eyes were looking down and she didn't want to shove it in your face. Likely the people in front and behind you were reaching for theirs.
But hey, if it makes you feel better picking on someone who is paid to put up with you, all the power to you. I recommend not taking the same approach with someone carrying a hot coffee though.
Yes I would
I wonder if you would have shouted at a man? Once I yelled at some teenagers (also in a cinema) and later my friend informed me that I'm a bully. She was right, I wouldn't have yelled at a group of adults, I was asserting some idea of power and superiority, entitlement to respect. It hurt me that my friend said that.
Yes I would have I’ve done it before and will do it again.
 

theablekingathelstan

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Mdiedn
Did it not occur to you to politely point out she had missed you out?

Shouting like a grown man baby in a packed movie theatre because you haven't gotten ( your legally entitled to!?! ) free ice cream strikes me as a wee bit absurd.

doesn’t matter. She got what was coming to her.
 

theablekingathelstan

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I kn
Perhaps your eyes were looking down and she didn't want to shove it in your face. Likely the people in front and behind you were reaching for theirs.
But hey, if it makes you feel better picking on someone who is paid to put up with you, all the power to you. I recommend not taking the same approach with someone carrying a hot coffee though.
I know you’re a spiritualist sbd hate earthly fact and rigidity but woukd that person burn me with coffee? They can try and then they’d spend years in jail.
 

Hazed

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This is good to read. In this world, people think they can get away with shit like this way too much. Its good you stood up for yourself. Keep doing what youre doing.
 

theablekingathelstan

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You act with no apparent fear of a consequence, why are you so confident someone else wouldn't in order to defend themselves?
Since it’s an escalation. Spiritualists like you don’t live on Earth. And you’re here advocating burning some body since they insulted you. You’re apparently smart so read up since im sure in your state it’s not legally permissibly
 

theablekingathelstan

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so yeah, i'll do it again. no worker can arbitrarily deny service to anybody unless told to do so by his or her/their managers or higher-ups. and if some worker wishes to humiliate me for no reason, so be it, they get it back. maybe they should do their actual jobs or learn some professionalism. as for consequences, well yeah, iu can't get locked up for shouting at somebody, especially when they're at fault in the situation. I don't apologise for this, since i'm a person and a paying customer and won't be made to look foolish by a random stranger whom I've done nothing to untoward to prior.
 

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