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CenotaphGirl

CenotaphGirl

Under the dirt, that’s my home ⚰️
Joined
Jun 19, 2021
Messages
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Location
Guess.
Honestly, today made me feel so.... less than,
Started off well, I was so proud of myself, walking around my house,
I thought wow, go me, I picked this, this is mine, I made this happen on my own.
I decided to do a massive shop and fill the house to the brim lol
This is where... everything went wrong... I ordered too many things,
I couldn't fit it all in the bloody fridge or the freezer!
After panicking I decided to call my monster, I mean mother, for advice...
She was so frustrated with me and made me feel like a child playing house,
I started thinking intrusive thoughts, do I even know what i'm doing? Could I ever be someones mother?
She said I was showing off but I wasn't, theres not exactly anyone else here..
I was just thinking go I'd do a bulk shop and cook my little heart out.
I hate when people just assume the worse, assume everything is always me being the worst.
I cant make a simple mistake because... im supposed to be perfect, it's just so much pressure.

Come on fellow adults, please tell me you've made mistakes too, did things by accident?
 
Get use to your family always viewing you as a child no matter what your age is. Try not to let it hurt your self-esteem or confidence.

Nobody is truly ready to be a parent when they have their first kid, or at least thats what I've been told by parents. You learn on the go, like your learning now to live on your own, so they'll be some bumps along the way.

I messed up on reporting my pay to my insurance again last year so I owe $1000 in taxes, if it makes you feel better. Mistakes happen and will continue to happen in adult life.
 
michael2 said:
Get use to your family always viewing you as a child no matter what your age is. Try not to let it hurt your self-esteem or confidence.

Nobody is truly ready to be a parent when they have their first kid, or at least thats what I've been told by parents. You learn on the go, like your learning now to live on your own, so they'll be some bumps along the way.

I messed up on reporting my pay to my insurance again last year so I owe $1000 in taxes, if it makes you feel better. Mistakes happen and will continue to happen in adult life.
Click to expand...

Lol yeah, I just thought she'd offer some advice, she just wanted to critique me.
I called a family friend and she told me to take everything out the boxes and it'll fit,
I feel silly but, better knowing it wasn't this crazy mistake only children who are showing off make.

Been thinking more and more lately that I want to be a parent but I look at the state of me and think... lol never.

You know, as bad as it sounds it makes me feel better knowing I'm not the only one who makes mistakes
 
CenotaphGirl said:
Honestly, today made me feel so.... less than,
Started off well, I was so proud of myself, walking around my house,
I thought wow, go me, I picked this, this is mine, I made this happen on my own.
I decided to do a massive shop and fill the house to the brim lol
This is where... everything went wrong... I ordered too many things,
I couldn't fit it all in the bloody fridge or the freezer!
After panicking I decided to call my monster, I mean mother, for advice...
She was so frustrated with me and made me feel like a child playing house,
I started thinking intrusive thoughts, do I even know what i'm doing? Could I ever be someones mother?
She said I was showing off but I wasn't, theres not exactly anyone else here..
I was just thinking go I'd do a bulk shop and cook my little heart out.
I hate when people just assume the worse, assume everything is always me being the worst.
I cant make a simple mistake because... im supposed to be perfect, it's just so much pressure.

Come on fellow adults, please tell me you've made mistakes too, did things by accident?
Click to expand...
no it's easy. one has the freedom to do as one pleases.
including being an arbiter and getting offended at who does what.
 
theablekingathelstan said:
no it's easy. one has the freedom to do as one pleases.
including being an arbiter and getting offended at who does what.
Click to expand...
Yikes, I feel bad, I deffo don't wanna ignore you, so I hope you don't bite my head off.
But I agree, with the freedom comes the judgement.
 
You learn what to do, by first learning what not to do again.
Everybody gets their lumps sotospeak.
I bought $8K worth of music equipment, ended up selling it for $2K later, went on 2 U.S. tours through 35/50 states, costing me about $5300 total, only making roughly about 40$ a night.
I did it because it was one of those once in a lifetime opportunities. If I didn't do it when I had the chance to, I wasn't going to get that chance again. Thereafter I pretty much retired from doing music professionally. I still have my guitar, just no amp right now because I really don't have the time, or the motivation to play anymore.
TBH, as fun and enjoyable as it was, it was also incredibly stressful financially, and basically trying to live a sort of double-life. Not to mention it makes it difficult to keep a job when you've gotta take 2 or 3 weeks off per year. That's pretty uncommon here, unless you're in management and have been with the company for several years, that's usually the only way you can pull that off.
But yeah, I did it for the experience of it.
Shitty part is that the whole band kinda fell apart shortly after I left, mostly due to their own financial struggles in combination with a bunch of band drama. You've gotta understand, it's a really difficult thing to work on.
There's this understanding that even if we all hate each other in the moment, when it comes to getting on stage, everyone drops their baggage and we go do what we came to do.
I'm not a social person, finding out that the world of music on a professional level is basically a highly social business requiring networking, marketing and social skills, combined with the stress of it all, it kinda killed the dream for me.
But also at the same time, I did pretty much everything that I wanted to do with it within logical practical reason, so I mean, I really can't complain too much.
The main reason we don't really talk anymore is because we all just kinda went our separate directions after. The frontman and his wife settled down with a kid and bought a house, and I'm happy for them, but also they want to keep trying to live the double life of it and that's just not conducive for the long term, plus I can't financially keep up with that and I **** sure can't keep up with the emotional stress of it.
I'm very sincere a lot of the time, and just naturally 90's kid sarcastic sense of humor the other half of the time, so I actually attach to people really easily if I don't micromanage myself. Which can lead me into getting into trouble easily for stupid reasons that I just wasn't thinking straight for.
I love them, there's no hard feelings, but it's just time that our lives went different directions for a while.
 
NoxApex(N/A) said:
You learn what to do, by first learning what not to do again.
Everybody gets their lumps sotospeak.
I bought $8K worth of music equipment, ended up selling it for $2K later, went on 2 U.S. tours through 35/50 states, costing me about $5300 total, only making roughly about 40$ a night.
I did it because it was one of those once in a lifetime opportunities. If I didn't do it when I had the chance to, I wasn't going to get that chance again. Thereafter I pretty much retired from doing music professionally. I still have my guitar, just no amp right now because I really don't have the time, or the motivation to play anymore.
TBH, as fun and enjoyable as it was, it was also incredibly stressful financially, and basically trying to live a sort of double-life. Not to mention it makes it difficult to keep a job when you've gotta take 2 or 3 weeks off per year. That's pretty uncommon here, unless you're in management and have been with the company for several years, that's usually the only way you can pull that off.
But yeah, I did it for the experience of it.
Shitty part is that the whole band kinda fell apart shortly after I left, mostly due to their own financial struggles in combination with a bunch of band drama. You've gotta understand, it's a really difficult thing to work on.
There's this understanding that even if we all hate each other in the moment, when it comes to getting on stage, everyone drops their baggage and we go do what we came to do.
I'm not a social person, finding out that the world of music on a professional level is basically a highly social business requiring networking, marketing and social skills, combined with the stress of it all, it kinda killed the dream for me.
But also at the same time, I did pretty much everything that I wanted to do with it within logical practical reason, so I mean, I really can't complain too much.
The main reason we don't really talk anymore is because we all just kinda went our separate directions after. The frontman and his wife settled down with a kid and bought a house, and I'm happy for them, but also they want to keep trying to live the double life of it and that's just not conducive for the long term, plus I can't financially keep up with that and I **** sure can't keep up with the emotional stress of it.
I'm very sincere a lot of the time, and just naturally 90's kid sarcastic sense of humor the other half of the time, so I actually attach to people really easily if I don't micromanage myself. Which can lead me into getting into trouble easily for stupid reasons that I just wasn't thinking straight for.
I love them, there's no hard feelings, but it's just time that our lives went different directions for a while.
Click to expand...
What a life lesson!

Sometimes it feels like everyone else is doing so well, getting things right on the first try, no mistakes... I think maybe its an act to protect themselves from judgement, people say, you dont have to tell everyone when you make a mistake, but I dont wanna hide them, I think theres something toxic about pretending to be perfect.

Sounds like a tough time with the band ! Can I ask... did you sing too?
 
CenotaphGirl said:
What a life lesson!

Sometimes it feels like everyone else is doing so well, getting things right on the first try, no mistakes... I think maybe its an act to protect themselves from judgement, people say, you dont have to tell everyone when you make a mistake, but I dont wanna hide them, I think theres something toxic about pretending to be perfect.

Sounds like a tough time with the band ! Can I ask... did you sing too?
Click to expand...

Oh no, I can't sing worth a ****. 😂
I'm strictly bass guitar. I know a little electric guitar and a little piano, but that's mostly from music theory classes I took to better understand how to write.
And then later, that kinda turned into me learning how to be an improv. writer.

I don't believe in perfection, other than an unattainable dragon that people chase.
I see it as a sort of mental illness. But that's probably because of my own experiences with mental illness and with my ideas of perfection.
Beethoven, actually, is a great example.
The man was a complete irate ******* and would react very outlandishly if he was interrupted while rehearsing.
He once pushed a piano out of a balcony window because his room service order had arrived a bit late, so he'd proceeded to rehearse regardless and they'd interrupted him.
To be fair, he reacted that way because Beethoven was an abused child, his father was a music teacher who would drunkenly beat him like a drill sergeant for making mistakes musically. Once when he was 8 his father accidentally broke his fingers across the piano with his walking cane. Likewise, Beethoven never married, most people thought he was gay, actually. But in all actuality, he was an abused child.
 
NoxApex(N/A) said:
Oh no, I can't sing worth a ****. 😂
I'm strictly bass guitar. I know a little electric guitar and a little piano, but that's mostly from music theory classes I took to better understand how to write.
And then later, that kinda turned into me learning how to be an improv. writer.

I don't believe in perfection, other than an unattainable dragon that people chase.
I see it as a sort of mental illness. But that's probably because of my own experiences with mental illness and with my ideas of perfection.
Beethoven, actually, is a great example.
The man was a complete irate ******* and would react very outlandishly if he was interrupted while rehearsing.
He once pushed a piano out of a balcony window because his room service order had arrived a bit late, so he'd proceeded to rehearse regardless and they'd interrupted him.
To be fair, he reacted that way because Beethoven was an abused child, his father was a music teacher who would drunkenly beat him like a drill sergeant for making mistakes musically. Once when he was 8 his father accidentally broke his fingers across the piano with his walking cane. Likewise, Beethoven never married, most people thought he was gay, actually. But in all actuality, he was an abused child.
Click to expand...

Lol, okay we can start our own band, I will sing and you will play the guitar 😅
 
We all make mistakes. (Except Trop, of course) It's how we learn.

Though, I can possibly see how your mom thought you might be showing off. Spending so much that you don't have enough room for all the food, it does seem a little....much. I'm not saying you did it on purpose to show off. I mean, look at it from another perspective.

CenotaphGirl said:
Darling, it's okay... you are okay. I will leave you in peace.
Click to expand...

Are you starting to see why I said to run away fast? It never ends well. Doesn't matter if you agree with the dude or disagree with him, you will be an evil churchgoer out to get him.
 
Colster said:
Mistakes... Hold my beer!

Although what has gotten me a tad frustrated is, parents who berate their own child. How about some encouragement, assistance, moral support.
Click to expand...
While i'm holding your beer, I can genuinely say... all my mum likes to do is berate me, it was an honest mistake but she'll never take it that way.
 

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