Being an adult is hard... no?

[charlotte craig]

Honestly, today made me feel so.... less than,
Started off well, I was so proud of myself, walking around my house,
I thought wow, go me, I picked this, this is mine, I made this happen on my own.
I decided to do a massive shop and fill the house to the brim lol
This is where... everything went wrong... I ordered too many things,
I couldn't fit it all in the bloody fridge or the freezer!
After panicking I decided to call my monster, I mean mother, for advice...
She was so frustrated with me and made me feel like a child playing house,
I started thinking intrusive thoughts, do I even know what i'm doing? Could I ever be someones mother?
She said I was showing off but I wasn't, theres not exactly anyone else here..
I was just thinking go I'd do a bulk shop and cook my little heart out.
I hate when people just assume the worse, assume everything is always me being the worst.
I cant make a simple mistake because... im supposed to be perfect, it's just so much pressure.

Come on fellow adults, please tell me you've made mistakes too, did things by accident?

but there are all levels of being an adult! some say they are an adult just because of their age. yet they never make decisions, never have real responsibility. dont pay any major bills or need t worry about money or get a job. the most adult thing they do is spend their husbands money. personality wise and brain wise they are kids in an adults body. then you have real adults who take care of children, pay the bills, earn the money to pay them, sort out the house and pay rent or loan on house, do the housework, gardening, shopping, decisions etc. thats the hard one.

 

[CenotaphGirl]

but there are all levels of being an adult! some say they are an adult just because of their age. yet they never make decisions, never have real responsibility. dont pay any major bills or need t worry about money or get a job. the most adult thing they do is spend their husbands money. personality wise and brain wise they are kids in an adults body. then you have real adults who take care of children, pay the bills, earn the money to pay them, sort out the house and pay rent or loan on house, do the housework, gardening, shopping, decisions etc. thats the hard one.

I dont knowwww if working makes someone an adult to be fair. I think its a harsh thing to say. But thats just my opinion

 

[TheSkaFish]

I think one thing that makes someone an adult, is the ability to see things from outside one's own point of view, and consider others' experiences which might be different from your own, and influenced them to arrive at their own conclusions. It doesn't mean you have to agree with it - just that you can see how someone else might think and feel that way. I think it means to think for yourself and not mindlessly regurgitate your "tribe's" talking points.

Another big one, I feel, is the ability to consider that you might be wrong sometimes. To look back and say, well I was that way then, because I thought that way then, but now I know more, know better, and think and feel differently.

And I feel like you do all of these things @CenotaphGirl - I've seen you do them several times.
A lot of people still don't do this - I don't mean here, I mean everywhere.

Well done

 

[charlotte craig]

I dont knowwww if working makes someone an adult to be fair. I think its a harsh thing to say. But thats just my opinion

It means y ou are having a lot more to do, more responsibility, decisions, anyone can just float through life not working. where the biggest decisions you have are what to watch on the tv, or what to have for breakfast, thats easy. then you rely on others to do everything and pay the bills etc. which is what kids do. Being an adult is about taking care of yourself and contributing to help others, it should work two days. Not just them taking care of you.

 

[CenotaphGirl]

It means y ou are having a lot more to do, more responsibility, decisions, anyone can just float through life not working. where the biggest decisions you have are what to watch on the tv, or what to have for breakfast, thats easy. then you rely on others to do everything and pay the bills etc. which is what kids do. Being an adult is about taking care of yourself and contributing to help others, it should work two days. Not just them taking care of you.

Some of us have the luxury and others simply don't, I personally…couldn’t imagine wanting that lifestyle… going to work because I have to, like its a passage to adulthood… I like a choice. I also think theres ways to contribute that doesn't involve money. However I see your point of view, some of my friends that are working class say things like this, I think it comes from an understanding that their men simply cannot do it all, some jobs just don’t pay enough.

 

[CenotaphGirl]

I think one thing that makes someone an adult, is the ability to see things from outside one's own point of view, and consider others' experiences which might be different from your own, and influenced them to arrive at their own conclusions. It doesn't mean you have to agree with it - just that you can see how someone else might think and feel that way. I think it means to think for yourself and not mindlessly regurgitate your "tribe's" talking points.

Another big one, I feel, is the ability to consider that you might be wrong sometimes. To look back and say, well I was that way then, because I thought that way then, but now I know more, know better, and think and feel differently.

And I feel like you do all of these things @CenotaphGirl - I've seen you do them several times.
A lot of people still don't do this - I don't mean here, I mean everywhere.

Well done

Thanks Ska fishy, I actually like differences, its insightful. If I only spoke to people with my views it would bore the life out of me

 

[charlotte craig]

Some of us have the luxury and others simply don't, I personally…couldn’t imagine wanting that lifestyle… going to work because I have to, like its a passage to adulthood… I like a choice. I also think theres ways to contribute that doesn't involve money. However I see your point of view, some of my friends that are working class say things like this, I think it comes from an understanding that their men simply cannot do it all, some jobs just don’t pay enough.

Ive always owned my own business and given jobs to a lot of people, and I dont need to work at all - financially - wealthy- but I still choose to work and help a lot of clients and give jobs to people. It sure beats watching tv or chatting online all day. Not everyone who works is working class. Ive got a lot of famous people who are clients and very posh, one is Royal Family. And I dont know any man who doesnt earn much and would need his wife to work. But career people and smart people often choose to work even though they are wealthy, because they enjoy it so much. Everyone I know is retired and wealthy or owning their own business or very successful career and wealthy, but Id rather mix with working class than lazy. As for you having a choice about whether or not you work thats great if you pay your way but if your on benefits or your parents pay for you then they are the adults not you. And we all contribute in ways that dont involve money so you cant count that as if that makes up for not working and paying your way. I can think of 5 people who are extremely wealthy, yet they all work full time. CHOICE. Because they also had the sense to do a career that they find fascinating and engaging.

 

[charlotte craig]

Some of us have the luxury and others simply don't, I personally…couldn’t imagine wanting that lifestyle… going to work because I have to, like its a passage to adulthood… I like a choice. I also think theres ways to contribute that doesn't involve money. However I see your point of view, some of my friends that are working class say things like this, I think it comes from an understanding that their men simply cannot do it all, some jobs just don’t pay enough.

p.s. I dont go to work. That sounds so boring. I own my own business, and have a lot of staff. Have a big office in my big house. Why travel? I dont promise to be there at 9 until 5 etc its up to me if and when. Many turn their passion into a well paid vocation. That way you dont see it as work and it brings you in a ton of money. Anyway I personally would feel awful if I was sponging off someone, and I would never let a guy sponge off me. Plenty have tried to. I also would never go with a man who is aimless and whose sole ambition is getting up and eating and then going to bed. I met a guy years ago who was what we career people call an adult baby. He was very keen on being with me but had nothing to contribute at all. He is now on benefits and cant get anyone at all. Hes what we call a gold digger.

 

[CenotaphGirl]

Ive always owned my own business and given jobs to a lot of people, and I dont need to work at all - financially - wealthy- but I still choose to work and help a lot of clients and give jobs to people. It sure beats watching tv or chatting online all day. Not everyone who works is working class. Ive got a lot of famous people who are clients and very posh, one is Royal Family. And I dont know any man who doesnt earn much and would need his wife to work. But career people and smart people often choose to work even though they are wealthy, because they enjoy it so much. Everyone I know is retired and wealthy or owning their own business or very successful career and wealthy, but Id rather mix with working class than lazy. As for you having a choice about whether or not you work thats great if you pay your way but if your on benefits or your parents pay for you then they are the adults not you. And we all contribute in ways that dont involve money so you cant count that as if that makes up for not working and paying your way.

No no nooo totally right there, my ex used to work, by far the most wealthy man I know, he worked nights for one of his families companies. I hated it though, would rather he stay but he was serious about it. Thats the choice element I like, I wouldnt wanna be someone who has to work, thats just not the life for me at all.

 

[CenotaphGirl]

p.s. I dont go to work. That sounds so boring. I own my own business, and have a lot of staff. Have a big office in my big house. Why travel? I dont promise to be there at 9 until 5 etc its up to me if and when. Many turn their passion into a well paid vocation. That way you dont see it as work and it brings you in a ton of money. Anyway I personally would feel awful if I was sponging off someone, and I would never let a guy sponge off me. Plenty have tried to. I also would never go with a man who is aimless and whose sole ambition is getting up and eating and then going to bed. I met a guy years ago who was what we career people call an adult baby. He was very keen on being with me but had nothing to contribute at all. He is now on benefits and cant get anyone at all. Hes what we call a gold digger.

Thats soo good I was thinking about starting a business but im just not cut out for it lol was gonna buy like a cleaning franchise maybe

 

[charlotte craig]

Thats soo good I was thinking about starting a business but im just not cut out for it lol was gonna buy like a cleaning franchise maybe

Hi there. If you are buy a cleaning franchise they are very very expensive - probably £50,000 and in return all you get is advice on how to run a cleaning business -which can work out for yourself if smart so why spend that money? It depends to on your area. Unless you live in a rich area you wont get customers. Then you have to stay in and sit by phone all hours every single day to make it work, without any guarantee of making a profit. Very little money in it if there is any. Think it would get very boring to be stuck in by the phone doing paperwork and chatting to cleaners and customers. You would also need to pay out for an office etc. It all adds up cenotaphgirl. How do you spend your days now?

 

[Claudia1794]

Adulthood...nah, I don't really care for my mother's version of adulthood. Some people can just slide into that phase of life with ease, even welcome it and try to prepare. Hats off to those well rounded responsible people. I respect them so long as I am not being lambasted for not being that way. As long as I am supporting myself and my son and not relying on the government or anyone, for that matter, Im good to go.

 

[charlotte craig]

No no nooo totally right there, my ex used to work, by far the most wealthy man I know, he worked nights for one of his families companies. I hated it though, would rather he stay but he was serious about it. Thats the choice element I like, I wouldnt wanna be someone who has to work, thats just not the life for me at all.

I understand you saying you want it to be a choice. but which career or job should be a choice too and if you choose something you find exciting you dont mind doing it. I dot know how much your ex used to earn but if he worked for other people and worked nights it probably wasnt a lot. You have to own your own business to earn real money and they dont work nights. How old was he? How many houses did he own? Culd he afford to have ten cars and great holidays? Then he was earning a lot.

 

[charlotte craig]

Adulthood...nah, I don't really care for my mother's version of adulthood. Some people can just slide into that phase of life with ease, even welcome it and try to prepare. Hats off to those well rounded responsible people. I respect them so long as I am not being lambasted for not being that way. As long as I am supporting myself and my son and not relying on the government or anyone, for that matter, Im good to go.

That makes sense to me. I get sick and tired of people assuming that all women are maternal and want kids. Or earn less than their husband. Just because they are female and dont earn much. When I meet new people and they see my house they say wow, you must have won the lottery, or wow you must have had rich parents, or wow you must have divorced a rich man. It never occurs to them that I did it myself. They woudlnt be that way with a man. It's sexist and generalising.

 

[CenotaphGirl]

I understand you saying you want it to be a choice. but which career or job should be a choice too and if you choose something you find exciting you dont mind doing it. I dot know how much your ex used to earn but if he worked for other people and worked nights it probably wasnt a lot. You have to own your own business to earn real money and they dont work nights. How old was he? How many houses did he own? Culd he afford to have ten cars and great holidays? Then he was earning a lot.

His dad is passing the businesses to him in maybe 4/5 years time so he works the night shift there. He was in his 30s, he only owned 1 house but we was planning to get a block of flats, money was no issue to him, but that wasn't always good because anything bad he done, he always thought money could fix it, you know?

 

[charlotte craig]

His dad is passing the businesses to him in maybe 4/5 years time so he works the night shift there. He was in his 30s, he only owned 1 house but we was planning to get a block of flats, money was no issue to him, but that wasn't always good because anything bad he done, he always thought money could fix it, you know?

Ok lets look at this thing about havihg a house or block of flats. I own a block of flats, outright, I paid for them cash. But most who buy flats and houses do it with a long bank loan where they pay so much a month for a long time. For many years they dont own it at all, the bank or loan company own it. They often rent out the flats to bring in rent to cover those payments. Its very common to do that. It doesnt mean they own them. It takes them twenty or so years to get to own them and people with very ordinary jobs do it all the time. Money can fix some things, but planning to prevent problems is far quicker and more sensible.

 

[TheSkaFish]

Adulthood...nah, I don't really care for my mother's version of adulthood. Some people can just slide into that phase of life with ease, even welcome it and try to prepare. Hats off to those well rounded responsible people. I respect them so long as I am not being lambasted for not being that way. As long as I am supporting myself and my son and not relying on the government or anyone, for that matter, Im good to go.

I think it helps to have the right interests, because then you naturally want to learn about those things and do those things. But it's hard if you don't. Then it's like forcing yourself to learn things you have no interest in learning, do things you have no interest in doing, and trying to be someone that you're not. The problem is not all interests are created equal. Some interests pay a lot more than others. And if you don't start out with money, you have to do whatever makes money whether you're interested in it or not - which makes you feel like you're in the passenger seat of your own life, and constantly mentally drained from never getting to learn and do anything you really want to, or never even getting to figure out who you are or what you want, because you have to do things you're not and do things you don't want all day, just to survive, just to keep doing it, and round and around you go...

Also we might not necessarily be good at the things that pay. So again, you have to force yourself to do something you're not even good at, just to live a normal life.

I also noticed a lot of "responsible" people, will shame others for not being like them, but at the same time, they won't really seem that happy with their lives either. Like they'll cover it up and try to escape by drinking or doing other drugs, or they'll only be able to talk about their favorite sports teams and athletes, musicians, movies, etc., living vicariously through the people that are doing what they wish they could be doing instead, or through fictional characters, but having very little to talk about in their own lives, besides boring mundane stuff.

I don't know. I mean, having no money sucks too, that's not much of an answer. But neither does it seem like much of an answer to force yourself to do and be something you're just not. It would be great if we all knew what we wanted to do and be and could just go ahead doing and being that thing. But it's not that straightforward and simple for everyone.

 

[CenotaphGirl]

Ok lets look at this thing about havihg a house or block of flats. I own a block of flats, outright, I paid for them cash. But most who buy flats and houses do it with a long bank loan where they pay so much a month for a long time. For many years they dont own it at all, the bank or loan company own it. They often rent out the flats to bring in rent to cover those payments. Its very common to do that. It doesnt mean they own them. It takes them twenty or so years to get to own them and people with very ordinary jobs do it all the time. Money can fix some things, but planning to prevent problems is far quicker and more sensible.

Nahh no loans, but wasnt all money he worked for to pay, his parents just gave him money. My dream is to own a block of flats lol should have just put up with him till he got me just one block (joking kinda)

 

[TheRealCallie]

I dont knowwww if working makes someone an adult to be fair. I think its a harsh thing to say. But thats just my opinion

As a former stay at home mom, I have to agree with this. I was then and still am now more of an adult than my ex ever was, even though he had the job and I didn't.

 

[charlotte craig]

I think it helps to have the right interests, because then you naturally want to learn about those things and do those things. But it's hard if you don't. Then it's like forcing yourself to learn things you have no interest in learning, do things you have no interest in doing, and trying to be someone that you're not. The problem is not all interests are created equal. Some interests pay a lot more than others. And if you don't start out with money, you have to do whatever makes money whether you're interested in it or not - which makes you feel like you're in the passenger seat of your own life, and constantly mentally drained from never getting to learn and do anything you really want to, or never even getting to figure out who you are or what you want, because you have to do things you're not and do things you don't want all day, just to survive, just to keep doing it, and round and around you go...

Also we might not necessarily be good at the things that pay. So again, you have to force yourself to do something you're not even good at, just to live a normal life.

I also noticed a lot of "responsible" people, will shame others for not being like them, but at the same time, they won't really seem that happy with their lives either. Like they'll cover it up and try to escape by drinking or doing other drugs, or they'll only be able to talk about their favorite sports teams and athletes, musicians, movies, etc., living vicariously through the people that are doing what they wish they could be doing instead, or through fictional characters, but having very little to talk about in their own lives, besides boring mundane stuff.

I don't know. I mean, having no money sucks too, that's not much of an answer. But neither does it seem like much of an answer to force yourself to do and be something you're just not. It would be great if we all knew what we wanted to do and be and could just go ahead doing and being that thing. But it's not that straightforward and simple for everyone.

It does not have to be like that. I worked full time in a job that paid while I studied and passed exams and learnt skills I would get well paid for. At one stage I did a full time job, two part time jobs, sometimes working till 2 am and then starting again a few hours later, seven days a week, and still learning so I could pack all that in and do better later.