Being an adult is hard... no?

[Claudia1794]

His dad is passing the businesses to him in maybe 4/5 years time so he works the night shift there. He was in his 30s, he only owned 1 house but we was planning to get a block of flats, money was no issue to him, but that wasn't always good because anything bad he done, he always thought money could fix it, you know?

I know this type. The trust fund kids. In college they get away with everything because their parents help pay for new honeysuckle on campus or send the big alumni checks. Dated a couple, cool to party with not cool to be in relationship with. Some of them never grow out of it. I married one and he literally left me cash and credit card on night stand " to go shopping" as if I was an escort. He tried to change everything about me and make me like his mother and sister. If they were taught money is the answer most likely they are not going to change that view. In my experience the more money someone has access to the more messed up honeysuckle they can come up with. No, not all people with money, just in my experience. I think the most important thing is to never have to depend on anyone financially.

 

[CenotaphGirl]

I know this type. The trust fund kids. In college they get away with everything because their parents help pay for new honeysuckle on campus or send the big alumni checks. Dated a couple, cool to party with not cool to be in relationship with. Some of them never grow out of it. I married one and he literally left me cash and credit card on night stand " to go shopping" as if I was an escort. He tried to change everything about me and make me like his mother and sister. If they were taught money is the answer most likely they are not going to change that view. In my experience the more money someone has access to the more messed up honeysuckle they can come up with. No, not all people with money, just in my experience. I think the most important thing is

Yesss yesss yessss this is how he was… but I loved him, his money was brainwashing though, I started to think he must love me he spends all this money on me

 

[user 139760]

I'm still not ever the dirty joke implicit in this thread title

 

[user 135067]

"Being an adult" is only as hard as you make it.

I think most parents are content to let their kids flounder on their own. I was told what I did wrong, but most often no one told me how to do it right. We learn by example, but you can't learn a thing by watching your parents balance a checkbook. Lessons need to be passed along. If they aren't we are all just running in circles.

A child is only a child for one fifth of their lives. If they are not taught adult things, by the time they grow up they are unarmed. It's easy to make a blanket statement, but not everyone is equipped the same. Some have better opportunities. Some don't know how to recognize an opportunity.

The type of person you are has a lot to do with being an adult. A timid or uncertain person isn't going as far as a bold and aggressive person. An empathetic person won't take advantage of others the way an apathetic person can climb to the top. An abused child isn't going to put themselves out there the same as a nurtured child will.

Society doesn't help you to be an adult. Society can smack you down quicker than you can get back up. There is always someone that wants to push you aside for their own benefit. There is always someone to take what you've got. You will always be taken advantage of by someone.

How do we even define, "being an adult?"

Sure, there comes a point where you are responsible for where you are, but if you've not been given the tools how could you have gotten further? More often than not, making a mistake just leads you to another mistake. Eventually you'll get it right, and then you move on to the next mistake. It comes down to how quickly you get things right.

I'll oppose your sentiment. It's not that it's as hard as you make it. It's that it is not as easy as if you'd been prepped for it.

You hop the hurdles before you, but some have higher hurdles than others. If people were less quick to condemn and more eager to assist being an adult wouldn't be hard at all.

It's just life. Sometimes it sucks.

 

[TheRealCallie]

I think most parents are content to let their kids flounder on their own. I was told what I did wrong, but most often no one told me how to do it right. We learn by example, but you can't learn a thing by watching your parents balance a checkbook. Lessons need to be passed along. If they aren't we are all just running in circles.

A child is only a child for one fifth of their lives. If they are not taught adult things, by the time they grow up they are unarmed. It's easy to make a blanket statement, but not everyone is equipped the same. Some have better opportunities. Some don't know how to recognize an opportunity.

The type of person you are has a lot to do with being an adult. A timid or uncertain person isn't going as far as a bold and aggressive person. An empathetic person won't take advantage of others the way an apathetic person can climb to the top. An abused child isn't going to put themselves out there the same as a nurtured child will.

Society doesn't help you to be an adult. Society can smack you down quicker than you can get back up. There is always someone that wants to push you aside for their own benefit. There is always someone to take what you've got. You will always be taken advantage of by someone.

How do we even define, "being an adult?"

Sure, there comes a point where you are responsible for where you are, but if you've not been given the tools how could you have gotten further? More often than not, making a mistake just leads you to another mistake. Eventually you'll get it right, and then you move on to the next mistake. It comes down to how quickly you get things right.

I'll oppose your sentiment. It's not that it's as hard as you make it. It's that it is not as easy as if you'd been prepped for it.

You hop the hurdles before you, but some have higher hurdles than others. If people were less quick to condemn and more eager to assist being an adult wouldn't be hard at all.

It's just life. Sometimes it sucks.

I have to be honest, I found this post kind of contradictory. Maybe I was just reading it wrong or something, I don't know.

I just want to touch in the hurdles you speak of. The height of the hurdle is irrelevant. What matters isn't how high it is, but how much determination you have to climb over it.
Also, you can only do so much for someone who doesn't want to help themselves. Sadly, a lot of people don't want to do the work involved in getting out of that, they want a fairy godmother or a magic wand to get them out of their problems. It's easier to put the blame elsewhere.

 

[user 135067]

I have to be honest, I found this post kind of contradictory. Maybe I was just reading it wrong or something, I don't know.

I just want to touch in the hurdles you speak of. The height of the hurdle is irrelevant. What matters isn't how high it is, but how much determination you have to climb over it.
Also, you can only do so much for someone who doesn't want to help themselves. Sadly, a lot of people don't want to do the work involved in getting out of that, they want a fairy godmother or a magic wand to get them out of their problems. It's easier to put the blame elsewhere.

True. Some people are content to slide by best they can. But I'll say that could have a lot to do with simply not being prepared. Then, there are those that think life owes them a living. You are not wrong.

I don't see the contradiction. Not that it matters. The undertone is simply that not everyone is equipped the same, which makes Richard's statement categorically wrong. There is a lot to credit to the growing up. Some parents are active in their children's preparations, and some are not. My parents were content to let the public schools prepare us, which is laughable. My dad did everything he could to make me feel worthless and pointless. It took me 20 years of adult experience just to raise my confidence enough to stand up for myself. Is that my fault or his? I'll say had he not busted me down I could have used those twenty years much more productively.

You can't blame everything on your parents. You are ultimately responsible for yourself. But some parents don't give their kids any tools. This was about Richard's statement which obliquely puts the fault on those that are struggling. I disagree.

 

[Claudia1794]

Yesss yesss yessss this is how he was… but I loved him, his money was brainwashing though, I started to think he must love me he spends all this money on me

Like I said, some people think money is the answer. If you have money why would you be so " brainwashed" by his? I know that some people prefer to stick within the same tax bracket in an attempt to not be taken but if you can and always have been able to buy for yourself how could him spending all his money on you pull you under his spell.

 

[CenotaphGirl]

Like I said, some people think money is the answer. If you have money why would you be so " brainwashed" by his? I know that some people prefer to stick within the same tax bracket in an attempt to not be taken but if you can and always have been able to buy for yourself how could him spending all his money on you pull you under his spell.

I think its because he was just a different lifestyle, theres me and then theres him. I just dont have to work, but I dont live a high luxury lifestyle. He offers a luxury lifestyle that I thought men would only offer to the ones they love… turns out anything will do…

 

[TheRealCallie]

My dad did everything he could to make me feel worthless and pointless. It took me 20 years of adult experience just to raise my confidence enough to stand up for myself. Is that my fault or his? I'll say had he not busted me down I could have used those twenty years much more productively.

And there are plenty of people who lived that same life or worse and have been successful as adults.

Of course we aren't all equipped the same or have the same upbringing or the same type of parents, but that's neither here nor there. It's on you to find the tools that weren't given to you. It's up to you to be the person you are, not anyone else. If you want something, you find a way to make it happen or you don't get it. Nothing else matters. It's you who decides what type of person you are going to be. If you live in a first world country, you have all the support and tools you need. Just because they aren't handed to you at a certain age isn't an excuse not to find them.

 

[Claudia1794]

I think its because he was just a different lifestyle, theres me and then theres him. I just dont have to work, but I dont live a high luxury lifestyle. He offers a luxury lifestyle that I thought men would only offer to the ones they love… turns out anything will do…

When I went on my first date with a boy my mother gave me money. I was confused I was like what gives? She told me to never let anyone pay my way or throw me off guard with gifts. There is more to it than just this but I won't go into that. I took that and ran with it. I have never felt comfortable taking gifts from men. No matter the man or occasion.

 

[user 135067]

Just because they aren't handed to you at a certain age isn't an excuse not to find them.

Handed? So you think there is no parental obligation for people to prepare their children for life?

As per the first post, Cenotaph's mother could have made some suggestions, like a cook out for friends and neighbors, or 'I have room, you can borrow my freezer', or the store might take some of it back, or give the overflow to a homeless center. Making her daughter feel stupid didn't solve a **** thing.

But lets just watch people fall on there faces and stand back and laugh. It's not our job to help them figure it out.

On the other hand, a little help and instruction would make for a lot fewer naive people.