Benelux guy climbing up from the pit I was

[SquareBin]

Hello everyone. short story of my life below, sorry for the big block:
Parents both had 2-3 divorces in their life, it has greatly affected me as a child (and both are divorcing their respective partner again right now). At school I was the "autistic" loser that people would both despise and look up to (I have a few signs of autism, never diagnosed however). I have a porn addiction ever since I started at 11yo (I hate that part of me). Never studied until university came around, and it was fine until Covid.

I was always depressed and suicidal, but during Covid, I almost hanged myself. I wish I could explain how my instincts that day took over my brain, and it instinctively searched for my blue rope (I bought it for the eventual day of suicide, no I'm not making it up). It didn't happen because I forgot it at my mother's house.

During Covid things spiralled down: became addicted to the internet, stopped seeing friends, became a neo-Nazi and a hateful, disgusting man ("man" is too good a term here). Lost my first GF of 1 year because of that. Stopped studying/working for university.

I've been on various forum since I was around 17, I am now 23 today. It started with reddit "manosphere" and various right wing/anti-feminist youtube channels, then went towards incel.me (then incel.is) and 4chan, then towards 8chan (now 8kun I believe) and other lesser known forums. I lost time and brain-capacity trough all this.

Fast forward to now and I failed uni, but I am now studying woodworking, with a 3 years internship in a small company. I love it (it's my passion in life) but interns are exploited for what they're paid... working hours are taking a toll on my body (overtime too)

I've managed to stop looking at extremist websites, started seeing friends and family again, involved myself at university despite not being a student anymore (I don't sleep enough because of that, but it's better than just work, otherwise big depression arises)

I've joined this website because despite people knowing me a lot (at uni) I still feel lonely. I'd prefer a gf but I'm basically a construction worker in the eyes of many (it shouldn't matter... but passions are invisible to many)

I'm sorry for this condensed block. it's probably not fun or interesting to read (I skipped a lot of details) but I need an outlet somewhere. Psychologist/psychotherapist don't work (I've seen them

since I was 3yo). Can't tell some friends because I'll lose them for sure. Can't tell anyone, but keeping it in isn't great either.

Otherwise I wish everyone a good day

- SquareBin

 

[TheRealCallie]

How do you fail uni? Can you not go back and take more classes over there? Not really relevant, just curious. I'm not saying go back or anything, if you've found your passion that's all that matters in the end. Though, I wouldn't necessarily rule out a class or two in the future if it helps you on your way.

How far into the internship are you? And does woodworking mean something else over there? Here it's not construction at all. I don't understand why that would be a bad thing. Construction workers make a lot of money here. Yeah, it's long hours sometimes, but still. And besides, a job is a job. I will never understand why people put such constraints on what is and is not an "acceptable" job. If you can pay your bills, it's a good job.

Anyway, sorry, rambled a bit. lol Welcome to the forum. It sounds like you are well on your way to sorting yourself out.

 

[Unsigned]

Hi and welcome.
I think it's great you are doing work that you enjoy and love. Most of us just go through the motions...

 

[okidoke]

Welcome to the forum. I want to say “Good on you, you’re growing up” but that sounds a little condescending although it’s not meant to be that way. I hope you get something positive from this site. I can empathise with some of what you say and happy for you to PM me if you wish.

Oki

 

[Murakami_1]

Hi welcome, you have gone through a lot, hope the future has good things in store

 

[user 139760]

Welcome to the forum, man. I hope you find the outlet you're looking for here.

 

[SquareBin]

How do you fail uni? Can you not go back and take more classes over there? Not really relevant, just curious. I'm not saying go back or anything, if you've found your passion that's all that matters in the end. Though, I wouldn't necessarily rule out a class or two in the future if it helps you on your way.

Nope, in my country, if you fail a year too many times, you're not funded by the state anymore. So instead of paying <1000€/year I'd need to pay >8000€-12000€/year instead... I was studying civil engineering, I think if I don't go all the way into it, it won't be useful (?) I'm thinking of industrial design if I tried again later in life

How far into the internship are you? And does woodworking mean something else over there? Here it's not construction at all. I don't understand why that would be a bad thing. Construction workers make a lot of money here. Yeah, it's long hours sometimes, but still. And besides, a job is a job. I will never understand why people put such constraints on what is and is not an "acceptable" job. If you can pay your bills, it's a good job.

It's been less than a year d:
in the Benelux, over half the workforce in construction don't speak the local language. It is so underappreciated that we import anyone that is willing to work in this sector. As such it is reputed to be full of low-IQ people/immigrants :/ we also don't have enough wood to make "real wood" furniture... so it's a lot of panels (I hate panels). I would prefer traditional Woodworking, that's a better craft for me

Anyway, sorry, rambled a bit. lol Welcome to the forum. It sounds like you are well on your way to sorting yourself out.

thanks ^^
yeah I'm getting out of my pit of despair. I'm currently helping friends around me to slowly start my business. 3D printing, lasercutting/engraving,
soon a CNC... I think I'll have a great time once I'm independant :3

 

[SquareBin]

Welcome to the forum. I want to say “Good on you, you’re growing up” but that sounds a little condescending although it’s not meant to be that way. I hope you get something positive from this site. I can empathise with some of what you say and happy for you to PM me if you wish.

Ok I

thanks a lot, I think good forums have the positive side of being able to share the past experiences of others, and to also reassure ourselves of the fact that we're not alone in our many struggles. If others have come out of worse situations, do can we

 

[SquareBin]

Hi and welcome.
I think it's great you are doing work that you enjoy and love. Most of us just go through the motions...

yeah... I love it but when I hate it, I sometime reconsider my choices. My family had a few woodworkers, but they all worked with real hardwood in the olden days. My father showed me a medieval door that was made by my great uncle, and it's really crazy how thick and solid it was built. Nowadays, most doors are just a fake impression of real olden hardwood doors, and it makes me sad, as an almost perfect reflection of the modern world...

but anyway, with talent and dedication, I can specialize in what I love

 

[SquareBin]

Hi welcome, you have gone through a lot, hope the future has good things in store

thanks, I wish the same for everyone on this forum ^^