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Can anyone else here honestly say that they don't have a single friend

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rivermaze

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Only one, if a partner counts. I've always called my wife my best friend, although at some point I started to question if it's really possible to be both, a partner and a friend simultaneously. These roles too often cancel each other out. Apart from her, I have only some acquaintances who barely know me, mainly through work, and my sister.

If the partner doesn't count, I can say that I have no close friends. This feels fine though. Similarly to Pike Cree I choose not to be involved. It's emotionally fatiguing and I have plenty of it at work. I get attached to my patients and cancer can be extremely cruel. Also, I don't want to drag anyone else with me when my time comes. For now, I'm happy with my easier hermit-like existence.
 
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Azariah

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once upon a time i had no friends. even myself wasn't my friend. hey but i guess we all start with zero.
 

Oranda

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My husband's my best friend but I don't have anyone else. Sometimes I get to know people but they meet my husband then somehow they become "our friends" and not "my friend" and I want one of my own. I do talk to someone on a chat forum. It's not "romantic" at all, just daily chat, music, cars, other things people have posted. It would be nice to have that in real life.
 

Lemonbalm

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I don't have any friends. I've had people in the past who I thought of as good friends, but they gradually disappeared when I developed health problems which limited my ability to go out and do fun stuff with them. In times of trouble you find out who your real friends are, and unfortunately I found out that my friends weren't as real as I thought they were. I do miss having friends, but I don't go anywhere to meet anyone new these days. I've looked for local clubs or groups that I could join to try to meet new people, but there aren't any near where I live. I've had a few online friends in the past, but after a while we seemed to run out of things to talk about, and then it kind of became hard work to keep in touch with them, and things gradually fizzled out. The best friendships I've had have been with people I met through work (or school, many years ago!) I think it's easier to sustain a friendship when you are in a shared environment, as that's one thing you have in common, and you know a lot of the same people, so there's always something to talk about.
 
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ewomack

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It all depends on what one means by friend. If it's just someone you can call up and go hang out with, then I think I've always had a few of those people on hand throughout my life. But if it's people you can confide in, have a serious discussion with or find support through hard times with, then such people have proven very rare. I bet I've had half a dozen maybe off and on in my entire life and they almost always end up temporary. They have either moved away, had issues that ended the relationship or just vanished without explanation. Those are the worst to lose because they are the hardest to replace. So, there have been times in my life when I have had zero "real" friends and only more "acquaintances."
 

Melli12

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I have no friends and a family that is/was highly abusive to me, so I quit contact.

I live in a special form of housing, it's a stationary treatment for ppl with mental illnesses. I have other roommates in a flat, but our contact is distant, everyone of us has problems with trust and social interactions. We have caretakers we see everyday and fixed group activities and the caretakers also are on call in the night, whenever someone of us has a crises and that normally means a suicidal crises or something like that.

I live here since May and it was a big step for me, but I couldn't handle my diseases on my own and was socially isolated for years. It is very painful and hard for me to go into social contact, I often get triggered, I have to fight fears and "dysfunctional programs", but I don't want to end up alone for the rest of my life. I try to train it and maybe friendships and relationships will be possible one day.

I know that diseases like Borderline or complex Ptsd require a lot of work and therapy to learn to not distress me and others this much, because of the symptoms, but I see that it is possible. I give it a try.

If your traumatized in relationships since very young ages, it is really hard to believe, that ppl can be good and trustworthy. It's never really good for me and I don't know, If it ever feels fully good. It's a like a scale to me, in which I try to balance the good experiences against the triggers, that stand in my way. And I hope that most of the painful triggers can get integrated during trauma therapy. The other thing is to not end up in abusive relationships and to learn, that I deserve to get treated better. Work on self-esteem and self-defense and things. I'm on it and I make good progress.

I just think, that the world can really be full of nasty trolls, that do a lot of harm to others and make it a unhappy and dangerous place. But it's possible to break free and change and I truly believe it, although I have seen ppl, who never tried it. That was very sad to see.
It depends on the person.
 

Finished

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I have no friends and a family that is/was highly abusive to me, so I quit contact.

I live in a special form of housing, it's a stationary treatment for ppl with mental illnesses. I have other roommates in a flat, but our contact is distant, everyone of us has problems with trust and social interactions. We have caretakers we see everyday and fixed group activities and the caretakers also are on call in the night, whenever someone of us has a crises and that normally means a suicidal crises or something like that.

I live here since May and it was a big step for me, but I couldn't handle my diseases on my own and was socially isolated for years. It is very painful and hard for me to go into social contact, I often get triggered, I have to fight fears and "dysfunctional programs", but I don't want to end up alone for the rest of my life. I try to train it and maybe friendships and relationships will be possible one day.

I know that diseases like Borderline or complex Ptsd require a lot of work and therapy to learn to not distress me and others this much, because of the symptoms, but I see that it is possible. I give it a try.

If your traumatized in relationships since very young ages, it is really hard to believe, that ppl can be good and trustworthy. It's never really good for me and I don't know, If it ever feels fully good. It's a like a scale to me, in which I try to balance the good experiences against the triggers, that stand in my way. And I hope that most of the painful triggers can get integrated during trauma therapy. The other thing is to not end up in abusive relationships and to learn, that I deserve to get treated better. Work on self-esteem and self-defense and things. I'm on it and I make good progress.

I just think, that the world can really be full of nasty trolls, that do a lot of harm to others and make it a unhappy and dangerous place. But it's possible to break free and change and I truly believe it, although I have seen ppl, who never tried it. That was very sad to see.
It depends on the person.
First off, I applaud you for seeking help and trying to change. Great job!!!!! Keep it up!!!!! It is very difficult to do. I did seek professional help years earlier. I never found anybody that gave me the help that I needed though. So, I went the other direction and gave up. I learned how to work with my problems healthy or not. Many times I would head into a store to buy my supplies and I would have a panic attack and have to turn around and go back home because of all the people in the store. I thought to myself, WTF is your damn problem you whimp? It's just store. Nobody cares about you or what you do. Just go buy the stuff you need. It's no big deal. But, I just couldn't. No amount of self talk was going to calm me down. A few hours at home alone and I was once again calm.

Well, in time I learned that with using anger I could go into stores and anywhere else I needed to go. Nothing was going to stop me no matter what period! At first I had to get really angry and nobody had better mess with me. I'm ashamed of how I acted now. And, yes, I had quite a few incidents. I was that asshole that was screaming because someone did something wrong or I was stuck in a long line with an extremely slow cashier. I did lots of property damage as well. I'm ashamed of that too. But, I never got caught or in trouble. I'm guessing because I immediately left the store before anybody realized what was going on.

But, over time I lessened the need for anger and I also learned to notice when I was about to boil over. So, now, if it starts happening I just set down whatever is in my hands and immediately leave the store. It's not the best situation. But, no harm comes from it other then missed supplies for a little while. The other thing that I do is pretend that I am actually invisible and nobody else is around me. I'm in a magic bubble. I put on a smile and appear to be confident and happy as I quickly grab the stuff I need and go through the self check lanes, I LOVE THOSE THINGS. No human interaction is the best!!!!

So, although I chose, and it is a decision, I own it, not to seek further mental health help, it is not the best decision to make. Maybe some of the things I've mentioned will help you stick with your program when it becomes very difficult. That's gives me some comfort.
 

U-122

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I can honestly say i have zero frenemies. I used to have them b. )ut after realizing how bad they were to me and as people in general, i cut contact. I have a few neighbors i talk to and a circle of acquaintances. I don't allow anyone to get too close to me. Recently tried to become friends with someone, first time in many years. It backfired so hard i'll never try again. I even told her what my frenemies had done to me in the past and why i can't have any friends. It was my decision to become friends or friendly with this person. Apparently my low status didn't help at all. Got rejected. Now does't give me time of day.
I don't have any friends. I've had people in the past who I thought of as good friends, but they gradually disappeared when I developed health problems which limited my ability to go out and do fun stuff with them. In times of trouble you find out who your real friends are, and unfortunately I found out that my friends weren't as real as I thought they were. I do miss having friends, but I don't go anywhere to meet anyone new these days. I've looked for local clubs or groups that I could join to try to meet new people, but there aren't any near where I live. I've had a few online friends in the past, but after a while we seemed to run out of things to talk about, and then it kind of became hard work to keep in touch with them, and things gradually fizzled out. The best friendships I've had have been with people I met through work (or school, many years ago!) I think it's easier to sustain a friendship when you are in a shared environment, as that's one thing you have in common, and you know a lot of the same people, so there's always something to talk about.

Have you tried meetup.com groups? I used to have luck meeting people and doing things with them. I was younger and had some status. Now i can't do it for a number of reasons. I have zero status. Where i am nobody gives me time of day unless i have looks and status. First thing they ask "what do you do". If i'm not important they go out of their way to forget my name but if i lie and make up some important good paying useful occupation like doctor, dentist, lawyer, police, etc., their name/face memory comes back quickly. If i'm nothing nobody gives me time of day and hardly anyone talks to me. I prefer to stay away from meetups and toxic shallow stuckup snobs. Years ago there used to be completely free okcupid and travel companion sites. I met a few ppl for different activities. Google forums and free meetup groups in your area for common interests.
 

M_also_lonely

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I can't believe I would say this, but yes. I have a true friend.

I still don't let my guard down, not deeply attached. I am always prepared to bear losing them. It wouldn't come as an absolute shock if they left or disappeared. I have trained myself to not surrender to anyone totally. But for the time being, I do happen to have one. So yeah.
 

U-122

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My husband's my best friend but I don't have anyone else. Sometimes I get to know people but they meet my husband then somehow they become "our friends" and not "my friend" and I want one of my own. I do talk to someone on a chat forum. It's not "romantic" at all, just daily chat, music, cars, other things people have posted. It would be nice to have that in real life.

Every couple around me don't have any friends. I'm in such fast paced toxic environment now, almost nobody has any friends. Not i, not my neighbors, singles or couples. They are each others' friends. I always thought if i ever find one friend, one lifetime partner woman, that's all i ever need. I don't ever need to be "out with the boys", have my personal space or personal friends that i wouldn't share with my gf or wife. Everyone i've every known wasn't worthy of friendship anyway. They are all garbage. Even few i talk to still lie to me. For no reason at all. Don't even gain anything by it. They are just the kind of people that can't go a day without being secretive or lying. Garbage. Everyone in my circle is like that.
 

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