Can't Connect/Can't Relate

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NoxApex(N/A)

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I can't connect/can't relate to the larger majority of society, and I've had numerous individuals over the years tell me that I'm somewhat of an anomaly.
I mostly just take them saying that and kind of shrug it off because that's simply their perception of something/someone that they can't/don't understand.

I'm highly creative, that's never changed. I'm creative enough to avoid being assimilated completely.
Because of my labors in life, things like romanticism and socializing progressively took more and more of a backburner, because, well:

I have no help.

None. Not at all.
I have no supporting family, no supporting spouse or s/o, no supporting friends outside of business associates, and I've no college degree to back me.
I am literally man alone in Capitalist America fighting to survive with no help around the relativity of minimum wage or less than a collective $30K/year income.

This of course demands that I forgo many pleasures of society:
I eat minimally.
I subscribe to no media that has a monthly fee, save for my phone bill, which I use for business purposes.
I own physically very little, and on purpose, so that moving is made cheaper, and easier should I end up in that situation.
I own no pets.
And I'm often caught in the conundrum between trying to fund a vehicle, and trying to maintain having an apartment. Currently I don't have a vehicle, I walk/am getting a bicycle.
I wear mostly tattered and/or torn clothes, which I try not to replace unless I absolutely have to. To the point that my boot has a hole in it the size of my thumb, and I'm just rolling with it.

And the way that I got here is:
I am the son of an alcoholic and an opiate addict.
My parents drained my college savings when I was 20 to pay bills because my father lost his job during that time.
I also cannot really go back to college because I have a learning disability that is not legally recognized in my state, nor is the technological advancement for education and schoolboards advanced enough yet to allow online education the help that I would need....believe me, I tried....even though everything that I wanted to go to college for, really doesn't make that much more money than what I'm already making anyhow.

Professionally, I have managerial and logistical field experience for middle-upper management and some consultation comprehension thereof...despite the fact that I do not have a degree which says I know how to do these things that I have been doing for 7 years.

Provided that I have shelter, food, water, electricity, and paid bills, and the ability to save a little money out of what I can, where I can, I can maintain a state of relative happiness.

However I am getting older, and I simply cannot relate to my dopamine-addicted socialite peers. I've come to quite dislike them, largely in part because while I'm intellectually dialectic and relatively business-savvy, their social skills allow them to position themselves to where they can compromise on things that I don't want to compromise on, and structure themselves within that compromise accordingly. I don't like overly involving others in my personal affairs, because it jumbles up the waters of my structure too much, so I don't behave or socialize to the values and levels that they do.

So when people ask me if I've seen/done/been to the newest X/Y/Z things, I'm kind of like:
I haven't owned a television in nearly 10 years.
No, I don't have Netflix/Hulu/HBO Max/Prime Video, etc.
So if it came out post-2012, I it's quite likely I haven't seen it/haven't played it/haven't read about it.
Nor am I on any modern social media platforms.
And generally speaking I actively try to avoid keeping up with the news and current events. Since I can just catch that on the hearsay of, well, literally anybody else.

I don't completely lack social skills, I just lack all of the faux social skills that make people like you for being not genuine and true to yourself.
Instead, my mental health is more like: What/who even am I?

And the vast majority of my time goes into explorative introspection when it isn't being forcefully applied to business means to make a means to an end for resources.

Context is important to me, and I have an unquenchable thirst for knowledge, information and depth.
Practical application is something that I continue to work towards crafting and finding out thereof, though I struggle with finding an efficient application instead of a timesink.

Clearly, I do not socialize well.
And I don't really think I'll be able to anytime soon, either.
At least, not with my given values.
 

Waldo P. Schmeer

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This was a very interesting post and although it doesn't describe me to the letter, I had a lot of these notions in my 20s.

The good news is: NOBODY can relate to the larger society. That's the secret. Everyone is literally making things up all the time. You grow up and you see adults wearing suits and ties talking on TV. You think to yourself "They are grown ups- surely they know what they are doing/talking about". But surprise: They don't. You think that you spend most of your free time introspecting.. guess what, so do those same friends that you described as "dopamine-addicted socialites".

I know that we don't know each other, but I will believe you 100% when you say you're more of a creative person. Creativity takes a certain kind of intelligence. And intelligent people always end up in these kinds of ruts where we are trying to find ourselves. So try not to be too hard on your peers because they may not have gotten as far as you actually are.
Remember the old phrase: "Ignorance is bliss". There are a lot of blissful folks out there. Because they never sat to start to ponder the realities of life. Not yet at least. But give them grace.

Speaking totally from experience, I think that what you need is to meld and mingle into those people. Its what it took for me to snap out of it and finally accept that there is no big burgeoning historical answer for "who am I?"- I just landed in a position in my life where I was forced to mingle with everyday folks, and little by little, I became one of them. I'm just a dude who likes to hang out and its helped me better connect with folks. They can be dopamine addicts, and I can just be me. There isn't some secret society of cool kids. Everyone is just out here faking it till we make it.

I hope that you find some sense of peace and always have a comfortable place to sit.
 

theablekingathelstan

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I can't connect/can't relate to the larger majority of society, and I've had numerous individuals over the years tell me that I'm somewhat of an anomaly.
I mostly just take them saying that and kind of shrug it off because that's simply their perception of something/someone that they can't/don't understand.

I'm highly creative, that's never changed. I'm creative enough to avoid being assimilated completely.
Because of my labors in life, things like romanticism and socializing progressively took more and more of a backburner, because, well:

I have no help.

None. Not at all.
I have no supporting family, no supporting spouse or s/o, no supporting friends outside of business associates, and I've no college degree to back me.
I am literally man alone in Capitalist America fighting to survive with no help around the relativity of minimum wage or less than a collective $30K/year income.

This of course demands that I forgo many pleasures of society:
I eat minimally.
I subscribe to no media that has a monthly fee, save for my phone bill, which I use for business purposes.
I own physically very little, and on purpose, so that moving is made cheaper, and easier should I end up in that situation.
I own no pets.
And I'm often caught in the conundrum between trying to fund a vehicle, and trying to maintain having an apartment. Currently I don't have a vehicle, I walk/am getting a bicycle.
I wear mostly tattered and/or torn clothes, which I try not to replace unless I absolutely have to. To the point that my boot has a hole in it the size of my thumb, and I'm just rolling with it.

And the way that I got here is:
I am the son of an alcoholic and an opiate addict.
My parents drained my college savings when I was 20 to pay bills because my father lost his job during that time.
I also cannot really go back to college because I have a learning disability that is not legally recognized in my state, nor is the technological advancement for education and schoolboards advanced enough yet to allow online education the help that I would need....believe me, I tried....even though everything that I wanted to go to college for, really doesn't make that much more money than what I'm already making anyhow.

Professionally, I have managerial and logistical field experience for middle-upper management and some consultation comprehension thereof...despite the fact that I do not have a degree which says I know how to do these things that I have been doing for 7 years.

Provided that I have shelter, food, water, electricity, and paid bills, and the ability to save a little money out of what I can, where I can, I can maintain a state of relative happiness.

However I am getting older, and I simply cannot relate to my dopamine-addicted socialite peers. I've come to quite dislike them, largely in part because while I'm intellectually dialectic and relatively business-savvy, their social skills allow them to position themselves to where they can compromise on things that I don't want to compromise on, and structure themselves within that compromise accordingly. I don't like overly involving others in my personal affairs, because it jumbles up the waters of my structure too much, so I don't behave or socialize to the values and levels that they do.

So when people ask me if I've seen/done/been to the newest X/Y/Z things, I'm kind of like:
I haven't owned a television in nearly 10 years.
No, I don't have Netflix/Hulu/HBO Max/Prime Video, etc.
So if it came out post-2012, I it's quite likely I haven't seen it/haven't played it/haven't read about it.
Nor am I on any modern social media platforms.
And generally speaking I actively try to avoid keeping up with the news and current events. Since I can just catch that on the hearsay of, well, literally anybody else.

I don't completely lack social skills, I just lack all of the faux social skills that make people like you for being not genuine and true to yourself.
Instead, my mental health is more like: What/who even am I?

And the vast majority of my time goes into explorative introspection when it isn't being forcefully applied to business means to make a means to an end for resources.

Context is important to me, and I have an unquenchable thirst for knowledge, information and depth.
Practical application is something that I continue to work towards crafting and finding out thereof, though I struggle with finding an efficient application instead of a timesink.

Clearly, I do not socialize well.
And I don't really think I'll be able to anytime soon, either.
At least, not with my given values.
It could well be the social circles you mix with. Not everyone is shallow
 

sniffles

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What/who even am I?
I've been sharing the same sentiment to this question lately, in relation to connecting with other people.

I see the majority of people seemingly following some sort of script given to them, all unquestioningly integrated into and following the same framework.

To fit in with them, you have to make a choice between playing their game by giving up your own identity and what you uphold, or sticking to your own truth which isn't shared by anyone and being an alien. It's like knowing what's in front of you is bs, but you're forced to eat it anyway. It may make you some so called friends, but sooner or later you won't be able to hide how revolting it all is and you end up in the same spot all over again.
 

Azariah

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i would say stop looking at what you don't have and start looking at what you do have.
 

SecondStarTotheRight

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I appreciated reading this. Sometimes the best stories are the ones that just help someone else, but it's hard to see that through the pain. If you can feel a sense of purpose in aiding others, you may find great joy and fulfillment in it. You don't need to be what others expect you to be. By all means, don't be.
Most people are poor social creatures. They just fake it. Go with the herd and pretend a lot of their lives. I don't socialize well at all, for that reason. People may think I'm weird because I don't adapt to what's expected, especially in shallow or social terms. I hate the layers that people put on, usually only to front or impress. It confuses me, makes me anxious.
A pet might be a nice companion. Hope you're not allergic or forbidden.
Love this line:
I'm highly creative, that's never changed. I'm creative enough to avoid being assimilated completely.
 

U-122

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When you say "can't connect/can't relate to the larger majority of society" have you thought maybe society should connect to you? Maybe society is seriously flawed and you're the only or one of few normal ones? Have you ever thought maybe fuck society? Do you really want to fit in/conform to others? I also don't fit in anywhere but for very specific reasons: My income is a fraction of yours. I'm a minimalist, like you, by choice, even though i can afford to buy more than i need and whatever i want. I die inside when i buy something i really need but know if i ever have to move (into my car, soon) i won't be able to use it or take it with me. When i was working 9-5 if some of my co-workers made $1000-2000 more than i, they considered me out of their league. They looked down on me, like i was lower than them. I always had to do my side work at work to keep up with others. I got discarded by my employers like disposable garbage. I couldn't and didn't want to connect with them or some co-workers who were higher on pay scale. Now i'm out of everyone's league.

I want to go off track for this one and comment how i kept a piece of paper on the wall at my work place. I put stars for every client i turned away from this business, because i knew from day one i will be treated like a lower organism by money grabbing employers. I wasn't wrong. They lost a lot of money because of me.

Back to the topic. I don't fit in/can't connect because of my low income, because i don't look good, because i have standards and good qualities nobody around me has and they all hate me for it. Because i don't smoke, because i don't grab a drink (alcohol is not allowed anywhere near me), because i don't know religion and never celebrate any holidays, because i try to be good to others but get treated like invisible garbage or get used first, then discarded. I'm the only normal one in my "society" who doesn't have any psychiatric disorders, not religiously ill, has a clear mind, not on any pills, although i do feel like shit as of recently because of someone near me who hates me because i exist, for no reason at all and nothing i can do about it. It does get to me and makes me feel terrible. Why would i want to connect/fit in with such fucktarded "society". I'm not a traditional zombie like everyone else in this toxic environment where i am now. Let them all conform to me, let them all try to connect with me. Let them fit in with me. I'm done dancing to others' music. Let society conform to you, dance to your music. No need for you to always fit in, conform, relate, be like others. If they don't connect with you, they are not worthy of your time.

Like you, i also don't have any pets even though i'm an animal lover and would like to adopt every cat and dog but can't because homeless, don't own any property. I know i would be very happy with animals around me. I live a very minimalistic lifestyle, never watch tv because zombie box makes everyone stupid. Keep everything to a minimum, because my tomorrow is not guaranteed. Never adopt, conform, fit in, connect, relate. Be your own person. In your own world, if you have to.
 

TropicalStarfish

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I felt like I was reading about myself, in a lot of that.

It's a bit weird, to have strayed so far from the norms of other people.

Wish I could go back to 2012, in a time machine... The world was less crazy, and I still felt like there wasn't so much between me and others.

I think there are a few forces at work, at least for me. One, I think, is that, as you get older, you become set in your ways (neurologically this is expressed as probably less plasticity and the end of brain development). So, you kind of, 'are what you are,' as opposed to something that has the ability to, 'grow into,' new situations. Usually, I think this manifests, for people, as having an established friend circle that goes into maintenance mode and decline. We aren't as open to new members, we are too busy dealing with the passing of old members and maintenance of the ones we still have.

Second, being older, puts you at a bit of a disadvantage. Simply, by the math, there are going to be less people around your age, and less people around of your age that will have shared common experiences, especially if you've been isolated, or lived a novel lifestyle.

I'm sure there is a third, and fourth, etc.. etc..

But, I think one of the social life killers, is, routine. You get that job, that you need to survive, and it really, really, limits you. Even if you are extremely financially secure, all the way down to bottom of the barrel, you are isolated. College was a mixing pot, high school was a mixing pot, etc.. etc.. Work, can be a way to meet people, but, the pickings are slim to none, quite often, and the longer you stick around at the same job, the more screwed you become. And after all that, it's just the occasional social gathering and such. The religious can do their Church meetups or the Sangha's, or voulunteer work; but, that stuff is really, really hit or miss.

The more that I think about it really, I think College, no matter what your age, is really, probably, the best chance at meeting intellectually diverse people, and even that is a fucking crap shoot, lol.

I think it's just a state of mind though, more than anything. At the end of the day, none of us are so different, really. Whether you are a simpleton or hyper-intelligent, we are basically creatures, hopefully capable of love, and definitely in need of it.

Terrence McKenna, was said to have said something along the lines of, "it's all about love," on his death bed. He spent his whole life philosophizing and thinking the great thoughts, and only at the end, is said to have figured it out, and the answer was simple.

It's all about love...

It's why we hurt, and we hurt because we feel, and feel because we are alive, I think..
 

LonelyUser

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College was not the best chance at meeting intellectually diverse people for me. I was always busy enough going to classes, studying, writing homework/lab reports. I was a engineering major. There was no time for making friends. Most of the people I knew in my classes were in the similar situation. When I had free time I would have to catch up with sleeping, grocery shopping and doing laundry..etc.
But I was an introvert anyway, so it could also be my own problem. My focus in college was on the degree (so I could get a good paying job), my focus was not on the social life or making friends. I am glad I now have a good paying job.
 
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