Cant connect

[bear]

there was a time, when i didnt feel this lonely.
Back in my old school, and in the town in which i used to live, i had/have friends whom i regard as the best type of friends a guy could have. I could talk to them about anything, be it relevant, or non-sensical, just generally a good set of lads to hang around.

Ive always been a inexcusably poor adapter to big changes, and ive never been quick to make friends, due to my crippling shyness, and inability to connect with people. The friendships that i have, are old ones, going back a long way (well, as long a way as there can be for a 17 year old).

But now im in a different town, and a different school. My old town, is in Sussex, England, and now i am typing this in Essex. So i am a long way away from them, and ever since i moved here in September, its been eating away at me.

For some reason i cant seem to make conversation with the people in my school. The conversations they seem to have, (most of them), have little or no interest, and relevance to my interests, and tastes. And (from my point of view), most of what i say, goes unnoticed. Its not that im unused to being unnoticed, far from it infact, but it just hurts a little more for whatever reason.

My parents seem to spout rubbish about this being a whole new experience for me, and how i could learn to move on etc etc, but they dont seem to realise how much this has affected me, after i told them before the move, that there was no way i would be able to adapt. Not even i thought it would be this hard.

We are supposed to be heading down to Sussex on Wednesday to visit some friends, but most of my personal friends are busy for the large part of that day, and that really does get to me, that this is my only chance to catch up with them, and it has more or less been taken away from me, and i will not be able to meet them again in the flesh till possiby the next half term holidays. Of course its no ones fault this turn of events, but i feel the need to blame it on someone or something, and there doesnt seem a valid reason to blame it on anyone, other than God, whom I feel must be punishing me for something or the other.

Surely I deserve a break from this loneliness? Doesnt everyone?

 

[justjames]

hi mate,

i had the same thing when i moved from the isle of wight to sussex university. i dont know if i would have been able to overcome it, because i basically convinced all my close friends to move to brighton with me after the first year.

i dont know but i think it was because we all grew up together and we all understand each other - i can't really connect with other people like i can with them because i would have to somehow share all the experiences over again with a new person to make another friend as close as my best friends, and that seems like a really difficult task to undertake.

as for deserving a break, of course you deserve it, everyone does. god isn't punishing you for something - if you think like that you're just going to mess up your head. honeysuckle happens, and even if you believe in god it's still apparent that he doesnt bother to micromanage everyone's lives.

i think feeling the need to blame someone is a result of being angry. i find i get angry because i get frustrated that i can't find anyone to connect with, which usually just gets repressed until every couple of months i get drunk and go berserk (privately, not in a way thats threatens anyone else). Also, i tended to just direct the anger and blame at myself, which really made me ill.

i know this isnt a particularly helpful reply, but i found that the more i understood what was going on in my head, the easier it became to deal with it.

anger was the real biggy that i needed to get the measure of because it caused lots of pain and negativity in my life. Now i'm still lonely (my friends are still in brighton but im back on the isle of wight) but i understand what triggers what in my head and i can pretty much avoid most of it and life isn't too unbearable at the moment.

I know that's no solution, but it's a hell of a lot better than driving myself nuts. Hopefully something in this ramble will be of some use to you.

 

[mimizu]

Yeah I know what you mean... when you try to make conversation but it doesn't work.

I wish I had the joy of growing up with friends... -_-

 

[BrokenDreams]

Yeah, that is why I really don't want High School to end. I'd miss them way too much. I miss them after a boring weekend, and actually look forward to school just to see them again. I don't look forward to the classes, they just make me feel bad about myself since I can't get good marks no matter how hard I try. Sure, the independence away from parents would be nice when I grow up.I'm certain I'd just end up lonely, and what fun is being able to do things without others to share the memories with?

 

[anorderofmagnitudehigher]

Yeah, my social situation has changed a whole lot. I know alot of people and even have decent acquaintances with some of them, but as for real friends... no. I'm not good with people so much, but most people seem to really like me. Its weird, I feel like I'm quite charming and bitchy (in that fun way) and people eat it up, but when it comes to having a real conversation I must scare them off or something. So, I go online. I talk with online people, go on myspace, pretend to have such a wonderful life... when I'm sitting alone most nights tapping away at this little laptop of mine. I go out and try to be sociable, but I hate going out alone! I want at least one companion to go on the town with, but blah... Sorry, I'm rambling...

 

[BrokenDreams]

Yeah, I think I scare people when I talk to them. Its etiher how I can be a bit crazy and hyper to try and cover up my pain or how I can cry so easily. People get scared of me since I cry too easily. Its one of the reasons why I never had friends in elementary school. Well, I have friends now and I just hope I don't scare them too much.

I wish I could get out. Although I dohe agree that I couldn't have much fun alone. I liked it when I went to the movies and the mall with my friends. That sure was fun. I can't get out of my house since I live close to nothing much, so I can't walk anywhere and I can't drive yet... Basically I'm stuck sitting around the house on the weekends. It stinks.