Corrupt the wish game.

[Finished]

Granted! But, it's in a green zone so you can't actually use until you earn 20,000 green credits. You better go buy your electric vehicle now!

I wish I was as agile as a cat in their prime.

 

[TheSkaFish]

You are, but you're also the size of a cat in their prime - a housecat, not one of the big cats.

I wish I could manipulate time.

 

[user 135067]

You do, but she slaps you for your inconsideration and for not spelling her name correctly. Thyme and her sister Paprika stomp on your feet before they turn their backs and storm off.

I wish I could draw.

 

[Cherubino]

granted and soon you become the best porn cartoonist

I wish I could play electric guitar

 

[user 135067]

Granted. A blow to the head opens a previously closed off portion of your brain and like a prodigy you grasp the understanding of the fret board Like no one ever has, and playing to the envy of the top guitarists in the world... right up until a diet soda is spilled into you amplifier and you become fatally electrocuted in front of 10,000 fans.

I wish I could afford lunch in Paris any time I wanted.

 

[Cherubino]

granted ... I'm sure we can find some town named Paris in the whole US

I wish I had complete control over defecation frequency and timing

 

[Finished]

Granted. But, you don't have control of the consistency and speed so you always end up defecating all over everything. Ha! ha!

I wish I could read people's minds.

 

[Cherubino]

granted but as a consequence you go live in the wild

I wish I could read animals mind

 

[user 135067]

granted but as a consequence you go live in the wild

I wish I could read animals mind

Granted, but as a consequence you go live in the city.

I wish I could afford a small garden tractor.

 

[Finished]

Granted. But a recent law passes and it's illegal to own small tractors.

I wish my ears stopped itching so much.

 

[Cherubino]

granted but the itching relocates to the buttocks

I wish I was a slow eater

 

[Finished]

Granted. You become a koala and now eat bamboo.

I wish I had access to affordable medical treatment.

 

[Cherubino]

granted but it proves it does more harm than good so you drop it

I wish I was Brad Pitt's identical twin brother

 

[Finished]

Granted. But, Angelina Jolie hates you too now.

I wish I could dance really well.

 

[Cherubino]

granted but only in strip clubs

I wish I was the best music critic

 

[Richard_39]

granted but only in strip clubs

I wish I was the best music critic

Granted...but only of Muzak.

I wish for about 8 million dollars. Right now.

 

[Finished]

Granted. However, when you tried to spend them you realized they were all sand dollars. Ha! ha!

I wish I had a sword made of Valyrian Steel and some dragon glass blades.

 

[Cherubino]

granted but they end up on the bottom of the ocean because the airplane was forced to drop its cargo

I wish for a bride by air mail

 

[TheSkaFish]

Granted, and the bride is hot too, but with every conversation, she always finds a way to bring it back to being about her love for the band Hanson.

I wish to be a successful fiction writer.

 

[Cherubino]

Granted ... big time ... but not your life time, like Van Gogh in painting

I wish I had money like Larry Flint and a dick like Dirk Diggler's (alive)