Couples who share similar issues

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Okiedokes

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So..do you think it might be beneficial for people who share similar issues such as anxiety..depression... bi polar to be in a relationship?

Perhaps it could really bring two people even closer because they share the same battle and can try to get better together, and in doing so, may have better results since they aren't alone in the process. At least this is the side I lean more towards. Whatcha think? I've heard it could make things more difficult. But the understanding of the problem is so...there. The understanding and acceptance....

To love is to be there for each other, to take care of each other, to help each other grow, to be looking out for someone other than yourself. My love I want to share will only die when I do.
 
i can see your point, but also can see some of the possible downsides..
one being conflicting issues.
what would happen if one person goes into a depressive episode and that triggers the other person to follow?
i have l;earned that these things arent prevented by simply being happy. they can hit out of the blue even when things are going well, and that has potential to cause confusion and isolation and feels of lack of support. because its hard to support someone else while you yourself are in a desperate state.
i agree that 2 people which can relate to each other is paramount, but if it gets too extreme it could also be a reciepe for disaster..
 
I'm with Walley on this one. I'm not convinced that it would always be a good thing. Although a mutual understanding is beneficial, I think the only way it would work is if both individuals shared a common, determined goal to work towards changing or bettering their situation, otherwise they could just end up feeding off of each other's worst qualities and reinforcing the worst of their issues.

I personally feel like my life is a lot easier in that my husband doesn't share any of my issues. Although he doesn't understand them, it's just.. preferable to me that my other half can function normally in society so things can actually get done without any problems.
It's certainly a good relationship goal to find someone who tolerates and puts up with all your issues, but it doesn't necessarily have to be someone who has the same ones.
 
I don't think it would be a good thing either, friends yes but anything more, no. It would be nice to have someone who understands how you feel and what you are going through, but for both it would be like duplicating yourself and dealing with your problems double.
 
Wow I'm surprised at these responses... it kind of makes me think.

I guess it's because I was not supported with my ex and it made me actually go into a worse episode of anxiety and depression than I have before. Like I was being punished for it. Punished for being shy. And I have gotten along much better with friends who share similar issues. Have I been with someone who has them? No, but I kinda wondered. What's weird is.. if someone was worse than me slightly, it's like I'd wanna help them out because I have been there. *shrugs* idk.

Bottom line is they must accept it.
 
oh ya.. need someone who supports and understands.
but can you imagine if you were feeling like you needed support and your partner was in a state just as bad and retreating and no state to support anyone.. and feeling like you should be supporting them...
it may work depending on the people and their individual issues but i can also easily see potential conflicts just because of past expiriences with friends having conflicting issues if people are too similar or too close to where they butt heads at the wrong times.
 
hmm... I guess extremes of both sides could be bad..

I mean, I'd like to think that just being in each others presence would make one feel better, but I guess if it's an "episode" that cannot be helped or changed through comfort...then yeah. Good stuff to think about.
 
Okiedokes said:
hmm... I guess extremes of both sides could be bad..

I mean, I'd like to think that just being in each others presence would make one feel better, but I guess if it's an "episode" that cannot be helped or changed through comfort...then yeah. Good stuff to think about.

yes, that's it exactly..
i dont suffer from depression, just anxiety. but i have a close friend that does, and that is something i've learned well. it doesnt matter if things are good or bad really. sure, in bad times depression can be triggered easier, but it can come from nothing at times as well.
this friend of mine for instance, has severe depression and used to hide indoors for years. (i'm talking a decade) and I used to think that if she could just get outside more often, take up a boyfriend or a job of any kind to make her feel hope.. then all would be well.
well, she got a boyfriend and started going out almost every single day! life was looking up and I watched intensely hoping this was the key she needed. she also had a financial bonus and other stuff working out so times looked pretty good!.
but no, even during a happy time, she still felt that lingering feeling of hopelessness, and out of the blue her mood sunk down and she retreated for days again. my main concern was that it may mess up her new relationship.. but it survived unscathed so far..
but it proved to me that real things dont matter as much as we tend to believe. it came from inside her and from her mind and nothing to do with who she was with or what track her life was on. outside influences made little difference during those times.
but having the wrong people around you can deffinately make things worse..
 
*nods head* Yes.. the people need to be supportive. With or without issues. That's for sure.
 
I've often yearned for someone who was more like me...but I think that level of crazy would go supernova pretty quickly. I need to be around people who pull me out of the fire, not start lighting books of matches between my toes.
 
I dont know if this would be good in all situations, but for me I met a girl thats had similar issues of mine. I think it made it easier for us to connect because we both understood what the other person had been through. We were both coming out long periods of being depressed, and we started talking about it soon after we met. It was nice to be able to be open with another person about this. Usually I feel like I cannot tell most people, for fear that they wont understand about depression.
 
I think it could work personally, though I can understand those who think otherwise.
 
JasonM said:
I've often yearned for someone who was more like me...but I think that level of crazy would go supernova pretty quickly. I need to be around people who pull me out of the fire, not start lighting books of matches between my toes.

Like this analogy above.

Okiedokes, doesn't sound like you needed someone to identify with how you felt because they had been through it, but more like someone who would support you regardless of whether they understood it or not.

Nothing worse than someone making you feel 'honeysuckle' for already feeling 'honeysuckle'

Its not lack of education, but lack of compassion if someone does that.
 
I see your point Okie and you are somewhat right that such a couple would have a better understanding of their problems than anyone else. Even then, its not gonna work for a long period. Their depressive bouts occuring at the same time, will ruin the relationship.
 
If anything, having a partner who shares & understands these problems could actually release the depression. Often the depression is brought about by loneliness; in a loving relationship with someone who understands, the loneliness fades away.
 
See, that's what I was thinking. The depression in part can be due to loneliness.. although depression can be something you are born with, that is just there anyways. But to have that support... and comfort, yeah. I suppose someone without anxiety and depression could also supply that if they truly care.
 
Often the depression is brought about by loneliness; in a loving relationship with someone who understands, the loneliness fades away
to use the term "often" is not accurate. maybe sometimes? maybe in your expirience.. but in reality depression is not brought on by loneliness. if it was then we would never see mother get it, or married people, or countless numbers of others that do not fit into the lonely or loner category.
I have a friend that has severe depression and it dont matter what is happening in her life. even when she finaly got a boyfriend and started going out daily and all sorts of positive life changes.. she was far from lonely for the first time in many years.. but a few weeks later she fell back into an episode just the same.

i think that the concept that finding someone to love or spend time with will solve all of your depression problems.. is just a myth or a fantasy that people with depression hope for.
 
Agree, You can be in a relationship and still feel lonely and depressed, in fact sometimes it can be worse than being physically alone. Because without realising it at least you have peace on your own.

Walley's back on his psychic link with me on that score.

Spending too much detail in 'picturing' the perfect person is only going to lead to disappointment too.

I do think someone who has been through depression themselves would be a more sympathetic partner, but then they run the risk of ending up as 'crutch' if underlying depression is from other sources other than just loneliness.

Oddly as well, depression carries on for a while even when you have found a remedy, sort of like turning the engine off to stop a car but it has no brakes.
 

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