The idea of loving more than one person? Not just sexually, but as a whole?
I never thought that I would be in such a crazy relationship. It definitely didn't start out this way.
My husband and I got married three years ago. We both came from extremely conservative families who believed in marriage before sex, so those were the rules we played by. However, after our first night on the honeymoon, he backed away from me completely. He wouldn't touch me in the slightest. It took days to get him anywhere near me again, and it was due to me insisting.
Another week went by. Nothing at all. A romantic's day dream, but you only go so far on cuddles.
Then months went by. My moods roller coastered between being depressed from "doing something wrong," to angry for him not giving me basic marital rights. I may not be a supermodel, but the idea of him looking away as I changed clothing really hit hard.
I tried absolutely EVERYTHING. Outfits, positions, roleplay. I was lucky if he could get it up, but even luckier if he finished. On the nights he did finish, it would be over in five minutes, leaving me unsatisfied. He wouldn't try to help me out at all.
In the middle of a session, I'd hear him suddenly giggling. You don't want to hear that during sex. He'd say how he was thinking about a show he watched earlier. A naked woman would be beneath him, and he'd be thinking about cartoons.
It got me quite depressed. Was I THAT unattractive that he couldn't stand sexual arousal? He looked at porn, which I never had an issue with. He reduced how often he had solo time to see if it would have a positive aspect on our sex life. Nothing.
We were married for three years before I finally was at a snapping point. I told him I wanted an open marriage. He very readily agreed to it, in a "it won't be my problem anymore" sort of way. Didn't make me feel great.
Upon further research of terms, I found that "polyamorous" fit the bill better. I didn't want to just pick up a guy at a bar and get my urges out. I wanted more of a relationship to it.
Rewind six months. A friend of mine that I've had for thirteen years now was having issues with his girlfriend. I brought up to him that he was really bad at keeping in contact, and that was probably causing problems. After all, years ago I had the biggest crush on him, but didn't act on it due to him being so unreliable.
That hit him like a ton of bricks. Apparently he had been crushing on me hard for a very long time, but was always too shy to act on it. From that moment onward, he messaged me every single day.
Fast forward six months. I brought up that I was wanting to try an "open" relationship, and asked if he would like to see where we could have gone. He dumped his girlfriend (who was treating him badly anyway) immediately. That made me do a happy dance.
We met together with a mutual friend and my husband. It was all discussed in person, out loud, so that it was made clear that it wasn't some shady cheating scenario.
Our first time was this past December. Let me tell you, it was SO DIFFERENT from what I was used to. He was bigger, he lasted forever, and he was absolutely lustful for my body. Afterwards, we cuddled together. I didn't have to put my clothes back on to do so. This was the first time in my life that I knew what intimacy was. Not just sex, but complete utter comfort and bliss.
He just moved in this month. The two of us are sharing a room, and my husband is in the spare. I haven't slept in the same bed as my husband since year two. He always took the bed, and I took the couch in the living room.
Fun story: I'm used to changing out in the living room. The hubs has always looked away. The other day I did so, and caught my boyfriend staring at me getting dressed. It quite literally threw me off balance.
We're not going at it like rabbits. He's more of a once-a-weeker. I could definitely be a once-a-dayer, but I won't ask for that. I'm just stoked that sex doesn't have to be forced anymore. It's actually my man's idea every now and then.
Since he moved in, everyone has gotten along a lot better. He kicks my hubby's butt about certain things, backing me up. Defending me in some cases. The husband, in turn, is showing absolutely zero signs of jealousy. All he ever talks about is how happy he is to not have to deal with sex anymore. Doesn't make me feel great, but then my boyfriend goes out of his way to make sure I feel idolized.
I've never been one to really have that lovey-dovey butterfly feeling. Never did for my husband, and don't for my boyfriend. I very much love them both, but it's not in a lovesick puppy sort of way. It's nice to finally feel appreciated as a sexual human being, without being taken advantage of for seeming "desperate."
On the flip side, my boyfriend is still getting used to me. His last girlfriend was not one to show very much affection. She'd take him sexually, but wouldn't want to cuddle or show platonic affection outside of that setting. All of a sudden he has me kissing his forehead and hands, scratching his back, and telling him I love him every day. He's on Cloud 9 from the snuggles alone.
I suppose I'll end this here. I'm not entirely sure where this arrangement will evolve. It's all fairly new still, but I finally feel as if I'm in a proper relationship, even if it is an oddball one.
I never thought that I would be in such a crazy relationship. It definitely didn't start out this way.
My husband and I got married three years ago. We both came from extremely conservative families who believed in marriage before sex, so those were the rules we played by. However, after our first night on the honeymoon, he backed away from me completely. He wouldn't touch me in the slightest. It took days to get him anywhere near me again, and it was due to me insisting.
Another week went by. Nothing at all. A romantic's day dream, but you only go so far on cuddles.
Then months went by. My moods roller coastered between being depressed from "doing something wrong," to angry for him not giving me basic marital rights. I may not be a supermodel, but the idea of him looking away as I changed clothing really hit hard.
I tried absolutely EVERYTHING. Outfits, positions, roleplay. I was lucky if he could get it up, but even luckier if he finished. On the nights he did finish, it would be over in five minutes, leaving me unsatisfied. He wouldn't try to help me out at all.
In the middle of a session, I'd hear him suddenly giggling. You don't want to hear that during sex. He'd say how he was thinking about a show he watched earlier. A naked woman would be beneath him, and he'd be thinking about cartoons.
It got me quite depressed. Was I THAT unattractive that he couldn't stand sexual arousal? He looked at porn, which I never had an issue with. He reduced how often he had solo time to see if it would have a positive aspect on our sex life. Nothing.
We were married for three years before I finally was at a snapping point. I told him I wanted an open marriage. He very readily agreed to it, in a "it won't be my problem anymore" sort of way. Didn't make me feel great.
Upon further research of terms, I found that "polyamorous" fit the bill better. I didn't want to just pick up a guy at a bar and get my urges out. I wanted more of a relationship to it.
Rewind six months. A friend of mine that I've had for thirteen years now was having issues with his girlfriend. I brought up to him that he was really bad at keeping in contact, and that was probably causing problems. After all, years ago I had the biggest crush on him, but didn't act on it due to him being so unreliable.
That hit him like a ton of bricks. Apparently he had been crushing on me hard for a very long time, but was always too shy to act on it. From that moment onward, he messaged me every single day.
Fast forward six months. I brought up that I was wanting to try an "open" relationship, and asked if he would like to see where we could have gone. He dumped his girlfriend (who was treating him badly anyway) immediately. That made me do a happy dance.
We met together with a mutual friend and my husband. It was all discussed in person, out loud, so that it was made clear that it wasn't some shady cheating scenario.
Our first time was this past December. Let me tell you, it was SO DIFFERENT from what I was used to. He was bigger, he lasted forever, and he was absolutely lustful for my body. Afterwards, we cuddled together. I didn't have to put my clothes back on to do so. This was the first time in my life that I knew what intimacy was. Not just sex, but complete utter comfort and bliss.
He just moved in this month. The two of us are sharing a room, and my husband is in the spare. I haven't slept in the same bed as my husband since year two. He always took the bed, and I took the couch in the living room.
Fun story: I'm used to changing out in the living room. The hubs has always looked away. The other day I did so, and caught my boyfriend staring at me getting dressed. It quite literally threw me off balance.
We're not going at it like rabbits. He's more of a once-a-weeker. I could definitely be a once-a-dayer, but I won't ask for that. I'm just stoked that sex doesn't have to be forced anymore. It's actually my man's idea every now and then.
Since he moved in, everyone has gotten along a lot better. He kicks my hubby's butt about certain things, backing me up. Defending me in some cases. The husband, in turn, is showing absolutely zero signs of jealousy. All he ever talks about is how happy he is to not have to deal with sex anymore. Doesn't make me feel great, but then my boyfriend goes out of his way to make sure I feel idolized.
I've never been one to really have that lovey-dovey butterfly feeling. Never did for my husband, and don't for my boyfriend. I very much love them both, but it's not in a lovesick puppy sort of way. It's nice to finally feel appreciated as a sexual human being, without being taken advantage of for seeming "desperate."
On the flip side, my boyfriend is still getting used to me. His last girlfriend was not one to show very much affection. She'd take him sexually, but wouldn't want to cuddle or show platonic affection outside of that setting. All of a sudden he has me kissing his forehead and hands, scratching his back, and telling him I love him every day. He's on Cloud 9 from the snuggles alone.
I suppose I'll end this here. I'm not entirely sure where this arrangement will evolve. It's all fairly new still, but I finally feel as if I'm in a proper relationship, even if it is an oddball one.
