Curb your enthusiasm.... a little

[MisterLonely]

Hello everyone,

I'm writing this post because of my own experiences from the last 3 months, I haven't been a member for very long and have certainly made some mistakes here and there, I was close to quitting at one point and now am glad i didn't.

This post isn't about giving advice on what to do or conduct yourself on the forums, it's about what to expect from others and how to not let that stop you from continuing, I'll allow you all to make your own mistakes as I did, it's the best way to learn afterall.


So first a little about me and my initial expectations...

I have been very lonely in life since a young age, as a result I developed a particular view of what loneliness is, not being around others much this view always stayed with me and was percieved to be the one and only "true" form of loneliness, coming to ALL I was expecting lots of people to share my definition of loneliness and that convinced me we would all see eye to eye and understand eachother like sharing a sort of a telepathic link.

What I found wasn't that, I found a community of individuals who are lonely for various reasons none of wich are right or wrong, none are exactly alike, most vary greatly compared to my reasons others I have things in common with and a select few I have allot in common with.

Getting to the point of my thread, the topic says it all, but i'll elaborate a little.
What to expect.

- Don't expect to wander into a magical online nirvana full of friends, just like reallife, it takes time, patience and effort to make connections.
- Not everyone will like you, and you will not like everyone, thats alright though!
- Not everyone is open to discussion, even if you message them, don't assume the problem lies with you.
- Expect tough love even if you didn't want it.
- Expect oppinions to contradict your own views.

Only advice i'll give is this,

Stick with it, you are welcome...

 

[EmilyFoxSeaton]

I just find it extremely disappointing that you do have to curb your enthusiasm. This board should be a haven for almost anyone who shows up.

 

[Hoarse Whisperer]

In fairness, it would be very difficult to create a haven while giving people something that is real. You can't be blatantly rude and insulting here, but it's pretty obvious that you're going to get an honest response to the things you say here. I wouldn't have it any other way.

I have only been here for about 24 hours (give or take), but I haven't felt unwelcome at any point.

 

[EmilyFoxSeaton]

I have only been here for about 24 hours (give or take), but I haven't felt unwelcome at any point.

Oh you'll learn. But I would argue that Lonely people don't need realness as much as constructive support. People can find "realness" almost anyplace but something called a lonely life sort of suggests support "no?"

 

[TheRealCallie]

^^There IS support here. Maybe not in the way you want it, but there is support.....

 

[Hoarse Whisperer]

I might be out of line, but I haven't perceived this as a place to get direct emotional support so much as a place to spill my heart and know somebody is reading it. Everyone here is experiencing the same loneliness as I am, for a variety of reasons, so they know what I'm feeling to some degree or another. I feel like I can say things about my past here whereas it wouldn't be appropriate to say them in other settings.

I'm sure there are people that will give direct support; I know I will do my best to, as I start typing in my "wall of text" style responses in the future.

 

[TheRealCallie]

I might be out of line, but I haven't perceived this as a place to get direct emotional support so much as a place to spill my heart and know somebody is reading it. Everyone here is experiencing the same loneliness as I am, for a variety of reasons, so they know what I'm feeling to some degree or another. I feel like I can say things about my past here whereas it wouldn't be appropriate to say them in other settings.

I'm sure there are people that will give direct support; I know I will do my best to, as I start typing in my "wall of text" style responses in the future.

Not everyone here is lonely.  I'm not, but I was for a rather long time.

Curb your walls of text lol

 

[Sci-Fi]

No matter what forum you go on if you have your own expected expectations you are going to be let down. You'll find the same thing with support groups, people may be there for a common reason but you're not all there for the same reason, if that makes sense. I'm on fan forums for different things, everyone is there for a common reason, they are fans, but they all have their own opinions and man can some of those people be opinionated, holy crap, some take it way too seriously.

I just find it extremely disappointing that you do have to curb your enthusiasm. This board should be a haven for almost anyone who shows up.

You may need to go into more detail here. You can't expect a place to be a haven for everyone, it's impossible when you are dealing with individual people who are going through their own issues such as is here.

 

[Lonelytoday]

I like coming here. I would like to see more proactive forums.

 

[Hoarse Whisperer]

I like coming here. I would like to see more proactive forums.

Agreed.

 

[Yukongirl]

I get a lot out of this forum, and it wasn't what I was expecting. Glad I stumbled across this place....

 

[Hoarse Whisperer]

I get a lot out of this forum, and it wasn't what I was expecting. Glad I stumbled across this place....

That's exactly how I'm feeling one day in. I don't remember what I was searching for when I found ALL, but I'm glad that I stumbled into this place.

 

[MisterLonely]

I just find it extremely disappointing that you do have to curb your enthusiasm. This board should be a haven for almost anyone who shows up.

Hey Emily, thank you for the response, it's for these kinds of expectations I decided to put some words to "paper", evenif I do agree with you about what it should be, having had expectations of what to find myself. after an enthusiastic start I was disapointed at my lacking ability to make connections, just like I struggled doing so in reallife, if my expectations were more realistic at the time if probably would have gone allot smoother .

I might be out of line, but I haven't perceived this as a place to get direct emotional support so much as a place to spill my heart and know somebody is reading it. Everyone here is experiencing the same loneliness as I am, for a variety of reasons, so they know what I'm feeling to some degree or another. I feel like I can say things about my past here whereas it wouldn't be appropriate to say them in other settings.

I'm sure there are people that will give direct support; I know I will do my best to, as I start typing in my "wall of text" style responses in the future.

Hey Hoarse, thanks for the comment, as always experiences will differ , you'll find emotional support if you go looking for it, spilling your heart is ofcourse one way for others to engage with you and get to know you, still your wrong to think everyone is experiencing the same loneliness as you are, I out for myself that their are allot of different kinds of loneliness to be found.

I get a lot out of this forum, and it wasn't what I was expecting. Glad I stumbled across this place....

This is exactly my point, i'm very happy I stuck with it and didn'tleave after my couple of "reality check" moments.

 

[ditakelly]

Hi Mister Lonely, that's a shame that you have not always had good experiences, but it sounds like you have learnt from them and are philosophical, so in the long run you are better off from the experience. After spending time isolating and literally alone a lot, its like other humans become aliens, I know myself its gonna take me time to learn the subtle ways of interaction. What you are saying reminds me of my experiences in 12 step fellowship (11 years) I went for support, but that means different things to different people and its frustrating, I guess its all about 'boundaries' etc. Eventually I learnt to protect myself, I guess we are very raw when we first come out of our shell. Don't know if any of that makes sense, but keep up the good work!

 

[Hoarse Whisperer]

MisterLonely
Hey Hoarse, thanks for the comment, as always experiences will differ , you'll find emotional support if you go looking for it, spilling your heart is ofcourse one way for others to engage with you and get to know you, still your wrong to think everyone is experiencing the same loneliness as you are, I out for myself that their are allot of different kinds of loneliness to be found.



I always leave a margin for error with any of my opinions, and perhaps it's naïveté on my part, but I believe that loneliness, at the core, is one powerful emotion. When I say that there are others (excluding Callie ) experiencing the "same" loneliness, I obviously don't mean for the same reason, or to the same degree. None of us would be here if loneliness wasn't a factor in our lives at some point, so I believe it's reasonable to say that you can at least find people here that know where you're coming from. If you come on this forum and say "I am experiencing loneliness", at least one person will be able to say "Me too." or at least "I understand." That's a beautiful thing.

Truthfully, when I do spill my heart to strangers, it's less to get a reaction out of them, and more catharsis on my part. I, personally, experience release when I talk about my problems; even more so when I talk with somebody else about their problems, if they're going through something that I have gone through.

In my opinion, this forum is less of a place to find a solution to life's hardships, and more of a place to announce to a group of like-minded people "I am." and have them respond "I am, too."

 

[MisterLonely]

Hi Mister Lonely, that's a shame that you have not always had good experiences, but it sounds like you have learnt from them and are philosophical, so in the long run you are better off from the experience. After spending time isolating and literally alone a lot, its like other humans become aliens, I know myself its gonna take me time to learn the subtle ways of interaction. What you are saying reminds me of my experiences in 12 step fellowship (11 years) I went for support, but that means different things to different people and its frustrating, I guess its all about 'boundaries' etc. Eventually I learnt to protect myself, I guess we are very raw when we first come out of our shell. Don't know if any of that makes sense, but keep up the good work!

Hey dita, I realise reading back it might seem like I had allot of bad experiences here, just to clarify the vast majority of interactions i've had were great (atleast from my point of view ), and I truly care for all my newfound friends. But I did not connect with people overnight for the most part due to my own insecurities and shyness. I had expected it to be easy to connect with my "kind" but found out it is just as difficult as always if not more so. Not because I wasn't welcome but because I myself still had to put in the work, and had no idea how to go about doing so.

Thanks for your response, and keep up the good work yourself!

MisterLonely
Hey Hoarse, thanks for the comment, as always experiences will differ , you'll find emotional support if you go looking for it, spilling your heart is ofcourse one way for others to engage with you and get to know you, still your wrong to think everyone is experiencing the same loneliness as you are, I out for myself that their are allot of different kinds of loneliness to be found.



I always leave a margin for error with any of my opinions, and perhaps it's naïveté on my part, but I believe that loneliness, at the core, is one powerful emotion. When I say that there are others (excluding Callie ) experiencing the "same" loneliness, I obviously don't mean for the same reason, or to the same degree. None of us would be here if loneliness wasn't a factor in our lives at some point, so I believe it's reasonable to say that you can at least find people here that know where you're coming from. If you come on this forum and say "I am experiencing loneliness", at least one person will be able to say "Me too." or at least "I understand." That's a beautiful thing.

Truthfully, when I do spill my heart to strangers, it's less to get a reaction out of them, and more catharsis on my part. I, personally, experience release when I talk about my problems; even more so when I talk with somebody else about their problems, if they're going through something that I have gone through.

In my opinion, this forum is less of a place to find a solution to life's hardships, and more of a place to announce to a group of like-minded people "I am." and have them respond "I am, too."

Hi again Hoarse

You are very true, at the very core the feeling of loneliness is the same for everyone no matter the reason, spilling my heart is also very therapeutic to me, I find it easier opening up to the people here than I do to my own close relatives, my family isn't judging, but 2 of them are non-understanding of my issues, the 3rd is just like me but doesn't want to talk about it, she doesn't want to venture out just yet and maybe never will.

For me this forum is about allot of things, mostly for me it's about self exploration and growth in what I would consider a safe environment, my ultimate goal is to find a solution to life's hardships by myself, and I think my time here is helping.

 

[Hoarse Whisperer]

"I find it easier opening up to the people here than I do to my own close relatives, my family isn't judging, but 2 of them are non-understanding of my issues, the 3rd is just like me but doesn't want to talk about it, she doesn't want to venture out just yet and maybe never will."

I've been the only person in this family holding my stuff together as everything falls apart since I was in third grade, so when I'm not coping well... it's usually best to find an alternative outlet to vent my stress. I'm always told "you can talk to me" from one person or another, but the second I let them feel some of the weight on my shoulders, they get all freaked out about it.


"For me this forum is about allot of things, mostly for me it's about self exploration and growth in what I would consider a safe environment, my ultimate goal is to find a solution to life's hardships by myself, and I think my time here is helping. "

That's fantastic; this forum is definitely a great place to talk about the things that keep us up at night in a judgment-free environment.