Dating app woes.

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Yaku

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So I'm feeling pretty confident at the moment, so I decided to install a dating app. It's highly rated but I won't mention the name, but wow, this is bot central.

I'm still setting up my profile, haven't even put up my picture and I'm getting invite after invite for chat and video chat from women who seem to be engaged in an physical attractiveness competition. Maybe I'm overthinking it but either these woman are turned on by the way I spelled my name, or they are bots.

I can't imagine much worse than finding true love and the other party turns out to be a soulless bot and digital.

This has shaken my confidence and I think maybe I should rather go to a bar this weekend and maybe I can meet someone real. Though meeting someone at a bar also sounds pretty bad. I've tried the meet up app to see if there are groups I can join, but most are too far or things I don't like like hiking etc.

I feel my mood changing as I write this sigh.
 

JesseC

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You have to get out there to mingle. You have to mingle to socialize. You have to socialize to find attraction. You have to find attraction to find a relationship. Interest groups would be the most likely way to achieve all of that. What are you interested in? Or maybe what might you become interested in if you shared it with a special someone? Find a real gathering of real people.

The thing about apps is you can't trust the honesty of the other party. The best of people will inflate their profile. Apps are about selling yourself. Most don't mention that they need an engine overhaul and have a bit of rust.

A clean opening among real people is the best way to feel if you have chemistry. Learning those little quirks real time is half the fun.
 

Solo Traveler

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Dating apps are awful, they reduced my confidence to zero. No matter how handsome I look on my photos, or how kind and polite I am in discussion, no mater at all how hard I am trying, for them I am never good enough, amongst those princesses and goddesses my worth is always zero. No one to blame. Just profound sadness.
 

Yaku

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You have to get out there to mingle. You have to mingle to socialize. You have to socialize to find attraction. You have to find attraction to find a relationship. Interest groups would be the most likely way to achieve all of that. What are you interested in? Or maybe what might you become interested in if you shared it with a special someone? Find a real gathering of real people.

The thing about apps is you can't trust the honesty of the other party. The best of people will inflate their profile. Apps are about selling yourself. Most don't mention that they need an engine overhaul and have a bit of rust.

A clean opening among real people is the best way to feel if you have chemistry. Learning those little quirks real time is half the fun.
That's sound advice. The app gives me a bad feeling to be honest, it just feels cheap for lack of a better word.

The problem with real life interaction is I will need to learn some social skills again. I'm like a fossil that needs to be cleaned and propped up to stand again haha
 

JesseC

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So, as to not blow a real potential group you'd like, try attending some groups that aren't all that interesting just to get 'people practice'. I mean, logically, if the subject of the group is only mildly interesting you are sort of forced to focus more on its members.

Assuming you visit group after group while improving your self confidence but not really clicking into a group or with a person, you will have honed some social skills that you can rely on in a group that might offer some actual interest.

There are three varieties of groups: those you would never attend, those you would attend just for the experience but without expectation of interest, and groups you would definitely give an honest effort toward. List them.

I would never attend a political group. I might attend an astrology group or self help group with little expectation of continuing. I would definitely attend a bicycling group, an inventors group, an astrophysics group, a writers group as these are among my interests.

So I'd chance the lesser groups first to understand the sense of a group gathering but not blow my chance to fit into a group that I might actually like to stick with.

Another perspective, the more people you meet the greater the opportunity to have a relationship.
 
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Yaku

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So, as to not blow a real potential group you'd like, try attending some groups that aren't all that interesting just to get 'people practice'. I mean, logically, if the subject of the group is only mildly interesting you are sort of forced to focus more on its members.

Assuming you visit group after group while improving your self confidence but not really clicking into a group or with a person, you will have honed some social skills that you can rely on in a group that might offer some actual interest.

There are three varieties of groups: those you would never attend, those you would attend just for the experience but without expectation of interest, and groups you would definitely give an honest effort toward. List them.

I would never attend a political group. I might attend an astrology group or self help group with little expectation of continuing. I would definitely attend a bicycling group, an inventors group, an astrophysics group, a writers group as these are among my interests.

So I'd chance the lesser groups first to understand the sense of a group gathering but not blow my chance to fit into a group that I might actually like to stick with.

Another perspective, the more people you meet the greater the opportunity to have a relationship.
Thanks for that, it makes sense.

You know, just thinking about it, I can feel a knot in my stomach forming.

I hope my nerves don't get the best of me. But I think I will set a small goal to start with. I just need to start intetacting, or I fear I'll wake up in the same hole just many years later and even less sociable.
 
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.... and I think maybe I should rather go to a bar this weekend and maybe I can meet someone real.
I don't think you can meet anybody real unless they are doing something they naturally like to do and are doing it just for enjoyment. Otherwise everybody puts on an act to attrack others.

That's why many people advise to join a club or pursue an activity that you enjoy doing. You will find others doing the same. Then, maybe, over time you can build a relationship with someone and then possibly start dating. It's a great way to get off on the right foot (common interest).
 
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I don't think you can meet anybody real unless they are doing something they naturally like to do and are doing it just for enjoyment. Otherwise everybody puts on an act to attrack others.

That's why many people advise to join a club or pursue an activity that you enjoy doing. You will find others doing the same. Then, maybe, over time you can build a relationship with someone and then possibly start dating. It's a great way to get off on the right foot (common interest).
This is strictly for a laugh: I tried joining a boardgame group because there's very little else in our small town to do. Everyone in the group turned out to be between 18-35, I'm 47. I knew many of them because they knew my 28 year old son. No dating pool and no go on the boardgame group, all my son's friends acted weird because "mom" was there. The only guy who hit on me was 33😳. It's hard being a nerdy woman in a small town🤣
 
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So I'm feeling pretty confident at the moment, so I decided to install a dating app. It's highly rated but I won't mention the name, but wow, this is bot central.

I'm still setting up my profile, haven't even put up my picture and I'm getting invite after invite for chat and video chat from women who seem to be engaged in an physical attractiveness competition. Maybe I'm overthinking it but either these woman are turned on by the way I spelled my name, or they are bots.

I can't imagine much worse than finding true love and the other party turns out to be a soulless bot and digital.

This has shaken my confidence and I think maybe I should rather go to a bar this weekend and maybe I can meet someone real. Though meeting someone at a bar also sounds pretty bad. I've tried the meet up app to see if there are groups I can join, but most are too far or things I don't like like hiking etc.

I feel my mood changing as I write this sigh.
I was amazed at how dejected I felt with the dating app. Men and women would talk for a few days or even weeks and then disappear. Just poof! I'm left totally dejected and alone all over again.
 
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This is strictly for a laugh: I tried joining a boardgame group because there's very little else in our small town to do. Everyone in the group turned out to be between 18-35, I'm 47. I knew many of them because they knew my 28 year old son. No dating pool and no go on the boardgame group, all my son's friends acted weird because "mom" was there. The only guy who hit on me was 33😳. It's hard being a nerdy woman in a small town🤣
Well, go job for giving it a try! Some of us just won't even try any more. Being in a small town makes it near impossible to find a group to fit in to. And, yes the way you told it is funny. :) But, I'm sorry it didn't work out for you.
 

rjisbyhimself

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From the sound of it, I think I may have an idea as to what app or site you are talking about and yeah it is ridiculous and it is set up to be that way for a reason.

Dating apps and sites are a waste of time, energy and money. Just as social media has watered down the chances of people desiring to meet up with anyone beyond their screen/phone, dating sites extend the madness further.

A lot of people on those sites are not who they say they are. A lot of people act out a life that is not of their own, not presenting their true selves. Memories of Fakebook comes to mind here. I will have two years with being gone from that place and will never go back there. Dating sites can also be a depression trap for very thirsty and desperate people.

It is best to just go out there in the real world to meet others. The daunting thing about this, even, is that when you do go this tried and truer method route, you might need to deal with people who are too glued to their phones and may find it hard to impossible to detach themselves from them, while the one you are with is texting to either Chad or Charlene behind your back and ignoring you most of the time while documenting every activity that goes on with the time you are spending/wasting on said person who is blasting away pictures for Fakebook, Instagram, Tik-Tok, Onlyfans, etc, while missing out on what is supposed to be "fun" and "enjoying your time" with said person.

Yeah, I know. I have a way of throwing the logs onto the flames. When the 2000's arrived, things started changing. One of those things were relationships. Good old tech. Because of it I steer clear from it all. Enriching myself by spending time with myself. That's just me. isn't for everyone. If you feel the need to connect with others then time would be better spent dealing less with technology and get out there living life, in search of people. Try going to different places, restaurants, cafes; places you were thinking of in the past but were either hesitant or didn't find interest with at the time. You will see new people and might discover something new.
 

Norfolk_gal

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Im 47 too. I Been single 3 years. I downloaded a dating app recently and soon as the messages started coming in thick & fast I deleted it.Just Couldn't deal with the stress. Wasted my money but oh well I'd love to meet people naturally but it's hard when u don't go anywhere and I've noticed as I age i seem to be invisible to the opposite sex 😃
 

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