Some of you know my tragic past already, but to brief I was raised by my grandparents, then my father came into my life at age 13. I looked up to him in every way and wanted to be just like him. He got into magick, starting talking with the angels, and then eventually shot himself.
I had woken up the night before, but thought nothing of it and went back to sleep. Soon after that my grandmother passed away from cancer. I was depressed through highschool, and didn't get anywhere after I graduated, although I tried a few things.
I always felt so rejected and alone, which lead to my turning inward to cultivate my imagination and live a hermits life. However, this lead to hermeticism, masturbation, and an overall waste of life. At the end of my journey I find so many painful truths, and now it's like I can't stand to be out there, I can't stand to be here alone either, and I feel like it's only going to get worse.
IMHO, We have five years at best before the combination of uniting twin flames, quantum tantra, aliens, and the beast, causes us to erase our genders and go back to the beginning of evolution to suffer all over again. Now it's not my intention to get into another one of these philosophy threads, I'm done with that. Really. So I will clarify myself very briefly, you can even skip that if you want.
So now I'm almost 30, my extrovert life was worthless, my introvert life was abominable, and I have no place to go for Christmas. I'm alone, depressed, I've wasted my whole life, and I have much to repent for. My heart is so torn with sorrow and I don't know what to do with myself.
I'm tired of being so alone. I want to get away from that life, I feel myself slipping away. I have become my own worst enemy, my mind going against me. I just moved into this house and already I want to leave, already it has bad memories.
I give up. Happiness is just impossible for me. I'll just live the rest of my life in repentance and servitude till the pigs gun me down for not accepting the mark of the beast or joining the new world order. What is there left for me here? I was gonna spend all of 2011 writing a bunch of books, but now I don't even care to do that anymore, what's the point?
I should probably try and join a church group, but now that I'm against my own solitary existence I don't want to be in phoenix anymore, I wish I had gone through going back to Philly after all, but now it is too late. We have lost far too much money moving.
What a fool I was. My life has meant absolutely nothing. I'd kill myself, but I humbly accept that it's not my life to take. I'll be happy if I can spend the remainder of my days useful to someone.
I had woken up the night before, but thought nothing of it and went back to sleep. Soon after that my grandmother passed away from cancer. I was depressed through highschool, and didn't get anywhere after I graduated, although I tried a few things.
I always felt so rejected and alone, which lead to my turning inward to cultivate my imagination and live a hermits life. However, this lead to hermeticism, masturbation, and an overall waste of life. At the end of my journey I find so many painful truths, and now it's like I can't stand to be out there, I can't stand to be here alone either, and I feel like it's only going to get worse.
IMHO, We have five years at best before the combination of uniting twin flames, quantum tantra, aliens, and the beast, causes us to erase our genders and go back to the beginning of evolution to suffer all over again. Now it's not my intention to get into another one of these philosophy threads, I'm done with that. Really. So I will clarify myself very briefly, you can even skip that if you want.
So now I'm almost 30, my extrovert life was worthless, my introvert life was abominable, and I have no place to go for Christmas. I'm alone, depressed, I've wasted my whole life, and I have much to repent for. My heart is so torn with sorrow and I don't know what to do with myself.
I'm tired of being so alone. I want to get away from that life, I feel myself slipping away. I have become my own worst enemy, my mind going against me. I just moved into this house and already I want to leave, already it has bad memories.
I give up. Happiness is just impossible for me. I'll just live the rest of my life in repentance and servitude till the pigs gun me down for not accepting the mark of the beast or joining the new world order. What is there left for me here? I was gonna spend all of 2011 writing a bunch of books, but now I don't even care to do that anymore, what's the point?
I should probably try and join a church group, but now that I'm against my own solitary existence I don't want to be in phoenix anymore, I wish I had gone through going back to Philly after all, but now it is too late. We have lost far too much money moving.
What a fool I was. My life has meant absolutely nothing. I'd kill myself, but I humbly accept that it's not my life to take. I'll be happy if I can spend the remainder of my days useful to someone.
