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zombieslayer

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I'm constantly depressed and I don't know why. I'm sorry to bring it up here, but I don't really have anyone to talk to. My mom has a severe anxiety disorder and when I talk to her about my depression, it seems to drag her down further and I don't want that to happen. Don't get me wrong, I love her and she tries her best. I constantly listen to her anxieties and try to help her a lot. I feel like I have to be the strong one a lot of the time. Whenever I'm weak (and I don't even bother her; I'm just in my room), she comes in my room and gets upset like, "You're taking all the energy out of me! Why can't you be happy?! You'll never accomplish anything with that attitude." And it makes me even more upset. This has been going on since I was little. My dad is a good person too, but he's very little help. I feel uncomfortable talking about personal problems with him. I don't know. Last week, I was really depressed and I said to my mom, "I'm sorry. I'm kind of moody right now and you won't want to talk to me because it will upset you. I'm not rational right now." And then about an hour later, she became very upset with me, saying I was causing her to have a nervous tick.

I feel like I can't say anything about how I feel. I'm scared because I've fantasized about suicide since I was very small. The thoughts never seem to go away. I've never attempted it, but the thoughts are there. Although, I tried to OD on a bottle of ibuprofen, but got scared after seven.

I feel like a spoiled kid talking about all of this. I'm an awful person. I have a good life, a good family. But all I have to do is feel depressed and suicidal. I should be trying to help my mom cope with her anxiety, but I am very selfish.

Sorry for ranting.
 
Your mom sounds like a total emotional vampire. Parents are supposed to be the strong ones. She's failing you miserably. How old are you? Can you move out?
 
I'm 16. I don't have any means of supporting myself, so I can't move out.

And as much as I hate the way my mom treats me, I know she tries her best. I'm pretty lucky with my situation and I love my family, but I still feel lousy.

Thank you for your concern, though. It's very nice to know someone out there is listening. :)
 
zombieslayer said:
I'm 16. I don't have any means of supporting myself, so I can't move out.

And as much as I hate the way my mom treats me, I know she tries her best. I'm pretty lucky with my situation and I love my family, but I still feel lousy.

Thank you for your concern, though. It's very nice to know someone out there is listening. :)

I had a very similar issue where it was all about my parents. I talk to them infrequently now. I severely cut communication with them during my divorce. When they found out about it (not through me), they called me on the phone, and it was all about them. I thought 'it's my crisis, yet I have to comfort them.' Even though intellectually I understood they were leeches, it was that moment I understood in my heart.

Is there a counselor at school that you can talk to?

 
*hugs zombie slayer*

kitty_hugs_toy.jpg


I'm sorry your mom isn't being much support

I can relate to the mom issue a lot, my mom is pretty much a psycho b*tch

and just when I thought things couldn't get worse she would make them worse

I would be having the worst day of my life and she would yell at me for what the f*ckever


by my senior year I had emotionally disconnecterd myself from her, and became numb to everything she said,

and then I moved to college

yay and I feel much better now :)

so I don't know if that could be an option for you but just try to make it through high school, and and you can move far away for college,

high school was hell for me as well, what year are you?

to get away from the parents, I'd suggest hanging out at the libarary at school or joiing a school club or something to keep you after school,

I would also spend a lot of time at the bookstore and the gym just to avoid going home, maybe try getting an afterschool or weekend job to get you out of the house and make some money, every saturday and sometimes after school I would work at my grandmothers used bookstore, I got paid $5 an hour, but I didn't really have many expenses and I got I got to listen to my ipod, and I would basically just stamp new books and take off any stickers they might have had on them and then put them on the shelves where they belonged, it was a pretty decent gig

I thought about suicide a lot in 8th grade and then again some in 11th grade, I thought about hanging myself or pills, but I didn't and I donno, I guess I'm kinda glad I didn't becuase things are generally going alright for me at the moment

your not going to feel like this for the rest of your life trust me :)

please hang in there, finish high school, you can make it through, and I thought graduating high school was one of the most liberating feelings I had ever felt,

come on you can get good grades and make it to college or at least a community college, try to get a scholarship or something if you can. College is a great pplace to reinvvent your self, you get a nice fresh start, so no one there knows of your past mistakes, and there are no parents it's wonderful

:D

have you tried talking with a therapist or something

I take anti deporessants and it helped me with my anxiety

this might sound bad, I'm sorry your mom has anxiety, but you have your own problems to deal with and the parents are suppose to help kids with their problems not vice versa, so don't feel guilty about your parents or whatever.

Also some excersise is great for depression it relases endorphins that make you feel great, studies have shown that regular excersices is just as effiecent as anti depressants

when it's not freezing cold you should go out and ride your bike explore and listen to music, this helped me a lot

also maybe try coloring with a lot of blue, or paint your room blue

according to this article because of the wavelegths of the color blue, it has been found that it causes falmnes and pleasent feelings in people

http://psychcentral.com/blog/archives/2008/12/13/can-blue-colored-light-prevent-suicide/

please don't do it :(

I hope thigns get better,

you can make it through this trust me

*hugs*


 
Hi zombieslayer -- evanfan91 gave you some excellent advice. PLEASE listen to what she said and do your best and try ALL of her suggestions. What's happening to you is NOT YOUR FAULT. You're a good person. As soon as you're old enough to get out of the house you'll be OK. I left home when I was 16 to go to uni and it was the best thing that ever happened to me. My life turned around after that. Hang in there, you're a survivor. LG:)
 
Thank you guys so much for all the advice and support! It makes me feel so much better knowing people who care.

EDIT: Love y'all! <3
 
Every man will have his day to die. Don't rush it along. It's coming for all of us.

Please, don't kill yourself.
 
The problem with slaughtering yourself is...you can't reverse it if it doesn't work out!

The virtue in staying alive is that it keeps your eyes, and options, open!

It's wiser and braver to get a tight grip on your multiple choice life and to remember that life outside a coffin is, or can always be made, better...use your youth and energy to investigate how you can make yours better!

Build something!


 

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